I can’t believe my mother would

say something like that.

WELLNESS MODULE 5: ANGER MANAGEMENT
That driver just cut me off.
I’m so ANGRY! I’m really IRATE about it!

My tax return is so
complicated. It’s making I’m really ANNOYED
me very FRUSTRATED. that my neighbour’s
garbage keeps getting
strewn all over the alley!

Traffic is terrible today!

It’s making me very IRRITATED.

Does any of this sound like you?

Read on to find out if you have a problem with managing
your anger and what to do about it.

ANGER is an emotion that tells us someone or

something has interfered with our goals, gone
against us or wronged us in some way. Anger can
make us feel like defending ourselves, attacking or
getting revenge.

Kids and adults of all ages experience anger from

On the down side, too much anger is bad for us.
time to time. How we experience and express our
Anger can lead to problems in family life, relationships,
anger can be influenced by gender, culture, religious
work and health. Poorly managed anger is associated with
beliefs and other ways in which we vary from one
aggression towards other people, road rage, child and
another.
spousal abuse, and other violent crimes. People with
poorly managed anger are more likely to get ill and are
Anger can lead to positive change if we
less able to fight off illness or disease. Anger problems
express it in a useful and constructive way.
have also been associated with higher levels of perceived
For example, people who feel angry about social
pain and problems associated with heart disease.
injustice often achieve positive results by speaking
out to bring about changes to the system.
People who experience more frequent and more intense
anger often try to avoid expressing their anger or express
their anger in unhelpful ways (e.g., yelling, making hurtful comments, etc.). When we experi-
ence anger problems, we tend to cope less well with stress, have lower self-esteem, are
more likely to misuse drugs or alcohol, and judge other people unfairly. For example, we
may blame others for bad events without knowing all the facts or assume other people have
wronged us on purpose. Anger can also have significant effects on our body systems leading
to muscle tension, increased heart rate, and other uncomfortable or unhealthy body re-
sponses. Clearly, too much anger is not good for us.

The goal of learning to manage anger is to minimize the negative

consequences of this powerful emotion and maximize the positive ones.

w w w. h e r e t o h e l p. b c . c a
2
How do I know if my anger is a problem?
Anger becomes a problem if it is:

1. Too frequent: Sometimes anger is appropriate and useful in pushing us to solve problems. However, if
you are coping with lots of anger on a daily basis, it may be reducing the quality of your life, your relation-
ships and your health. Even if your anger is justified, you will feel better if you pick only your most impor-
tant battles and let go of the rest.

2. Too intense: Very intense anger is rarely a good thing. Anger triggers an adrenalin response and all kinds
of physiological reactions (e.g., heart pumps faster, breathing increases, etc.). When we become very
angry, we are also much more likely to act on impulse and do or say something we later regret.

3. Lasts too long: When angry feelings last for a long time, they are hard on your mood and on your body.
When you stay angry, the littlest thing can really set you off.

4. Leads to aggression: We are more likely to become aggressive when our anger is very intense. Lashing
out at others either verbally or physically is an ineffective way to deal with conflict. When anger leads to
aggression, no one benefits.

5. Disrupts work or relationships: Intense and frequent anger can lead to problems in your relationships
with co-workers, family members and friends. At its worst, anger can lead to the loss of employment and
damage or destroy important relationships.

What causes anger?

Anger-provoking situations Internal causes
There are four main types of situations that We know that different people have different types of thoughts
tend to provoke anger: frustrations, irritations, about the same types of situations. This is why some people
abuse and unfairness. Some situations fall into become angry more often and more intensely than others.
more than one category. Below is a list of internal causes of anger.

Frustrations: Anger is a common reaction Appraisals: How we evaluate the situation will influence our
when we are trying to achieve something emotions. Often, people become angry because they take
important and something gets in the way of other people’s behaviour personally. For example, if you think
success. For example, you apply for a new job your friend is late because she thinks your time is not valu-
you really want but do not get a job offer. able, you will probably feel quite angry. However, if you think
she may be late due to busy traffic, you will not feel so upset.
Irritations: Daily hassles are annoying and can
trigger anger. For example, while trying to Expectations: Our expectations about how things ought to be
work, you keep getting interrupted or you can also lead to anger if things do not work out as planned.
leave something at home and have to go all For example, unrealistic expectations are more likely to lead
the way back to get it. to disappointment, frustration, and anger.

Abuse: Anger is a normal and expected reaction Private speech: We can make our angry feelings more
to verbal, physical or sexual abuse. For example, intense and last longer by engaging in angry self-talk. Self-
someone putting you down, hitting you or forcing statements like “I’m going to show them” or “he’s always getting
you to do something you do not want to do. on my case” add fuel to the fire.

Unfairness: Being treated unfairly can also Tension/Stress: It is much easier to become angry when we
trigger anger. For example, being blamed for are already feeling tense and stressed out. For example, we
failing to meet a deadline at work when it was are more likely to have anger problems when dealing with a
actually the fault of your co-worker. stressful week at work compared to when things are going
smoothly. See our stress module at heretohelp.bc.ca
 wellness module 5: anger management 3
What can I do

BC Partners for Mental Health and Addictions Information

about my anger?
Anger is a sign that you need to take CONSTRUCTIVE ACTION.
Anger is a SOURCE OF ENERGY to get things done and to solve problems.

Anger management Problem-solving

is about: Not being a slave to your emotions
Learning how not to get angry very
There are three main ways to manage anger: often or for very long

A Emotions
Relaxation
You cannot be relaxed and angry at the same time. If you think of anger as reaching the boiling point, turning
down the temperature is a good way of keeping yourself from boiling over. Learning to relax can help lower
your daily arousal level. This way, when you are provoked, you have a much greater distance to travel before
you get extremely mad. Visit www.heretohelp.bc.ca for more information about using relaxation skills
and other tips on managing emotions.
Humour
You also can’t be angry when you are laughing. It is easy to take life’s annoyances too seriously. Making an
effort to see the humour in our frustrations and aggravations can help to combat a knee-jerk angry reaction.

B Thinking patterns For more tips and tools on managing upsetting thoughts, see our
Healthy Thinking module at www.heretohelp.bc.ca
Empathy
Anger can be caused by thinking that the other person’s behaviour was intended to hurt us in some way. Often,
other people’s behaviour has nothing to do with us personally and instead reflects how they are coping with
things in their own lives. To make empathy work for you, you need to routinely ask yourself: “what does this
situation feel like for the other person?”
Manage Your Thoughts
A good way to lower anger is to manage hostile thoughts about the situation. Take the following steps:
Examine the evidence: What actual evidence do you have to support your view of the situation?
Look for alternatives: What are some alternative ways of viewing the situation or conflict? Can you think of
some other explanations for why this has happened? What evidence do you have for the alternative explanations?

C Behaviours For additional tips and tools, see our Problem-Solving

wellness module at www.heretohelp.bc.ca
Problem-Solving
Anger management is strategic and calculated confrontation aimed a solving a problem. The trick to managing
anger well is to have a problem-solving goal. This means making sure that your response to your angry feelings
is directed at solving the problem. Don’t take your feelings out on everyone around you. Instead, use them in a
directed way to solve the problem.
Being Assertive Without Being Aggressive
How we communicate depends on our goals. Your goals (even when angry) may include improving a valued
relationship, maintaining your self-respect, solving a problem, reiterating a request, communicating your feel-
ings, showing understanding, and more.
Assertive communication is a skill that can be learned by anyone. Being assertive does not mean behaving
aggressively to get your own way. Genuine self-assertion is about respecting yourself, respecting others, and
learning how to communicate your feelings honestly and with care. See our list of select sources on the next
page for some books you may wish to look at to learn more about this very powerful form of communication.
4 wellness module 5: anger management
2005 | Prepared by Nichole Fairbrother, PhD, and Sarah Newth, PhD, for the Anxiety Disorders Association of BC on behalf of the BC Partners for Mental Health and Addictions Information

NEGATIVE REACTIONS TO ANGER:

Sometimes anger
can lead to serious
problems in our life.
The 3 don’ts!
How we behave once we have experienced an anger-provoking situation
can have a big impact on how much anger we experience and how long
Please consider getting help if anger is the feeling lasts. We will increase our angry feelings if we respond to
damaging your life in any of the anger-provoking situations with any of the three don’ts:
following ways: bottling it up, getting defensive or lashing out.

‰ Anger interferes with

family life, job performance Bottling it up. One way to deal with anger is to avoid saying
or school performance anything and walking away mad. This way of coping with anger is
usually ineffective as a) the problem doesn’t go away, b) when you
‰ Anger leads you to lose think about what happened, you get angrier, c) over time, your anger
control of your actions or turns into resentment, and d) because you haven’t tried to solve the
what you say problem, you may feel discouraged and worse about yourself.

‰ Anger prevents you and Getting defensive. If you react too quickly to feeling angry,
your loved ones from you are more likely to express unhelpful hostility towards others.
enjoying life When you come across as bitter or antagonistic, it is more likely the
other person will act hostile in return.
‰ Anger leads you to act in
a threatening or violent Lashing out. Physical or verbal aggression is rarely the best
manner towards yourself, response to an anger-provoking situation. Aggressive acts are usually
other people, animals impulsive acts that are later regretted. Aggression leads to negative
or property consequences for everyone involved and doesn’t solve anything in
the long run.
Ask your physician or trained health
professional about anger management
courses and other helpful resources in
your community. Or call the BC Mental STRENGTH lies in COMPOSURE, not
Health Information Line for local help CONFRONTATION
at 1-800-661-2121 or 604-669-7600.

Select Sources and Useful Resources

• www.angriesout.com – a range of tools for kids, parents and families on how to manage anger.
• www.zoot2.com/evolve/Exercises – anger management tools including a self-test and worksheets developed by
the Alberta Alcohol/Drug Abuse Commission.
• Deffenbacher, J.L., Oetting, E.R. & DiGiuseppe, R.A. (2002). Principles of empirically supported interventions applied to
anger management. The Counseling Psychologist, 30, 262-280.
• Deffenbacher, J. & McKay, M. (2000). Overcoming Situational and General Anger: A Protocol for the Treatment of Anger Based
on Relaxation, Cognitive Restructuring, and Coping Skills Training. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger.
• Patterson, R.J. (2000). The Assertiveness Workbook: How to Express Your Ideas and Stand up for Yourself at Work and in
Relationships. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger.
• Vecchio, T.D. & O’Leary, K.D. (2004). Effectiveness of anger treatments for specific anger problems: A meta-analytic
review. Clinical Psychology Review, 24, 15-34.

This module has been adapted with permission in large part from the Anger and Coping with Provocation Training Manual
developed by Dr. Kevin T. Larkin and the West Virginia University Department of Behavioral Medicine and Psychiatry.