Restorative Dialogue: Using the Restorative Questions
The basic questions for responding to challenging behavior are:
1. What happened, and what were you thinking at the time of the incident?
2. What have you thought about since?
3. Who has been affected by what happened and how?
4. What about this has been the hardest for you?
5. What do you think needs to be done to make things as right as possible?
These questions lay the foundation for and act as the building blocks for all
forms of restorative processes that seek to discover the root cause/s of challenging
behavior, determine impact, repair harm, and ultimately restore damaged
relationships.
Restorative questions:
are non-blaming and open ended
allow for storytelling and attentive listening
separate people’s behavior from their intrinsic worth as a person
allow for all people involved to identify their thoughts and feelings associated with particular actions
provide a forum for meaningful expression of emotions (affective statements)
focus on impact and how others (people and community) were affected by the action/s
are an inclusive and collaborative approach to problem solving, emphasizing finding
solutions rather than assigning blame
holds people accountable
requires people to take responsibility for their actions
attends to the needs of those harmed
resolves underlying issues that act as the root cause of challenging behavior.
Conflict is natural and likely to occur when people with diverse opinions and
experiences unite. Restorative practices views conflict as an opportunity to foster
meaningful learning experiences and strengthen relationships.
Proficiency Criteria for Restorative Questions
(The International Institute for Restorative Practices, Edwards Dolquist Implementation Tactics.)
1. When using the restorative questions you:
a) Ask the wrongdoer to identify who has been harmed.
b) Ask the wrongdoer to describe what harm was done.
c) Ask the wrongdoer to describe what needs to be done to make things right.
d) Require a verbal or written response from the wrongdoer.
e) Ask the person harmed to express their feelings by using Affective Statements to
describe the harm done and to identify what needs to be done to make things right.
2. You strategically use Restorative Questions:
a) in a non-judgmental way that communicates a genuine desire for
understanding.
b) in an appropriate public or private setting.
Application of Restorative Questions:
With slight modification, the restorative questions can be used in a wide variety of situations and
settings, ranging from brief impromptu hallway interventions to classroom management strategies to
formal conferences.
Number of Participants: As little as two or as many as an entire class is able to participate in
restorative interventions.
Using the restorative questions can be an effective approach to resolving conflict/problem behavior
in the following example situations.
Inside the classroom Outside the classroom
Patterns of disruptive Tardies/chronic Hallway skirmish School yard fight
student behavior absenteeism
Bullying Interpersonal conflict Counseling office Student conflict
referral intervention
Student-teacher conflict Student defiance Substance use Staff conflict
Accountability and Natural Consequences vs. Punishment: (Material taken from The Restorative
Practices Handbook, The International Institute for Restorative Practices)
When wrongdoing/misbehavior occurs it is important that consequences are identified and required.
The restorative questions allow for deeper exploration of impact and involve all stakeholders in the
process of determining the most appropriate consequences along with the person who caused the
harm. With natural consequences, students become active participants by recognizing the harm they
caused and by taking responsibility to make things as right as possible by following through with the
identified consequences.
Natural consequences are defined as a result or effect of an action or condition, while punishment is
defined as something that is imposed on someone, generally with the intention of creating pain and
discomfort. Punishment allows for the person to remain a passive recipient without having to take
responsibility for their actions.
Facilitating Restorative Dialogue
The following steps provide the format for a restorative dialogue to be used in a variety of
different situations.
Note: Here you will find additional questions that may be useful.
(Compliments of St. Leonard’s College, Melbourne, Australia)
1. Engagement (to all involved in the incident)
We need to talk about what just happened.
Can you tell me what happened?
2. Reflection (to person responsible for the harm)
What were you thinking about at the time?
What were you hoping would happen?
What made you decide to do that?
What have you thought about since?
3. Understanding the harm/impact
1. First to the to person who caused harm
Who has been affected by what happened?
How do you think they have been affected?
2. To the person harmed:
What did you think when that happened?
What was that like for you?
What was the worst bit?
4. Acknowledgement (to person responsible for harm)
What do you think now about what you did?
5. Agreement (to person harmed first)
What would you like to happen as a result of our chat?
Then to person responsible – Is that fair?/ Could you do that?
To both – What else needs to happen to fix this?
6. Arranging Follow-Up
Let’s make a note of our agreement and I will catch up with you tomorrow to see how the
agreement is going.
Format for Restorative dialogue: to be used when there is a clear distinction
between the person harmed and the person who harmed (also known as victim-offender).
Compliments of St. Leonard’s College, Melbourne, Australia
**Please Note: 1. Follow this format unless the person harmed states that they would prefer to
respond first.
2. Here you will find additional questions that may be useful.
3. The questions with a * are critical questions to ask.
1. To the person who has done the harm:
What happened?
Who else was there/around when it happened?
What were you thinking at the time?
Who has been affected/upset/harmed by your actions?
How do you think they have been affected?
2. To the person who has been affected:
What was your reaction at the time of the incident?
How do you feel about what happened?
What did you think at the time?
What have you thought about since?
How has it upset/hurt/harmed you?
What has been the worst or hardest thing for you?
3. To the person who has done the harm:
Is there anything else you want to say?
4. To each person including any observers:
What would you like to see happen to repair the harm?
Is that okay? / Do you agree? Is that fair?
Is this realistic and achievable?
How can we make sure this doesn’t happen again?
Is there anything I can do to help?
Is there anything else you would like to say?
5. Conclusion:
Formally record the agreement.
Congratulate the students for working it out.
Arrange time to follow-up / meet again to see how things
are going.
6. To each person
Is there anything else you would like to say?
