MARRIAGE

A look into the Biblical teachings on

marriage, divorce, remarriage and
the implications of these.

DM Arendse

All rights reserved David Arendse

TABLE OF
CONTENTS
INTRODUCTION .......................................................................................................... 3
WHAT IS MARRIAGE? ................................................................................................. 4
IS DIVORCE ACCEPTABLE? ....................................................................................... 6
IS IT BIBLICAL TO REMARRY A DIVORCED PERSON? ........................................ 8
CAN A DIVORCED PERSON SERVE IN THE CHURCH? ..................................... 13
CONCLUSION ............................................................................................................ 15
BIBLIOGRAPHY .......................................................................................................... 16

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INTRODUCTION
God's intention in bringing a man and a woman together is to join two individuals
into one union, a status which is to last as long as both members remain alive. All
men and women alive today, in the past and in the future are sinners. It is in our
nature and so marriage is a union of two sinners. As such, no marriage fully
experiences Gods original intention for the institution. Marriages between sinners
can and should be God-honouring, loving, faithful, and joyful, but not all are. Some
marriages are more characterized by pain and disappointment than by satisfaction
and joy. Couples sin against one another, sometimes grievously, and some sins
can result in serious consequences. Marriages do end, and the Bible has
something to say about marriage, divorce, and remarriage.
According to statistical analysis done on various demographic groups, a marriage
starting out today has about 41-43% chance of ending in divorce. (Fairchild
2011:n.n.)
It would be easy to assume that, based on the facts around us today, that marriage
is becoming less and less of an unbreakable bond between two people and more
about a convenience of two people coming together. Yet even in the face of this
unrelenting assault on the institution of marriage we as a church are compelled to
confront this head on. There are many reasons for the breakdown in the covenant
of marriage, and while this paper will attempt to unpack some of these, the core

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focus will be on the churches response to divorce, remarriage and marriage in

general.
It is not as straight forward as only marrying members of the church, nor is it as
easy to expel a divorced couple as one might think it to be. Instead it is as
complicated a topic to discuss as the reasons for marriages failing in the first place.
So how does a church in the 21st century approach this debate from a biblically
sound foundation while understanding the context and society it finds itself in?

WHAT IS MARRIAGE?
Marriage is given by God to be a blessing to people, as a means to fulfil the
mandate to fill and subdue the earth as well as to produce children. (Gen. 9:7)
Marriage is to take place between one man and one woman, and in view of the
sexual union, results in the two becoming one (the one-flesh principle, Mark 10:8).
The parties of marriage are to be equally yoked (believer to believer or unbeliever
to unbeliever, 2 Cor. 6:14). The covenant of marriage is by Gods design to be
permanent in this life, and is to be broken only by the death of one member.
(Romans 7:12).
Within the Bible we find guidelines as to how a marriage is to function in terms of
the dynamic of the home.

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Jesus commands husbands to love their wives as He loved the church (Ephesians
5:25). This is a very strong statement and indicates the deep love that God wishes
to exist between a married couple. Jesus loved the church so dearly that without
question or flinching He gave up His life for it. Husbands are therefore required to
love their wives so deeply that without complaint they would be ready to give up
their lives to look after their wives.
In the same vein, as much as husbands are to provide, look after and protect in
the marriage, wives are to be submissive and caring toward their husbands
(Ephesians 5:22). To support and care for them. They are to be their companions
and together, as one, the couple is to live out their lives as a team. Working
together to better the others person.
However this ideal is very often far from the reality. Marriages are hard work and
require sacrifice on the part of both spouses. Yet as God is a Triune God, bound
by love, this example is extended to humanity in the form of the union of marriage.
Marriage therefore is a holy and incredibly special bond between two people. It is
not something that is just entered into for the sake of it, instead what marriage
actually entails and what it means and does in the spiritual world is so often
misunderstood or overlooked by mankind today. As a result we see all around us
this incredible bond broken.

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Divorce is contrary to Gods purpose in marriage and is the result of sin. It brings
harm and heartache to many people who are directly or indirectly affected by the
divorce. It also goes against the one flesh principle because it results in man
attempting to break the covenant bond of marriage. Whether or not this can be
done will be looked at later.
Divorce, however sad it might be, is a reality and while Scripture permits divorce
in certain cases, it regulates and provides governing principles for all cases of
divorce.

IS DIVORCE ACCEPTABLE?
A simple question, yet one which draws so many different views. Simply put, there
are biblical grounds for getting a divorce. Some believe if there is physical abuse
against a spouse and physical or sexual abuse of the spouses children that is
never resolved, they may divorce, but the fundamental allowance for divorce is
sexual immorality or adultery that is unrepentant and ongoing is reasonable before
Gods eyes for permitting a divorce. Jesus said that, But I tell you that anyone
who divorces his wife [and husband of course], except for sexual immorality,
makes her [or him] the victim of adultery, and anyone who marries a divorced
woman commits adultery (Matt 5:37. 19:9). Adultery is breaking a serious
commandment (Ex 20:14). But if the adultery and sexual immorality (Greek

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porneia) committed by the sinning spouse stops and they repent, then there should
be every chance given to the person to forgive them (Mark 11:25, Luke 6:27-28).
God is all about forgiveness and we are told to forgive our brother or sister when
they fall and want to be restored.
Divorce is a last resort but if there is no other choice and adultery persists with no
signs of remorse, repentance, or change, then divorce is permitted. God does not
encourage divorce, but he makes allowance for it based on whether the person is
being abused or taken advantage of. It is hoped that there is always room for
repentance, counselling, and reconciliation but if it doesnt occur, and sexual sins
outside of marriage persist, the victim of such a marriage is permitted to divorce
their spouse. (Instone-Brewer 145)
Pauls take on divorce is much the same in 1 Corinthians 7:15. Such desertion
entails physical leaving, and such instances which make the conditions of marriage
as intolerable as physical desertion itself. This is not so much a second ground, as
it is a practical acknowledgement that other than biblical divorce happens, and that
a divorce is but making official what has happened in reality (i.e. the one-flesh
principle has been violated by the unbelieving spouses desertion).
Divorce is not the required response to sexual immorality or desertion; repentance,
forgiveness and restoration are to be encouraged. Ones own view of a situation

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is subjective and often distorted, so objective, compassionate and wise counsel

should be sought to determine the legitimacy of divorce in every case.

IS IT BIBLICAL TO REMARRY A DIVORCED PERSON?

While it is never an enjoyable experience to go through the pain of divorce. The
reality is that overwhelmingly the evidence found in scripture points to the fact that
remarriage of divorced people is contradictory to the wishes of God. As society
moves more and more toward a place where the sanctification of marriage is
eroded, the lines become blurred as to what is permissible and what is not.
Yet it is evident that marriage and remarriage in the New Testament is not defined
by the guilt or innocence of either spouse, or by whether either spouse is a believer
or not. Nor by whether the divorce happened before or after either spouse's
conversion, or by the ease or difficulty of living as a single parent. It is not defined
by whether there is adultery or desertion involved, or by the on-going reality of the
hardness of the human heart. Nor is it acceptable by the cultural permissiveness
of the surrounding society. Rather it is characterized by the fact that Marriage is a
"one-flesh" relationship of divine establishment and extraordinary significance in
the eyes of God (Genesis 2:24; Matthew 19:5; Mark 10:8).

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This means that only God, and not man, can end the relationship (Matthew 19:6;
Mark 10:9; Matthew 5:32; Luke 16:18; Mark 10:11). God ends the one-flesh
relationship of marriage only through the death of one of the spouses (Romans
7:1-3; 1 Corinthians 7:39). The grace and power of God are promised and sufficient
to enable a trusting, divorced Christian to be single all their life if necessary
(Matthew 19:10-12, 26; 1 Corinthians 10:13). Although there will be frustrations
and disadvantages, these are preferable to the disobedience of remarriage.
(Matthew 5:29-30). (Wenham 2010:110)

In Luke 16:18 and Mark 10:11-12 we are introduced to the idea that all remarriage
after divorce is adultery. In these verses we see that Jesus does not recognize
divorce as the termination of a marriage in God's sight. This is because the
marriage is still considered valid; the shedding of blood that is required to break a
covenant has not occurred and as such the covenant has not ended regardless of
what the law of the land might say. Jesus is taking a stand against the Jewish
culture in which all divorce was considered to carry with it the right of remarriage,
this is very similar to our culture today. Since there are no exceptions mentioned
in the verse, and since Jesus is clearly rejecting the common cultural conception
of divorce as including the right of remarriage, the first readers of this gospel would
have been hard-put to argue for any exceptions on the basis that Jesus shared the

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cultural assumption that divorce for unfaithfulness, desertion or any other reason
freed a spouse for remarriage. (Adams 1980:98)

While the Pharisees attempted to justify remarriage in Mark 10:2-9 and Matthew
19:3-8 by using Deuteronomy 24:1, Jesus used this opportunity to reassert the
original purpose of marriage according to God. Jesus simply criticizes the
Pharisees' failure to recognize God's deepest and original intention for marriage.
He quotes two passages from Genesis. "God made them male and female. ...For
this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and
the two shall become one flesh" (Genesis 1:27; 2:24). He concludes, "So they are
no longer two, but one.", "What therefore God has joined together, let no man put
asunder." The implication is that Jesus rejects the Pharisees' use of Deuteronomy
24:1. What Jesus does here is replace a human standard of marriage as found in
Deuteronomy with Gods original standard. His view that no one should try to undo
the "one-flesh" relationship which God has united speaks volumes into what Gods
intention was and still is for marriage.
Jesus clear rejection of the practice of remarriage is continued in Matthew 5:32.
Here we see that He reaffirms that marriage after divorce is adultery, even for
those who have been divorced innocently. In this account we see that a man who
divorces his wife is guilty of adultery in the second marriage. The controversial

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aspect to this verse is that it plainly says that the remarriage of a wife who has
been innocently divorced is adultery as well. This is a clear statement, and it would
seem that remarriage is wrong not merely when a person has done something to
justify the divorce, but also when a person is innocent. In other words, Jesus'
opposition to remarriage is based on the un-breakableness of the marriage bond
or covenant by anything but death. (Kelly 1997:213)

Some believe that in certain circumstances divorce is inevitable. However as we

see in 1 Corinthians 7:10-11, it teaches that even if the divorce is inevitable, it
should not justify either person to remarry. Paul seems to be aware that separation
will be inevitable in certain cases. He may have been aware of unrepentant
adultery, or desertion, or brutality. But in such a case he says that the person who
feels the need too separate should not seek remarriage but remain single. And he
reinforces the authority of this statement by saying he has a word from the Lord.
Thus Paul's interpretation of Jesus' sayings is that remarriage should not be
pursued

There is however a situation when remarriage is allowed, and according to 1

Corinthians 7:39 and Romans 7:1-3 this is only after the death of either spouse.
This is as a result of the fact that in death the covenant of marriage is then broken

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and can no longer hold either person. In both of these passages we see explicitly
that a woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives, and a husband is bound
to his wife as long as she lives. No exceptions are mentioned that would suggest
either could be free from her each other to remarry on any other basis regardless
of their legal status.

Some argue that 1 Corinthians 7:27-28 teaches that remarriage can be justified,
yet when one looks at what is being discussed we are able to see that it does not
teach the right of divorced persons to remarry. It teaches that virgins and Christians
in general should seriously consider the life of singleness, but that they do not sin
if they marry. (Shaner 1969:17)
So should a pastor remarry people who have been divorced? It would seem that
the evidence suggests that this is against the will of God when it comes to marriage
and what it stands for. However not everyone holds these views and there are as
many people who interpret the above in a very different light. Some hold that
divorce and remarriage is permissible in cases of abandonment by unbelieving
spouses, especially when there is a stubborn refusal to repent and turn away from
such activity. They draw on the same verses that can be used to justify the rejection
of the idea of remarriage. (Matthew 19:9, Matthew 5:32; 1 Corinthians 7:15). Yet

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all hold to the view that it is against Gods ideal. In His eyes marriage is a covenant
between two people that can only be broken through death. (House 1990:68)
It comes down to an individuals understanding and convictions on marriage,
divorce and remarriage. However such an opinion and standing must be backed
up by a strong understanding of the verses involved. For if you remarry a couple
and they are committing sin as a result of it, then you as the pastor are guilty of
leading those people astray.
Would I remarry a divorced person? In an ideal world I would say emphatically no,
based on the above points, it is evident that remarriage is not what God intends
for people. The issue comes in when they are clearly in love, how does one justify
breaking a persons happiness when they have been broken in a past marriage
based on a dogmatic obsession with law? Are we then no different to the
Pharisees? Each person needs to assess the situation before them and feel at
peace with the choice they make in each situation. It would be irresponsible to
simply cast a blanket doctrine and enforce it as such.

CAN A DIVORCED PERSON SERVE IN THE CHURCH?

While not labouring on this point for too long, it is important to discuss as it is
something that churches battle with. One cannot disqualify a person from serving
in a church based on their past sins or perceived disqualifications. Each and every

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one of us is a sinner and we continue to sin every day. Whether or not we view the
divorce to be a sin or not, or the actions of either person in that divorce to be wrong,
we are compelled to judge the fruits of their spirit and not their outward character.
Simply put if a person has a redeemed heart, acknowledges their wrong doing and
seeks to gain forgiveness then they are as covered by the grace of God as you
and I. the problem comes in when a person seeks to serve in a ministry or in the
church, yet does not see the sin in their ways. Their hearts are hardened and they
fail to see that they may have done something wrong. A person like that should not
be encouraged or allowed to serve in any form as they still harbour the pain and
resentment from their divorce. As such they will push those feeling upon others
and will distract those in the community. This cannot be tolerated and as such the
question should not be; has that person gone through a divorce? but rather; has
that person reconciled all that they went through with God? For if they have not
they cannot be given the responsibility to lead or serve in any form whatsoever.
(Adams 1980: 67) Just as in the same way you would not let a murderer who fails
to acknowledge the error in their ways preach or look after your children, neither
would you allow any person caught in the bonds of unrepentive sin stand before
your congregation in any manner or form. Instead journey and walk with them so
that their hearts get to a place where they are able to serve and lead.

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CONCLUSION
It would therefore seem that the topic of marriage, divorce and remarriage is as
much about the individuals as it is about the marriage and union of the two people.
We have always believed that God is the God of the future. While people certainly
need to take responsibility for what they have done wrong and the consequences
that a divorce brought against them, we have to believe that true repentance can
right such a wrong before God. It is hard to believe that people are useless to God
and unacceptable to Him because of their past failures, whatever they may be.
Further, it does not seem consistent with what we read in the Bible about God.
However, I must emphasize that this is my opinion. Each person must decide this
for themselves based on what the Bible says. Marriage is without doubt a holy
union between one man and one women, that this union is a covenant made before
God and that the only way this covenant can be broken is by the death of one of
the two people. Divorce can occur under certain circumstances, however whether
or not a person can then remarry becomes very murky.
Marriage is therefore not something to enter into lightly, and even more so in a
society that increasingly devalues its significance. In order for us to fully appreciate
the magnitude of marriage we need to appreciate Gods intentions in it. Failing to
do so clouds a persons judgment on all further issues that may arise.

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BIBLIOGRAPHY
Adams, J. 1980. Marriage, Divorce, and Remarriage in the Bible. Zondervan:
Michigan
Collins, R. 1989. Divorce in the New Testament. The Liturgical Press:
Collegeville
Fairchild, M. 2011. What Does the Bible Say About Marriage? [Online]
Available. http://christianity.about.com/od/faqhelpdesk/i/biblemarriage.htm
House. W. 1990. Divorce and Remarriage: Four Christian Views. InterVarsity
Press: USA
Instone-Brewer, D. 2002. Divorce and Remarriage in the Bible: The Social and
Literary Context. Eerdmans Publishing: Michigan.
Isaksson, A. 1965. Marriage and Ministry in the New Temple: A Study with
Special Reference to Mt. 19.3-12 and 1. Cor. 11.3-1. Munksgaard: Denmark
Kelly, K. 1997. Divorce & Second Marriage: Facing the Challenge. Sheed &
Ward: Kansas City
Shaner, D. 1969. A Christian View of Divorce: According to the Teachings of
the New Testament. E.J. Brill: Virginia
Wenham, G. 2010. Jesus and Divorce. Wipf & Stock Publishers: USA

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