BLACK COMEDY

ACT I
Scene 1
[Complete darkness. two voices are heard yash and alisha. they must give the impression of
two people walking round the table with absolute confidences as if in the light. we hear
sounds as of furniture being moved. a chair is dumped down.]

Alisha: Darling, Tumse koi kam thik se nahi hota dekha maine bola tha na ise yaha pe rakho
usse vaha rakho arey yaha nahi.

Yash:Haan hogya toh kaisa lag raha hai?.

Alisha: Dekha mene kaha tha na ye aise acha lagega dekho ye lamp yaha kitna acha lag rha
hai.

Yash: Yeh sab toh theek hai par agar vicky wapas agya toh?

Alisha: Chill baby..vo itni jaldi vapis nahii aaega.

Yash: Haan , pata hai par agar aagya toh? tumhe toh pta hai na usse apni chijo se kitna
pyar hai aur hum toh sab le aye hai.

Alisha: Baby sab kahan bas 3 chair ek wedged bowl ek lamp yeh flower vase..bas yahi toh
lae hai.

Yash: Acha or uski wine ki botttle jo usse apni jaan se bhi jyada pyaari hai!
Alisha: baby tum bhut tension lete ho..everything will be fine.

Yash: Yaar tumhe vicky ka nahi pata vo kisi ko apni cheeje choone bhi nhi deta.

Alisha: See jaise hi Mr.Sinha chale jaenge hum unka sara saman wapas rakh denge vicky
ko kuch pta bhi nahi chalega mr.sinha tumhari paintings bhi khareed lenge phir papa bhi
tumse khush ho jaenge or humari shaadi ho jaegi.

Yash: Alisha Mr.sinha bahut bade aadmi hai humari kuch churayi hue samaan se wo
impress nahi honge.or yaar me vicky ke saath aisa nahi kar sakta.

Alisha: haan or papa toh jaise aa hi nahi rhe.

Yash: Haan jaise mai tumhre hitler papa ko bhul sakta hu.

Alisha: Hitler?? excuse me?

Yash: Yaar ye sab kyu karna pad raha hai,agar tumhare papa ye natak dekh kar impress
honge toh mujhe lagta hai vo layak hi nahi hai mere sasur hone ke.

Alisha: Papa sirf dekhna chahte hai ki kuch tum acha kama sakte ho ya nahi?

Yash: Par agar mr.sinha ko meri painting pasand na aai toh?

Alisha: Unhe pasand ayengi baby..stop worrying.

Yash: I can't, get me a whisky.

[she does. we head her steps and a glass clink against the bottle -then the sound of soda
cymphone]

Yash: Pata nahi mujhe toh esa lag rha hai aj kuch na kuch gadbad toh jarur hogi meri daayni
aankh b fadak rahi hai.

Alisha: Tum na hamesha yehi sochna tabhi tumhre saath hmesha esa hota hai.

Yash: Gadbad kese nahi hogi? vese bhi tumahre ppa aa rhe hai or mujhe army vale logon
se bhot dar lagta hai.

Alisha: Kyun?

Yash: Tumhare papa army mein hai or army vaale lo itne strict or disciplined hote hai or
tumhre papa kab bandook nikal le kuch pata nahi.

Alisha: Wo itne bhi strict nahi hai bs tum unse darna mat or abhi tak toh tum unse mile bhi
nahi ho.

Yash: Usse kya fark padta hai sab army vale ek jaise hi hote hai.

Alisha: Arey tum bhut sochte ho bas tum papa se darna mat..jyada se jyada papa kya hi keh
denge??

Yash: Kuch nahi bas humari shadi hone se rok denge or kya.

Alisha: Awwwwaww..my sweettu baby

[They embrace.]
Yash: Tum yellow mein sundar lag rahi ho or tumhare baal bhi bhot ache lag rahe hai.

Alisha: Or tum hameshaa ki tarah thik lag rahe ho..budhu apna collar thik kro.

Yash: Maine tumhe itna sundar kabhi nhi dekha.

Alisha: Acha yash isse pehle tumhari kitni girlfriends thi?

Yash: Haan bahut.

Alisha: Sacchi mucchi?

Yash: Sacchi muchi koi bhi nahi.

Alisha: Acha toh vo photo kiski hai?

Yash: hain? kaunsi photo.

Alisha: Vo jo Tumhari bedroom ke drawer mein hai.

Yash: Arey vo toh kavya thi 3 mahine ke liye saath thi vo bhi do saal phele.

Alisha: Tum usse kese jante ho?

Yash: Vo bhi ek painter thi mein usse workshop mein mila tha or vo bhot chlaak thi tumhre
jese bilkul nahi thi.

Alisha: Toh abhi tak uski photo tumhare drawer mein kya kar rahi hai?

Yash: Arey yeh chodo na tumahri ankhon ko dekh kar mujhe tumse pyar hua tha.

Alisha: Acha ek bat btao..tumhe uske sath jyada acha lagta tha ya mere sath.

Yash: Kya.
.
Alisha: Bataona.

Yash: Alisha 8 bje gye hai. sab aane wale honge .tum aesa karo gaane laga do. kya pasand
hai tumhare papa ko.

Alisha (crossing the record player) : Unhe aisa kuch bilkul pasand nahi hai yash.

Yash: Hey bhagwan bas aaj kuch naa ho . aaj ka din nikal jaee.

Alisha: Dont worry baby.

[A Hindi song loud. hardly has it begun,however when it runs down-as if there is a failure of
electricity.the sound stops.
Brilliant light floods the stage. the rest of the play,save for the time when matches are struck
, , or for the scene with chuppa,is acted in this light ,but as if in pitch darkness.

they freeze. alisha by the end of sofa,yash by the drinks table. the girl's dress as a silk flag of
chic wrapped around her greyhound's body. the boy look is equally cool,narrow,contained
and sexy. throughout this evening as things slides disaster for him,his crisp,detache shape
Degenerates progressively into sweat and rumple-just as the elegance of his room give
away relentlessly to it usual near slum appearance.]

Yash: Aree yar light ko bhi abhi jana tha.

[the structure and appearance of yash's room is described in the top]

Alisha: Yashh tum kha ho?

Yash: Han yahi hoon [He blunders the light switch, feeling ahead of him,trying to part the
darkness with his hands. finding the switch, he flicks it on and off.]

Alisha: Tumhe pata hai na mujhe andhere se kitna dar lagta hai ghar me candles hai?

Yash: Nahi.

Alisha: Maachis kha hai yash?

Yash: maachis pata nahin kahan hai dekhi to thi yar us din.

[They both start groping about the room,feeling for matches]

[The telephone rings.]

Alisha: Yaha bhi nahi hai.

Yash: Yaar ye kya ho rha hai.

[He blunders his way towards the sound of bell. just in time he remembers the central table
and stops himself colliding into it with a smile of self congratulation.]

Haan haan aa raha hoon.

[Instead he trips over the dias and goes sprawling knocking the phone onto the floor. he has
to grops for it into his knees hauling the receiver back to him itni the wire into the receiver].
Yash: Hello(in sudden horror) Hello hello....nahi nahi nahi ek minute hold karo.(his hand over
the receiver-to alisha) alisha maachis bedroom me rakhi hain shayad vaha pe dekho.

Alisha: Maine abhi yaha pura nahi dhundha.

Yash: Shayad vaha par torch bhi rakhi hai upar jao tum.

Alisha: Acha dekhti hu.

Yash: Tum dekh rahi ho ya nahi.

Alisha: Tum vha bethe bethe order mat chalao.

[During the following she gropes her way cautiously up the stairs-head down,arms up the
ministers,silkon bottom thrust out with the effort]

Yash (Controlling himself) : Mujhe lagta hai maachis vahi par hai tum please ek baar dekh lo
{Taking his hand off the receiver and listening to hear alisha go)hello....haan main thik hoon
tum kesi ho.
achaa..haan mai keh raha tha ki kyu call kiya hai.

[Alisha reaches the top of the stairs and from force of habit pulls down her skirt before
groping her way into the bedroom]

Alisha: Khud se toh kuch hota nahi hai mujhper order chala rha hai..papa bhi ane vale
honge.

Yash [Hand still over the receiver:alisha alisha?? haan kavya tum yaha kya kar rahi ho?tum
toh mumbai mein thi tum abhi kha se bol rahi ho? nahi ajj mai bhaut busy hoon ajj mere liye
bahut bada din hai.

Alisha [Calling fromthe bedroom drawer above]:yash yaha kuch nahi hai tumhari gandi socks
ke alava.

Yash : Acha toh dusre drawer me dekhlo.; mein tumhe kal call kru dekho aj bilkul bhi nahi
tum samjh kyu nahi rhi ho ab chizeen badal gayi hai.

Alisha : Baby mujhe yha kuch nahi mil rha..tum khud aakar dekh lo.

Yash: Kavya tum samajh nhi rahi ho mujhe abhi jaana hoga main phone par nahi samjha
sakta tumhe kya laga sab kuch vesa hi rhega.

Alisha: Yash tum kisi kaam ke nahi ho..yaha koi maachis nahi hai.
Yash: Yr chillao mat..arey tumse nahi bol raha tha me ..bye [he hangs up sharply-but fails to
find the rest of the telephone so that he bangs the receiver hard on the table first then he has
to disentangle himself from the wire already yash is beginning to be fussed ].

Alisha : Who was that?

Yash : Pta nahi awaaz nahi aa rahi thi.tumhe maachis mili.

Alisha: Nahi nahi vha kuch nahi hai tumhe khi se macchis arrnge krni padengi.

Yash: Mein kisi dukaan mein dekh kar aata hu shayad koi dukaan khuli ho.

Simmy: Haaye ram yash! koi hai ghar pe?

Yash: Simmy ji ap?

Simmy: yash?

Yash : Haan.

Simmy: Yash?

Yash: Han haan simmy ji main hoon.

[She gropes her way in. yash crosses to find her but narrowly misses her ].

Simmy: Mujhe bhut dar lag rha tha yash.

Yash : Kyun? aapki bhi light chali gayi kya?

Simmy: Haan..or tumhe toh pta hai mujhe andhere se kitna dar lagta hai.

Yash :Lagta hai main fuse uda hai [he finds her hand and leads her to the chair downstage
left].

Alisha : Ab yeh kaise thik hoga?

Simmy : Yeh kiski awaaz hai?

Yash: Simmy ji,yeh alisha hai meri dost aur alisha yeh simmy ji hai upar rehti hai.

Simmy: Hello.

Alisha: Hello simmi ji yar yeh sab toh thik hai pr ab yeh thik kese hoga?
Yash: Arey alisha tum kya baat kar rahi ho?tumhe pta nahi hai kya ye sab kitna important hi
mere liye.

Yash: Hello haan tushar yash bol raha hu mein yaar ter paas kisi electrcian ka no h kya?
nahi yar no na bta mujhe tu call krde use yr mujhe kuch dikh nhi rha .kaise call kru? arey yar
yaha andhera hai.bas tu call krde yar usse.

Yash: Arey yr plumber nhi number..or number bata mat tu call krde bas.

[Yash accidentally touches simmi ji's breast. she gave a little scream. yash gropes his way to
the telephone.]

Simmy ji aapke Pas maachis hai kya?

Simmy: Nahi Yash mere paas nahi hai.

Yash (on the phone): bhai tu call krega ya nahi?

Simmy : Par vicky ke ghar mein ho sakti hai.

Yash : Haan uske ghar mein ho sakti hai.alisha tum ye pakdo mein vha dekh kar aata hu.

[He hands her the telephone. then makes for the door-only to collide smartly with his
sculpture].

Aaaahhhhhh!!!!

Simmy : Tum thik ho yash?

Yash : Mujhe pata tha esa hone vala hai. mujhe yakeen tha hona hi tha yeh (he collides with
the door).

Alisha : Baby itni tension na lo sab thik hoga.

[He stumbles out and is seem groping under vicky's mat for the key, he finds it and enters
the room opposite].

Simmy: alisha sahi keh rahi hai jyada tension lene se na wrinkles aajate hai. jyada tension
nhi leni chayie yash.

Alisha : Yeh na yash ki kismat hi khrab hai..saari problm ajj hi honi thi.

Simmy :Kyun? aaj kuch special hai kya?

Alisha: Aapne Mr.Raghuvir sinha ka naam suna hai?

Simmy : Haan,wahi jisne apni biwi ko 3 crore ki ring di thi.

Alisha : Haan vo bas aane hi vale honge or upar se unhe ucha sunai deta hai.

Simmy: Voh yahan aa rahe hai, par kyu?

Alisha: Unhne yash ka kaam dekhatha toh unki secretary ka call aya tha.unhe yash ki
paintings bhut pasand aii hai.

Simmy: Vaah!!

Alisha : Jaj uske liye bhut bda din hai..jab tak light nahi gayi thi.

Simmy : Mere papa na hamesha yahi kehte the ki jab bhi light jaati hai kuch bura jarur hota
hai.

Alisha: Would you like a drink?

Simmy: Mere papa na kehte the ki daaru peene se log bhut dumb baten krne lagte hai.

Colonel Ranjeet Chadha : Offo!!! koi hai ke nahi?

Alisha: Daddy???

Colonel Ranjeet Chadha: Yeh light kyun band hai? abhi mere per pr lag gayi.

Alisha: Papa vo light gayi hui hai.

[Colonel Ranjit Chadha appears holding a lighter which evidently is working-we can see the
flame and ofcourse the light go down a little].

Simmy: Oh shukar hai! yeh tumhare papa hai?

Alisha: Simmy aunty ye mere papa hai. Mr Ranjeet chadha.

Simmy :Aunty? who aunty?i am Simmy.

Colonel Ranjeet Chadha : Yeh light kab gyi hai?

[Ms Simmi ,glad for the light,follows it pathetically as the col crosses the room].

Alisha: Papa bas abhi thodi der phele hi gayi hai.

Colonel : Aur Yash kha hai?

Alisha : Papa vo maachis or candles arrange karne gaya hai.

Colonel : iska matlab ghar mein candles bhi nhi hai.

Alisha : Or maachis bhi.

Colel : Then -10 for the young guy.

Alisha : Papa yeh kisi ke saath bhi ho sakta hai.

Colonel : Not to me!

[He turns to find ms simmi right behind him and glares at her balefully.the poor women
retreats to the sofa and sits down]

[Colonel Ranjit Chadha gets his first sight of yash's paintings]

Ohhhh eeh ki hai?

Alisha: papa yeh yash ki kuch paintings hai.

Colonel : Oooh yeh sidhi kha se hai or kitne ki hogi yeh?

Alisha :Daddy fifty thousand!

Colonel : Ohye 50 hazaar paagal hogya h yeh? issse achi painting toh rocky karle panje mar
mar k!

Alisha: Papa please! aap yeh batao aapko flat kaisa laga?

Colonel :: Yeh hui na baat!not that's what i call a royal taste.

Simmy: Yeh toh!!

[Alisha looks panic striken]

Alisha: Kya hua simmy ji?

Simmy: Yeh whiskey ki same collection maine vicky ke paas dekhi thi.

Colonel :Kaafi mehnge shonk hai iske.

Alisha: Aap vicky ko jaanti hai?

Simmy : Vicky? haan bhut ache se ghar ke saamne hi toh rehta hai.uske ghar pe na
furniture bhut acha hota hai...furniture!!!
Alisha : Kya hua simmi ji?

Simmy: My goodness this furniture!!

Alisha: Papa apne yash ki baki paintinga dekhi hi nahi..wo samne vsale room me hai. waha
par aur badiya paintings hai aap ja kar toh dekho.

Colonel : kya waha par?

Alisha : Papaa surprise aap ja kar dekho toh sahi.

Colonel : Okay laddoo excuse me simmi ji.

[He goes off itno the studio taking his lighter with him. the light instantly get brighter on
stage.alisha sits beside the spinster on sofa crouching like a conspirator].

Alisha : Papa aap chalo mujhe aap se ek baat karni hai.

Simmi :Ek second sabse pehle ye batao ye vicky ka furniture yaha kya kar raha hai?

Alisha: humne Vicky ke gghar se uska furniture churaya or uske branded whisky ki bottle bhi
simmi:par kyu?

Alisha : Kyu ki papa aa rahe the or mr. sinha bhi aur apko pata hai yash srettle nahi hai to un
dono ko impress karne ke liye furniture exchange kiya hai.

Simmi : Tumhe pata hai na vicky ko uska furniture kitna pasand hai aur upar se tumne uski
whisky bhi chura li.

Alisha : Simmi ji aap please kisi ko mat batana nahi toh hamari shadi nahi ho payegi.

Simmi : Hahaha but just for the time being.

Alisha : thank you. Simmi ji aap bohot achi ho, mai na aap ke liye drink banati hu, arey aap
to drinks peeti hi nahi hai. aapke liye lemonade le kar aati hoon> a lemon a day keeps the
doctor away.

[The colonel returns still holding his lighter. the stage darkens a little]

Colonel : Its apple Simmi ji.

Simmi : Acha ji.

Alisha : Papa apko paintings kesi lagi.

Colonel: Sorry laddoo nahi bolunga kuch.

Alisha: Papa yeh laddoo na bola karo.

Colonel : Haan bola toh nahi bolta kuch.

[Miss Simmi gives a little gasp as the stage brithens]

Simmi: Chadha ji light.

Alisha : Aap ghabraiye nahi simmi ji, Yash bas aata hi hoga candles le kar.

[Yash comes out of vicky's room returns the key under the mat]

Yash: Alisha?

Alisha: Yash kya ye tum ho?

Yash: Alisha.

Alisha: Kuch mila?

Yash: Nahi waha kuch bhi nahi tha.

Alisha : Nahi abhi tak koi nahi aaya.

Yash: Yaar tushar.

Colonel (grimly lighting his lighter) : Good evening.

Alisha: Yash papa aa gye.

[Yash jumps]

Yash : Pa pa pa pa pa peri paina uncle salute sir ..alisha tumne bataya nahi papa aa gaye
hitler aunty mere ko aaj bhi maachis nahi di..ye bhi koi baat hui.

Colonel :Acha acha.

Simmi: Achaa.

Alisha: Achaa
[The colnel rises and advances on yash who retreats him before crossing the room]

Colonel : I dont know why i think you are in danger young man. i can smell it.

Yash : Nahi nhi esi koi baat nhi h bs fuse hi toh uda hai..or desh ki halat toh apko pta hi hai..
Colonel : Desh ka chodo ye batao maachis hai tumhare ghar me?

Yash : Nahi

Colonel : Candles?

Yash : Nahi.

Colonel :ooh kuch hai tere ghar me?

Yash: Shayad.

Colonel: By basic efficiency, young man, i mean the simple state of being. at attention in life
rather than at ease. Understand?
what are you going to do about it?

Yash : About it?

Colonel : Kya karoge ab? mere peech mat dohrao i don't like it.

Yash : I am sorry sir.

Colonel : Par ye sab ko dekh ke lag raha hai yaha bohot badi problem hai..idhar dekho.

Yash : Kidhar? sir kisi ko nahi dikh raha yahi bohot badi problem hai.

Colonel : Bad humour -2 for this.. agar thoda sa bhi dimag hai toh situation ko analyse karo
you don't have any matches, candles..do you have a torch?

Colonel: No matches no candles?

Yash : Sir torch?

Colonel: You have a torch?

Yash : No sir.

Colonel : Kaise arrange ho sakti hai?

Yash : Haan sir mai koshish karta hoon..mai paanch minute me aaya kahi na kahi se toh mil
hi jaegi .

[Colonel lights his lighter but now not at the first try. the stage light flickers up and down
accordingly].
Main 5 min m aya kahin se toh mil hi jayegi
[the colonel sits in the regency chair,downstage right,snapping off the lighter].

Alisha : Good luck darling.

Yash: Thank you baby.

[She blows him a kiss.he blows her one back].

Colonel : Stop that at once.

[Yash starts for the door but as he reaches it vicky is heard off].

Vicky: Yash!hello koi hai?

Yash: Vickyyyy!!!

Vicky: Yash?

Yash (to Alisha): Vicky vapis aagya.

Alisha: Oh noooo.

Yash :The furniture!!!! kya kya kya kreee??

Vicky: Kya ho rha hai yha?

[Vicky appears. he wears a smart muffler and carries a weekend suitcase. his hair falls over
his brow in a flossy attempt at elegance].

Yash: Kuch nahi vicky!tum bahar kyun khade ho andar aoo puri building ka fuse ud chuka
hai tum apne ghar jake kya kroge?

Vicky: Tumne kisi ko bulaya? (reaching out).

Yash (reaching out and grabbing him): Haan bulaya hai tum andar aoo na.

Vicky : Yash bahar bhut thand hai now I think I am feeling better.

Yash : Achaa, vese tum itni jaldi kyun aagye?

Vicky : Arey yar yash there was no hotness there off season chala gya yar main uper se jim
bhi choot raha tha , bas isliye wapas agya.

Yash: Arey tum khade kyun ho betho or sabko btaao.

Vicky (disengaging himself): Sabko?? or kon hai yha?.

Simmi: Vicky mein hu.

Vicky: Sim?? is that you?

Simmi :Tumhe toh pata hai na mujhe andhere se kitna darr lagta hai.I just hate dark.

Colonel:ohho!!ik hor aagya main vi dekha zaraa.[attempting to light his lighter]

[raising it to vicky's face]ohh hun tu kon hai?

Yash:main batata hu ye Vicky hai and he is Mr. Ranjeet Singh Chaddha.

Vicky:how do you do?

Colonel:hello!!

Yash:or yeh hai alisha . alisha vicky

Alisha:hello

Colonel:maine suna hai tumhare pass bhi candles nahi hai.

Vicky:ohh colonel! you know everything. I am impressed!

[Yash crosses and blows out the colonel's lighter just as vicky begin to look around the
room.]

Colonel:what the devil did you that for?

Yash:main aage k liye bacha raha hu agar khatam ho gayi toh?

[The colonel gives him a suspicious look. Yash move back quickly, takes over the muffler
and drop it right over the end of sofa to conceal as much of it,as possible]

Vicky:Its alright mere paas maachis hai.

Alisha:MAACHIS???

Vicky:Haan mil gayi [he strikes one]

[Yash immediately blows it from behind then moves swiftly to hide the wedged bowl under
the table and drop the table cloth over the remaining end of sofa. Miss Simmi sits serenely
unknowing between the two covers.]

oh colonel ji sorry main dusri jalata hoon.[He strikes another match]

[Yash again blows it out as he nippes over to sit in the chair downstage left but this time is
seen.]
Vicky:caught. kya kar rahe the Yash tum yaha

Yash:kuch nahi[he starts his mechanical laughter.]

Vicky:tum kuch chupa rahe ho mujhse.

Yash:hahaha nahi

Vicky:are you drunk? kya pagalo jaise behave kar rahe ho

Yash:nahi nahi..m not drunk..hehehehe

[Vicky strikes another match.Yash dashes up. All these striking and blowing are of course
accompanied by swift and violent alteration of the light.]

Vicky:dekh fir. fir. chahte kya ho tum?

Yash:maachis jalane se hum sab danger me aa jaenge

Vicky:what?

Yash:hum sab mar sakte hain ..hum sabko pata hai fire is good servant but a bad master.

Vicky:toh?

[Yash clutches vicky and backs him bewilderedly across to the center table]

Yash:toh its dangerous..mujhe yaad aaya ki maachis lakdi se banti hai..or lakdi ped se banti
hai or ped se hume milta hai oxygen or agar oxygen khatam toh hum khatam..toh hum sab
mar sakte hain..so its very dangerous.

Colonel:yeh konsi nayi theory hai maine aisa kuch nahi suna.

Vicky:maine bhi kabhi nahi suna

Alisha:haan papa Yash ekdum sahi bol raha hai..main jab school mein thi tab teachers bhi
yahi bolti thi dont play with fire or yash bhi isiIsliye mana kar raha hain..haina yash?

Yash:haan dekha maine kaha tha na bohot khatarnak hota hai

Colonel:tumne pehle toh kabhi bataya nhi mujhe, Laddu

Alisha:Papa main bhul gayi thi

Simmi:hey bhagawan hum sabko na apna khayal rakhna padega

Yash:haan bilkul..aap sab bethiye aur bataiye kuch piyenge aap log

Alisha:good idea..vicky tum kuch loge?

Vicky:haan yaar bohot thak gya hoon aur subha se kuch khaya bhi nahi hain..itni bekar
airlines thi naa khana dhang ka tha or sasti daaru kon rakhta hai..aur upar se airhostess
35saal ki aunty kon rakhta hai

Simmi:excuse me? 35 saal ki aunty nahi hoti..waise colonel I am just 34.

Vicky:Simmi tumhari baaat thodi kar raha hoon..vaise mai chalata hoon mujhe fresh hona
hai

Yash:hain?

Vicke:haan vo thak gaya hoon mai thoda ..aur mujhe samaan bhi set karna hai.

Yash:arey! baad mein kar lena..5 minute me kya ho jaega.

Vicky:aaj kuch jyada pyar nahi aa raha.

Alisha:tum kya loge..whisky?scotch? ya rum?

Vicky:nice..i will have whiskey with diet coke..u know gym.

Colonel:oh kya naam hai tera..tujhe pata hai na tumhare ghar mein guest aane vale hain

Yash:oh main toh bhul hi gaya

Colonel:mujhe nahi pata kahi se bhi ja kar ek torch le kar aao..its an order

Yash:haan haan..alisha ek minute baat sun na.

Alisha:haan yash

[She gropes towards him and yash leads her to the stairs]

Colonel:oh ab kidhar chali hai

Yash:papa bas ek minute

[he pulls her quickly after him,up the stairs]

Colonel:dont call me papa . i am only laddoos papa

Alisha:papa dont call me laddoo

Simmi:Vicky tumhe pata hai yahan par kon aane vala hai..tum soch bhi nahi sakte

Vikky:kaun

Simmi:guess na

Vicky:karan johar?

Simmi:kya baat kar rahe ho

Yash:Alisha ab hum kya karenge

Alisha:kuch karna tha kya

Yash[behind the door]:ohho socho

Alisha[behind the door]:par

Yash:socho

Colonel:kis pagal se meri ladki ko pyaar ho gaya hai

Vicky:i agree but yash pagal nahi hai bas thoda seedha hai

Yash:hume vicky ka sara furniture vapas rakhna padega

Alisha:abhi

Yash:haan abhi..tab tak torch nahi laa sakta main

Alisha:but abhi kaise possible hai

Yash:haan abhi karna padega agar usse pata chal gaya toh vo meri jaan le lega

Vicky:ab bata bh do sim

Simmi:arey vahi jisne apni biwi ko 3 crore ki anguthi di hai

Colonel:Alisha?

Alisha:tum usko bol dena mai mazak kar raha tha

Yash:yaar tum nahi jaanti usko..usko pata chala na ki humne uska samaan uthaya hai toh
vo maar dalega mujhe aur tum kya chahti ho ki vo mujhe tuhare papa ke saamne chor bole

Alisha:ofcourse not yashu.

[they kiss]

Colonel:yash?

Vicky:lagata hai apki awaz bhi nahi sun rahe vo

Yash:tum aisa karo tum yahan sambhalo.sabko drinks do bas kisi bhi tarah sabko busy
rakho..main tab tak kuch karta hoon.

Alisha:it wont work.

Yash:Jitna kaha hai utna karo.

Colonel:Yash tum aa rahe ho ya mai aau.

Yash:aaya sir..main bas jutte polish karne lag gaya tha bohot gande ho gaye the.

Colonel:mai pehle hi bola tha ye ladka pagal hai 2 second me neeche aao Yash

Yash:aa gaya sir aa gaya

[He rushes out and in his anxiety misses his footing and falls neatly down the entire flight of
stairs]

Yash:haan main thik hoon..help is on the way sir.

Colonel:jaldi aana

Yash:alisha will give you drinks agar mr sinha aaye toh aap sambhal lena

Vicky[feeling for his hand]:agar tum kaho toh main bhi sath chalu.

[vicky kisses his hand. yas pulls it away]

Yash:nahi nahi tum yahin betho..enjoy karo main aata hoon

[he reaches the door opens it then slams it loudly remaining on the inside. stealthily he
opens it again stands dead still for a moment,centre ,silently indicating to himself the position
of the chairs he has to move then he find shis way to the first of regency chair downstage left
which he lifts rentlessly]
Alisha:well drinks time..jaldi jaldi batao sab kya lenge

Colonel:and how on earth are you going to do that?

Alisha:papa mujhe pata hai bottles kahan padi hain..its very simple daddy

[Yash bumps her into the chair and falls back bored by his leg]

Vicky:aree dont worry main maaachis jalata hoon

[he strikes a match]

Alisha: oh no no no
[Yash ducks down chair in hand and blows out the match]

tum hum sabko maarna chahte ho Vicky? tum chahte ho ki Mr. Sinha ko humare chote chote
tukde mile

[she snatches the box of matches ,feels for the ice bucket and drops them into it]

[Yash steals out with the chair as alisha fumblingly starts to mix drinks. He sets it down open
Vicky's door and disappears inside it without chair]

Vicky:Mr Sinha? Is that who is coming?

Simmi:haan apne Yash ki paintings dekhne

Vicky:haan maine unke baare mein pichle hafte hi padha tha..vo bahut bade aadmi hain or
unhe uncha sunta hai lekin vo bohot ameer hain bohot pohnche hue aadmi hain..chaar
bande le kar ghumta hai..or paintings ka bhi shaunk hai

[Yash returns with the broken down chair of his own and sets it down in the same position as
the one he has taken out. the second chair presents a harder challenge. it sits right across
the room, upstage right. delicately he moves towards the colonel]

Simmi:main kabhi kisi millionaire se nahi mili..main hamesha sochti hoon unki skin kitni soft
hogi..mujhe na humesha ek millionaire se hi shadi karni thi.

Colonel:their skins?

[Yash staggers back startled and falls by accidently neatly into the second regency chair
amazed and delighted by his luck he picks it up]

Simmi:haan aur nahi toh kya..kitna dhyaan rakhte honge vo apni skins ka..vaise dhyaan toh
main bhi bohot rakhti hoon apni skin ka..see Colonel
Vicky:Colonel vo chodo yeh dekho na muscular hand

Colonel:oh dekh hi toh nahi sakta..aur ye kya skin skin laga rakha hai?

Simmi:aree mere papa kaha karte the the more beautiful skin you have the more young you
will look.tabhi toh dekho mai kitni young lagti hoon

[as she speaks her next speech stairing smuggly into the darkness, hands clasped maidenly
gentility. the second regency chair is being moved, two inches from her face. during the
following yash unfortunately misaims and carries the chair past the door , bumps into the
wall retreats from it and inadvertantly shuts the door softly with his back. now he cannot get
pout of the room , he has to set down the chair, grope for the door handle, turn it, then open
the door then refind the chair that he has quite lost]

Colonel:ab toh aap pehle ye bataiye madam ki aap ke papa karte kya the

Simmi:karte ki chodiye..par vo lagte bilkul aap jese the..ekdum handsome

Colonel:acha..laddoo tum drinks laa rahi thi

[Yash returns with a broken down rocking chair of his own. he crosses gingerly to wear the
colonel is sitting]

Alisha:haan daddy bas ek minute

Colonel:oh kya ho gaya main aaun

[Yash sets down the bean bag immediately next to the colonel's chair]

Alisha:haan ab Simmi ji ko unki drink dedo

[Colonel rises just as Yash hand pulls him from beneath him with his other hand yash pulls
the bean bag into the another position. the colonel moves slowly across the room arms
stretched out for the bitter lemon. unknowingly yash follows him carrying the third chair.the
col collides gently with the table at the same moment yash reaches it upstage of him and
searches for the wedged bowl. their hand narrowly miss then the young man remembers the
bowl is under the table, deftly he reaches down and retrieves it and carrying it in one hand
and the chair in the other, leaves the room through the arch unconsciously provided by the
outstretched arms of alisha and colonel giving and receiving a glass of scotch which they
think is lemonade]

Colonel:haan laao..aacha toh apke papa minister the?

Simmi:nahi vo toh bohot shaant rehte the..kahan aaj kal ke log ek dusre ki chugli hi karte
rehte hain
[Colonel sets out to find her but goes much too far to the right]

Vicky:haan tum ekdum sahi keh rahi ho simmi..kya maine tumhe bataya pichle hafte mere
sath kya hua

Simmi:nahi Vicky. i don't think so

Vicky:pata hai kya..me gaya hua tha Mr.Mittal ke ghar pe interior desiging krne..itni achi achi
designs di maine unhe or unhe sab bhut pasand ae

Colonel:yeh lo apki drink

Simmy: oh thank you colonel.

[throughout vicky's story simmi nurses the glass not drinking the colonel finds his way slowly
back to the chair, he think he was sitting on before, but which is now a bean bag. yash
reappears carrying one of the original regency chair,he moves slowly across the room
getting his bearings]

Vicky :or phir ai bar ki interior ki baari..n uh knw how much i love bar..toh maine uske lie
ekdm best idea dia orunhr vo bht pasand ayaa..

[the Colonel sits heavily on the bean bag which over balances backward spilling him onto the
floor]

Colonel: ohh teriii!!

Alisha:kya ho gaya daddy?

[a pause yash sits down panicstricken on the chair he has carried in , the col feels the chair
and sets it on his feet]

Colonel:abhi yaha par kursi thi ab bean bag aagya eeh ho ki rhya hai?

[astounded the col remains on the floor yash rises and moves the chair to the original
position of the second chair he moved]

Vicky:haan bilkul aise

Simmy:haan

Vicky:or phir maine unhe suggestion di ki bar itna acha hai toh isme branded whiskey ki
collection rakhna and you know what she said..ki mein isme breezer rakhungi..like fuck..

[Then Colonel seats himself again gingerly]

[yash mistakenly lifts the end of sofa, simmi gives a little scream at the jolt]

Simmy: ohh really??

Vicky: yes..can uh imagine that..like itne ache bar me breezer kon rakhta hai yaar..poor
people you know
simmy:yess...
[yash collides with the painting on the dias..it jangles violently]
Alisha: vicky yeh lo tumahri drink

Vicky: oh thank you alisha

Alisha: daddy kha ho? pta nahi kha hi chale jate ho

Colonel: idhar laddoo

Vicky: toh phir maine uska design hi bdl dia..breezer rkhne vla design dia usse

[yash finds the lamp on the downstage table and picks it up. he walks with it round
therocking chair on which the col sits again]

Simmy: ohh vicky..bilkul sahi kiya tumne

[The wire of the lamp has followed yash round the bottom of the rocking chair it catches yash
tugs it gently. the chair moves. surprised the col jerks forward, yash tugs it again much
harder.the rocking chair is pulled forward spilling the col out of it again onto the floor and
then falling itself on top of him. the shade of lamp comes off. the col remains on the floor
now really alarmed]

vicky:yaha aur branded whiskey.

Colonel :haan aur kya?

Vicky: Ranjit ji apko whiskey pasand hai kabhi aayie hamare yha i have a good taste...in
whiskey imported one

Alisha: arey papa sab yeh kya lekar beth gaye ap pehli baar yash ke ghar aaye hai..chalo
cheers karte hai.

Simmy: haan lts cheers

Vicky: to the handsome man of evening

[Quickly yash finds the wedged bowl moves it from the packing case then gets vicky's
muffler from the sofa and wraps the bowl in it leaving it on the table]

Colonel :oh yeh toh rum hai

Vicky :nimbu paani!!!

Simmy: oye yhe toh whiskey hai.

[seizing her chance she downs a huge drought of scotch]

Colonel: simmy ji ap thik hai?

Vicky: aap thik ho?

Sim you can take this

[they all exchange drinks , yash resumes his search for the shade]

[the Colonel. hands her the nimbu pani. he gets instead the bitter lemon from vicky]

Simmy: thank you

Vicky: cheers again

Colonel: cheers

[they drink and yash finds the shade unfortunately at the same moment the Col. spits out his
lemonade in a fury all over him as he marches towards him on his knees]

bas bahut ho gaya!! is baar nimbu paani..ek minute

Alisha: papa..
Colonel: laddu ab mare toh mare sab

[his words die in the flame , he spies yash kneeling at his feet wound about with lamp wire]
ohh tu ethe ki kar rha hai?

Yash[ blowing out his lighter]:apne phir lighter on kardiya sir aapko apne jvaano ki parvah
nahi hai

Colonel: ab tu mujhe sikha yega pehle bata torch kha hai?

Yash :aas pass saari dukaane band thi

Vicky: yaha aas pass toh koi shop hi nhi hai

Yash :hai toh!

Simmy :par voh toh 2 km dur hai

Yash: simmy ji aavshyakta hi avishkar ki janani hai

[quickly he lifts the table and steals out of the room]

Simmy :mere papa bhi yaha karte the.

Colonel: mujhe pakka yakeen hai ki yha pr kuch gadbad chal rahi hai lagta hai ladduu ne
tumhe bataya nhi ki mujhe juth bolne valo se sakht nafrat hai.

Alisha :papa ese mat bolo

Colonel: laddu mene is ladke te bilkul bhi bharosa nahi hai

Alisha [realizing he is not there, raising her voice]:yash papa tumse bat kar rahe hai

Colonel :te tu kyu chilaa rahi hai?

Yash [rushing back from vicky's room still entangled in the lamp]:haan main yahi hu..vo mein
kuch soch raha tha

Colonel: acha toh kya socha phir

Yash :yehi ki aap bilkul sahi bol rahe hai.

Colonel :hainn?

Yash :bilkul sahi bola apne wese ek baaat bolu sab log pakad nahi paate par apne pakkad
lia sir u r really genius

Colonel: tujhe kya lagta hai yha mazak chal rha hai.

Yash: nahi sir yeh bhut serious baat hai

Colonel: tujhe pata bhi hai maine bola kya hai?

Vicky: leave it ranjit ji..pyaar se bhi bat ho sakti hai.

Alisha :sab kharab ho raha hai

Colonel: shaant laddu let me handle this

Yash :sab kuch thik toh hai sir

Colonel: agar tujhe lag rha hai ki sab kuch thik hai or ese main tujhe apni beti se shaddi
karne dunga..esa hargiz nhi hone wala.

Vicky :shaadi?

Alisha :haan aur kya!

vicky:tum aur yeh??

Alisha :haan humari engagement hui hai or papa yha islie hi toh aaye hai..dekho

Vicky :what a surprise yash

Yash :haan surprise hi toh tha kesa laga?

Vicky :acha kab se chal rha hai yeh sab

Yash :8 mahine

Vicky :dhokebaaz

Yash :Vicky tumko acha laga na sun ke

Vicky :acha?haan haan bilkul..ab toh tum mujhse batein bhi chupane lage ho

Yash :arey yaar Vicky mein tumhe batane hi wala tha

Vicky :acha toh tum mujhe btane wala the kab? shadi ke baad

Yash: yaar tum mile hi nhi

Vicky :yash hum roz milte hai

Yash :oh haan yaad aya

Vicky: tum mujhe kabhi bhi bata sakte the

Yash : haan yaar i know

Vicky :haan wese bhi tum kyun hi btaoge..me tumhara lagta hi kya hu..bas padosi hi hu m
tumhara or kya

Yash :yaar ho gayi galti sorry na

Vicky :sorry kyun bolna..tumhare liye yeh galti thodi hai..main tumse disappointed hu bas
Yash :vicky aese mat bolo..samjho naa

Vicky :haan or yash main tumhe apna whiskey ka new collection dikhane wala tha ab nhi
dikhaunga

[Simmy rises in agitation and gropes her way to the drinks table]

Colonel:oye sun oye..chup..sar kha gaye hai mera.

Alisha :Vicky humne abhi tak kisi ko bhi nhi bataya

Colonel :or btane ki jarurat bhi nahi hai..haan nahi ki maine abhi tak

Yash :sir mujhe pata hai yeh meri galti hai.i am sorry

Simmy :mere papa ne hamesha yehi kehte the dosti mein no sorry no thank you.

Alisha :par yeh toh kisi or ne kha tha.

Simmy :haan toh sab log mere papa ko copy karte hai

[she finds the open bottle of vodka, lifts it and sniffs it eagerly]

Alisha :aapko kuch chahiye Simmy ji.

Simmy: no no i am fine..m bas nimbu paani leri hu

[she pours more vodka into her glass and returns slowly to sit upstage on the edge of
rostrum]

Colonel: Yash? kha ho tum?

Yash : haan papa nhi sir idhar

Colonel: dekho yash main apni beti se bhut pyaar karta hu or uski khushi k liye main tujhe ek
or mauka de rha hu prove yourself..am i clear?

Yash :yes sir..clear.

Alisha :papa dont worry Yash mera dhyaan bhut ache se rakhega ab toh uski paintings bhi
world famous ho jaengi.

Vicky :world famous or iski paintings?

Yash :Vicky i am sorry..maine tumhari feelings ko hurt kiya hai

Vicky :ab kya fayda.

Alisha :oh Vicky! bas karo na ab ..chodo na aap aesi baatein kyu kar rahe hai hum ache dost
bhi ban sakte hai.

Simmy :mere papa kehte the dosti mein no sorry no thank you.

Colonel :oh yahi toh aap ne abhi bola tha.

[kavya enters wearing dark glasses and carrying an airbag. she stands in the doorway
amazed by the dark]

Simmy :acha ji?

Alisha: Yash itna bhi bura nahi hai..haina Yash?

Yash :haan baby.

[alisha sends him an audible kiss across the astonished kavya. he returns it equally audibly]

Alisha :oh main abhi yahi par hu.

Alisha :come on Vicky..itni bhi badi baat nahi hai.

Vicky :acha yeh choti baat hai.

Alisha :tum ek aur drink lo.. Ill have one with you.

Vicky :I dont mind that coming or wese bhi sundar ladkiyon ke saath shraab peene ka maza
hi kuch or hai.

[he crosses to her narrowly missing kavya who is now crossing the room on the sofa and
gets his drink]

Alisha: tumne abi tak mujhe dekha nahi hai.

Vicky :Yash ki choice hamesha se hi achi rahi hai.

[Yash and Vicky one from upstage, one from across the room begin to converge on the sofa.
all three kavya in the middle sits on it . Yash of course imagines he is sitting next to Vicky]

Yash :Vicky?

Alisha :isme kya ho gaya Yash? thik toh keh raha hai Vicky
Wese Yash wo photograph vali ladki bhi bhut sundar hai

Vicky :kahi tum kavya ki baat toh nahi kar rahi?

alisha:do you know her?

Vicky: haan yeh dono kaafi time saath the

[yash nudges kavya warningly imagining she is vicky , kavya gently bumps vicky]

Alisha: achaa??

Vicky: haan kahi main jyada toh nahi bol raha?

Yash: are nahi, aur vaise bhi maine alisha ko sab bata rakha hai kavya ke baare me

[he bangs kavya again a little harder who correspondingly bumps against vicky]

or tum 3 mahine ko lamba time kehte ho?

[kavya shoots him took off total outrage at this lie, vicky is also astonished]

Alisha: kesi dikhti thi woh?

Yash [meaningfully into kavya's ear]:vicky ko uski shakal bhi nahi yaad hogi kyun vicky?

Vicky [speaking across her]:kyun nahi yaad hogi?

Yash: 2 saal pehle ki baat tumhe kaise yaad hogi?

Vicky: 2 saal??

Yash : haan 2 saal

[he punches kavya so hard that the rebound knocks vicky off the sofa drink and all]

Vicky: vaise toh tum keh rahe ho..par vo bhulne vaali chij thi nhi

Alisha: was she pretty?

Vicky: kyaa??nahi..wo bahut ajeeb thi

Yash: esa bhi nahi tha

Vicky :i am just giving my opinion yaar

Yash: tumne pehle toh kabhi nahi diya apna opinion

Vicky: tumne pucha hi anhi..par ab jab puch rahe ho toh bta deta hu vo badsurat chudail
khunkhar gande peele daant bhut khraab thi

Yash: vo esi bilkul bhi nahi thi

Vicky: arey thi..mujhse jyada toh muchhee thi uski..behuda aurat

Simmy: maine use dekha toh bhut kam tha par uski skin eewww

[kavya rises in outrage]

Vicky: haan bilkul sahi sim

Simmy: and she was so tiny i tell you

Vicky: haan choti bhi thi

Yash: bas karo vicky

Vicky: tumhe pata hai na yash main use like nahi karta tha she was too much arrogant

Alisha: haan yeh toh main photo dekh kar hi pehchaan gay thi ki kitni chalaak hai wo aur use
bilkul bhi dressing sense nahi tha

[kavya who has been reacting to this last exchange of comments about her like a spectator
at a tennis match, now reacts to alisha's open mouth]

[they laugh , yash hardest of allguided by the noise kavya aims her hand and slaps his face]

Yash: aaaahhhhhh!!!!

Alisha: kya hua yash?

Simmy: kya hua yash?

Yash: kya kar rahe ho tum vicky..yaha mazak nahi chal raha hai

[kavya makes her escape]

Vicky: kyaa? hainn?

Yash: yeh col toh ho nhi sakte

Colonel: ohh main taa etthe betha.

[Yash groping about, catches kavya from the bottom and recognizes it]

Yash: kavyaa??

Colonel : hainn??

Yash: aahh vo bas main use yaad kar raha tha vo bhut sundar thi or abhi tum hi toh keh
rahe the mera taste bhut acha hai\

Vicky: galti toh kisi se b ho sakti hai

Yash: rubbish! vo bhut understanding thi or tum kya kuch bhi bol rahe ho vicky

Alisha: tumne toh kha tha vo bhut arrogant hai

Yash: kya?? maine kha? maine toh yeh kha tha ki uska attitude bahut different hai

Colonel: attitude toh mujhe tera nahi sahi lag raha

[During this kavya has reached the table, picked up a bottle of scotch and rejected it in
favour of vodka which she takes with her]

Alisha: tumne mujhe aaj subah hi isi rum main vo baat boli thi

Yash: haan bola tha..toh??

Alisha: toh kuch nahi

[He throws out his hand in gesture of desperate exhaustion and bumps straight into kavya.
they instantly embrace, a tiny pause]

Colonel :agar yeh ladka pagal nahi hai toh mujhe pehle pagal shabad ka matlab bata do

Alisha: tum ekdum se uski itni tareef kyun kar rahe ho?

Yash : haan matlab aachi thi woh.

Alisha : Achi thi haaan?

Yash : Ab thi toh thi.[he kisses kavya and leads her softly past the irritated alisha towards the
stair]

Alisha : Kya matlab...mein tumse baat kar rahi hun yash.

Yash [sotto voice into kavya's ear as they stand behind vicky] : mein tumhe sab samjha
dunga. tum bedroom mein jaake mera wait karo.

Vicky[in amazement thinking he is being addressed ]: abhi? aacha chalo I am ready.

Yash : arre tum betho mein tumse nahi bol raha hoon.

Alisha: Kya kaha tumne?

Vicky : Mujhe lagta hai woh tumhe upar bhula rha hai....pata nahi kyu

Colonel : Mein pehle hi bhol raha ta kuch gadbhad hai, iss ladke ki harqat mujhe theek nahi
lag rahi.

Simmy : lover's talk colonel

Colonel : Itna kaunsa pyaar ruk hi nahi raha.

Simmy: Mere papa kehte the pyaar hua iqraar hua. pyaar se fir dil darta hai kyu?

Colonel: madam apne papa ko kehna tha copyright krwa le

[alisha joins the other two on the stairs . we see all three groping blindly up to the bedroom.
yash hands on kavya's hip , alisha's on yash's]

Alisha: kya hua yash baby? ruk kyun gaye? upar chalo

Yash: kuch nahi alisha..maine sara samaan rakh diya hai..sir sofa reh gaya hai..vo bhi
maine cover kar diya hai

Alisha: matlab ab hum torch jala sakte hai

Yash: haan..nahiiiii!!

Alisha: par kyun?

Yash: bas abhi nahi

Alisha: toh mujhe bedroom mein kyun bulaya

Yash: maine nahi bulaya..jao ab tum

Alisha: kya??

Yash: mera wo matlab nahi tha

Colonel: bas ab bhut hogya..hun goli maar deni hai me es munde nu

Yash: haan sir mujhe yaad aya ek torch mere bedroom mein hai..choro se bacha ke rakhi
thi..main lekar aata hun..tab tak ap ek or drink pijiye

Colonel: ikk horr?? ohh abhi tak ek bhi nhi piyii..nimbu paani pilayi jaaa rhe hai..

Simmy:ohh colonel..let me get you one

Colonel: ohh tu taan chup chaap baith jaa main laata hu

Simmy: mere papa kehte the ki sundar logon k hath se whiskey peene se maza dugna ho
jata hai

[They grope towards the drinks table above kavya and yash sits on the bed]

Kavya: acha toh yeh hai tumhari private meeting? what the hell is going on?

Yash: kuch nhi..mr.sinha meri paintings dekhne aa rahe hai aaj bus

Kavya: toh uske lie yeh sab raita faila rakha hai..

Yash: main abhi tumhe kuch nahi samjha sakta

Kavya: pehle yeh batao woh ladki kon thi

Yash: bass dost hai

Kavya: acha ? bas dost? lag toh nahi raha aisa

Yash :arey alisha thi wo..mene bataya tha na tumhe uske baare mein

Kavya: that stupid bitch

Yash: aisa kuch nahi hai..bhut sweet hai voh aur pichle 8 mahine se hum bhut ache dost
ban gaye hai

Kavya: acha itne ache ki tum uske papa ke bhi friend gaye ho

Yash: toh tumhe uuse kya matlab..vo vaise bhi bas alisha ko yha chodne aye the

Kavya: haaan toh tum subah phone par kya batane vala the

Yash: are kuch nahi

Kavya: jhuth mat bolo yash

Yash: kavya trust me agar tum mujhse pyar karti ho tum mera wait karo yahi pr..do minute
tumhe sab samjha dunga

Kavya: i don't believe you

Colonel :shukar hai pehla peg naseeb hua

Simmy: thanks colonel

colonel:ohh vo crorepati aj aayega ke nahi

Vicky:relax ranjit ji millionaires are alway late it's their signature style

Simmy: right vicky!

Alisha: yash,tum itni der se upar kya kar rahe ho

Vicky: mujhe lagta hai vo kavya ke saath bedroom mein hai and their having a tetetee!

Alisha: huh? tum pagal ho vicky

Yash: no one in the world kisses like you

Kavya: maine bhi tumhe bahot miss kiya yash ab jane k baad mujhe regret ho rha hai ki
mujhe tumhe ise chod ke nahi jana chayie tha

Yash: kavya please! main janta hu tumne hamesha mera saath diya hai..ab aise mat bolo
please

Kavya: tumhe nahi lagta ke humme hmare rishte ko ek aur cahnce dena chayie

Yash: kavya hum is baare mein baad mein baat karenge..just trust me

Kavya: toh mein tumhare saath niche chalu?

Yash: no

Kavya: ok! toh mein tumhara yahi wait karti hu

Yash :that's a terrible idea

Kavya: i think it's lovely! a little relaxation for us both

Yash: i am perfectly relaxed

Alisha: yasshhhh!!

Kavya: two solemn for day two sweet for night come not in darkness come notin light.that's
me !isnt it?

Yash:of course not! i just cant explain now thats all.

Kavya :oh very well i can explain later..in bed

Yash : not tonight kavya

Kavya: either that or i come down and discover your sordid secret

Yash : there's no sordid secret

Kavya : then you won't my coming down

Carol and Colonel (roaring together) : yasssss!!

Yash [he emerges at the top of stairs]: haan papa alisha ayaa ayaa

Alisha : kya kar rahe ho tum itni der se upar yash

Yash: sir vo bas m shoes polish krne lg gya tha..kafi gande ho rahe the na!

Colonel :tu mujhe bewkoof samjhta hai kya? tu apni khush naseebi samjah ki aaj mein apni
bandook nahi laya

Yash :yes sir coming

Colonel :i warn you miller! it's not difficult in the old days in the regiment i was known for my
furies !i was famous for my furies

Yash :agar tum ab chup nahi hui toh mein tumhre daant tod dunga

Colonel :ki khya ?? mere daant todega

Yash : main papa se thodi main khud se baat kar rha tha ki yash araam se chal khi daant na
tut jaaye

Colonel :pagal pagal pagal! saare pagal hai yha

Alisha :yash! tum niche nahi aa rahe toh ab m upar aa rahi hu

Yash :alisha nahi m bas aa gaya ek min m

[ENTERS CHUPPA . he wears an overcoat and peaked cap and carries a toolbag]

Alisha : Im coming yash..

Chuppa :ahuja ji? ahuja ji? hum aa gaye

Yash :oh shit! Mr.sinha

Alisha : mr.sinha

Yash :haan mr.sinha

Chuppa :aap logon ko laga hoga ki hum aaenge hi nahi..par dekhiye hum aagye
[yash takes off his overcoat and cap]

Yash :hello sir..vo actually humari light gayi hui hai sir

Harold :tumhe ucha bolna pdega usse sunai nahi deta hai

Yash : sir,vo hamari light gayi hui hai

Chuppa :arey koi baat nahi! hum hain naa!

[he produces a torch from his pocket and lights it. the light on the stage dims a little as usual
to indicate the , all relaxed with audible size of pleasure. chuppa places his toolbag on the
regency chair and puts his coat and cap on top of it, concealing that it is one of vicky's chair]

Alisha :oh! what a relief!

Yash[hasistly dragging the sheet over the end of sofa]: aap hamesha torch ke saath ghumte
hai

Chuppa :ji haan yeh hume baareek nazar rakhne mein madad karta hai
arey yaha toh mehfil jami hui hai

Simmi : sorry to disturb you! main toh bas jaa hi rahi thi

Chuppa: arey mohtarma! kahin jaaane ki jarurat nahi hai! hum aasani se bhatkte nhi hai
nazar na lage islie amma kala tikka bhi lga ke bhejti hai

Simmi: ohhh

Yash [yelling in his one ear]: yeh hai col ranjit chaddha

Colonel [yelling in his other ear]: kaise hai sir?

Chuppa :arey hum toh badiya hai ap badiya

Yash: yeh a alisha meri mangetar

Colonel : sabse badi galti

Chuppa :namastey bhabhi ji

Yash: yeh vicky..mera padosi

Vicky : sir bhut khushi hui aapse mil kar

Chuppa: hmare aane ki itni khushi toh hmaari amma ko bhi nahi hoti

Yash : or yeh hai simmi ji

simmi[exclaiming as she hold chuppa's hand] : ohh sach hi kehte the bahut soft hand
hai..bohot soft

Yash : simmi ji please

[yash and vicky pull her away and she subsides onto the sofa]
Chuppa : vaise aap sab chilla kahe rhe hai.. hum bhere thodi hai

Yash: tumne toh kha yeh behre hain

Vicky: maine suna tha unhe ucha sunta hai

Simmi: mere papa ko ucha sunta tha

[above kavya reenters wearing the top half of yash's pyjama and nothing else. she gets into
the bed still clutching a vodka bottle and carrying a plastic tooth mug]

Chuppa: ji samay ki thodi kami hai toh kaam pe lage

Yash: haan bilkul studio idhar hai..alisha aapko studio dikha degi

Alisha:kya?

Yash: sofa..ekso lekar jao

Alisha: haan haan

Chuppa[siting the painting] : are vaah adbhut!! kaafi khubsurat hai

Yash :yeh toh shuruwat hai..ap andar toh chaliye

[miss simmi sits on the sofa she is now quite drunk]

chuppa:kaafi acha hai vaise

Yash: sir ek baar ap andar toh chaliye

Chuppa: maaf kijiyega par phele hume iski khubsurti ko dil bhar ke nihaarne toh dijiye aisi
kalakriti ajkl dekhne ko kha milti hai aisi khubsurti toh shri raja ravi verma ki tasveero mein
dikhti hai

Yash: haan haan pura time lijiye..vaise ap isse andhere mein kyun ni dekhte

chuppa:arey yeh jo rango ka khel hai iske baare mein kya kehna
Yash: haan haan vaise maine yeh painting adhere mein dekhne k lie hai bhi nahi,mera
manna hai ki art ko mehsoos karna chayie dekhna nhi

Chuppa :humne bhi pada hai beauty can not be seen but only be felt well said helen ji[he
hands yash the torch]

Yash :or maine is theory ka naam rakha hai imaginative visualisation

aap ek bar try kijiye..laayie apna haath dijiye

Chuppa: vaah kya khe hai

Yash :thank you

(he turns off the torch.at the same moment simmi quietly lies down,her full length on sofa)
ap arram se paintings ko feel kariye..

(he steps towards the studio)

(chuppa embraces the paintings)

Chuppa: waahh..vaise apne sahi hi kha hai..sundar atti sundar

yash:sach mein

Chuppa: haanhaan bilkul yha jo aadmi bnaya hai apne yeh is baat ka pratit hai ki hum akele
nahi reh sakte par do ki jagah teen kaahe love triangle hahahahh

Yash: han han bilkul

Chuppa :arey hum aapko vistaar se samjhate hai zara hume torch toh dijiye
Yash :kya torch?

Chuppa :han han torch hum btate hai apko hmari kalpana ke bare mein

Yash :acha yeh lijiye

(furious he comes back to chupa,turning on the torch again ,and handling it to him)

Chuppa: dekhiye yeh naachte hue aadmi kitne khush lag rahe hai yeh sikha rahe hai ki
hume hamesha khush rehna chayie shabashh ahuja ji..i am proud of you

Yash(gurgling modestly) :great hai sir aap toh

Chuppa :shukriya

Yash :vaise kuch hi log aise hai jo is art ko samjhte hai

Chuppa: kehte hain na ki heere ki pehchan johri ko hi hoti hai

(Desperately yash pulls the sofa into the studio ,bearing it on the supine simmi who waves
goodbye drunkenly,as if disappearing on a departing ship)

Yash: sir aapko meri imaginative visualisation theory kesi lagi

Chupa: agar aap behtereen kalakaar hai toh hum behteren kala ke prashnsk hai bhagwan
ne humko ek dusre ke liye hi banaya hai apne toh bas ek kore kagaj pe rang feke hai par
isme chippe rango ke khel ko koi hum jesa hi samjh sakta hai..arey bhabhi ji sahi kaha na
humne

Alisha: han han bilkul

Chuppa: bhabhi ji waise toh hum jyada bolte nahi hai..par agar ko ibhul chuk hui ho toh man
mein rakhna

Alisha: nahi nahi aisi koi baat nahi hai

Vicky: Ranjit ji apko kya lagta hai is painting ke baaare mein

Colonel: mereko toh bas rang hi dikh rahe hai koi idhar se fenka hua koi udhar se

(He starts off upstage in search of sofa ,seating himself tentatively in the air ,then moving
himself along in the sitting position trying to find it with his rear end .at the same moment
yash emerges from the studio ,closes the curtain behind him ,and gropes his way to upstage
corner where there stands a small packing case .this he carries forward ,hopefully to do the
duty of missing sofa .just as he places it on the ground the traveling colonel sits on it ,tripping
yash's hand beneath his weight.during the following yash tries frantically to free himself)
Vicky: ranjit ji aap ka matlab yeh bakwas hai? bilkul sahi

Chuppa: han bilkul kyu nahi yeh toh jadugar hai.hum apko bata rahe hai ki ahuja sahahb kisi
jadugar se kam nhi
all rounder me jadeja hrithik ki copy me harman baweja or kalakriti me hamre ahuja

Alisha: dekha papa mene aapko bola tha na

Chuppa: vaise agar aap bura na maane toh ek sujhaav de ..waise toh yeh amulya hai par
phir bhi iski kimat kya hai

Yash :five thousand

Alisha: fifty thousand

Chuppa: itne kam?

Vicky: kya?

Colonel:kya??

Alisha :toh phir aap yash ki paitings khareed rahe hai

Chuppa: hum?/

Yash: Alisha itni jaldi kya hai pehle sir ko puri collection toh dekhne do

Chuppa: vaise toh yeh tasveer kaafi khubsurat hai par

Yash: par?

Vicky: par?

Colonel:par?

Alisha:par wo chodiye..ap painting khridnge ya nahi

(Colonel rises . yash is free at last)

Chuppa: agar hamare pass itne paise hote toh jarur lete

Colonel: oh sir ap toh mazak kar rahe ho

Vicky: kya sir, apne jo ring di hai na apni biwi ko sab jante hai uske baare mein
Chuppa: hmari shadi ki baat kar rahe hai abhi toh pitaji hmare liye ladki dhundh rahe hai
or abhi toh hmare paas 100 rupees hai uske bhi jate jate aaloo lene hai

Vicky: matlab aapke paas paise nahi hai?

colonel:oye kahan ka crorepati hi yeh?

Alisha: daddy!!

Chuppa: crorepati!! aapko kya lagta hai hum kon hai

colonel: oh voh toh tere ko pta hoga tu kon hai

Alisha: mr.sinha aap mazak kar rahe hai

Chuppa: sinha!! maaf kijiye par hum toh shri shashi kumar prasad hai

(All rise)

Alisha: bijli

Simmi: bijli?

Yash: tumne pehle batay kyu nahi?

Chuppa: apne hume bolne ka mauka hi nahi diya

Vicky: tumne batya kyu nahi( he snatches the electrician torch)

Colonel: yeh banda keh raha hai maine bola nahi ! ek toh phli baar apni bandook ghar bhul
aya teh saare kanjar aj hi milne ne menu

Chuppa: arey aap toh aise hi gussa rahe hai. bp high hojata hai

(Colonel takes the torch and shines it pitilessly on the man's face)

Colonel: tu idhar aa

Chuppa: hum toh bas puche hue sawalo ka jawab de rahe the

Colonel(handling the torch to yash): ohh isko andar bhej. light thik kare
yash:chal bhai idhar aaa..mein lekar chalta hu

Chuppa(snatching the torch furiously): haan chaiye..isi liye toh aye the..faltu ka samay
barbad kar diya hmara
(Alisha stares at the chair aghast-and in a twinkling seats himself in it to conceal it)

Chuppa:colonel sahab chalta hu

(Chuppa descends through the trap,taking the torch with him. vicky slams the drop down
door irritably after him and of course the light immediately come full.there is long pause. all
stand about embarrassed. suddenly they hear the noise of simmy ji singing a song in a high
drunken voice from behind the curtain)

(above,attracted by the noise of slam,kavya gets out of bed ,still clutching the vodka and
tooth mug ,opens the door and stands at the top of stairs listening)

Yash: aj ka din hi kharab hai

Alisha: cheer up darling. sab thik ho jayega asli vale mr.sinha aenge or unhe tumhari
paintings bhut pasand ayengi

Yash(sarcastic):haan zarur

Alisha: Par phir hum shadi ke baad G.K mein ghar le lenge

(Kavya hears this,her mouth open with wide astonishment)

Yash(nervously):ssshhh!!

Alisha: kyun? mein shaadi ke baad yaha nahi rehna chahti!

Yash: sssshhh sssshhh!!

Alisha: kya hogya yash?

Yash: upar wala sab sunta hai or abhi tak sab bura ho rha hai toh isliye

Alisha: mujhe pata hai baby hume kisi ki nazar nahi lagegi!

(Kavya aims at the voice and sends a jet of vodka splashing down over Alisha)

Ahhhh!!

Yash: yeh kya hai?

Alisha: yash maine subah bola tha na

Yash :don't be ridiculous

(kavya throws vodka over a wider area.vicky gets it.)

Vicky: oh yeh kya ho rha hai?

Yash: kya?

Colonel: ohh sab pagal hogye hai

Yash: mujhe lag raha hai ki pipe lekar kar rahi hai

Vicky: oh shitt

[michievly kavya drops her tooth mug down the stairs. there is a terrified silence all look up]

Vicky: kon hai yaha par?

Colonel: ohh kon hai yaha par?

[silence from above]

Colonel: ohh kaun hai yahan par goli maar deni hai mai

Alisha: papa par bandook toh laaye nahi aap

Colonel: oh usko thodi na pata hai..bilkul maa te gayi hai pagal

Yash: yeh zarur sona ji hongi

Colonel: kaun?

Yash: [for kavyas benefit] aree hamari kaam wali hai sona ji...jhadu pocha bartan sirf 700
rupe me

Colonel: oh is waqt kon si kaam vali aati hai?

Vicky: waise bhi tum aaj tak aayi nahi aaj kahan se aa gayi\

Colonel: chalo dekhte hain...sona ji ko

Yash: nahi sir unko pareshaan matt kijiye..unko apne kaam mein dakhalandazi pasand nahi
hai

Colonel: pehle dekh toh le vo hai ke nahi....sona ji

[kavya keeps still]

[roaring]

sonaaa jiiii

Kavya[residing on a cockney voice of great antiquity]:haan ji bhaiya

Yash [weakly]:sona ji aap vahan upar kya kar rahi hai?

Kavya: bhaiya abhi bedroom saaf kiya hai surf nahi hai..kapde nikal dena kal dho jaungi

Yash: par apko itni raat ko aane ki kya zarurat thi?

[the mischief in kavya begins to take over]

Kavya: kaam toh karna hi hai..fir bhaiya hi toh kehte hain raat me aaya karo
Colonel: aap aayi kab lekin?

Kavya: aap log baat kar rahe the toh maine socha aapko disturb naa karu

Vicky: kya aap upar se paani phenk rahi thi?

Kavya: haan vo pocha nichod rahi hongi..usi ka paani aaya hoga. aur itna andhera bhaiya?
aap vahi andhere vala game khel rahe ho kya?

Yash: nahi nahi sona ji..building ki light gayi hui hai

Kavya: ohh acha aise..mere ko laga aap apna vahi puarana game khel rahe ho jo aap
hamesha ladkio ke sath khelte ho andhere mein[she starts to come down the stairs]

Yash: nahi nahi sona ji bus light gayi hui hai..vaise electrician aa gaya

Kavya: chalo fir toh achi hi baat hai

[she dashes a vodka accurately in his face passes him by and comes into the room]

Yash: vaise sona ji aap ko late nahi ho raha?

Kavya: vo kya hai na mere saheb ki urgent meeting thi..aur is vajah se vo apni patni ko lene
bhi nahi jaa paye..unhe urgent kaam aa gaya tha

Yash: haan main samajh sakta hoon

[he gropes around trying to hide her but she continuously evades him]

Kavya[rentlessly]: fir na baad mein pata chala ki unke ghar me party hai isliye unka ghar
saaf karne me der ho gayi or fir baad me pata chala saheb kisi aur ladki ke sath hi busy the
Vicky: extramarital affairs fuck..this is so bad ranjit ji

Yash: achaa aap bohot thakgayi hongi..esaa kar lijiye chhutti le lijiye

Kavya[meaningfully]: pakka main chali jau?

Yash: haan han bilkul

[they are close now]

Kavya: acha par dekh lo bhaiya..agar is baar bhi party ke baad aisi hi daaru ki bottles aur
ladkiyon ki bra panty har jagah mili toh mai nahi saaf karungi

[yash muscles her with his hand. she bites it hard and it drops to his knees in silent agony]

Colonel: aapko pata hai aap kya bol rahi hain..yash ki mangetar yahi par hai

Kavya:mangetar?

Colonel: haan aur mai uska father

Kavya: areyy bhaiyaa badhai ho..main toh bohot hi zada khush hun ye jaan kar..mai roz aati
hun aap ne to kabhi bataya hi nahi mujhe

Yash: wo hum ye surprise rakh rahe the

[kavya gropes for his ear. finds it and twists it]

Kavya: surprise de rahe ho..mubarak ho bahut bahut badhai ho

Alisha: thankyou

Kavya [to colonel ]:aur uncle ji apko bhi

Colonel :thankyou

Kavya:aap zarur kavya ke father honge

Colonel: zarur..kavya kaun kavya?

[Triumphantly kavya sticks out her tongue at yash who collapsed his length on the floor face
down in the gesture of total surrender for him it is the end. the eve can hold no further
disasters]

Kavya: [to alisha]:aree kamaal hai kavya ji mujhe laga nahi tha ki aap abhi bhi bhaiya ke
sath hongi..chaar saal baad bhi
Yash: no no no no no

Kavya: maaf kar dijiega agar mai zada bol rahi hoon to..par chaar saal kafi lamba samay
hota hai

Yash [weakly]:sona ji please

Alisha: 4 saal?

Kavya: arey haan bhaiya kafi taarif karte hain apki..haan aur nahi to kya..abhi bhi ek hafta
pehle hi bhaiya ne bataya tha ki kavya hi unke liye sabse zaruri hai

[Alisha screeches with disgust. yash covers his ears]

[there is a long pause. kavya is now sitting on the table, swinging her vodka bottle in
absolute command of the absolute situation]

Colonel: [faintly at last grappling with the situation] chaar saal?

Kavya[in her own voice]: haan colonel 4 saal vo bhi isi room mein

Vicky: yeh awaaz toh kavya ki hai

Alisha [horrified]:kavya..

Colonel: kya chal raha hai is ghar mein

Kavya:arey this a veru odd room jahan par kabhi bhi kuch bhi ho sakta hai..jahan baarish
ghar ke andar ho sakti hai aur kya pata kab kis ka bhaanda foot sakta hai

Yash [crying out]:ooooohhhh

Vicky: well done kavya

Kavya :shut up vicky just shut up

Vicky: kavya tum chudail ki chudail hi ho na

Kavya :haan haan mai ekdum chudail hoon..peele gande daant hai na mere..badsurat hoon
na mai

Yash :shut up kavya just shut up

Kavya: hoooo am so scared..matlab ab tum mujhe chup karaoge. you coward..just because
tumhe mujhse shaadi nahi karni thi..isliye tumne is ladki se rishta rakh liya
Alisha :shaadi?

Colonel :shaadi?

Kavya: 4 saalkam nahi hote yash aur main aaj bhi tumse pyaar karti hoon

Alisha: papa isey chup karao

Colonel :oh mai kis tarah kra daa

Alisha: ab kahan gaya apka gussa

[colonel goes to her but takes kavyas hand by mistake]

Colonel: shaant ho ja laddoo..mai tere sath hu..sab kuch thik ho jaega..stresss ni lena

Kavya: colonel are you sure jo haath aap ne pakda hai ye apki beti ka hi hai?

Colonel :laddoo ye tum nahi ho?

Alisha: nahi papa

[there is another pause. the col moves away in embarrassment]

kavya:great colonel..chalo lets all play a game...guess the hand

Vicky :hey bhagwaan

Kavya :ya vicky tum lips guess karoge?

Alisha: disgusting

[she seizes alisha's hand and put it into vickys]

alisha guess kis ka hand hai

Alisha :pata nahii

Kavya :guess na

Alisha: mujhe nahi farak padta kis ka haath hai

Kavya: guess yar be a spot

Alisha: yash hai..aur kon hoga

Vicky: mai hoon alisha

Alisha: (struggling) tum jhooth bol rahe ho

Vicky: mai jhoot nahi bolta

[alisha breaks away and blunders upstage. she is becoming hysterical]

Kavya: your turn vicky..batao yeh kiska haath hai

Vicky: main esi stupid game nahi khelta

Kavya :come on[ she seizes his hand and put it into yash's]

Vicky: yash hai

Kavya: well done[she sits on the low stool

Alisha[outraged]: tumhe kaise pata chala yeh yash ka haath hai or mera nahi

Yash: calm down alisha

Alisha: jawaab do mujhe..i want to know

Yash: chupp raho

Alisha: nahi mujhe akela chord do..papa chalo ghar chale

[and suddenly simmi gives a shout scream and blunders out through the curtain]

Simmi: prams prams prams in the supermarket

[they all freeze . she is evidently out of control in the world of her own fears. she speaks
quickly and strangely]

Vicky: come on sim..hume shayad ghar chalna chaiye

[simmi putting herself together]

Simmi: sorry main aur nahi ruk sakti..your millionaire friend is too late

[leading heavily on vicky's arm she leaves the room.yash shuts the door after them]

Yash: thankyou kavya thanks a lot

Kavya: anytime
Yash: yeh sahi nahi kiya tumne

Kavya: achaa

Yash: tum mujhe chod kar gayi thi..aur tumne hi toh kaha tha ki tum mujhe dobara dekhna
nahi chahti[he joins her on the low stool]

Kavya: yahi baat thi..tum kabh chahte hi nahi the ki log tumhe jaane..ki actual me yash kya
hai..kyu darte ho tum itna..tumhe kya lagta hai log tumse pyaar nahi karenge?

Yash: oh go away

kavya:yash mujhe jaan na hai..

Yash: haan tumhe sab kya jan na hai

Kavya :because i care about you

Yash: koi zarurat nahi hai meri chinta karne ki

Kavya : stop pittying yourself..yaa to tum apne talent se kuch kar sakte ho..yaa dusro ki jhuti
taarif par jee sakte ho..yAHi problem thi na ki maine kabhi tumhari taarif nahi kari

Yash: jaisa bhi hoon khush toh hoon..kam se kam alisha mujhe har baat me tokti toh nahi
hai

Kavya: acha ab meri care tumhe tokna lagne lagi hai

Yash: hamesha se lagti thi

Yash; aur jis din tum mumbai gayi thi vp sabse acha din tha meri life ka

Kavya: aur mera bhi

Yash: puri raat naacha tha mai uss din

Kavya :main bhi

Yash :haan to badiya hai

kavya : haan bohot badiya

Yash:super

Kavya: duper
[a pause]
Yash: vaise itni khush thi toh vapas kyu aayi ho

Kavya: agar tumhe esa hi lagta hai toh tumne sona ji ko yeh kyun kaha ki kavya sabse
important hai

Yash: maine aisa kuch nahi kaha..tum khud sona thi aur ye tumne khud hi bana kar bola
tha..

Kavya :acha maine bola tha

[they both giggle. she falls happily against his shoulder]

Yash: vaise ek baat batau sona ne sahi kaha tha

[during this exchange the col and his daughter have been standing frozen with astonished
anger. now the outraged father takes over]

Colonel :bahut maza aa raha hai tum dono ko

Kavya :haan bahut zyaada

Yash :dekho colonel

Colonel :oye chupp kar..am talking..tune meri laddoo ke sath esaa kara..teri main taange tod
deni hai

Yash :colonel

Colonel :ohh chupop kar

Alisha :chodo daddy chalo ghar chalte hain

Colonel l:rukk laddoo..isko main batata hoon

Yash :alisha main tumhe sab samjhata hoon

Alisha :ab kya samjhaoge

Yash :alisha main tumhe kaise samjhaun

Alisha: kya samjhaoge..main kuch samajhna nahi chahti..ye lo apni ring[she pulls off her
engagement ring]

[she throws it. it hits the col in the eye]

Colonel : oh meri ankh

[kavya starts to laugh again]

Yash: kya hua sir?

Colonel :main tainu chodanga nahi

[the man of war begins to go after him. feeling his way in the dark like some furious robot]
[a terrible scream is heard from the hall.they freeze , listening as it comes nearer , then the
door is flung open and vicky plunges it to the room. he is wild eyed with rage]

Vicky :ohh yash

Yash: vicky

Vicky: u are gone yash

Yash: arey kya ho gaya

Vicky :tumne mere ghar ki halat kyA KARi hai..mera ghar jisko maine haatho se
sajaya..mere pyAre bete jaise furniture ko gira diya tumne

Yash: mai mai mai

Vicky :mujhse chalaak matt ban..muje lagta hai mai ek dost ka padosii hoon..lekin tu to nevla
nikla

Yash:vicky

Vicky: [hysterical] itne saal ki dosti aur pyaar ka badla tune mere furniture ko chori kar ke dia
hai..vo bhi is roadside ladki aur iske baap ke liye

Yash: vicky it was an emergency.

Vicky: mujhse baat mat karo..vaise bhi vicky hai kaun? Teen saal se bas tumhara
padosi..aaj mujhe gym ki gold membership ki kasam tu toh gaya

Yash :aisa kuch nahi hai

Vicky :abay sunn mai bas itna jaanta hun ki mujhe tumhari shaadi ki baat sabse last mein
pata chali hai aur vo bhi kisi stranger se..kasam hai chokslam kibahut maarunga aaj mai
tujhe

Kavya :chordo yash..vicky pagal hai..ignore him

Vicky :oh badsoorat chudail ignore tujhe karna chaiye hum sabko..yash aur ye chutkii ek
dusre ke liye parfect hai
[alisha gives a shriek]
Yash:alisha?

Vicky :acha toh tum abhi tak yahi ho?

Yash :vicky use akela chor do

Vicky: main use vaise bhi kuch nahi kar raha..mera sara samaan vapis rakh do

Yash: don't be ridiculous

Vicky: pehla item sofa

Yash: in the studio

Vicky: dursa item, my whiskey collection

Yash :samne padi hai

Vicky :unbelievable..mere do sabse mehenge flower vase

Yash :vo rahe tumhare peeche

[yash hands it to him]

Vicky :flowers tak chura ke le aaye tum..main abhi soifa vapis lene aata hun...or hamari dosti
yahi par khatam hoti hai

[he twitches his rain coat off the table inside it is of course his wedged bowl which falls on
the floor and smashes beyond repair]

[there is terrible silence. trying to keep his voice under control]

Vicky :abey tere ko pata bhi hai vo collection kitne ki hai..tu apna sab kuch bhi bech dega na
toh bhi vo whisky nahi afford kar paega]

Yash[nervously ]:vicky araam se

Vicky :haan mujhe bhut dr hai kahi mein tujhe aj maar na dalu.

(insanely he advances on yash holding the stick like a sword and taper burning in his other
hand)

Yash(retreating): stop it vicky..tum pagal hogye ho?

Colonel :ekdm sahi vicky..(he grabs the other stick and also advances)
Yash :colonel aram se! a kha gya apka army ka discipline or vicky tum kyun pagal ho rahe
ho?

Alisha(grimly advancing also): maaro daddy maaro yash ko

Yash(horrified at her):alisha??

Alisha :maaro daddy!! Maaro

Yash:kavya!

[kavya leans up and blows at the taper. lights up)

Colonel :ohh teri!

[kavya garbs yash's hand and pulls him out of danger]

[to kavya] dhyaan se laddoo tum is sab se bahar raho]

Vicky : chup colonel ! hum unki breathing sun k unhe pakad lenge

Colonel : clever idea..nice!

[Silently they listen. yash climbed carefully onto the table and silently pulls kavya up after
him. vicky and colonel,prodding and slashing with their sticks grimly hunt their quarry. twenty
seconds later,suddenly,with a bang chuppa opens the trap from below.both men advances
in it warily. the electrician disappears again below. They have almost reached it.on
tiptoe,when there is another crash -this time from the hall. someone has again tripped over
the milk bottles. vicky and colonel immediately swing around and start stalking upstage ,still
on tiptoe]

[Enters mr.sinha . he is quite evidently a millionaire dressed in a indian manner . he wears a

beard and eye glass a grog coat atop a hat and an orchid . he carries a large deaf aid]
[bewildered he advances into the room. stealthily the two armed men stalk him upstage as
he silently gropes his way downstage and passes between them]

Mr.sinha(speaking in a middle-aged voice,as near to the voice of chuppa as possible):ahuja

ji?? ahuja ji?

(vicky and colonel spin round in a third direction)

Vicky :yeh electrician vapis agya

Mr.sinha:hello

Colonel :oh tu phir se aagaya!

[chuppa appears at the trap]
tumne light thik kardi?

Vicky :ya phir hume andhere mein hi rakhoge puri raat

Chuppa :arey tension na lijiye..light thik kar di humne [he comes out of the trap]
[mr.sinha goes round the stage.right]

Vicky :thank god!

[mr.sinha still groping around]

Mr.sinha :hello ahuja ji? kaha hai aap? yha itna andhera kyun hai?

Chuppa :yeh achi baat nahi hai..hume pata hai hum bhut acha bolte hai par iska matlab yeh
thodi ap sab hmari copy karnge

Mr.sinha : ahuja ji mein yaha tumhari paintings dekhne aaya hun.

yash: hey bhagwan..Mr.sinha??

Kavya : woh aagaye?

Vicky : Mr.sinha?

Colonel : Mr.sinha?

[hey freeze. the millionaire sets off,left,towards the open trap]

Yash : don't worry mr.sinha! hmari light gayi hui thi par ab sab thik hogya hai
[standing on the table he clasps kavya happily. Mr.sinha missed the trap by inches]
oh kavya..haan ab sab thik ho gaya hai. haina?

[but as he says this mr.sinha turns and falls into the open trap door.chuppa slams it with the
foot]

Chuppa :chalo ap sabki problems khatam kar hi di humne ..light de di humne apko

Kavya :light!!

Yash : thank god..

[chuppa goes to the switch]

Vicky :mein toh itni jaldi usse thank you na bolta agar mein tumhari jagah hota toh!
col: mein bhi nahi
Alisha : main bhi nahi

Chuppa : toh humme thank you bol dijiye! (clapping his hands)

[Chuppa,with great flourish ,flicks the light switch. instant darkness. the turntable of the
ponograph starts up agaim .and with an exultant crash the sousa march falls on the
audience-and blazes away in the black]

Cast:
Parth Dixit as Yash Ahuja
Anushka Sharma as Kavya
Shweta Yadav as Alisha Chaddha
Rahil Mehra as Colonel Ranjit Singh Chaddha
Neha Sood as Simmi Brar
Deep Prakash as Vicky Khanna
Hitendra Mishra as Sashi Sankar Kumar Prasad aka Chuppa
Siddharth Jain as Raghuvir Sinha

Directors:
Shweta Yadav
Rahil Mehra

Lights:
Aryan Dhamecha

Sounds:
Shrikant M.

Crew:
Sashwat Shreeja
Charvi Bajaj
Kartik Kumar
Mahima Wasan