HAPPY COURSE

LESSON 1: LOVE YOURSELF

If there is only one lesson you learn this entire year, it’s this: You are absolutely
the most important person in your entire universe. Your entire life is lived through your
eyes, your interactions with the world and those around you, your thoughts and how you
interpret events, relationships, actions, and words. You might just be another person
when it comes to the grand scheme of things, but when it comes to your understanding
of reality, you are the only thing that matters. And because of that, your reality depends
on how much you love and take care of you.

Your relationship with yourself is the most defining factor in shaping the kind of
life you live. The less you love yourself, listen to yourself, and understand yourself, the
more confused, angry, and frustrating your reality will be. But when you begin and
continue to love yourself more, the more everything you see, everything you do, and
everyone you interact with, starts to become a little bit better in every way possible.

But self-love isn’t easy. As they say: you are your own biggest critic. We’re
programmed to have bouts of self-loathing, and for many of us, these phases of self-
hatred can turn into our entire lives. It’s when we spend more time hating ourselves than
we do loving ourselves that we adopt a more negative disposition of the world. So begin
to love yourself first. It might not be the easiest thing in the world to do, but it’s definitely
the most important.
1. SELF-MOTIVATION
How hard do you push yourself to get things done?
Wanting to do something and motivating yourself to actually do it are two
different things.
So, what's the difference between those who never reach their goals, year after
year, and those who achieve one goal after another? Often, it's their self-motivation.
Self-motivation is the force that keeps pushing us to go on – it's our internal drive
to achieve, produce, develop, and keep moving forward. When you think you're ready to
quit something, or you just don't know how to start, your self-motivation is what pushes
you to go on.
With self-motivation, you'll learn and grow – regardless of the specific situation.
That's why it's such a fundamental tool for reaching your goals, achieving your dreams,
and succeeding, in this journey we call life.
Factors in Self-Motivation
Self-motivation is complex. It's linked to your level of initiative in setting
challenging goals for yourself; your belief that you have the skills and abilities needed to
achieve those goals; and your expectation that if you put in enough hard work, you will
succeed (or at least be in the running, if it's a competitive situation).
Four factors are necessary to build the strongest levels of self-motivation:
1. Self-confidence and self-efficacy.
2. Positive thinking.
3. Focus and set strong goals.
4. A motivating environment.

By working on all of these together, you should quickly improve your self-
motivation. Let's look at each of these factors individually:

1. Self-Confidence and Self-Efficacy

Albert Bandura, a psychologist from Stanford University, defined self-efficacy as
a belief in our own ability to succeed, and our ability to achieve the goals we set for
ourselves. This belief has a huge impact on your approach to goal setting and your
behavioral choices as you work toward those goals.According to Bandura's research,
high self-efficacy results in an ability to view difficult goals as a challenge, whereas
people with low self-efficacy would likely view the same goals as being beyond their
abilities, and might not even attempt to achieve them.

It also contributes to how much effort a person puts into a goal in the first place,
and how much he or she perseveres despite setbacks.By developing a general level
of self-confidence in yourself, you will not only believe you can succeed, but you'll also
recognize and enjoy the successes you've already had. That, in turn, will inspire you to
build on those successes. The momentum created by self-confidence is hard to beat.
Take these steps:
 Think about the achievements in your life.
 Examine your strengths  to understand what you can build on.
 Determine what other people see as your strengths and key capabilities.
 Set achievable goals for yourself, work to achieve them, and enjoy that
achievement.
 Seek out mentors and other people who model the competencies, skills, and
attributes you desire.

As you begin to recognize how much you've already achieved – and understand
how much potential you have – you will have the confidence to set goals and achieve
the things you desire. The more you look for reasons to believe in yourself, the easier it
will be to find ways to motivate yourself.

2. Positive Thinking
 Your life today is the result of your attitudes and choices in the past. Your life
tomorrow will be the result of your attitudes and the choices you make today.
Positive thinking is closely related to self-confidence as a factor in self-
motivation. It's important to look at things positively, especially when things aren't going
as planned and you're ready to give up.
If you think that things are going to go wrong or that you won't succeed, this may
influence things in such a way that your predictions will come true. This is particularly
the case if you need to work hard to achieve success, or if you need to persuade others
to support you in order to succeed. Your thoughts can have a major influence on
whether you succeed or fail, so make sure those thoughts are "on your side."
Positive thinking also helps you think about an attractive future that you want to
realize. When you expect positive results, your choices will be more positive, and you'll
be less likely to leave outcomes to fate or chance. Having a vivid picture of success,
combined with positive thinking, helps you bridge the gap between wanting something
and going out to get it.
To apply "the power of positive thinking", do the following:
 Become aware of your thoughts. Write down these down throughout the day.
 Challenge your negative thoughts, and replace them with positive ones.
 Create a strong and vivid picture of what it will be like to achieve your goals.
 Develop affirmations or statements that you can repeat to yourself throughout the
day. These statements should remind you of what you want to achieve, and why
you will achieve it.
 Practice positive thinking until you automatically think about yourself and the
world in a positive way, every day.

3. Focus and Set Strong Goals

As we've said above, a key part of building self-motivation is to start setting
strong goals. These give you focus, a clear sense of direction, and the self-confidence
that comes from recognizing your own achievement.
According to Locke's goal-setting theory , your goal should have the following
characteristics:
 Clarity - Effective goals are clear, measurable, specific, and based on behavior,
not outcomes.
 Challenge - Goals should be difficult enough to be interesting, but not so difficult
that you can't reach them.
 Commitment - Goals should be attainable, and should be relevant - that is, they
should contribute in a significant way to the major objectives you're trying to
achieve.
  Regularity of Feedback - Monitor your progress towards your goals regularly to
maintain your sense of momentum and enthusiasm, and enjoy your progress
towards those goals.
 Sufficient Respect For Complexity - If the goal involves complex work, make
sure that you don't over-commit yourself. Complex work can take an
unpredictably long time to complete (particularly if you have to learn how to do
the task "on the job").

When you have a variety of goals, be sure to schedule your time and resources
effectively. You can achieve the "focus" part of self-motivation by prioritizing and
establishing a schedule that will help you succeed. It doesn't make sense to work until
you're exhausted or give up one goal to achieve another.

4. Motivating Environment
The final thing to focus on is surrounding yourself with people and resources that
will remind you of your goals, and help you with your internal motivation. These are
external factors – they'll help you get motivated from the outside, which is different from
the internal motivation we've discussed so far. However, the more factors you have
working for you, the better.
You can't just rely on these "environmental" or outside elements alone to
motivate you, but you can use them for extra support. Try the following:
 Look for team work opportunities. Working in a team makes you accountable to
others.
 Ask your boss for specific targets and objectives to help you measure your
success.
 Ask for interesting assignments.
 Set up some goals that you can easily achieve. Quick wins are great for getting
you motivated.
 Buddy up with people who you trust to be supportive, and ask them to help keep
you accountable.
 Try not to work by yourself too much. Balance the amount of time you work from
home with time spent working with others.

When you start your self- motivation program, you may tend to rely heavily on
these external factors. As you get more comfortable and confident with your self-
motivation, you'll probably use them only as needed, and for a little extra help.
 I. SELF-ESTEEM
 SELF ESTEEM
- This is your opinion of yourself. High self esteem is a good opinion of yourself
and low self esteem is a bad opinion of yourself.
Your self-esteem, however, is something more fundamental than the normal "ups
and downs" associated with situational changes. For people with good basic self-
esteem, normal "ups and downs" may lead to temporary fluctuations in how they feel
about themselves, but only to a limited extent. In contrast, for people with poor basic
self-esteem, these "ups and downs" may make all the difference in the world.

 Where Does Self-Esteem Come From?

Our self-esteem develops and evolves throughout our lives as we build an image
of ourselves through our experiences with different people and activities. Experiences
during our childhood play a particularly large role in the shaping of our basic self-
esteem. When we were growing up, our successes (and failures) and how we were
treated by the members of our immediate family, by our teachers, coaches, religious
authorities, and by your peers, all contributed to the creation of our basic self-esteem.
Self-esteem is largely developed during childhood.

 Healthy Self-Esteem Childhood experiences that lead to healthy self-esteem

include:
 Being praised
 Being listened to
 Being spoken to respectfully
 Getting attention and hugs
 Experiencing success in sports or school
 Having trustworthy friends

 Low Self-Esteem Childhood experiences that lead to low self-esteem include:

 Being harshly criticized
 Being yelled at, or beaten
 Being ignored, ridiculed or teased
 Being expected to be "perfect" all the time
 Experiencing failures in sports or school
People with low self-esteem were often given messages that failed experiences
(losing a game, getting a poor grade, etc.) were failures of their whole self.

 Three Steps to Better Self-Esteem

Before you can begin to improve your self-esteem you must first believe that you
can change it. Change doesn't necessarily happen quickly or easily, but it can happen.
You are not powerless! Once you have accepted, or are at least willing to entertain the
possibility that you are not powerless, there are three steps you can take to begin to
change your self-esteem:
• Step 1: Rebut the Inner Critic
• Step 2: Practice Self-Nurturing
• Step 3: Get Help from Other

Step 1: Rebut the Inner Critic

The Inner Critic's Voice: Your Rebuttals:
Is Unfairly Harsh: Be Reassuring:
“People said they liked my “Wow, they really liked it! Maybe it
presentation, but it was nowhere near as wasn't perfect, but I worked hard on that
good as it should have been. I can't presentation and did a good job. I'm
believe no one noticed all the places I proud of myself. This was a great
messed up. I'm such an impostor." success."
Generalizes Unrealistically: Be Specific:
“I got an F in the test. I don't “I did poorly on this one test, but
understand anything in this class. I'm I've done O.K. on all the homework.
such an idiot. Who am I fooling? I There are some things here that I don't
shouldn't be taking this class. I'm stupid understand as well as I thought I did, but I
and I don't belong in college." can do the material-I've done fine in other
classes that were just as tough.
Catastrophizes: Be Objective:
"She turned me down for a date! “Ouch! That hurt. Well, she doesn't
I'm so embarrassed and humiliated. No want to go out with me. That doesn't
one likes or cares about me. I'll never find mean no one does. I know I'm an
a girlfriend. I'll always be alone." attractive and nice person. I'll find
someone."

Step 2: Practice Self-Nurturing

Rebutting your critical inner voice is an important first step, but it is not enough.
Since our self-esteem is in part due to how others have treated us in the past, the
second step to more healthy self-esteem is to begin to treat yourself as a worthwhile
person.

Start to challenge past negative experiences or messages by nurturing and

caring for yourself in ways that show that you are valuable, competent, deserving and
lovable. There are several components to self- nurturing:
1. Practice Basic Self-Care
Get enough sleep, eat in a healthy fashion, get regular exercise, practice
good hygiene, and so forth.
 2. Plan Fun & Relaxing Things For Yourself
You could go to a movie, take a nap, get a massage, plant a garden, buy a
pet, learn to meditate-whatever you enjoy.
3. Reward Yourself For Your Accomplishments
You could take the night off to celebrate good grades, spend time with a
friend, or compliment yourself for making that hard phone call.
4. Remind Yourself of Your Strengths & Achievements
One way is to make a list of things you like about yourself. Or keep a
'success' file of awards, certificates and positive letters or citations. Keep
mementoes of accomplishments you are proud of where you can see them.
5. Forgive Yourself When You Don't Do All You'd Hoped
Self-nurturing can be surprisingly hard if you are not used to doing it. Don't
be critical of yourself- remember that inner voice!-when you don't do it just right.
6. Self-Nurture Even When You Don't Feel You Deserve It
"Fake it" until you can "make it." When you treat yourself like you deserve to
feel good and be nurtured, slowly you'll come to believe it.

Step 3: Get Help from Others

Getting help from others is often the most important step a person can take to
improve his or her self- esteem, but it can also be the most difficult. People with low
self-esteem often don't ask for help because they feel they don't deserve it. But since
low self-esteem is often caused by how other people treated you in the past, you may
need the help of other people in the present to challenge the critical messages that
come from negative past experiences. Here are some ways to get help from others:
1. Ask for Support from Friends
• Ask friends to tell you what they like about you or think you do well.
• Ask someone who cares about you to just listen to you "vent" for a little while
without trying to "fix" things.
• Ask for a hug.
• Ask someone who loves you to remind you that they do.
2. Get Help from Teachers & Other Helpers
• Go to professors or advisors or tutors to ask for help in classes if this is a
problem for you. Remember: They are there to help you learn!
• If you lack self-confidence in certain areas, take classes or try out new activities
to increase your sense of competence (for example, take a math class, join a
dance club, take swimming lessons, etc.)

II. SELF-RESPECT
 Self-love is an essential element for living a positively present life, and self-
respect is a vital aspect of self-love. The more you respect yourself, the more you are
able to love yourself. However, self-respect isn't always as easy to come by as you
might think. There are a lot of aspects of life that can lure you away from respect. As
much as you might want to treat yourself with respect, there are often outside influences
that can get in the way of treating yourself honorably.
These are just a few of the reasons you might find respecting yourself difficult,
and, unfortunately, they can happen to almost anyone. Not all of these things are within
your control (you cannot always control how others act or react), but what is within your
control is how you treat yourself. Here are some of reminders of how to make self-
respect a priority in your life: 
1. Don't settle for less than you deserve. 
2. Get in touch with who you really are. 
3. Forgive yourself for your mistakes. 
4. Forgive those who have hurt you. 
5. Surround yourself with positive people. 
6. Work on building up confidence. 
7. Be honest with yourself (and others).  
8. Take good care of your body. 
9. Exercise and inspire your mind. 
10. Speak positively about yourself.  
11. Don't compare yourself to others.  

III. SELF- CARE

 Why Self-Care Matters

It’s so important to make sure you take good care of your body, mind, and soul every
day, not just when you get sick. Learning how to eat right, reduce stress, exercise
regularly, and take a time-out when you need it are touchstones of self-care and can
keep you healthy, fit, and resilient.
 Why Do We Often Fail at Self-Care?

Practicing self-care isn’t always easy. Most of us are crazy busy, have stressful jobs,
or are too consumed with technology to make time for ourselves. Me-time is usually last
on the agenda. Worse, we can sometimes feel guilty about taking the time required to
take care of ourselves. So getting started with self-care can be challenging. In my new
book, Outsmart Your Smartphone: Conscious Tech Habits for Finding Happiness,
Balance, and Connection IRL, I teach folks how to find time and make space for self-
care. But here are some additional tips that you won't find in the book to get you started
with your self-care.
  How Do You Engage in Self-Care?

Fortunately, there are many things you can do to engage in self-care. To start,
take this well-being quiz to learn which self-care strategies may be especially helpful for
you. You can also read about self-care strategies, join self-care programs, or work with
a coach or therapist who can help support your progress. No matter which approach
you choose, the goal is to figure out which self-care strategies work best for you, learn
how to use these strategies, and implement them in your regular routine so you can
boost your well-being not only today but forever.

Here are 12 ways to get started with your self-care.

1. Make sleep part of your self-care routine.

2. Take care of yourself by taking care of your gut.
3. Exercise daily as part of your self-care routine.
4. Eat right for self-care.
5. Say no to others, and say yes to your self-care.
6. Take a self-care trip.
7. Take a self-care break by getting outside.
8. Let a pet help you with your self-care.
9. Take care of yourself by getting organized.
10. Cook at home to care for yourself.
11. Read a book on self-care for self-care.
12. Schedule your self-care time, and guard that time with everything you have.

IV. SELF-PURPOSE
Your life purpose consists of the central motivating aims of your life—the reasons
you get up in the morning.

Purpose can guide life decisions, influence behavior, shape goals, offer a sense of
direction, and create meaning. For some people, purpose is connected to vocation—
meaningful, satisfying work. For others, their purpose lies in their responsibilities to their
family or friends. Others seek meaning through spirituality or religious beliefs. Some
people may find their purpose clearly expressed in all these aspects of life.

Purpose will be unique for everyone; what you identify as your path may be different
from others. What’s more, your purpose can actually shift and change throughout life in
response to the evolving priorities and fluctuations of your own experiences.
Questions that may come up when you reflect upon your life purpose are:
  Who am I?
 Where do I belong?
 When do I feel fulfilled?

“Each of us has a unique purpose”

Your life purpose is your contribution

Some people feel hesitant about pursuing their life purpose because they worry
that it sounds like a self-serving or selfish quest. However, true purpose is about
recognizing your own gifts and using them to contribute to the world—whether those
gifts are playing beautiful music for others to enjoy, helping friends solve problems, or
simply bringing more joy into the lives of those around you.

Richard Leider, a nationally-ranked coach and purpose expert, says that

“genuine purpose points to the end of a self-absorbed, self-serving relationship to life.”
When your authentic purpose becomes clear, you will be able to share it with the whole
world.

References:
https://www.positivelypresent.com/2014/10/respect-yourself.html
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/click-here-happiness/201812/self-care-12-ways-take-
better-care-yourself