Cambridge University Press

978-0-521-18198-3 – Communicating Across Cultures

Bob Dignen
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2A Managing first meetings

A ims
To ask the right questions
To learn communication strategies for handling fi rst meetings

1 Kwintessential is a global organisation which offers intercultural training. Look at its briefings
on how to handle first meetings in four different countries. Which countries are being
described?

Senegal Japan Germany Kazakhstan

1
Greetings are rather formal due to the hierarchical 3
nature of society. The common greeting is
the handshake, often done with both hands Greetings are very formal and ritualised. It is
and a smile. Some men will not shake hands important to show the correct amount of respect
with women, so be sensitive to these religious and deference to someone based upon their
differences. Wait until invited before using status relative to your own. If at all possible, wait
someone’s first name, although the invitation to be introduced. It can be seen as impolite to
generally comes early in the relationship. introduce yourself, even in a large gathering. A
foreign visitor may bow the head slightly, since no
one expects foreigners to generally understand
2 the nuances of bowing.
Greetings are formal. A quick, firm handshake is
4
the traditional greeting. Titles are very important
and denote respect. Use a person’s title and their When people greet, they take time to ask about
surname until invited to use their first name. In the health and welfare of family members. It is
general, wait for your host or hostess to introduce customary for these questions to be asked over a
you to a group. When entering a room, shake very long handshake. People should be addressed
hands with everyone individually, including by their academic, professional or honorific title
children. and their surname or first name.

2 What is your experience of meeting people from different countries? What differences in
behaviour have you observed? What do you say and do when you meet someone visiting
your organisation from another culture?

3 4 Nigel Ewington is a director of WorldWork, an intercultural consultancy. Listen to him

talking about managing first meetings in different cultures.
1 Why does Nigel say it’s important to manage fi rst meetings well when working
internationally?
2 What does he describe as the main purpose of fi rst meetings in the Arab world?
3 When he goes to China, how does he usually start small talk?
Why does this create a positive impression?
4 Why is asking ‘open questions’ important?

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978-0-521-18198-3 – Communicating Across Cultures
Bob Dignen
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4 Complete these open questions which you could use in a first conversation with a stranger.
1 Job: What do you for a ?
2 Company activity: What of business is your company ?
3 Work location: Where your company ?
4 Arrival: When you here?
5 Hotel: Where you ?
6 Duration: long you for?
7 Travel: How many times you to the Ukraine?
8 Time working for company: long you for your company?
9 Departure: When you ?

5 Closed questions, which require a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ answer, can also help small talk. One way to
ask closed questions is to make a statement followed by a short question tag, for example:
You’ve been to our offices before, haven’t you?

Complete the following closed questions by adding the correct question tag.
1 You’ve met our finance manager, ?
2 Most of your team are based in Hong Kong at the moment, ?
3 You took part in the conference call last week, ?
4 The weather’s been great so far this year, ?
5 Don’t forget to text me the name of the restaurant, ?

6 It is important to find things in common when responding to what people tell you. Match
each comment to a response.
Comment Response
1 I’ve been to Italy a few times. a I know the city quite well but not the
region around it.
2 I studied mechanical engineering at uni. b R
eally? My brother did something similar
and now works in construction.
3 I grew up just outside Madrid. c I ndeed, but I read that things should be
improving by the year end.
4 So these are the new offices. d I mpressive. Looks like a nice place to
work. Our offices are very different.
5 Business is a bit challenging at the moment. e Have you? Me too. I love the South.

7 G Role play a first meeting. Student A, you are the visitor: read your role card on page
84. Student B, you are the host and will meet the visitor: read your role card on page 77.
Student C should observe the meeting and give feedback: use the observer feedback form
on page 80. Then change roles and repeat the role play.

Cultural tip
When you meet people for the first time, greet them politely and warmly. Use a mix of open
and closed questions during the first conversation. Try to discover what things you have in
common. Be sensitive to the cultural background of the other person during the meeting.

Can do I can handle first meetings with new professional contacts.

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Cambridge University Press
978-0-521-18198-3 – Communicating Across Cultures
Bob Dignen
Excerpt
More information

2B Managing first meetings

A ims
To understand different attitudes to small talk and personal relationships at work
To manage different styles of small talk

1 5 Listen to a conversation between Pavel Simon, working in his Prague office, and Jon
Sondheim, visiting the Czech Republic from the US. They are meeting for the first time.
1 Jon asks a number of questions. What topics does he ask about?
2 How does Pavel respond to the questions? Why do you think this is?
3 In what other ways could Jon have handled this fi rst meeting?

2 6 Listen to a second conversation between the same Pavel and Jon

over dinner. Answer the questions.
1 Which main topic does Pavel decide to discuss?
2 How does Jon respond during the conversation?
3 Jon asks some questions about Dr Kuehn. What is Pavel’s reaction to the
question and his answer? Why does he react and answer in this way?
4 How could Pavel have handled the conversation differently?

3 There are some differences in conversational style between Jon and Pavel.
• What differences in style do you hear?
• How far do you think these differences are a result of cultural or personality factors?
4 Across cultures people build professional relationships in different ways. Susanne M
Zaninelli analyses the impact of these cultural differences on small-talk styles, using the
metaphor of peaches and coconuts. Read the text on page 13 and answer the questions.
1 What is the style of polite small talk for a coconut?
2 What is the style of polite small talk for a peach?
3 How can peaches and coconuts negatively judge each other?
4 The article ends, ‘Perhaps we should become “pea-nuts”. What does this mean?

5 Are you a peach or a coconut? Check with others in your group to see if they agree with
your assessment of yourself.

6 Questions can help to support small talk. However, it is important to choose the right topic.
Look at the list of personal and professional topics. Add a few more and brainstorm as
many questions as you can for each topic. Aim for a list of 20 or more small-talk questions!
Do you live far from the office? What are you working on at the moment?
Personal focus: home, family, hobbies / interests,

Professional focus: work responsibilities, current tasks, developments in the organisation,

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978-0-521-18198-3 – Communicating Across Cultures
Bob Dignen
Excerpt
More information

Peaches and coconuts – the art of managing small talk

The The
coconut
culture
peachculture
People from a coconut culture Peaches, on the other
are more reserved and only offer a hand, are seen as relatively
thin layer of their private ‘space’. Therefore more sociable. They like ‘large talk’
they may appear serious and a bit distant with people they don’t know. They like
during initial social conversations – this is the to share personal space with others and
‘hard shell’ you experience when you first meet even talk about private aspects easily.
coconuts. It can mean that not much personal Peaches are more likely to smile a lot and
information is shared in the beginning; this be enthusiastic towards others. This is
is perceived as being polite. For peaches, it’s politeness. Of course, they still keep a small
difficult to get to know a coconut fast. area, the ‘peach stone’, private from others.

Solving the peach–coconut challenge

When peaches and coconuts meet, misunderstanding is common. Peaches can see coconuts
as cold and difficult to get to know, because they don’t engage much in social conversation.
On the other hand, coconuts can see peaches as too friendly, superficial and even impolite
because they ask too many personal questions.

The peach and coconut metaphor highlights important cultural differences and tells us that
what we think is polite may be seen as impolite by others. The answer? To be effective across
cultures we should firstly not misinterpret signals we receive from others. Understanding the
meaning of signals gives both sides the freedom to stay as we are. We also could become
more flexible and adapt our style to people from different cultures – to be more ‘peachy’ with
the peach and more like a coconut with coconuts, so that the other side feels comfortable.
Perhaps we should become ‘pea-nuts’!

7 G Student A, you are the host of an international project meeting. Go to page 76.

Student B, you are the first visitor (Miguel). Go to page 78. Student C, you are the second
visitor (Dani). Go to page 81.

When Student A is speaking to Student B, Student C should observe the conversation.

When Student A is speaking to Student C, Student B should observe the conversation. After
the role play, as a group, discuss these questions.
• How effectively did the host manage each visitor?
• How effectively did the host adapt to the communication style of each visitor?
• What do you think are the biggest challenges to managing small-talk conversations in
English?

Cultural tip
Adapt your small-talk style to the other person to make them feel comfortable. Choose topics
which interest the other person and ask questions which motivate others to talk.

Can do I can be flexible when building relationships in social situations. I can use a range of
small talk styles which are adapted to different individual(s).

13

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