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UNIT 4 REFUND
Structure
4.0 Objectives
4.1 Text of Refund
4.1.1 Study Guide
4.1.2 Note on The Author
4.1.3 Glossary
4.1.4 Chronological Sequence of Events

4.2, Structure of th'e Play

4.2.1 Exposition
4.2.2 Complication
4.2.3 Climax
4.2.4 Denoument
4.3 , Suggested Reading
4.4 Summing Up
4.5 Answers to Self-check Exercises.

In this Unit, our aim is to make you familiar with the farcical one-act play, Refund.
We wiU provide you with a glossary of difficult words, and give you simple
comprehension exercise? to test your understanding of the play. After reading this
Unit, you will be able to~nderstandhow the plot of the prescribed play is organised,
recognise the elements of a well-structured play, understand the dialogues and
appreciate other qne act plays of a similar kind.

4.1 TEXT OF 'IPEFUND'

REFUND
Fritz Karinthy .
Adapted by PerciGal Wifde

CHARACTERS
The Principal
The. Mathematics' Master
The Geography Master
The History Master
A Servani
Wasserkopf

REFUND '

Unit 1
fie Principal is seated at his flat-topped desk in his office in a high school. Enter a
servant.
T,he Principal : Well, what is it?

The Servant : A man, sir. Outside. He wants to see you.

The Principal [leaning back and stretching] : I receive parents only during office
hours. The particular office hours are posted on the notice-board. Tell him that.

The Servant : Yes, sir. Yes, sir. But it isn't a parent, sir.

The Principal : A pupil?

The Servant : I don't think so. He has a beard.

One Act Plays-I1 The Principal [dirquietea] : Not a parent and not a pupil? Then what is he?
The Servant : He told me I should just say 'Wasserkopf.
The Principal [much diqqmetedl : What does he look like ? Stupid ? Iptelligent ?

The Servant : Fairly intelligent, I'd say, sir.

The Principal.[reassuredJ : Good ! Then he's not a school inspector. Show him in.
The Servant : Yes, sir.
[He goes off:An instant later the door reopens to admit a bearded man, carelessly
dressed, somewhat under forty. He is energetic and decided.]
Wasserkopf : How d o you d o ? [He remains standing.]

The Principal [rising]: What can I do for you?

Wasserkopf : I'm Wasserkopf. [He pauses.] Don't you remember me?
The Principal [shaking his headJ : No.
Wasserkopf : It's possible I've changed. What the hell...! Your class records will shou.
I've got a right toScomehere. ,

The Principal : The class records? How so?

Wasserkopf : Mr. Principal, if you please, I'm Wasserkopf. ,
I
The Principal : Doubtless, doubtless - but what has that to do with it?

Wasserkopf : You mean to say you don't even remember my name? [He thinks it
over.] No, I imagine you wouldn't. You were probably glad to forget me. Well, Mr
Principal, I was a student in this school eighteen years ago.
The Principal [without enthusiasm] : Oh, were you? Well, what do you want now? A
certificate ?

Wasserkopf [doubtfully] : Since I'm bringing back the leaving certificate you gave me
1 suDpose I c w e t along without another one. No, that isn't why I came here.
,The Princi~ali Well?
Wasserkopf [clearing his throat;firmly] : As a former pupil of this school I want you
to refund the tuition fees which were paid you for my education eighteen years ago.
The Principal [incredulously] : You want me to refund your tuition fees?

Wasserkopf : Exactly : the tuition fees. If I were a rich man I'd tell you to keep them
so far as I'm concerned. What the hell ...! But I'm not a rich man and 1 need the
money.
The Principal : I'm not sure I understand.
Wasserkopf : Dammit, I want my tuition fees back ! ,Is that plain enough?
The Principal : Why d o you want it back?

Wasserkopf : Because I didn't get my money's worth, that's why ! This certilcate here
says I got an education. Well, I diQn't.1 didn't learn anything. I want my m o d y back.
The Principal : But look here, look here ! I don't understand it at all !.I've never hearc
of anything like it ! What an absurd idea !

Wasserkopf : Absurd, is it? It's a good idea. It's such a good idea that I didn't get it
out of my own head, thanks to the education I got here, which made nothing but an
incompetent ass out of me. My old classmate Leaderer gave me the idea not half an
hour ago.
*
The Principal : Gave it to you?

Wasserkopf [nodding violently]-: Like that. Here I was, walking along the street, fired
from my last job, and wondering how I could get hold of some cash, because I wai
quite broke. I met Leaderer. I said, 'How goes it, Leaderer?''Fine!' he says. 'I've got
to hurry to the broker's to collect the money I made speculating in foreign exchange.'
I said, 'What's foreign exchange?' He says, 'I haven't got the time to tell you now, but,
according to the paper, Hungarian money is down seventy points, and I've made the
difference. Do you understand?' Well, I didn't understand. I said, 'How can you make
money if money goes down?' and he says, 'Wasserkopf, if you don't know that you
dod't know a damn thing. Go to the school and get your tuition fees back.' Then he
hurried away and left me standing there, and I said to myself, 'Why shouldn't I do
that?' He's right, now that IVe,thought it over. So I came here as fast as I could be. I
shall be much obliged if you give me back my tuition fees, because they amount to a
lot of money, an&I didn't get anything for them.
\
The Principal [at a loss for words] : Really ... But now ... See-here, we've never had a
request like yours before. Leaderer told you -

Wasserkopf : He's a good friend, Leaderer. He told me, and when I. get my money.
back I'm going to buy him a present.
The Principal : You - you're ncit really serious, are you?

Wasserkopf : I was never more serious in my life. Treat me wrong here and I'll go.
straight to the Ministry of Education and complain about you ! You took my money,
and you taught me nothing. Now I'm no good.for anything, and I can't do the things I
should have learned in school.

The Principal : You're mad ! [He breaks off; to continue in a more conciliatory tone.]
My dear sir, Herr-er-Wasserkopf, please go away quietly. I'll think the matter over
after you've gone.

Wasserkopf [sitting] : No, no ! You don't get rid of me so easy. I'll go when
everything's been settled. I was given instruction herein eqchange for money, so that I
might be able to do something; but I can't do anything because I was taught so badly,
.and anybody can see I ought to have my money back.

Unit 2
The Principal [trying to gain time] : What makes you think you can't do anything?
Wasserkopf : Everybody thinks so. If I get a job I can't keep it. Give me an
examination and tell me what I ought to do. CalI in the masters and let them say.
:
The Principal What a distressing business ! How unfortunate ! You really want to
take another examination ?
Wasserkopf : Yes, I've the right to take one.
The Principal : What an unusual case ! [He scratches his head.] I never heafd of
anything like it before. Er-I shall have to consult the staff. I shall have to call a
conference ... Er - will you wait in the waiting-room and give me a few minutes?

Wasserkopf [rising] : Yes; but be quick. I've got no time to waste. [He saunters out
in leisurely fashion.]

The Principal [rings; the servant enters] :"Ask the staff to come here at once. A most
extraordinary conference !

The Servant : Yes, sk. [He goes out.]

The Principal [trying out his speech] : Gentlemen, i have asked you to come here on
account of a most unusual state of affairs. It is unprecedented. In the thirty years that
I have been a schoolmaster I have never heard of anything like it. Never, so long as I
live, shall I expect to hear of anything like it again. Never ! God forbid ! [The masters
enter. i%ey are characteristic figures whose eccentricities ate exaggerated.]
Gentlemen, 1 have asked you to come here-on account'of a most unusual state of
affairs. Sit down, gentlemen. I shall open the coriference. It is unprecedented,
incredible, fantastic ! A former pupil has just come to see me -j-- er - an indivquaP
named Wasserkopf. He brought up a question which 1 have never encountered'in my
many years of experience. [He explodes.] I never heard of anything likC it !
'One Act Plays-11 The Mathematics Master. : Tell us about it.

The Mathematics Master : Why?

The Principal : Because he's lost his job. Because he's broke. i3ecause he's an ass. I
,should be glad to have you express your views on this unparalleled case.

The Physics Master : Gentlemen, the case is natural. The law of the conservation of
energy proves that any given pupil will lose, in any given period, as much knowledge
as a teacher can drill into his head in another period of like duration.
The History Master : There is nothing like it in the history of civilization. It is said the
Bourbons learnednothing and-forgot nothing. If that is true -
Physics Master : The law of the conservation of energy - [The two argue.]
The Mathematics Master : The question is, does he want the amount with simple or
compound interest, because in the latter event -

The Geography ~ ' k t e :r Where is the fellow, anyhow?

The Principal : He's waiting outside. He wants to be re-examined. He says he learned

nothing. He says a re-examination will prove it. I'd like to know what you gentlemen
think about it.
The Mathematics Master [chuckling] : A re-examination? Gentlemen, it is my
conviction that we shall lose nothing by re-examining Wasserkopf. If he fails he will
place us in an awkward posjtion; therefore he must not fail. He has - shall I say? -
pursued advanced studies in the school of life. We will not make our questions too
difficult -agreed, gentlemen? We are dealing with a sly, crafty individual, who will
try to get the better of us -and his money back -by hook or crook. We must
checkmate him.
The Physics Master : How'?
The Mathematics Master : By sticking together. The object is to prevent him from
failing, because if he fails he succeeds. That we must stop. If he fails, tomorrow there
will be two more former pupils, and the next day a dozen. We must back each other
up, gentlemen, so that this painful affair does not become a pedagogical scandal. We
will ask him questions. Whatever his answers, we agree beforehand that they are
correct.

The History Master : Who will decide?

The Mathematics aster': I, if you wili permit me. Mr. Principal, let us proceed with
the examination. We will show the former pupil that we too can be shrewd !
The Principal [ringing; uneasily] : Isn't there a chance of something going wrong?
Suppose it gets into the newspapers -

The Mathematics Master : Leave it to us.

The Principal [to the servant, who has appeared : Show in Herr Wasserkopf.

Unit 3
[He enters, without waiting to be shown in. He is most truculent. His hat is over one
ear; he greets nobody; he keeps his handr thrust into his pockets and stares
insolently.]
The Staff [bowing, heartily] : How do you do?
Wasserkopf : Who the hell are you? Sit down, you loafers ! [He grins, waiting to be
thrown out.]
The Principal : How dare you -
The Mathematics Master [interrupting] : Please ! [He turns to the others.] Sit down,
you loafers ! [They sit greatly astonished. He turns to Wasserkopf.] My dear sir, the
greeting you have jus .&en us shows that you understand the patriarchal manners
which we impress upon, evefybody in this institution. Exactly as in the days of the
medieval humanists, teachers and pupils meet here Bn a footing af perfect equality.
You have shown us, in the most tactful way, that you approve of our customs. That is
good of you, and I am sure my colleagues will agree that the pupil Wasserkopf, who
appears before us fqr.reexamination, need not be examined in what appertains to
gentlemanliness. instead we waive examination in that subject, and mark him
'Egcellent.'
The Principal [understanding at once] : Quite right ! Quite'right ! [He writes.]
'Manners : Excellent.'
The Staff : Agreed ! Agreed !
Wasserkopf [puzzled, then shrugging his shoulders] : M1 right, if you say so. What the
hell ... ! I don't give a damn for the lot of you. My being gentlemanly isn't going to
pass this examination. Let me fail as quickly as possiQle, and give me my money.
Everything else is just damned nonsense.
The Principal vatteringly] : Speaking for the statf, we agree with you. Your exquisite
courtesy will not affect us one way or the other. We will examine you, and will be
guided entirely by your replies to our questions. Take notice of that.
Wasserkopf,: All right; carry on ! Let's hear the questions, I need money. [He takes
off his coat and hitches up his sleevebands.] Go to it ! Ask me questions, professors -
I mean, longeared asses ! I'd like to see you get a single correct answer out of me.

The Principal : The examination will begin. History. Herr Schwefler?

The History Master [moving to the centre of the table and indicating a chair facing
it] : ~ & Wasserkopf,
r won't you be seated?
Wasserkopf Jstaring at him insolent!^, arms akimbo] : To hell with'a seat ! 111 stand.
[The History Master is disconcerted, and shows it, but the Mathematics Master leops
into the breach.]
The Mathematics Master : Bravo ! ~xcellent! Herr Wasserkopf wishes us to
understand two things. He will dispense with a formal written examination and will
answer orally. Good ! He will not be seated; he will stand. Also good. It follows that
his physicai condition is splendid, and I take it upon myself to award him an
'Excellent' in physical culture. I ask the Prinaipal, who teaches that subject, to concur.

The Principal : Quite righi. [He writes.1 'Physical Culture : Excellent.'

The Staff : Agreed ! Agreed !

Wasserkopf [energetically] : No ! [He sits; he grins.] You caught me once, didn't you?
Well, you won't do it again. From now on I11 have my ears open.
?he Principal [writing] : 'Alerthess : Very Good.' -
The History Master : 'Perseverance : Unusual.'
The Mathematics Master : 'Logic : Excellent.'

Wasserkopf : Get on with your questions !

The Mathematics Master [to the Principal] : 'Ambition : Boundless.' [The Pri~gpal
nods and writes.]
k ~ [scratching his head] : Yes, yes, just a minute. [The other masters
The ~ i s t Master
look at him wiih concern.]
Wasserkopf : What's the matter, Schwefler? Aren't you prepared?
The History Master : A moment !

Wasserkopf : Oh, you can't think of a question that's easy enough? You were always
a numskull.
.One Act Plays-U The History MaSter [the idea arrives :triumphantly] : Candidate, answer this
question : How long did the Thirty Years' War last ?
Wasserkopf : Thirt-[He interrupts himseg] I mean to say, I don't know.
The History Master : Please answer my questions ! I am sure you know ! Give me an
answer ! [Wasserkopf thinks with eyebrows drawn together. The Physics Master
tiptoes to him and whispers loudly, 'Thirty years. 'The Geography Master winks at
him and holds up tenfingers three times.] Well, well?
Wasserkopf : Mr. Principal, this is no way to run an examination. [He indicates the
Physics Master.] That fellow is trying to make me cheat.
The Principal : I shall deal with this decisively. [To the Physics Master] Go away !
[The Physics Master slinks back to his place.]
Wasserkopf [afier much thought] : How long did the Thirty Years' War last? Was
that the question?

The History Master : Yes, yes !

Wasserkopf Cgrinning] : I know ! Exactly seven metres ! [They areparalysed. He

looks about in triumph.] He, ha ! Seven metres ! I know it lasted that long. It's .
possible I'm wrung, and if I am I fail. Seven metres ! Ha, ha ! Seven metres long !
Seven metres ! Please give me back my tuition fees.
[The Masters look at each other, at their wits'ends.]

The History Master [decisively] : Seven metres? Right ! Your answer is excellent.

Wasserkopf [incredulously] : What ? what did you say ?

The History Master [swallowing ;nunfully and watching the Principal out of the .
corner of his eye] : The answer is correct, as a matter of fact. The candidate has
shown us that his thought processes are not merely superficial, and that he has
investigated the subject in accordance with modern researches based on - based on
- based on -

The Mathematics Master : Relativity, of course. The quantum theory. Planck.

Einstein. It's all very simple. [To the History Master] Don't say anothe! word. We
understand perfectly. Einstein has taught us that time is as real as space and matter. It
consists of atoms, may be synthesized into a unified whole, and may be measured like
anything else. Reduce the mass-system to a unit and a year may be iepresented by a
metre, or seven years by seven metres. We may even assert that the Thirty Years' War
lasted seven years only because - because - because -
The History Master : Because actual warfare took place only during half of each day
- that is to say, twelve hours out of the twenty-four - and the thirty years at once
become fifteen . But not even fifteen years were given up to incessant fighting, for the
combatants had to eat - three hours a day, reducing our fifteen years to twelve. And
if from this we deduct the hours given up to noonday siestas, to peaceful diversions,
tr, non-warlike activities - [He wipes his brow.]
The Mathematics Master : To social distractions, we have left only.the time which the
candidate has represented by the Einsteinian equivalent of seven metres. Correct ! I I

take it upon myself, gentlemen, to propose a grading of 'Very Good' in history. Oof !1
[He too wipes his brow.]
The Staff : Bravo ! Excellent ! He has passed !
[They congratulate Wasserkopf.]
Wasserkopf [objecting] : But I don't see -
The Principal : That ends the examination in history. [Writing] 'History : Very Good.
[the Staff surround the History Master and congratulate him.] Now the examination
in physics.

€The Physics Master takes theplace of the History Master.]

 Refund
Wasserkopf : Now well see something, you tricksters !

The Physics Master [energetically] : Come, come !

Wasserkopf defiant!^] : Well, what's going to happen? Ask your questions, or don't.
I haven't got any more time to waste. [He stares at the Physics Master.] Oh, now I
remember you. D o you know what we used to call you behind your back? [The
Physics Master smiles in agony.] We called you the cannibal, because you were always
chewing your thumbs, just as you're doing now ! [The Master removes his thumb
hastily. The rest of the Staff smile.] That's what we called you ! Oh, by the way, do
you remember the day you tripped and fell flat in the aisle? Do you know who tied a
*
string across from desk to desk, so you'd do that? I did it !
The Physics Master lfuriously] : You?

Wasserkopf : Don't get excited, little man. Ask me a hard question instead. Plough
me.

The Physics Master [controls himselj; well aware that Wasserkopf is trying to irritate
him. Very sweetly] : Kind of you - very kind of you. And now, tell me, Herr
Wasserkopf, do clocks in church steeples really become smaller as you walk away
from them, or do they merely appear to become smaller because of an optical
illusion ?

Wasserkopf : What absolute rot? How should I know? Whenever I walk away from
clocks they get larger ! Invariably ! If I want them to get smaller I turn round, and
walk right up to them, and then they're not small at all.

The Physics Master : In a word, therefore, in a word -

Wasserkopf : In a word, therefore, you give me a pain in the neck. You're an ass !
"That's my answer.

The Physics Master lfuriously] : Is that your answer?

[He controls himselJ] Good ! It is correct. [Turning to the Staff] A difficult answer,
but a most brilliant one. I'll explain - that is to say, Ill explain. [With a sigh, he gets
o n tvith it.] When we talk of the ass we always notice - we always notice -

The Staff [anxiously] : Yes? Yes?

The Physics Master : - that his look is sad. Therefore - [He thinks. Suddenly
triumphant.] I've got it !

Wasserkopf [worried] : What have you got, you whiskered baboon?

The Physics Master : I've got it, and the answer is right. Why is the look of the ass so
sad? Why, in are all of us usually so sad? Because we are all the victims of
illusion. But what illusions can affect the extremely primitive apperceptive powers of
an ass? Obviously the ill'usions of the senses, for the ass lacks imagination; and these
must be none other than optical illusions, since the ass, like us, observes that objects
appear to become smaller as he moves away from them. The candidate has given us a
mast excellent answer in calling our attention to an animal whose expression is
melancholy because its senses are deceptive; or, to put it in a n o t h e ~way: because the
apparent decrease in size of an object, in this case a clock, is to be ascribed to optical
illusion. The answer was correct. I certify, therefore, that the candidate may be given
'Very Good' in physics.
The Principal [writing] : 'Physics : Very Good.'
!
The Staff : Bravo !
[They surround the Physics Master, slapping him on the back and shaking his hands,
I ivhile he sinks into his chair, completely exhausted.]

k Wasserkopf : I protest !

I The Principal [silencing him with a gesture] : The examination in geography.

[The Geography Master takes the place facing Wasserkopf.]
One Act Plays-II Wasserkopf : Just look at hiq ! The old hypocrite ! How are you, anyhow, $t*t?
The Geography kaster : I beg your pardon?
Wasserkopf : My name used to be in your class-book, didn't it? You old reprobate !
You just wait ! I'll fix you all right I
The Geography Master : Tell me, candidate -
Wasserkopf : I'll tell you ! 1'11 tell you ! Oh, how I used to hate you eighteen years
ago !
The Geography Master [imperturbably] : Please tell me what city of the same name is
the capital of-the German province of Brunswick?
Wasserkopf : What dumb question ! The answer's part of the question.
The Geoera~hyMaster Ipleasedl : Isn't it? And the answer - what is it?

WGserkopf : 'Same', of course. That's the answer. If the name of the city is the same,
then the name'of the city is 'Same.' Right ? If it isn't I fail, and you refund my tuition
fees.

The Geography Master : The answer is correct. The name of the city is 'Same.'
Gentlemen, the candidate shows exceptional kno-vledge of the history of the city of '

Brunswick. There is a legend that o m , as the Emperor Barbarossa was riding into
the city, he met a young peasant girl who was munching a bun, and whose mouth was
full. He called out to her, 'God bless you. What's the name of this city?' and the
peasant girl answered, 'Same to you, sir.'Then she stopped, becau e her mouth was
full, and the Emperor laughed, and said 'Ho, ho ! So the name of the city is "Same"?'
And for many years, thereafter, he never referred to Bmnswick except by that title.
[He turns, to wink solemnly at his colleagues.] The answer is excellent. The candidate..
is entitled to a grade of 'Excellent' in geography.
[He returns to his place, to be showered with congratulations.]
The Principal [writing] : 'Geography : Excellent.' Thus far the candidate has come
through with flying colours. Only the examination in mathematics is left. Should he
pass that he will have passed the entire examination.
Wasserkopf [nervously] : I'm'going to be more careful now. [The Mathematics Master
takes hisplace facing Wasserkopf. The other Masters are much worried, but the
Mathematics Master assures them with a gesture that they may depend on him.] So
here you are, old stick-in-the-mud ! Do you know we used to call you 'old stick-in-the-
mud' behind your back? You'd better brush up your wits if you think you're going to -
put one over on me. I'll start off by telling you a few things about mathematics : two
times two is five, and I make up my own multiplication tables as I go along. And if
you add tight apples and two pears the answer is twenty-seven apricots. That's my
system, and you11 see .me use it. To hell with mathematics ! 'Answer excellent'?
'Answer very good'? 'Answer correct'? Not this time. It will be simpler if you say you
aren't prepared, and let me fail.
b e Mathematics Master Vorcibly] : You must not joke about a serious examination.
I'm going to ask you two questions. One 'of them is easy; the other is hard.
Wasserkopf [iyitating him] : One of them is easy; the other is hard. The same old
stick-in-the-mrd that youalways were ! I remember the pictures of you we used to
draw on the board -
The Mathematics Maste'r [interrupting] : If this were an examination in art you would
be marked ex&lleni.'[~e~auses, and Wasserkopf b suddenly silent.] But we are
dealing with mathematics. Th8 easy question : If we represent the speed of light by x;
and the distance of the star Sirius from the sun by y, what is.the circumference of a
one-hundred-and-&e-sided regular polyhedron whose surface area coincides with
that of the hip-pocket of a State railway employee whose wife has been deceiving him
for two years and eleven months with e regimental sergeant-major of hussars? .
The Staff [much upset] :But look here, Professor ! Professor !
 The Principal : Professor ! Refund

Wasserkopf : Don't interfere with him ! [To the Mathematics Master] Will you repeat
the question?

The Mathematics Master : No. E.ither you paid attention, or you did not. Either you
know the answer, or you don't. Tell me the answer, because if you don't know it -
Wasserkopf : Of course I know it! Naturally I know it ! I11 tell you: two thousand six
hundred and twenty-nine litres. Exact. No fractions. And now did I give you the
correct answer? [He chuckles.] I've given you an answer which is too good !

The Mathematics Master : No. The answer is wrong. The correct answer is two
thbusand six hundred and twentyeight litres, and not twenty-nine. [He turns to the
Principal.] I refuse to pass the candidate. Mark him 'Failure.'

Wasserkopf [bounding] : 1 told you so ! I told you so !

The Principal [thunderstruck] : Professor ! Professor !

The Mathematics Master : I'm sorry. It is true that hi,s error amounted to less than a
tenth of a per cent, in the total, but it was an error. He fails.

,Wasserkopf : My tuition fees ! My tuition fees !

i-
The Mathematics Mister : In my opinion the candidate's request is reasonable. Now
that I have satisfied myself he cannot pass our examination it is his right to recover
the monies which were paid us.

Wasserkopf : That's.so ! That's right ! Give me the money ! [The Staff stare as ifthe
heavens had fallen.]

The Principal vurio;sly, to the Mathematics Master] : Is that what you think?

The Mathematics Master : Absolutely. This is a good school. It is our duty to see that
nothing ever injures its reputation. How much do we owe you, Herr Wasserkopf?

Wasserkopf [greedily, forgetting everything else] : I11 tell you exactly. I attended this
school for six years in all. During the first three years the fee was 150 crowns
quarterly. Total for three years 1,800. During the second three years the fee was 400
crowns semi-annually. Total : 2,400 and'1,800 is 4,200. Examinations fees, 240 crowns
95 heller. Certificates, documents, books, stamp taxes, 1,241 crowns 43 heller. Total:
5,682 crowns 38 heller. Incidentals, stationery, notebooks, 768 crowns 12 heller.
Grand total : 6,450 crowns 50 heller. Knock off the heller and call it crowns.

The Mathematics Master [checking with paper andpencil as Wasserkopf calls out the
amounts] : Exactly !
I \ Wasserkopf : Exactly ! You can rely on it.
~ 8

5
The Mathematics Master : Itls right. There's no question of it. It's right to the smallest
i detail. [He oflers Wasserkopf his hand.] I congratulate you ! That was my difficult
!
I question !
Wasserkopf [not understanding] : What ?
i
The Mathematics Master [to the Principal] : I certify that the candidate passes in
mathematics. His answer to the easy question was a very little out of the way; but his
answer to the difficult question - how much the refund should be - was exactly
correct. Herr Wasserkopf is really a mathematical genius.

4 Wasserkopf [striking his forehead : So you did put one over on me !

Unit 4
The Principal [rising] : I present the results of the examination. Herr Wasserkopf
has passed with distinctiop in every subject, and has again shown that he is entitled to
One Act Plays-11 the certificate we awarded him on his graduation. Herr Wasserkopf, we offer our
congratulations - accepting a large share of them for ourselves for having taught you
so excellently. And now that we have verified your knowledge and your abilities --[he
makes an eloquent gesture] get out before I have you thrown out !
[He ringsfor the servant. Thefollowing speeches are nearly spoken simultaneously.]

The History Master : S o I'm numskull, am I ? Say it again and I11 show you what's
what !

The Physics Master : I'm a cannibal? What? And you were the one who tied a string
across the aisle -
The Geography Master : Hypocrite? Nitwit? Ass? Me?

The Mathematics Master : Old stick-in-the-mud?

The Servant [entering] : Yes, sir?

The Principal [indicating WasserkopfJ : Remov'e that object ! [The Servant seizes
Wasserkopf by the collar and the seat of his trousers and rushes him off: The
Principal turns to the Staff and beams.] Thank you, gentlemen, for your magnificent
co-operation. In the future it will be our proudest boast that in this school a pupil
simply cannot fail !
[They shake hands and slap each other 3 back.]

Curtain

4.1.1 Study Guide

In the earlier units (2&3) you have read The Bishop's Candlesticks and inlUnit 6 you will
read The Monkey's Paw. The former is a morality play and the latter is of the horror kind.
But both contain very little humour. But Refund is a play with the predominating element of
humour in it. We call the kind of play a farce, which is a comedy of extravagant humour
and improbable situations. It also holds up to ridicule the modem educational set-up and
this is done by the use of irony, sarcasm and humour.

The plot of the play is simple and is developed without any deviation from the single
story line. The play takes about 30 minutes to perform. The entire action 'takes place
inside the Principal's office. Read the play once to understand the story. Read it again
with the help of the glossary to understand the dialogues and the development of the
story. Read it a third time so that you become familiar with the sequence ot events,
action and the dialogues of the play.

4.1.2 Note on the Author

Pritz Karinthy (1887-1938) : Novelist, poet and playwright, was a ~un~arian'satirical
writer. He studies to be a teacher but became a journalist. He was primadly
concerned with the quality of human life..
Refund is a light, rollicking play which satirizes the English anomalies of the
modern educational system. The play is in translation from the original Hungarian.

4.1.3 Glossary
posted : Displayed
broke : (slang) penniless
Herr : Mister (German)
school of life : from actual experknce of l i e
by hook & crook : by any means, fair or foul
Pedagogical Scandal : cause shock in academic circles.
medieval humanists : 12th to 15th century philosophers whaemphasize
the importance of human needs.
leaps into the breach : comes to his assistance
 quantum theory : the theory based o n Planck's radiation law that the
emission and absorption of energy and the change of
energy in atoms and molecules occur only in definite units
called quanta.
Planck : Max Planck (1858-1947), German physicist, whose
investigation into radiation of energy won him the Nobel
Prize for Physics in 1918.
Einstein : Albert Einstein (1879-1955), famous scientist who
formulated the Theory of Relativity. He was awarded the
Nobel Prize in 1921.
plough me : (slang) fail me.
to put one over me : cheat me.
polyhedron : a solid figure with several plane surfaces, usually more
than six sided.
hussars : light-armed cavalry, originally Hungarian.
heller : a Hungarian coin of small value.

4.1.4 Chronological Sequence of Events

i) The play begins with the dialogue between the servant and the principal.
ii) Wasserkopfs entry and the dialogue between him and the principal.
iii) Wasserkopfs exit, followed by the entry of the masters and the dialogue
between them and the
iv) Wasserkopf enters and the conversations among the Principal, Masters and
Wasserkopf. Wasserkopf seeks a re-examination. His intention is to fail and
thereby seek a refund of his school tuition fees.
v) The reexamination begins and Wasserkopf is questioned by the History
Master.
vi) The turn. of the Plf'ysics Master to examine Wasserkopf.
vii) Then the Examination in Geography.
viii) The examination in Mathematics : Wasserkopf is first set an easy question and
then a difficult one. The latter relates to the complicated calculation of the fees
to be refunded. Wasserkopf is tricked into giving the right answer.
ix) Conversation'between the Principal and the Masters in which Wasserkopf is
declared to have passed and,consequently is thrown out.

From the above sequences you can see that the entire action of the play takes place in
the Principal's office. There is no change of scene. You are aware that in a one-act
play there is very little time for change of stage scenery. S o unity of place is mostly
adhered to. Though characters enter and exit the location for all action remains the
same.

All the events take place during the normal working hours of a school day. In other
words the action of the play covers only a few hours. Recall that you had read about
one-act plays. Since it has limited stage time, it can present a situation or event within
I
a limited time frame. We also learn that unity of action, in terms of dealing with a
i single situation is another importantxharacteristic'of
__ a one-act play. Refund
1 deals with t h e h u m e m ~ ~ ~ s i t ~oft iaostudent
n demanding a refund of his tuition fees
from hi&hool on grounds of useless and normless education given to him. The
'manner in which the Principal and the Masters out-wit him on his preposterous
demand constitutes the action of the play.

Thus Refund has unity of place, time and action which gives the play a well-knit
I
structure, moving it steadily from beginning to end:

4.2 STRUCTURE OF THE PLAY

In Unit 1 you have read about the structure of a one-act play. A play of this kind is
I
basically structured on the lines of an exposition, complication, climax and
One -4ct Plays-I1 denouement. A play begins at a certain point of time and the action'moves it steadily
forward in time inta the future. In a well-constructed play each of these four parts
develops logically from the preceding one i.e. the complication will develop from the
exposition, the climax from the complication and so on. This logical d6velopment is
extremely important in a play because a play is essentially meant to beeenacted and
not read. The spectator watching a play cannot move backwards in time to pick up
the thread of the action. There should be continuity of action so that the links are
forged throughout the play. To put it in a slightly modified way, we can say that
consistent a d logical development of action is essential if the play is to be easily
followed and understood in its sequential profession.

Let us turn once again to the chronological sequence in 4.1.4. You can'now appreciate
how important it is in a short play to follow the chronological sequence of events so
that you d o not miss any link in the development of the story.

Recall what you had read about the four parts of the structure of a play (i.e., the
exposition, complication, climax and denouement). Can you now identify the
sequences from (i) to (ix) in Refund along these categories ? This simple exercise
will enable you to recognise how the plot of a play is structured and how each
sequence is important in itself and in its contribution to the sequences following it.
Analysis :
Exposition : (i), (ii) and part of (iii)
Complication : part of (iii), (iv), (v), (vi) and (vii)
Climax : (viii)
Denouement : (ix)

4.2.1 Exposition
In the previous units, you learnt that the opening section intone-act plays gives us all
the information we require to understand the action that follows. Try to sort out the
necessary information that gives direction t o the play. Check your observations with
what we have given. It provides (1) the background, (2) introduces the main
charactersand (3) gives us some idea about their temperament and behaviour.

Let us now analyse the sequences. In sequence (i) the servant announces the arrival of
Wasserkopf at his old school. We learn that he is neither a student nor a parent and
 'that he is about 40 years old. We are also intfodueed-to the Principal. He Shows
himself as having no genuine interest in the students. He adopts an indifferent and
casual attitude as soon as he learns that Wasserkopf is only an old student. He
becomes animated only when Wasserkopf reveals his intention of demanding a refund
and embarrassing the school authorities.

Sequence (ii) reveals the purpose of his visit. He has come to demand a refund of the
tuition fees paid by him eighteen years ago. We are told of his reason for doing so and
how he got the idea. A casual remark by his old classmate, Leaderer who sarcastically
1
told him that he had learned nothing from school and should therefore seek a refund
of his tuition fees leads him to visit the school. In the course of his talk with the
Principal Wasserkopf adopts an attitude of insolence and impudence. He is seen to
have a fairly agile mind which has worked out a plan to embarrass the school
authorities to force them to return his fees. This sequence tells us of what had
happened before the play sequences began. We,are told that Wasserkopf has not
made good in life. He has been dismissed from his last job and is looking around for a
way to get hold of some cash as he is penniless. He claims he is 'an incompetent ass'
and is incapable of getting a single good idea on his own. The Principal is initially
complacent until he senses the embarrassment that Wasserkopfs request might create
for him.

Aghast at the implications of this unprecedented situation, in sequence (iii) he is seen

in conversation with the staff. He informs the teachers about the unusual1 request and
Wasserkopfs readiness to undergo a reexamination to prove that he has learnt
nothing. In the course of this conversation the eccentricities of each of the Masters is
revealed. If you refer to sequence (iii) you will observe that the author indicates by his
use of the word 'eccentricities'that he imagines the Masters as having distinct
peculiarities of speech, manner or gesture. If you were the director of the play what
individual characteristics of this kind would you give to each of the teachers and what
effect would this produce? Of the Masters introduced in this sequence which one of
them strikes you as being the most significant as a character and as regards the
development of the plot ? .
The first 3 sequences have thus fulfilled the needs of the exposition, setting the stage
for the complication.
4.2.2 Complication
Wasserkopfs eagerness to get back his money by hook or by crook conflicts with the
determination of the'principal and the Masters to foil his intention and outwit him. It
is from this conflict that the complication arises.

At the end of sequence (iii) the Mathematics Master emerges as the master mind
behind the scheme to checkmate Wasserkopf. This prepares us for the controlling part
he plays throughout the remaining sequences. He is shown as a shrewd individual who
at once understands the implications behind Wasserkopf's deband and w l a i n s to the
other masters the need to ensure that Wasserkopf does not fail the re-examination. He
outlines the strategy they are to follow. They will ask simple questions, and working
together credit Wasserkopf with a pass certificate.

Wasserkopf is determined to prove himself to be a failure, one who has learnt nothing
from the school, including reasonable behaviour befitting a gentleman. He has a
crafty scheming mind and has-a cunning that can match the brains of his former
masters. He is, however, caught off-guard by the surprisingly conciliatory behaviour
of the Principal and Mathematics Master. Before he can gather his wits he is graded
'excellent' immanners and physical culture.

The re-examination begins. - The battle of wits between Wasserkopf and his
examiners is at the centre of sequences (iv), (v), (vi) and (vii). The Masters of History,
Physics and Geography conduct .the oral examination asking absurdly simple
questions. Wasserkopf is rude and abusive tWards each. He gives patently ridiculous
answers and waits complacently to be told~ha&-hehas failed. He is smugly sure that
he will outsmart the masters in their game and so become eligible to get his money
back. Can you recognise the irony in the play at this point? Wasserkopf is seen to be
arrogant and impudent having little respect for his teachers. His abusive remarks are
ca!culated to humiliate the Masters and they also reflect the callous behaviour of the
One Act Plays-11 Masters in his school days. So he matches the masters' strategy of not failing him by
his own clever strategy. The irony is in the fact that Wasserkopf deserves to be passed
for his sharpness despite his absurd answers that entitle him to be a failure. Yet it is
these very answers that win him a pass.
The Mathematics Master is quick to recognise his cleverness and intentions. He
intervenes whenever his colleagues falter, to make sense out of Wasserkopfs
nonsensical answers. He is able to give absurdly ingenious explanations in defence of
Wasserkopfs brilliance and help his colleagues to declare him passed in all subjects.
#

The situation has become a complex one with Wasserkopf and the Mathematics
Master, trying to score over each other. D o you find the play funny? If so, analyse the
functions of humour and irony in the development of this complex situation. You
would appreciate that much of the humour arises out of the incongruity and
preposterousness of the situation. Th, roles have been reversed, as it were, with the
masters ridiculously eager to please and accommodate Wasserkopf while the ex-
student is determined to be as offensive as possible. Humour is also generated by the
deliberately puerile questions and Wasserkopfs blatantly absurd answers and the
ingenuity and effort that has gone into the framing of both.

4.2.3 Climax
Sequence (viii) shows the Mathematics Master setting the final 'trap' for Wasserkopf.
This consists of his asking one easy question, to which Wasserkopf responds
intentionally with a ridiculous answer. Hoodwinked by the Mathematics Master's
declaratioh that this answer is wrong and he has failed, and therefore become eligible
for his refund, Wasserkopf is ready to oblige the Master's instruction to calculate the
amount due to him. He is right to the smallest detail. The real climax occurs when the
tables are finally turned on Wasserkopf with the shrewd Mathematics Master
congr~~ulating Wasserkopf for his accurate calculation as he declares "That was my
difficult question". We notice the paradox in the final outcome of the re-examination.
Wasserkopf has failed the real test that demanded alertness and quick-wittedness on
his part. .He is passed for his ability to do arithmetical calculation. But he fails to
calculate the Master's mind and he trips. This is the real indictment of the modern
educational system which'turns students into mechanical calculators with no
 development of essential faculties t o succeed in'life.He is passed for what he does not Refund
possess-cnmmonsense and alertness. He fails because he is good at calculation.

4.2.4 Denouement
In the last of the sequences (ix) Wasserkopf's result is declared and he is
unceremoniously dismissed. The Principal and Masters show their utter contempt for
him. They congratulate themselves o n their shrewdness and boast that "In this school
a pupil'simply cannot fail". In the light of our observations, try to analyse the irony
and sarcasm in this last statement. The irony and bitterness of the remark lies in the
completely distorted values that it reveals. The teachers are not a t all concerned with
the quality of education they impart. They are totally uncritical of the value of what
they teach and whether it really serves the students t o face life. This remark shows the
superficiality of their aims which consists in simply maintaining the apparently
excellent record of all students passing all examinations. The true quality of students
and teachers, examinations, questions and answers* has already been exposed and
ridiculed by the action of the play (*that is, of the whole educational system). This
concluding remark, therefore, underlines the hollowness of the entire system where
the ability t o outsmart others hds replaced any meaningful functioning.

Initially Wasserkopf is an example of what a deficient educational system does t o the

young student. The play is a satirical exposure of the inadequacies of the school
system. Wasserkopf a t the end is seen once more a victim of the same institutional set
up as in the past. The teachers d o not efperge as the guardians of sound academic
values. Ignoring the shortcomings in th mselves and the educational system they are
j
only interested in outsmarting their o p onent. The final irony of the play is that while
Wasserkopf is humiliated, we feel no satisfaction in the victory of the teachers, either.

We had noted that this short play comes under the category of farcical comedy. What
are the farcical elements you found in the play? Can you define a farce in the light of
your understanding o f the play?

A farce I) demonstrates the proximity between the logical and the illogical. 2) It
explores a static o r complacent world where any attempt t o change is looked upon
with fear and mistrust. 3) The play accepts an outmoded system of education which in
its efforts to hold on to it undermines any pretensions to a change for the better.
. 4) The play borders o n comedy of cruelty that assaults the complacency of the
audience. 5) It forces us to re-think our concept of the normal and the abnormal.

4.3 SUGGESTED READING

A one-act play having similar farcical elements
Anton Chekov : The Marriage Proposal

Self-check Exercise 1
Answer the following questions briefly
i) What information about Wasserkopf does the servant give?

ii) How did Wasserkopf get the idea of asking for a return of his fees?

iii) What reasons does Wasserkopf give t o claim that he is incompetent?

...............................................................................................................................
v) Why does Wasserkopf want another examination?
One Act Plays-I1 , Master insist that ~ ~ d s e r k bddI0b1d
V) Why does the,.~atheb(~atics pf not fa id^^
...............................................................................................................................
.................................................. .............................................................................
vi) How do the teachers decide to prevent this?

...............................................................................................................................
vii) How does Wasserkopf answer the difficult question of the Mathematics Master .
and why?

...............................................................................................................................
, .,-
viii) What is the result of the examination?

ix) Who deserves\credklor this result ?

...............................................................................................................................
x) How is Wasserkopf dismissed at the end ?

Self-check Exercise 2
i) What are Wasserkopfs reasons for demanding a refund?
ii) Does Wasserkopf really think school has made him an 'incompetent ass'?
iii) Describe the strategy of the teachers during the reexamination.
iv) How is Wasserkopf finally outwitted by the Mathematics, Master?

- - -

4.4 SUMMING UP
From the study of the play and the analysis given in these sections, you will recognise
the structure of the play, Refund. You are now familiar with the chronological
sequence and can recognise the four parts into which the play can be divided. With
the help of the glossary you will have a better appreciation of the play. Above all you'
have learnt about farce, a sub-species of the comic genre.

4.5 ANSWERS TO SELF-CHECK EXERCISES

Self- check Exe- 1
i) The servant Informs the Principal about a visitor who looks quite intelligent but
does not seem to be either a parent or a student.
ii) Wasserkopf got the idea from his old classmate, Leaderer who sarcastically told
him that,he had learned nothing from school and should, therefore, seek a
refund of his tuition fees.
iii) He cannot~doany of the things he had learned at school. He cannot get any
good ideas. He has also been dismissed from his last job apd he is penniless.
iv) So that he can fail and thereby get bkrefund.
V) It will put them in an awkward position as this may encourage many former
pupils to make a similar demand. It may also expose the inadequacy of their
teaching methods and system.
vi) R e teachers plan that they will make their questions simple, that they will co-
operate with one another and however absurd his answers they will make them
A,.+ .+
-, ha .I.-. l---r ---- -. r-.i
vii) His answer is correct to the last detail because he has carefully calculated the
amount due to him and which he is very eager to get back.
viii) Wasserkopf is decided to have passed with distinction in all subjects and
deserves the certificate he earned at school.
ix) The Mathematics Master who tricks Wasserkopf info giving the 'right' answer
x) Wasserkopf is thrown out in disgrace as if he was an object.

Self- check Exerdse 2

Hints for (i), (ii), (iii), and (iv)
Read the text and the Unit thoroughly so that you can write the answers briefly.