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Best Story Ever

The documents contain various discussions and roleplaying scenarios involving D&D campaigns. Players describe their characters' actions which include disguising as a goblin to become a goblin king, trapping an evil cleric in his own locked room, and using prestidigitation to put spaghetti in an enemy's pockets during a combat.

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therex55213
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14 views3 pages

Best Story Ever

The documents contain various discussions and roleplaying scenarios involving D&D campaigns. Players describe their characters' actions which include disguising as a goblin to become a goblin king, trapping an evil cleric in his own locked room, and using prestidigitation to put spaghetti in an enemy's pockets during a combat.

Uploaded by

therex55213
Copyright
© © All Rights Reserved
We take content rights seriously. If you suspect this is your content, claim it here.
Available Formats
Download as TXT, PDF, TXT or read online on Scribd
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pyramid head with Ea would be the end of the world as we know it

says
No, because Menderslan would rise up to fight him with Gay Bulge in hand
And a hawt Irish accent
tommy murphy says
and then nightmare would eat the winner
says
And then Magical Girl Nanoha would befriend Nightmare?
tommy murphy says
and they would build a farm together
where they would plant cows and herd carrots because they both know nothing of
farming
says
Harvest Moon protagonist would school them

SO THIS TIME BACK WHEN I WAS HANGIN WITH THE BOYS, TIME TRAVELIN'N SHIT, Y'KNOW,
AND SUDDENLY LANGOLIERS OUT OF FUCKING NO WHERE! CAN YOU FUCKING BELIEVE IT?!? ALL
I WAS TRYIN TO DO WAS HANG AROUND 20 MINUTES IN THE PAST AND NOW I GOT FLOATY
TOOTHY MOTHER FUCKERS TRYING TO TRASH MY PARTY, WHAT THE FUCK MAN, GAWD

>be a sorcerer
>low level adventure, horde of goblins run by a hobgoblin
>disguise myself as a goblin, walk into the throne room
>one shot the hobgoblin with a pair of rays that both crit and drops him
>assume my native form (human, aberrant bloodline sorcerer) and sit down on his
throne
>become the goblin king, goblins are certain beyond doubt that i'm just a goblin
who can make himself look like a human to convince the 'silly longshanks' (my
party) to obey him
>started a town on the outskirts of riddleport called goblintown, taught them to
live without raiding humanoids, make their own goods and read and write (oh the
blasphemy!) and lost half the population to accidents and assorted shenanigans as I
developed the first ever good-aligned goblin community on Golarion.

>Party is holed up in a cottage for several months.


>Evil cleric has a tendency to live in the cellar where he can grow molds. Locks
the cellar door.
>Come back to the cottage early one night, he's out ritualistically killing some
townsperson.
>Pick lock and explore his room, take a couple of the candles he has lying around,
leave, relock the door, the put a teleport trap on it.
>Cleric comes home and goes to unlock the cellar, teleports into still locked room.

>> Anonymous 12/08/11(Thu)11:26 No.17144104


>>17144073
>Later adventuring in desert.
>Buy red-tinted goggles, because my character is eccentric. Walk around wearing
them all the time.
>We walk into a fancy inn, all furniture and carpeting is blue.
>Shout as loudly as possible while DM is still describing the room "WHY IS
EVERYTHING PURPLE?"
>> Anonymous 12/08/11(Thu)11:29 No.17144126
>>17144104
Between the two aforementioned:
>Adventuring under castle, in a hidden dungeon area being used as a base by the
villain and his band of thugs/thieves.
>Walk into very large dining hall.
>See the villain's nice chair/throne.
>Take it to use as a melee weapon, because I'm a jester and don't take improvised
weapon penalties.
>Later on, barge into his office to fight him, wielding his chair.

>Party finds evidence that the right-hand man of the duke is planning to usurp
power.
>Party includes Shardmind Psion and Halfling Monk.
>Party knows it will have to give up its weapons if they want to confront the duke
and the traitor.
>Party hides weapons and afore-metioned Monk in Shardmind. (guards loyal to traitor
would have refused Monk access to castle due to going Kenshiro on some of their
number)
>Party is searched, lays off their dummy weapons, and confronts the villain.
>Party pulls weapons from Shardmind when the bad guy calls in his loyal retainers.
>Henchmen defeated, the bad guy puts a crossbow to the Duke's head.
>Shardmind does a chest thrust, launches Monk at the traitor.
>Traitor is promptly punched in half.

>playing D&D 3.5e


>friend is running us through the "Sunless Citadel" module (heavily modified to
prevent metagaming)
>I'm a level 4 bard, meaning that I'm the face of the party, but kinda useless in
battle
>party is fighting against the final boss of the module, a druid named Belac (or
Belak)
>Belac/k has a god-tree-thing that he's been worshipping, we're gonna fuck its shit
up
>I try sneaking around to pour oil on it, but he spots me
>go to toss the oil on the tree, combat begins
>I'm not in a position to believe I can actually damage ANYONE, spell-wise or
physically
>recall that I still have Prestidigitation active from earlier events
>turn to my DM, begin asking the limits of Prestidigitation
>most of the stuff I want to do surpasses the spells capabilities
>final idea
>"can I use the spell to put spaghetti in their pockets?"
>table bursts out laughing, DM decides that yes, I can put spaghetti in the foe's
pockets
>do it
>enemy has to roll a will save or fall to the ground while cumming and farting,
whooping all the time (mechanics-wise, this treats them as prone for the next
round)

Spaghetti-pockets have since become a minor feature in our campaign. The party
duskblade is pretty socially awkward (this is about 20% roleplaying and 80% real-
life seeping into his character), acting like a complete Aspie. The DM has since
ruled that, any time Irido (the duskblade) rolls a "1" on a diplomacy check, his
pockets fill up with spaghetti. If he chooses to check his pockets, he has to roll
a Will save or he falls onto the ground (whooping while cumming/farting).

I have since leveraged this ability into getting the duskblade laid, convincing a
shopkeeper to take pity on the pathetic thing.

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