Any long-held resentment toward a family member or friend, unresolved conflict can go

deeper than you may realize—it may be affecting your physical health. The good news:
Studies have found that the act of forgiveness can reap huge rewards for your health,
lowering the risk of heart attack; improving cholesterol levels and sleep; and reducing
pain, blood pressure, and levels of anxiety, depression and stress. And research points to
an increase in the forgiveness-health connection as you age.

“There is an enormous physical burden to being hurt and disappointed,” says Karen
Swartz, M.D., director of the Mood Disorders Adult Consultation Clinic at The Johns
Hopkins Hospital. Chronic anger puts you into a fight-or-flight mode, which results in
numerous changes in heart rate, blood pressure and immune response. Those changes,
then, increase the risk of depression, heart disease and diabetes, among other conditions.
Forgiveness, however, calms stress levels, leading to improved health.

Can You Learn to Be More Forgiving?

Forgiveness is not just about saying the words. “It is an active process in which you make
a conscious decision to let go of negative feelings whether the person deserves it or not,”
Swartz says. As you release the anger, resentment and hostility, you begin to feel
empathy, compassion and sometimes even affection for the person who wronged you.

Studies have found that some people are just naturally more forgiving. Consequently,
they tend to be more satisfied with their lives and to have less depression, anxiety, stress,
anger and hostility. People who hang on to grudges, however, are more likely to
experience severe depression and post-traumatic stress disorder, as well as other health
conditions. But that doesn’t mean that they can’t train themselves to act in healthier ways.
In fact, 62 percent of American adults say they need more forgiveness in their personal
lives, according to a survey by the nonprofit Fetzer Institute.

Making Forgiveness Part of Your Life

Forgiveness is a choice, Swartz says. “You are choosing to offer compassion and
empathy to the person who wronged you.” The following steps can help you develop a
more forgiving attitude—and benefit from better emotional and physical health.

Reflect and remember.

That includes the events themselves, and also how you reacted, how you felt, and how the
anger and hurt have affected you since.

Empathize with the other person.

For instance, if your spouse grew up in an alcoholic family, then anger when you have
too many glasses of wine might be more understandable, says Swartz.

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Forgive deeply.

Simply forgiving someone because you think you have no other alternative or because
you think your religion requires it may be enough to bring some healing. But one study
found that people whose forgiveness came in part from understanding that no one is
perfect were able to resume a normal relationship with the other person, even if that
person never apologized. Those who only forgave in an effort to salvage the relationship
wound up with a worse relationship.

Let go of expectations.

An apology may not change your relationship with the other person or elicit an apology
from her. If you don’t expect either, you won’t be disappointed.

Decide to forgive.

Once you make that choice, seal it with an action. If you don’t feel you can talk to the
person who wronged you, write about your forgiveness in a journal or even talk about it
to someone else in your life whom you trust.

Forgive yourself.

The act of forgiving includes forgiving yourself. For instance, if your spouse had an
affair, recognize that the affair is not a reflection of your worth, says Swartz.

Forgiveness: Letting go of grudges and bitterness

When someone you care about hurts you, you can hold on to anger, resentment and
thoughts of revenge — or embrace forgiveness and move forward

Nearly everyone has been hurt by the actions or words of another. Perhaps your mother
criticized your parenting skills, your colleague sabotaged a project or your partner had an
affair. These wounds can leave you with lasting feelings of anger, bitterness or even
vengeance.

But if you don't practice forgiveness, you might be the one who pays most dearly. By
embracing forgiveness, you can also embrace peace, hope, gratitude and joy. Consider
how forgiveness can lead you down the path of physical, emotional and spiritual well-
being.

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What is forgiveness?

Generally, forgiveness is a decision to let go of resentment and thoughts of revenge. The

act that hurt or offended you might always remain a part of your life, but forgiveness can
lessen its grip on you and help you focus on other, more positive parts of your life.
Forgiveness can even lead to feelings of understanding, empathy and compassion for the
one who hurt you.

Forgiveness doesn't mean that you deny the other person's responsibility for hurting you,
and it doesn't minimize or justify the wrong. You can forgive the person without excusing
the act. Forgiveness brings a kind of peace that helps you go on with life.

What are the benefits of forgiving someone?

Letting go of grudges and bitterness can make way for happiness, health and peace.
Forgiveness can lead to:

 Healthier relationships
 Greater spiritual and psychological well-being
 Less anxiety, stress and hostility
 Lower blood pressure
 Fewer symptoms of depression
 Stronger immune system
 Improved heart health
 Higher self-esteem

Why is it so easy to hold a grudge?

When you're hurt by someone you love and trust, you might become angry, sad or
confused. If you dwell on hurtful events or situations, grudges filled with resentment,
vengeance and hostility can take root. If you allow negative feelings to crowd out
positive feelings, you might find yourself swallowed up by your own bitterness or sense
of injustice.

What are the effects of holding a grudge?

If you're unforgiving, you might:

 Bring anger and bitterness into every relationship and new experience
 Become so wrapped up in the wrong that you can't enjoy the present
 Become depressed or anxious
 Feel that your life lacks meaning or purpose, or that you're at odds with your spiritual
beliefs
 Lose valuable and enriching connectedness with others


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How do I reach a state of forgiveness?

Forgiveness is a commitment to a process of change. To begin, you might:

 Consider the value of forgiveness and its importance in your life at a given time
 Reflect on the facts of the situation, how you've reacted, and how this combination has
affected your life, health and well-being
 Actively choose to forgive the person who's offended you, when you're ready
 Move away from your role as victim and release the control and power the offending
person and situation have had in your life.

As you let go of grudges, you'll no longer define your life by how you've
been hurt. You might even find compassion and understanding. What
happens if I can't forgive someone?

Forgiveness can be challenging, especially if the person who's hurt you doesn't admit
wrong or doesn't speak of his or her sorrow. If you find yourself stuck:

 Consider the situation from the other person's point of view.

 Ask yourself why he or she would behave in such a way. Perhaps you would have
reacted similarly if you faced the same situation.
 Reflect on times you've hurt others and on those who've forgiven you.
 Write in a journal, pray or use guided meditation — or talk with a person you've
found to be wise and compassionate, such as a spiritual leader, a mental health
provider, or an impartial loved one or friend.
 Be aware that forgiveness is a process and even small hurts may need to be
revisited and forgiven over and over again.

Does forgiveness guarantee reconciliation?

If the hurtful event involved someone whose relationship you otherwise value,
forgiveness can lead to reconciliation. This isn't always the case, however.

Reconciliation might be impossible if the offender has died or is unwilling to

communicate with you. In other cases, reconciliation might not be appropriate. Still,
forgiveness is possible — even if reconciliation isn't.

What if I have to interact with the person who hurt me but I don't want
to?

If you haven't reached a state of forgiveness, being near the person who hurt you might
prompt you to be tense and stressful. To handle these situations:

 Remember that you can choose to attend or avoid specific functions and
gatherings. If you choose to attend, don't be surprised by a certain amount of
awkwardness and perhaps even more intense feelings.
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  Respect yourself and do what seems best.
 Do your best to keep an open heart and mind. You might find that the experience
helps you to move forward with forgiveness.

What if the person I'm forgiving doesn't change?

Getting another person to change his or her actions, behavior or words isn't the point of
forgiveness. Think of forgiveness more about how it can change your life — by bringing
you peace, happiness, and emotional and spiritual healing. Forgiveness can take away the
power the other person continues to wield in your life.

What if I'm the one who needs forgiveness?

The first step is to honestly assess and acknowledge the wrongs you've done and how
those wrongs have affected others. At the same time, avoid judging yourself too harshly.
You're human, and you'll make mistakes.

If you're truly sorry for something you've said or done, consider admitting it to those
you've harmed. Speak of your sincere sorrow or regret, and specifically ask for
forgiveness — without making excuses.

Remember, however, you can't force someone to forgive you. Others need to move to
forgiveness in their own time. Whatever the outcome, commit to treating others with
compassion, empathy and respect.

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 Forgiveness meditation

Forgiveness is a process based on releasing all the toxic energy of anger, reassessment , shame
, blame, judging others , bitterness, unforgivness, irritations, hate, sorrow…that is stored
inside…All these emotions are energies that are keeping us stacked in the past and actually
that’s mean we live subconscious in the past. To forgive it doesn’t mean that what happened is
ok, it doesn’t mean that you have to like the person and that you have to agree what the person
did to you, forgiveness is just an experience…the resistance to forgive is coming from the EGO (
our dark side) because we want to punish the other person, but in reality we are punishing
ourselves.

Close your eyes

Let’s set up the intention that we want to heal through forgiveness and we start by taking few
deep breath, breath in, breath out and we release the stress of the day, the worries…

Relax your head, your eyes, the tongue , the neck, the shoulders, the arms, the back, the legs …

You are relaxed…you feel

Now I want you to imagine that you are in a beautiful garden, and you see the flowers red,
orange, you see the sun yellow, the trees are so green , you hear a music , you feel the wind and
, smell of the flowers …you are calm , relaxed, peaceful…

Now bring in the garden one or more persons who hurt you, misunderstood you, criticized you ,
the first persons that are coming in your mind are the best ones…and tell to the first person that
is coming in front of you and with calm and love tell to that person “ I forgive you for all the
pain that you provoked me, I forgive you for all the anger that you made me feel, for all the
sadness that you made me feel, and for …. ….I FORGIVE YOU, I SET YOU FREE…

You feel the forgiveness in your heart…

Now you bring the next person that you need to forgive…

If there are still persons in your garden that needs your forgiveness go in front of them smiling,
with calm and love you tell them …I forgive you, I set you free…because I want to be free…

Now bring in the garden all the people that you know you hurt …breath deep and tell them “ I
AM SORRY FOR EVERYTHING I DONE TO YOU, PLEASE FORGIVE ME …. AND SET ME FREE…”

AND YOU FEEL THEIR FORGIVNESS IN ALL YOUR BODY…and you watch them how they leave
from your garden…

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Now you are alone in garden and you look at the beautiful sky and you think at all the mistakes
that you did in your life and you feel guilty, shamed or you blame yourself for ….let everything to
come out…and now you say “ I deeply forgive myself , I accept myself as I am, “

NOW you are calm and free , and you look with an infinite love at the sky and you say “ GOD
FORGIVE ME FOR ALL THE MISTAKES THAT I EVER DID , I LOVE YOU and fill my life with light”.
YOU are calm , and you feel full of light….

Now I ‘ll count from 1 till 5 and when I say 5 you open your eyes with a smile on your face…

1.Can you make a clear distinction between a person and her

behavior, between expressions of a person and their inner Being ?
1. What do you feel about this ? What supportive beliefs would
strengthen this?

2. Give yourself permission to rage against hurtful behaviors.

Once you have permission, then rage against hurtful behaviors.
Access the anger in order to draw boundaries against unacceptable
behaviors without violating the person.

3. Can you forgive the kids easier than adults ?

4. Your mother was a person ready to forgive ?
5. Your father was a person ready to forgive ?
6. What was the emotional state used in your family to manage
their wounds?
7. How your mother used to revenge?
8. How your father used to revenge ?
9. How you use to revenge?
10. Do you feel better when you revenge ? if yes, why?

Forgiveness is not just about saying the words. Forgiveness is a process based on releasing
all the toxic energy of anger, reassessment , shame , blame, judging others , bitterness,

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unforgivness, irritations, hate, sorrow…that is stored inside…All these emotions are energies
that are keeping us stacked in the past and actually that’s mean we live subconscious in the
past. To forgive it doesn’t mean that what happened is ok, it doesn’t mean that you have to like
the person and that you have to agree what the person did to you, forgiveness is just an
experience…the resistance to forgive is coming from the EGO ( our dark side) because we want
to punish the other person, but in reality we are punishing ourselves.

Don’t waste your time with revenge because it doesn’t work like this. And to be honest I
learned that the best spiritual teacher in life is the person that is hard to forgive. I am
inviting you at this workshop to make peace with your past through forgiveness; and you
will learn 3 different techniques to forgive yourself and others.

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Technique of forgiveness

Quiet your mind, relax and let go. Think of GOD and his love for you, and then affirm :

I fully and freely forgive ( ….the name of the offender ). I release him ( her) mentally and
spiritually. I completely forgive everything connected with the matter in question. I am free,
and she (he) is free. It is a marvelous feeling. This is my day of general amnesty. I release
anybody and everybody who has ever hurt me, and I wish for each and everyone health,
happiness, peace and all the blessings of life. I do this freely, joyously and lovingly. Whenever I
think of the person or persons who hurt me , I say, “ I have released you, , and all the blessings
of life are yours. I am free and they are free. It is wonderful !!!