PAGE 1

(*** Hey Mike! Psyched that we're finally working together! This issue
is going to be a blast!***)

INT. KRAVINOFF ESTATE. TORTURE ROOM

A YOUNG GIRL - 13, wild hair, enters a room in silhouette. The

DOORKNOB is an ornate LION'S HEAD.

CAPTION
PROLOGUE...

MADAME WEB (V.O.)

It has been DAYS...longer? I have no
touchstones to guide me.

No windows through which to gauge the

sun's warmth. Irregular meals.
No NOISE. I have never been in a place
so STILL--

ANA
Are you dead?

REVEAL MADAME WEB sitting on an elegant CHAISE LOUNGE. This is a

well appointed room, though small, dripping with 18th century
European charm. The only indication that she is a prisoner here is the
HARNESS around her waist and shoulders and the THICK CHAIN hooked
to the floor. There are no windows, but there is a fireplace. She has on
her usual outfit, though it is dirty. The BLINDFOLD is gone, though, so
she keeps her eyes closed out of habit. If Ana is in the room, she sticks
to the shadows, circling, like a panther.

ANA (CONT'D)
No...you don't SMELL dead. Goodie.

Mama wants me to talk to you. She

doesn't like you. You're dirty. Beneath
her. Old and dirty.

MADAME WEB
Then perhaps she should let me go, that I
might bathe...
CLOSE ON MADAME WEB'S FACE as one of ANA'S HANDS grabs her
throat, forcing her to open her mouth in shock. Her eyes open too,
white-grey from cataracts. (***Steve, is that right?***)

ANA
You're funny.

MADAME WEB (V.O.)

She is on me in a whisper.
Instantaneously, I lose my air...

ANA'S OTHER HAND forces a SPIDER into her mouth.

MADAME WEB (V.O.) (CONT'D)

...and she -- dear god, it's alive!

ANA
Don't chew.

ANA is behind Madame Web now, her face in shadow, but her eyes a
fierce crystal in the shadows. She clamps the old woman's mouth shut,
forcing her to...

ANA (CONT'D)
If you bite, Mister Anansi will be sad. His
guts will leak out and your throat will
close forever.

Let him find your STOMACH...then we can

TALK.

MADAME WEB (V.O.)

Drugs. It always starts with
drugs...COWARDS.

As ANA lets go, Madame Web GASPS. A WISP of green mist escapes her
lips, and a BLACK ICHOR creeps up her eyeballs, weblike.

MADAME WEB (V.O.) (CONT'D)

Please god, help me...help me to LIE.

ANA
What do you see? What is the SPIDER
doing?
 MADAME WEB
H-he... oh, god...

He is surrounded by LOVED ONES...

CUT TO:
PAGE 2

INT. PETER'S APARTMENT - DAY

On Pete, clearly he's just woken up, scratching his bed-headed hair
with a look of utter confusion on his face.

PETE
Um...

Does this mean we're not going to talk

about last night?

REVEAL - MICHELLE GONZALEZ, Pete's roommate and occasional hook

up buddy, slams a pile of Pete's stuff into the sink. There's already a
bunch of junk in the KITCHEN littering the counter tops, even the
STOVE TOP. (Important, Mike! In fact, if Pete's got one of those little
galley kitchens, it would work great if the pile of stuff just in the sink
and on the adjacent stove. If not, spread it out!) Among his stuff should
be CLOTHES, An ESU jacket, books on PHOTOGRAPHY and SCIENCE
MAGAZINES. And I think, because that's the way I am, Michelle's in
whatever she slept in last night, which are probably some sort of boy
shorts and a tank top...just sayin'...

MICHELLE
COMMON AREAS are not CLOSETS,
PARKER. Didn't we discuss this--?

PETE
Maybe--?

MICHELLE
Maybe YES, which is maybe WHY I'm
sending all of your crap down the
GARBAGE DISPOSAL!

He lunges to stop her as she turns on the GARBAGE DISPOSAL in the

sink. Chopped pieces of PAPER burst from the drain from a ROLLED UP
MAGAZINE jutting from the drain.

SFX
CHUGGACHUGGA

PETE
ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?!
 MICHELLE
Definitely out of PATIENCE!

He flips off the garbage disposal, peering down the drain in shock.
Michelle stands by with her arms folded, pissed.

PETE
(small)
Is that my microscope? How did you get
a microscope down there in one piece?

MICHELLE
You'd be amazed how the laws of physics
move over for a pissed off Bordequa.

I figured you out and I'm not falling for it,

Parker!

She gets right in Pete's face. Man she's hot when she's pissed...

MICHELLE (CONT'D)
You're messing with my head to distract
me from what a PIG you really are!

PETE
Me? Hold on...who was pushing hard for
the CLOTHING OPTIONAL sleep over last
night?

MICHELLE
The girl YOU spent half an hour swapping
spit with on the kitchen floor not three
hours earlier!

ON PETE, mortified as he's trying to process what she's saying.

PETE (V.O.)
And Professor Parker finally puts it
together...The CHAMELEON put the
moves on Michelle while he was
pretending to be me...

...hence she came on to ME last night but

I took a pass...ergo she's out of her skull
today. And I can explain this how..?
 PETE (CONT'D)
Um... Look...

It's not you, Michelle--

PAGE 3
Wrong answer. Now she's really pissed, holding up her hand in a "halt"
gesture.

MICHELLE
If you ACTUALLY UTTER "It's not you, it's
me." I swear to god YOU get shoved in
the trash compactor next.

WAIST FIRST.

ANGLE - Suddenly, the apartment door flies open and NORAH bursts in.
She's looking great as well, of course, dressed in her funky cool NY
styles.

NORAH
PARKER! Get your fine behind out of bed!
I have NEED OF YOUR BODY!

PETE
Norah?

ON PETE AND NORAH as Norah grabs Pete into a tight hug, completely
disregarding Michelle, who watches aghast.

NORAH
Total crisis. Just hold me in your manly
toothpick arms. Hold me--

PETE
Norah, seriously--

NORAH
I KNOW, seriously. I'm sorry to get all
rubby on you, but I really needed a hug...

She looks at Pete, genuinely vulnerable.

PETE
I've been holding this in for weeks. The
Osborn story. I totally pooped my pants.

I sat on the story, Pete.

Since you're sort of a coward too, I

figured you could relate--
Same angle - she notices Michelle for the first time. Michelle's eyes go
wide with anger as Pete covers his face with his hand, shaking his
head.

NORAH
Excuse me? A little privacy?

I'm trying to have a moment with my

man-child.

PETE
(small)
And here we go.
PAGE 4
Michelle gets in Norah's face. Pete stuck in the middle, squished by the
two women.

MICHELLE
Oh, so THIS is why you're mister hot and
cold! I figured you for a guy with
SLIGHTLY higher standards--

NORAH
Oh Honey, Pete hasn't found the stones
to ask me out YET, but I'm not your
problem--

PETE
Yet? I--

NORAH
It's because your ass looks like it
swallowed a sack of dead puppies.

ANGLE - Now they're just SCREAMING at one another. Maybe we're

outside looking in, and the silhouette of a WOMAN is in the FG

MICHELLE
WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?!

NORAH
Next time someone slides you a plate of
rice and beans, grab some insalata,
honey.

SFX
KNOK KNOK

CLOSE - All turn towards the door. Pete looks like his face is going to
fall ten stories through the sidewalk.

MICHELLE AND NORAH

GO AWAY!

PETE
Oh god.

MARY JANE stands in the doorway with a box of pastries from Venerios.
Awkward.
 MARY JANE
Yeah.

Well...

Maybe another time, then.

PAGE 5
Pete lunges for MJ as she closes the door. Behind him, Norah and
Michelle turn their backs to one another.

PETE
No, MJ, wait! It's cool!

NORAH
See you next Tuesday.

MICHELLE
Puta.

(***I'M JUST KIDDING, TOM! Dialogue will be much nastier...***)

The door slams in Pete's face. As the two women stomp in opposite
directions.

PETE
MJ!

SFX
SLAM!

MICHELLE
You want to talk to me, Parker. I'll be busy
EXFOLIATING down to the bone--

--now I can see where you've been.

Pete spins around towards Michelle as she slams HER door.

PETE
MICHELE!

SFX
SLAM!

NORAH stands in Pete's doorway, screaming.

NORAH
I don't know why I'm yelling! But it feels
good, so screw you, Parker!

PETE
That's my room!
Pete is all alone as the final door slams. From this angle, we should be
able to see his STUFF in the kitchen...

SFX
SLAM!

The PILE OF PETE'S STUFF that was in the kitchen sink bursts into
flame. Pete is deadpan.

SFX (CONT'D)
FWOOOSH!

PETE
Right.

CUT TO:
PAGE 6

EXT. NEW YORK CITY - NIGHT

BIG PANEL - We're HIGH over the city, like, Empire State Building
observation deck high, and SPIDER-MAN is swinging aggressively,
trying to blow off steam, which is great for us because he looks
awesome at this dizzying height...

...but it SUCKS for the WEBBED UP CRIMINAL who's being dragged for
the ride behind him! He's a big, scary looking guy, Mike, like you or
Steve Wacker, but right now he's terrified, like I usually am.

SPIDER-MAN (V.O.)
And fourteen hours later, I'm still
confused about Michelle. Still stinging
from the sight of MJ...

And still debating whether pushing Norah

under a bus is more humane than
feeding her to the jackals in the zoo.

CRIMINAL
AAAAAAAAAAH!!

SPIDER-MAN (V.O.)
So I take it out on this guy.
Congratulations on winning the "worst
day for a superhero to catch you being
an a$$hole" contest!

CRIMINAL
AAAAAAAGH!

SPIDER-MAN
I know, I know. I'm sorry. I totally
dominate the conversation when I get in
a mood like this.

But you're obviously a great listener, and

sensitive. I bet you read Oprah books.

CRIMINAL
HELLLLLP!!!
 SPIDER-MAN
Yeah. I definitely need help.

Spidey flips over a flagpole so as to wrap the webbing (and criminal)

around it so they can stop and talk.

SPIDER-MAN (CONT'D)
But look who I'm talking to! You have
your own issues with women. Am I
right..?

Spidey looks the CRIMINAL in the eye, shaking his finger at him in a tsk
tsk sort of way.

SPIDER-MAN (CONT'D)
Or did I totally misread that bit in the
alley and you're ACTUALLY a certified
handbag inspector?

CRIMINAL
I peed myself.

SPIDER-MAN
And that's what you get for being a
mugger, mister dampy-pants.
PAGE 7
Spidey "squats" (hanging upside down) on the flagpole. The criminal
can't take his eyes off the ground.

CRIMINAL
Y-you're crazy.

SPIDER-MAN
You're telling me! That's why you gotta
get it out, y'know? Unleash the
negativity. Talk to a friend...

...or a felon in need of a nappy change.

Whatever.

ANGLE - The BOLTS holding the flagpole to the wall are in the FG,
LOOSENING.

SPIDER-MAN (CONT'D)
The good news is in four minutes, it will
officially be TOMORROW.

And tomorrow brings the promise of a

brand new--

The fitting SNAPS! Sending Spidey, Criminal, and Flagpole falling!

CRIMINAL
AAAAAAAAGH!

SPIDER-MAN
"Start." I was gonna say "Start."

Sigh.

SPIDEY grabs the CRIMINAL, firing off another WEB.

SPIDER-MAN (CONT'D)
Do me a favor, don't mention this little
accident...

The mayor will TOTALLY bill me for this.

ON THE GARGOYLE where Spidey's Web attaches (coincidentally in the

crotch...)
 SPIDER-MAN (CONT'D)
I'm just gonna set you down and--

SFX
FWAT

SAME - As the masonry gives way, and said gargoyle is de-crotched...

SPIDER-MAN
Oh Dang.

SFX
POK!
PAGE 8
TOP DOWN ANGLE - Spidey spins, ready to fire another web towards a
building, fingers pressing down. Below him, coming up fast, is a
ROOFTOP POOL that's part of a luxury apartment.

CRIMINAL
I'M GONNA DIEEEEE!

SPIDER-MAN
What a baby! This happens all the time!
Stupid city falling apart--

CLOSE ON HIS WRIST as SPROING!! His WEBSHOOTER BURSTS through

his costume!

SPIDER-MAN (CONT'D)
As are my web shooters...

Last time I buy parts in Chinatown.

CRIMINAL
I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY!

GLORFFF! Spidey's OTHER hand is ENGULFED in WEBFLUID! (You know

how sometimes there's dried up stuff on the shaving cream nozzle, so
when you press it the gunk backs up on itself?)

SPIDER-MAN
Righty, do your thing!

SFX
GLORFFFT!

CLOSE as Spidey stares in horror at his gummed up hand and his

broken webshooter. The CRIMINAL is crying.

SPIDER-MAN
I hate my life.
PAGE 9

EXT. LUXURY PENTHOUSE ROOFTOP - CONTINUOUS

We're basically at floor level, which is a teak wood deck. To the left of
us is a PLUSH OUTDOOR CHAISE, one of those double sized jobs that
looks like a cloud with legs. A mere two feet away is a POOL,
shimmering in the night, and it's the deep end too...

NO COPY

SAME -

SPIDER-MAN
(growing)
aaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAA

CRUNCHH! Spidey lands BETWEEN the pool and the soft cushy chaise,
smashing through the wooden deck (which is only a few inches over
the concrete rooftop.)

SFX
WHOULFF!

THE CRIMINAL lands in the POOL.

SFX (CONT'D)
SPLASH!

Spidey weakly raises his head.

SPIDER-MAN
Really, god? Really.

SAME ANGLE - He's surprised as a BLACK HIGH-HEELED BOOT comes

into view, dangling from the edge of the cushy chaise.

BLACK CAT
Wouldn't blame it on him...
PAGE 10-11 DOUBLE PAGE SPREAD - TITLE AND
CREDITS
And there she is...Rowrr.

BLACK CAT in all of her black leather clad glory, lies on the chaise,
playfully stretching/teasing Spider-Man. I have no eloquent way to say
this, really...she should make us all tight in the pants region. We
haven't seen her in a while, and this should be a "Holy God I missed
seeing that fine slice of woman" moment!

Chances are, we're over Spidey's shoulder, but if you've got a way to
stage a reaction shot, go for it.

Incidentally (not that we'll notice) in the BG, HIGH TECH BURGLARIZING
EQUIPMENT is attached to a large pane of glass. (But seriously...if we
notice that, we're incredibly sad, sad geeks.)

BLACK CAT (CONT'D)

Hi, Spider.

Long time no me.

SPIDER-MAN
Black Cat.

Take it the ol' "Bad Luck" powers are

back?

BLACK CAT
From where I'm sitting they're the
"hilarity ensues" powers, but yeah.
They're back.

So am I.

TITLE
Long Term Arrangement

CREDITS
Joe Kelly - Writer
Mike McKone - Penciller
Andy Lanning - Inker
???? - Colors
VC's Chris Eliopoulos - Letterer
Tom Brennan - Asst. Editor
Stephen Wacker - Editor
Tom Brevoort - Executive Editor
Joe Quesada - Editor-in-Chief
Dan Buckley - Publisher
Alan Fine - Exec. Producer
Gale, Guggenheim, Kelly, Slott & Waid -
Webheads
PAGE 12
Spidey sits up to talk, stretching out his now bad back. She just smiles
as she watches him, enjoying the moment. He unconsciously puts his
WEBBED HAND on the CHAISE CUSHION.

SPIDER-MAN
Well that's a truckload of awesome.
Thanks for the text.

SFX
KRRRRRKT

SPIDER-MAN
(small)
Do I send the bill to you or do you want
to make out a check to my chiro right
now?

He looks at her, she hasn't moved yet, staring him down.

SPIDER-MAN (CONT'D)
...

You're not gonna let me do the "Quippy

McChatterbox" thing to avoid real
conversation, are you?

BLACK CAT
How was JAIL?

SPIDER-MAN
I wasn't in...Oh.*

CAPTION
Yes he was! And Black Cat helped him
make an early escape - Winsome Wacker

SHE leans over the side of the pool, fishing out the BURGLAR, who's
unconscious. Yes. We see her booty.

SPIDER-MAN
Sorry, I-- with the war and the invasion
and the...thing...

Didn't Daredevil thank you for helping

me out with that...for me?
 (small)
Can't trust that guy with anything.

BLACK CAT
Glad to see you haven't gone and grown
up since you dumped me, Spider.

As she walks away from Spidey, the UNCONSCIOUS BURGLAR now

safely at the side of the pool, Spidey tries to stand, but the CHAISE is
stuck to his hand.

SPIDER-MAN
Wait, I didn't--whoops--

BLACK CAT
How'd that work out, by the by?

Settle down with a nice lady spider and

lay an egg sack?

SPIDER-MAN
Okay, but you're not BITTER...

BLACK CAT smirks IN THE FG as RIIP! The CHAISE gives way and Spidey
falls backwards into the pool.

SPIDER-MAN (CONT'D)
WHOA--

SFX
SPLASH!

BLACK CAT
Why be bitter when I can just be ME?
PAGE 13
LOOKING OUT THROUGH A HUGE PLATE GLASS WINDOW - CAT leans in
through the HOLE she cut, working on a nearby LOCK with some high
tech equipment. SPIDEY walks towards her, dripping wet, a chunk of
CHAISE still stuck to his hand. (Mike, if you want him coming out of the
pool, that's fine too.)

SPIDER-MAN
You did that on purpose.

BLACK CAT
I haven't any idea what you're talking
about...

...but do me a favor and stand over

there. I don't want you to get
electrocuted... "ACCIDENTALLY."

Not heeding her warning, He comes closer, looking down at her, trying
to be indignant. She looks up at him, calm and smiling.

SPIDER-MAN
Why would you still be mad at me
anyway? You landed on your feet just
fine. (Yes that's a pun)

Aren't you sharing a litter box with THE

PUMA? (Yes, Punber two)

BLACK CAT
I was. But Thomas had control
issues...And then there was the
MANSCAPING ACCIDENT after he forgot
his boundaries.

SPIDER-MAN
You evil evil thing.

TWO SHOT as they stare at each other. Cat's ample bosom close to
Spidey as she leans forward.

BLACK CAT
Comes with the claws. Now if you'll
excuse me, I'm working.
 SPIDER-MAN
Work-- Are you breaking and entering?

BLACK CAT
Are you staring at my chest?

SAME ANGLE - She smiles as she pushes the door open.

SPIDER-MAN
I--

BLACK CAT
So it's yes to BOTH then.

She enters the PENTHOUSE, casually popping a SMOKE CAPSULE to

illuminate a LAZER ARRAY.(***Mike, this place is GORGEOUS. Well
appointed and deeeeluxe!***)

SPIDER-MAN
What? Wait--?

BLACK CAT
Your breathing gets choppy when you
perv out. Don't worry. I'm used to it.

SPIDER-MAN
I'm talking about the FELONY! Not...you
know...
(small)
The kittens.

CAT gracefully flips through the room, arching her body magnificently
to avoid the lazers. Spidey just stands there--

SPIDER-MAN (CONT'D)
I thought you were a DETECTIVE now or
something--

BLACK CAT
I have a NEW JOB. Amazing what
happens when you drop out of someone's
life.

Mind the Lasers.

PAGE 14
BIG PANEL - As SPIDEY follows, a cool shot of the two of them
bouncing/flipping through the lazers, bodies contorted, but still talking,
busting each other's chops. Spidey still has the DEBRIS on his hand.

SPIDER-MAN
This? This is the OLD JOB.

BLACK CAT
And unless you want to be an
ACCESSORY to the fact, I suggest you
scurry on home, little spider.

SPIDER-MAN
Yeah, that would be great, except, I tend
to STOP people from doing exactly what
you're doing.

BLACK CAT
You also tend to run away from STRONG
WOMEN. That must be quite the
dilemma.

They land at a LARGE PAINTING of DEXTER BENNETT, like, really large.

Argument continuing.

SPIDER-MAN
YOU. DUMPED. ME--

BLACK CAT
Keep telling yourself that. Excuse me.

SPIDER-MAN
I'm NOT letting you--
(small)
Is that Dexter Bennett?

She swings the painting wide to reveal a WALL SAFE big enough to
walk through. Spidey is very confused.

SPIDER-MAN (CONT'D)
You're robbing Dexter Bennett?

BLACK CAT
Seriously, Spider. Just GO or your
appendix might ACCIDENTALLY burst.
 SPIDER-MAN
(small)
You can't do that, can you?

BLACK CAT
Care to find out?

REACTION SHOT - SPIDEY AND CAT side by side, looking at camera,

shocked as the safe opens.

BLACK CAT (CONT'D)

Push...me...

SPIDER-MAN
Oh, wow...

I can see why you'd be so hot to steal

THAT.
PAGE 15
BIG PANEL - There's more than money in that there safe... A MAN in a
BUSINESS SUIT lies dead in the safe...STANDS dead, actually, leaning
against a wall of the safe with his INTERNAL ORGANS on the floor in
front of him, all of which have turned to STONE. (So while he was
backed against the wall, his guts turned to stone and fell out of his
body, the INTESTINES making a crazy superstructure that's actually
supporting his body.) As insane as this is, there's NO BLOOD. More like
a bizarre piece of modern art.

SPIDER-MAN (CONT'D)
Let me guess...he cut you off in traffic
and ACCIDENTALLY met a bizarre and
gory fate.

BLACK CAT
Spider, I-- this has nothing to do with
me--

SPIDER-MAN
Easy, Cat... It's the verbal diarhhea that
keeps me from throwing up at times like
this. I know it's not your style

As Spidey examines the body, Cat helps herself to Bennett's LEDGER

BOOKS in the BG.

SPIDER-MAN (CONT'D)
Your breath gets all choppy when you tell
the truth.

CAT
Funny

SPIDER-MAN
It's GRANITE. His insides were changed to
GRANITE...

CAT finds what she's looking for, a large ACCOUNTING BOOK. SPIDEY
spins around in the BG...

BLACK CAT
Really NOT my problem, so--
 SPIDER-MAN
You're kidding. We walk in on a piece of
human modern art and you're still
playing cat burgular?

CLOSE as his HAND WITH JUNK stuck to it bumps into the GRANITE -
One of the ORGANS CRACKS OPEN with a GLOW...

SPIDER-MAN (CONT'D)
We have to-- Oh, hell...

I just broke that guy's spleen.

Eew.
PAGE 16
BIG PANEL - SPIDEY, his SPIDER-SENSE screaming, flips backwards to
dodge the GLOWNG STEEL BALLS that explode out from the corpse's
body! A TRAP! CAT for her part does a pretty good leap for the vault
door--

SPIDER-MAN (CONT'D)
MOVE!

SPIDER-MAN (V.O.) (CONT'D)

I almost PASS OUT from the WAILING of
my Spider-sense. Like a CAR SIREN for
each of the "gut balls" that explode from
the dead guy...

Spidey curls into a ball, his feet about to connect with the back wall of
the safe. The BALLS are inches behind him, also about to make
contact...

SPIDER-MAN (V.O.) (CONT'D)

...which are moving way too slow to be
bullets...

SLO-MO - Spidey KICKS OFF the wall with all of his strength as the
BALLS HIT and SHATTER...

SPIDER-MAN (V.O.) (CONT'D)

Which, in my experience, means they're
not SUPPOSED to be bullets...

SLO-MO - As SPIDEY'S FEET move away from the back wall we see the
TIPS OF SPIKES grow from the impact points of the spleen balls. METAL
SPIKES...

SPIDER-MAN (V.O.) (CONT'D)

They're tiny PRESENTS wrapped with
HATE.
PAGE 17
BIG PANEL - SPIDEY flies through the air towards the open vault door,
body contorted like a yoga master on crack as SWORD LIKE SPIKES
grow almost instantaneously from every impact point of the little balls.
A demented version of that old magician's trick where he shoves the
swords into the little box! The spikes are close and growing--

SPIDER-MAN (CONT'D)
Holy crap.

SPIDEY is just about to clear them when a few of the spikes rake his
body -- OUCH!

SPIDER-MAN (CONT'D)
CAT! Look ou--NNGH!

As Spidey comes in for a landing, the HAND WITH THE CRAP stuck to it
touches down first, so he skids past the OTHER SPIKES that grew from
the balls outside of the vault...

SPIDER-MAN (CONT'D)
Whoa! STUPID CHAISE CHUNK--!

Spidey lands roughly next to the BLACK CAT, who's in a fighting stance,
clear of the spikes that grew outside of the vault. She has the LEDGER
BOOK in her hands. We might notice a COLORED MIST clinging to the
floor, seeping in from off panel where Cat is focused.

SPIDER-MAN (CONT'D)
(weak)
Seriously, Cat...seriously.

If you're mad at me for anything I did or

didn't do, I'm sorry. I'm scum. ALL men
are scum.

Can you please un-screw me now?

BLACK CAT
Shut up and man up...
PAGE 18
BIG PANEL - Reveal the villain of our tale, DIABLO, leering over Cat and
Spidey. This is NOT what he expected to find when his little trap was
sprung, so he is PISSED. ***Mike, as we might have discussed, I'm
really not digging Diablo's costume and think we can make him into
something a lot creepier and less purple and green! As I see it, this is
a long-lived scientist who has spent his life using ancient technologies
to unlock the secrets of the physical world. He is equipped with an
arsenal of steampunk-esque tech that allows him to manipulate
chemicals at will in their various states. He has developed ways to
carry greater amounts of chemicals than would logically fit in the small
receptacles that he got on him. Any of his tech would be in pristine
condition, even if it is rugged.

He holds CAPSULES of his more potent brews between his fingers like
shuriken, ready to throw. (Or, Mike, if he has some sort of launching
mechanism, I'm cool with that too.)

Lastly, I'd love if there was a new way to play with TATTOOS - but in his
case they would be ANCIENT FORMULAS - all over his body, so that he
was a living text book of alchemy. Maybe that's why he used to wear
the goofy costume?

DIABLO
Not the corpses I expected.

Troublesome variables.

REACTION - SPIDEY AND CAT -

BLACK CAT
Any clue?

SPIDER-MAN
Dr. Kevorkian's evil Hispanic Cousin?

BLACK CAT
If you weren't so good in the sack you'd
be completely useless.

SPIDER-MAN
(small)
I was good in the sack?

He swings his arm in an arc, releasing the CAPSULES.

 DIABLO
(Chemical equation)
PAGE 19

EXT. ROOFTOP - CONTINUOUS

The BURGULAR staggers around, wet and looking for an exit.

BURGLAR
I swear, god. I will never steal again. I will
go to temple every day and do only
charity work.

Just please get me down from here--

BIG PANEL - BADOOM! SPIDEY SMASHES through the plate glass

window, parts of him ON FIRE as the place EXPLODES behind him,
GREEN FLAMES devouring the place instantaneously.

SPIDER-MAN (V.O.)
It's IMMEDIATE.

One second, there's granite and tasteful

but somewhat pretentious furnishings
and AIR, and the next EVERYTHING IS
FIRE.

EVERYTHING.

SPIDER-MAN (CONT'D)
CAT!

Spidey dives for the pool, burning...but the BURGLAR is in his way.

SPIDER-MAN (V.O.) (CONT'D)

She went the wrong way.

Dear god. I don't think she got out-

WHOULFF! Spidey collides with the burglar, knocking HIM into the
pool--

SFX
HNNNNGH!

SPIDEY falls flat on his butt at poolside, the flames still going as the
criminal bobs up from the water, crying.
 CRIMINAL
I'M SORRY GOD!!!

SPIDER-MAN (V.O.)
She got out.
PAGE 20
BLACK CAT uses the CHAISE LOUNGE CUSHION and wraps it around
Spidey to smother the flames. Spidey really looks defeated here.

SPIDER-MAN (CONT'D)
You aren't burnt, are you? You don't smell
burnt.

You smell like flowers.

BLACK CAT
Granite kitchen. I don't know how you
missed it.

Hopped over the island and the flames

went right past.

CLOSE as he looks at her. She's smiling, gorgeous. His mask is burned.

SPIDER-MAN
And the evil Doctor-what's-his butt?

BLACK CAT
Gone. Rude, right?

SPIDER-MAN
Yeah, and I hate it when they don't say
their names too. Like I can keep track of
every idiot who blows stuff up.

Rude.

She struts to the ledge of the penthouse, her LEDGER BOOK in hand.
Spidey's dumbfounded, costume smouldering.The BURGLAR praying on
his knees.

BLACK CAT
Okay then, well...See You next time.

SPIDER-MAN
"See you next time?!" Aren't you going to
tell me what's going on?

BLACK CAT
No.
 SPIDER-MAN
What's that BOOK?

BLACK CAT
No.

SPIDER-MAN
Shouldn't we like, call someone or
something?

CLOSE ON SPIDEY as she leaps from the roof (reflected in his lenses).

BLACK CAT
Have a ball, Spider. See you next life.

SPIDER-MAN
...

EXT. ROOFTOP - CONTINUOUS

BLACK CAT lands gracefully on a different rooftop, the lights of TIMES

SQUARE in the BG. SHE HAS THE BOOK...She's speaking to someone
via BLUETOOTH.

BLACK CAT
--a lot more heat than expected. I don't
know what we've stumbled into boss, but
Bennett was a TARGET, not a player, I
think--

SPIDER-MAN (O.S.)
WHAT DO YOU PEOPLE WANT?!
PAGE 21
Is already on the ledge, pointing accusingly.

SPIDER-MAN (CONT'D)
Seriously! Is it me, because EVERY
WOMAN IN MY LIFE IS FLIPPIN' INSANE!
So it has to be something I'M DOING!

So TELL ME WHAT DID I DO to deserve

you being a bitch?!

SPIDEY GETS CLOSE TO CAT, really letting her have it, and she
listens...getting closer...

BLACK CAT
I--

SPIDER-MAN
You DUMPED ME because you didn't like
what was UNDER THIS MASK.

YOU wanted it all to be a GAME when I

was ready to move FORWARD! So how
did I become the A-HOLE?!

BLACK CAT
(small)
You're not. I...I'M EMBARRASSED.

He has both her shoulders, yelling at her. CAT looks up at him, chest
heaving, HOT, adrenaline pumping through her veins...and that smile.

BLACK CAT (CONT'D)

I'm embarrassed at how shallow I was.
How I treated you. But WORSE...

I'm embarrassed that I haven't

CHANGED. That seeing you again, I don't
REMEMBER who's behind that mask...

And damn if that isn't driving me CRAZY.

NEW ANGLE - She reaches up to his mask, smiling, partially silhouetted

by the BUILDING in the BG, which is a MTV STYLE STUDIO. People are
pressed against the glass, watching...
 SPIDER-MAN
Your breathing is all choppy.

BLACK CAT
So is yours.

SPIDER-MAN
Oh boy.

INT. NEWS STUDIO - CONTINUOUS

THROUGH THE WINDOW FROM THE STREET - A CAMERA MAN presses

his lens against the glass, focusing on the two across the street... The
HOST is cracking up, excited.

SPIDER-MAN (V.O.)
This is the part where I look deep down
inside of myself and find my clear
conscience saying...

"Run, Peter Parker. Run as fast as you can

from the crazy lady who broke your
heart. She's CRAZY! That's not attractive
at all!"
PAGE 22
SPLASH: Looking up at one of the gigantic JUMBOTRON SCREENS in
Times Square, upon which SPIDER-MAN and BLACK CAT are making out
like fiends!! His mask is on but rolled up. The screen should be huge,
their raw animalistic passion broadcast through every scorching pixel.
(*** Mike, if you can pull it off, this can be that building where the
whole WALL is a screen instead of the old Jumbo. If you went more
vertical with it, we'd also get to see the pawing hands as they tear at
one another's costumes, he pulls her hair, etc. ***)

Depending on how you angle it, we see PEOPLE in the streets looking
up in awe, pointing...and one of them...

SPIDER-MAN (V.O.) (CONT'D)

And then the REST of me beats that part
to a bloody pulp, and lets conscience go.

I let ALL go by pulling her closer and

everything else fades away.

For a second...the last second before I

shut my brain off and become all BODY, I
can't help but think what a bad idea this
is...

ALONG THE BOTTOM - A small reverse angle...MARY JANE is among the

crowd, staring up at the screen, mouth slightly agape.

SPIDER-MAN (V.O.) (CONT'D)

...and I smile.

Bring it on.

CAPTION
To be continued.