TORK & GRUNTS

GUIDE TO
EFFECTIVE
NEGOTIATIONS
Mammoth Strategies

Bob Harvey

Copyright 2008 Bob Harvey

First published in 2008 by:
Marshall Cavendish Limited
5th Floor
3238 Saffron Hill
London EC1N 8FH
United Kingdom
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[email protected]
www.marshallcavendish.co.uk
The right of Bob Harvey to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted
by him in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.
All rights reserved
No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means including photocopying, electronic, mechanical,
recording or otherwise, without the prior written permission of the rights holders,
application for which must be made to the publisher.
A CIP record for this book is available from the British Library
ISBN 978-0-462-09923-1
Cartoons by David Mostyn
Designed and typeset by Phoenix Photosetting,
Lordswood, Chatham, Kent
Printed and bound in Great Britain by
CPI Mackays, Chatham ME5 8TD

To Cuthbert John, my father, who has been

a constant source of encouragement

Contents

Introduction

vii

Part One Background to negotiation

1

Fundamentals of negotiation

Who is this person?

26

Whats this all about?

44

Part Two Preparation for negotiation

4

Knowing what you want

59

Establishing what the other side wants

78

Information and opportunities

94

Establishing a measurable way of judging the outcome 104

Knowing and believing your Walk-Away Option

118

Part Three Doing the deal

9

Playing games and handling gamesmanship

137

10

Handling personalities and working as a team

156

11

Strategies, tactics and handling foul play

177

Part Four Summarizing the process

12

Tork and Grunt pass it on

191

Acknowledgements

198

About the Author

199

Introduction

Tork and Grunt are two cavemen. Tork and Grunt learn to communicate and negotiate. Through them you will learn everything you
need to know about conducting a successful negotiation and reaching a win-win outcome.
They show how conventional bargaining from opposing positions
generally fails to reach a satisfactory conclusion and how it is important to identify all the issues affecting both parties. They discover
they need an overall approach a Mammoth Strategy if they are to
achieve something that suits both parties.
Tork & Grunts Guide to Effective Negotiations demonstrates individual
one-on-one deals as well as formal negotiations between teams from
the two sides. It explains the importance of detailed preparation and
the value of a flexible and open mindset. It explains the importance
of understanding body language and appreciating both sides of the
debate.
You will learn how a creative approach, exploring a broad range of
options, can generate new ideas and produce positive results. Both
sides achieve an outcome which satisfies their objectives. And its not
just about work, commerce and business. Its about all aspects of life,
because everyone communicates and negotiates every day.

vii

TORK & GRUNTS GUIDE TO EFFECTIVE NEGOTIATIONS

Tork & Grunts Guide to Effective Negotiations is about understanding

what motivates people and how to make yourself understood. Its
about making everyday interactions effective and successful, getting
on with people, and negotiating deals that work for everyone and,
most importantly, will last well into the future.

viii

PART ONE

Background to negotiation

Fundamentals of negotiation

The caveman and the mammoth

A strange bird flaps noisily across the sky, screeching its morning call.
Tork stirs in his sleep, rubs his eyes and awakens. Then he reaches for
his spear and creeps out of the cave. The first streaks of the morning
sun glow on the horizon but it is still cold and Tork shivers. He is cold
and hungry. Tork must go hunting for food to feed his family.
He picks up his flint-tipped spear and heads for the forest where he
knows he will find his prey. He stalks through the undergrowth with
his spear raised to his shoulder, ready to attack. He smiles as he tracks
the footprints in the soft ground but as he takes another step forward, a twig snaps loudly under his foot. He freezes. There is a rustle
in the bushes ahead of him and suddenly a beast appears, startled by
the noise Tork has made. Its bright eyes focus on Tork, and the two
creatures stare coldly at each other.

TORK & GRUNTS GUIDE TO EFFECTIVE NEGOTIATIONS

Suddenly a beast appears, startled by the noise

Like Tork, the beast is scared; they are competing for survival. Kill or
be killed this is the only language they know. If food were plentiful
there would be no conflict, which teaches us the first ground rule
of negotiation.

Ground Rule 1:
Someones got something you want
Whatever the situation, a negotiation starts when
one party wants something that is specifically available from the other party. This can be as
straightforward as shopping or as extreme as territorial warfare.
Although negotiations are not necessarily based on conflicting interests, you tend to think that people approach a negotiation from
opposing positions.

FUNDAMENTALS OF NEGOTIATION

In the case of the caveman and the sabre-toothed tiger its critical,
and theres no compromise. In order for one to survive, the other
must either be sacrificed, or else head for the hills. The situation will
only change if the issue of scarcity is resolved because if there were
plenty of food for all, the caveman and the beast would not have to
resort to trying to kill each other.
The immediate problem with this particular negotiation is that there
is no opportunity for communication, no common language, nor
any mutual point of reference. Tork cannot sit down and discuss
alternative options. Theres no room for creative proposals. Even if
they both became vegetarians they still wouldnt have a language
with which to communicate, and could end up fighting over the
rights to the cabbage patch. Tork and his wife, Speek, may not
always agree with each other, but at least they can communicate
and understand each other. When the parties communicate, they
can appreciate each others needs. This teaches us the second
ground rule of negotiation.

Ground Rule 2:
Understand and be understood

The importance of communication.

Without communication there is no understanding and similarly without understanding, there is
no communication. A workable negotiation is
based on the ability to communicate and understand both points of view. Tork and the sabre-toothed tiger dont
have a common language.
When they meet in the forest, an unspoken communication passes
between the two adversaries. The tiger recognizes a threat and roars.
Tork focuses on the vulnerable soft spot beneath the shoulder blade.
He balances his spear and launches his attack, rushing forward and
thrusting the spear deep into the animals body.
The negotiation is over and Tork is the winner. The animal gives a
desperate roar and collapses on the ground, seriously wounded. But

TORK & GRUNTS GUIDE TO EFFECTIVE NEGOTIATIONS

just as Tork is shouting triumphantly, calling the tribe to help him

drag his trophy back to the cave, there is a crash in the undergrowth.
The tigers mate has heard the noise and charges out threateningly.
She stands staring at him, roaring and snarling. Tork trips and falls,
cutting his head, then jumps up and races off through the jungle
before the animal can leap at him.
Has Tork run fast enough? Have his tribe folk come to his rescue? Will
the animal strike again or turn and run? Was the negotiation successful? No; a successful negotiation must have a lasting outcome
because you have to live with it in the future. Tork has won one confrontation only to face another because the matter has been only
temporarily resolved.
When Tork and the tiger faced each other they both have the same
thoughts going through their minds. Torks goes like this:
Breakfast!
Greeow! Greeow! Greeow! roars the tiger in reply, meaning
roughly translated Here comes my early lunch!
Tork lets out a blood-curdling shout:
Ha! Ill get you before you get me!
And there it might have ended, if Torks shouts had not alerted the
beasts mate. Then the conflict starts all over again and might have
continued indefinitely if Tork had not raced off home for urgent
medical attention. At least he can rely on his beloved wife, Speek, to
listen to him and understand him.

Ground Rule 3:
Plan for the future
The history of the world is a story of conflicting interests
leading to wars, conquests and domination. However, as
recent decades have taught us vividly, it is one thing to
win a war and quite a different matter to win the peace.
When the conflict is over you must establish a situation

FUNDAMENTALS OF NEGOTIATION

that both parties can live with. This may mean that both sides have
to accept fundamental changes. If they do not, there is every possibility that conflict will re-emerge and the vanquished will rise to fight
another day.

Remember the ground rules

By now, you are probably thinking that this is all far removed from
the sort of regular negotiations you face in your everyday life. You are
probably asking yourself why this chapter is talking about fighting
for survival in the Stone Age and going to war over territorial boundaries in the twenty-first century.
What you want to know is how to win an argument; how to reconcile conflicting interests in the course of day-to-day negotiations. You
want to know how to persuade someone else to come around to
your point of view.
The following chapters start with the basics and go on to examine
what negotiation is all about. They outline an alternative way to work
towards lasting, positive results based on the three ground rules
of negotiation:

Ground Rule 1:
Someones got something you want

Ground Rule 2:
Understand and be understood

TORK & GRUNTS GUIDE TO EFFECTIVE NEGOTIATIONS

Ground Rule 3:
Plan for the future

Rough & Tough or Soft & Sweet

People tend to use the same war-like vocabulary whether they are
negotiating a business deal or resolving a personal disagreement.
However, there is a better way to negotiate than by resorting to verbal conflict.
You saw how negotiation is generally viewed as a clash of opposing
ideas, a fight to maximize gain and/or minimize loss. The caveman
and the sabre-toothed tiger each wanted to kill the other, so there
was no obvious room for compromise. Their positions and demands
were irreconcilable because they appeared to have totally conflicting
interests. In the end, the confrontation was inconclusive. They were
both injured and ultimately fled.
Is this the way many negotiations pan out, and was this an unsuccessful conclusion?

Sometimes the best option is the walk-away option

At first sight, giving up and walking away looks like failure. But in
reality, if the parties walk away they have achieved the one objective
that was paramount: they are still alive to fight another day!
This isnt the WOW factor. Its the WAO factor: the Walk-Away
Option. In any negotiation theres a limit to how much you should
sacrifice and it may be wise to walk away. On this particular occasion,
the problem was that it was impossible for the parties to achieve

FUNDAMENTALS OF NEGOTIATION

both their short-term objective of finding food and the long-term

objective of staying alive.
In many negotiations:
You take a position
You attack
You defend
You make sacrifices
You make gains
You make concessions
You demand more
But in the end, you either compromise or take the walk-away option.
Or, if theres a man with a spear, or a ferocious tiger chasing you, you
take the run-away option.

Bargaining often means nobody gets what they really want

When you say: Ill meet you halfway, it means that nobody gets
what they really want, and everyone has to reach a compromise
away from their stated position. This is not a satisfactory way to conduct a negotiation, and yet most people think this is what
negotiation is all about.
Lets say you want to pay someone 500, they want to charge you
1,000, and in the end you strike a deal for 750. Perhaps there is some
degree of satisfaction because you think youve forced the other side
to make a concession in your favour. Equally, you might feel
aggrieved at having to spend more than youd initially planned.
Similarly, the other party is unhappy at receiving less than they
wanted in the transaction.

Is conflict the essence of negotiation?

Lets imagine that you are the boss and you want something done.
What is wrong with being rough and tough and insisting that you
get your way? Youd demand that the job be done exactly the way
you want it done. And, if your subordinate disagrees with you, surely
he or she should play soft and sweet and reason with you in a way

TORK & GRUNTS GUIDE TO EFFECTIVE NEGOTIATIONS

that respects your relative positions and ensures that this relationship
is maintained.
Well, the truth is that this approach is inefficient for both you and
your colleague because there is nothing much to discuss. Its a takeit-or-leave-it approach that stems from a fixed position on both
sides. Suppose instead, that rather than arguing from your position,
you argue about what you both want to achieve?
What difference might it make if you negotiated towards the objective rather than negotiating away from where you are starting from?
The next section will explore this in more detail.

You have to believe you got the best deal you could
In every effective negotiation it is essential that both parties are satisfied. They may not be entirely happy, and they may have been
hoping for something better. But they must both believe they have
each got the best deal they could in the circumstances. This is only
possible when the two parties know each others objectives and can
discuss, understand and appreciate them in a search for a mutually
acceptable resolution.
This doesnt mean gentle reconciliation, with the parties being soft
and sweet with each other. Nor does it mean that you have to think
in military language about defending your position or fighting for
what you want.
What you will discover as you examine negotiation in more detail is
that conventional bargaining is generally unsatisfactory. I call this
confrontational bargaining process Positional Negotiation
because its based on arguing away from your particular position.
This describes an interaction in which you choose your position and
argue from your own individual standpoint. You intend moving
away as little as possible from your personal stated position.
What generally happens is that you end up with an outcome which
satisfies neither party and consequently will not last. It breaks Rule 3
it fails to plan for the future because you are left with both parties

10

FUNDAMENTALS OF NEGOTIATION

resentful at getting less than they wanted out of the deal. So, what
tactics will deliver a lasting outcome?

Is it best to be aggressively masculine . . .?

Away on the other side of the hill lives another tribe. They have
always kept themselves separate from Torks people. Their leader is
Grunt the Hunter, a straightforward chap with a rather rough and
tough style about him. He is devoted to his wife, Natter, who was his
childhood sweetheart. Natter adores Grunt and will do anything and
everything to keep him happy. She is the epitome of the soft and
sweet partner.
When it comes to domestic arguments, who wins? Is it Grunt, who is
macho, rough and tough, fighting for what he wants? Or is it Natter
who is always gentle, understanding and conciliatory?

Grunt and Natter have very different styles of communication

11

TORK & GRUNTS GUIDE TO EFFECTIVE NEGOTIATIONS

Even at home, Grunt is looking for conquest: he is determined to win

the argument, and to persuade Natter to come around to his point
of view. As a negotiation continues he digs in, reinforcing his position
and refusing to yield. He will threaten Natter and be determined to
argue for the final position he has already decided upon.
He will aim to diminish whatever offer she proposes and keep pushing and increasing his argument. He will keep his final position
hidden from her and will probably distrust any arguments she proposes. Above all, he will make it clear that their relationship will suffer
if he doesnt get what he wants.

. . . or is it better to be submissively feminine?

As a loving spouse, Natters objective in a negotiation is to reach
agreement. When Grunts position becomes entrenched she will
propose alternative deals, and she will counter his threats with alternative offers.
Her objective is to find out what he will settle for and agree to it. She
will accept changes, back down from her opening position and in
contrast to her husbands stance she will be prepared to reveal
what her final position is. She will tend to trust him and concede to
his demands in the interests of maintaining the relationship.
Positional Negotiation describes where both parties look at a
situation in terms of the fixed positions they are occupying. The
parties argue in terms of how far they are prepared to move in order
to achieve an outcome. The Rough & Tough negotiator is inflexible,
while the Soft & Sweet negotiator will back down and make concessions in order to reach agreement.
Neither party achieves what they want. The solution is a compromise
and as such is unstable.

Its never that simple

Of course, neither of the tactics described above is absolute, and
most positional negotiations involve a constant switching of

12

FUNDAMENTALS OF NEGOTIATION

Positional Negotiation
Rough & Tough

Soft & Sweet

Going for conquest

Going for agreement

Dig in

Suggest deals

Threaten

Offer

Go for what youll settle for

Go for what theyll settle for

Argue for own position

Argue for agreement

Push hard

Back down

Conceal final position

Reveal final position

Increase argument

Avoid argument

Distrust

Trust

Be hard

Be soft

Make demands as a condition of

maintaining the relationship

Concede in the interests of

maintaining the relationship

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TORK & GRUNTS GUIDE TO EFFECTIVE NEGOTIATIONS

strategies between being tough and being soft. This technique is

covered later in the book in the section describing Black Hat
White Hat strategy, but neither hard nor soft tactics will move
things on if the parties are entrenched in their positions. Negotiation
isnt about sticking to a position; its about achieving an outcome,
getting what you want. As long as the two parties are focused on
positions whether defending their own position or attacking the
position of the other party then the negotiation risks simply going
round in circles until one or other party yields. Thats not the way to
reach a lasting solution. The debate can go on interminably as long
as both parties are looking at where they are, rather than where they
want to be.
Just suppose that instead of demanding what had to be done, Grunt
had talked about the outcome he wanted to achieve. And just suppose that, instead of agreeing to Grunts course of action, Natter had
put forward her own ideas on how he might get what he wanted.
This way, they would each have been focusing on the direction
they should follow in order to move towards achieving their
common objective.
This is the crux of the matter. The successful negotiator needs to
break out of the positional mindset and establish a different framework. The objective is to find an outcome that will satisfy both
parties. It sounds obvious, and most of what you will learn about
negotiation will seem obvious once you start to examine the subject
more closely.
What stops people from being successful in the deals they make and
the disputes they seek to resolve is their characteristic tendency to be
centred on positions and personalities, rather than on opportunities
and outcomes.

Tork meets Grunt in the forest

Lets take another look at Tork. He is hunting once again, this time
avoiding the ferocious sabre-toothed tigers. He heads off into the
forest with his spear and finds that the tribe from over the hill, led by
Grunt the Hunter, have trapped and slaughtered a hairy mammoth.

14

FUNDAMENTALS OF NEGOTIATION

A group of them are squatting around the carcass, hacking it into

chunks to carry back to their cave.
Tork sees the food, and he wants some of it for himself and his tribe.
As he approaches the group, Grunt looks up at him with a mixture of
curiosity and aggression.

Tork finds that Grunt and his companions have been successful
in their hunt for food

He turns to his fellow hunters and asks:

Who is this chap? Whats going on here? How do we handle
this?

Pause for a moment, and you will see the Rules of Negotiation in
action.

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TORK & GRUNTS GUIDE TO EFFECTIVE NEGOTIATIONS

Ground Rule 1:
Someones got something you want
Grunts tribe have food and Tork wants some of
it. If Tork is to get what he wants you have to
hope the two tribes have a common language,
because this is where Ground Rule 2 comes into
force.

Ground Rule 2:
Understand and be understood
So, now what? Tork can play rough and tough:
Share the food with me, or else!
Or he can play soft and sweet:
I am hungry; please share your food with me.
If they say yes to either request the negotiation is over. But if they say
no, how does Tork proceed? He is outnumbered. So, even if he is
very fleet-footed, there is not much he can do proactively. If he seizes
a lump of meat and runs off back to his cave as fast as he can, the
neighbours will probably chase after him and seek some sort
of retribution.
Tork has to keep Ground Rule 3 in mind.

Ground Rule 3:
Plan for the future
Whatever he does, he must ensure that it leads
towards an outcome which both sides can live with. If
he proceeds with positional negotiation, one or other
party is going to feel that they have made concessions
and lost out. Tork will have less food than he would
like and the neighbours will have to part with some of
their hard-won trophy.

16

FUNDAMENTALS OF NEGOTIATION

The four criteria of negotiation

To optimize the situation you need a framework for negotiation: a set
of principles which both parties can accept and work to. This framework is bounded by a set of standards for negotiation four Ss.
Sensible : Straightforward : Sustaining : Satisfying

A negotiation should be sensible,

appropriate and workable

There are times when ones position and survival are so threatened
that war is the only option. But, by and large, conflict is not sensible.
It is generally inappropriate and rarely achieves a workable outcome.
By the time a truce or surrender is finally signed, both sides have paid
a high price and the basis of the original disagreement often remains
unresolved. Then you have the challenge of finding a way to win the
peace, which means starting negotiations all over again.
Throughout history there are examples of how one side has won the
battle only to lose the war. In other words, one side has achieved a
short-term gain but has failed to resolve the issue in the longer term.
Although the negotiation starts when one party wants something
from another party, it only becomes active when the other party
shows some willingness to consider entering into the deal. In Torks
case, Grunt and his tribe must be willing to reduce their stock of food
and decide on what basis they are prepared to do this. An effective
negotiation seeks to acknowledge the grounds for a potential transaction and agree the terms on which this transaction can take place.
The way in which the negotiation then proceeds must conform to
the first standard: it must be sensible, appropriate and workable.
The second standard expands on this, and clarifies just what is meant
by adjectives such as sensible, appropriate and workable.

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TORK & GRUNTS GUIDE TO EFFECTIVE NEGOTIATIONS

A negotiation should be
straightforward, efficient and smooth

The protocol of a negotiation requires effective communication.

This means:
Communicating your own position
Establishing beyond doubt that the other party understands your
position
Understanding the other partys position
You achieve these three points through a constant exchange of
speaking and listening, telling and hearing. To do that, you must
have a common language.
In the modern world of global corporations, people often work in a
language which is not their mother tongue. Even when they believe
they speak the same language there can be differences in usage and
interpretation. A good example in the language of negotiation is
the phrase:
Well leave the offer on the table.
In British English this means you will leave the offer open to further
discussion and come back to it later. In American English the meaning is more negative. It implies that, while the offer has not been
rejected, it is put on one side because it is going nowhere.
In face-to-face negotiation it is important to give constant feedback
and ask for clarification, so that understanding is complete and the
risk of misunderstanding is minimized. However, if the communication is written, such misunderstandings can be dangerous. There is
not the real-time exchange of a conversation which makes clarification simpler.
In the situation that has just been described, Tork is still on his hunting trip. He is hungry and needs food for his tribe. Similarly, Grunt
and his people can explain that they too are hungry and that they

18

FUNDAMENTALS OF NEGOTIATION

need to conserve the food resources so they have enough to survive

on in the coming weeks.
Tork and Grunt are each taking up a position, establishing a point
from which to make concessions. A position can mean anything
from a vague preference to an immovable principle. Tork needs to
communicate with Grunt some facts about his position. He could
ease the path of negotiation by removing any suggestion of hostility
and by discussing the problems his tribe faces in finding food.
This would fit the first standard of being sensible, appropriate and
workable as it immediately establishes some basis for possible cooperation. Tork could then go on to ask if they are willing to discuss
mutual issues and explore ways in which they can cooperate.
This follows the second standard of being straightforward, efficient
and smooth. It clarifies why Tork wants to negotiate. He is giving
Grunt and his tribe the opportunity of determining at the outset
whether there is the potential for negotiation. Tork is moving away
from negotiating about a position and instead he is negotiating
about areas of common interest.
But its not enough for a negotiation just to be sensible and straightforward. It has to last, which is why the third criteria is critical if the
process is to develop effectively.

A negotiation should sustain and not

damage or diminish the relationship of
the parties involved

Conflict is not a good negotiating tool. You saw in Torks encounter

with the tiger that there was no clear outcome. A similar situation
could now confront Tork and his neighbours. Maybe Tork and Grunt
already co-exist on a friendly basis; alternatively, they may never
have met face-to-face. Either way, it is important that the present
negotiation does not damage or diminish their relationship. Ground
Rule 3 makes this point absolutely clear.

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TORK & GRUNTS GUIDE TO EFFECTIVE NEGOTIATIONS

Ground Rule 3:
Plan for the future
Now that they have met, and even though they
havent yet started formal negotiations, the process
has been set in motion. Maybe they will now establish
a new basis for future cooperation. Maybe the discussions will never get off the ground.
Grunt might tell him to go away, and Tork might do just that. An
unsatisfactory outcome for Tork but it satisfies the WAO factor. It
could even conform to the fourth standard:
A negotiations outcome should be
satisfying, meeting the realistic
expectations of both parties

Tork might realize that he would be pushing his luck. There is little
chance of the neighbours agreeing to share their food in a situation
when there is always a shortage. However, if you assume that Tork
would not be happy to walk away empty-handed, you must ask
yourself: would it have been possible for him to have conducted the
negotiation in a way that achieved an outcome which met all the criteria of both parties?
Certainly he would not have achieved this through Positional
Negotiation. However, he might have stood a better chance
through an alternative process I call Directional Negotiation,
which is explored later. First, here is an example of a typical
Positional Negotiation and a typical compromise.

Home sweet home

From prehistoric caves to suburban houses. You have looked at our
cavemen and seen how they might negotiate; now lets take a
modern example.

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FUNDAMENTALS OF NEGOTIATION

Jacks house is on the market for 250,000; Robert and Rosemary have
a budget of 200,000 but decide to view the property as it seems
from the particulars to be ideal for their needs and rather overpriced. After looking over Jack and Jills house, Robert opens
negotiations with a soft and sweet approach:
We really like your home, Jack, but we have a budget of 200,000
and wonder if you would consider coming down in price.
Jack knows he has pitched the price on the high side but wants to
get the best price he can. He plays rough and tough:
Weve had the place valued and we know what its worth. We
need to think about our future plans and cannot afford to start
giving away 50,000.
Jill adds:
You must know the value of property in this neighbourhood; we
are not in a hurry to sell, so we can wait until we get what we
want.
This is classic rough and tough style. Jack and Jill are arguing their
position, pushing hard, digging in, not revealing their final position
and not trusting what Robert and Rosemary are saying.
Rosemary replies to Jill:
Of course I understand your position, and I am sure you know
the market value of your home. On the other hand we can complete the sale and purchase quickly as we are renting at the
moment. Perhaps we could offer a little more, even if it meant
delaying buying some of the new furniture we had planned to
purchase. Or maybe you dont want to take everything with you,
especially if you are looking for a smaller place in the country.
Rosemarys style is soft and sweet. She is agreeing with the other
party and is already suggesting they might pay a little more and that
there could be other deals which they could discuss.
Jack still plays rough, and makes a grudging concession. They had no
intention of taking their furniture, carpets and curtains with them as

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TORK & GRUNTS GUIDE TO EFFECTIVE NEGOTIATIONS

these would not suit the country cottage they have their eyes on.
They will not reveal this to Robert and Rosemary because, in classic
rough and tough style, they dont trust them and they would never
reveal more than they had to in conducting the negotiation.
OK, I suppose we could do a deal on the furniture and fittings,
but its all top-quality, and cost us a lot of money. I dont know
what to say well have to work out a price.
Again, Jack is concealing his position and leaving the other side to
come back with an offer. Rosemary steps in, gently trying to establish a value for the furnishings:
We had to furnish our first home with second-hand furniture, and
we were surprised how little it cost us. It seems to have very little
value when you come to sell it. Carpets and curtains are never the
right size when you move, and fashion changes so fast in furniture. I think youd be lucky to get more than a few hundred,
maybe a thousand for everything. Its heartbreaking, isnt it,
when you know what it cost you?
Robert joins the discussion:
I agree with my wife. And I agree with you that there are properties in this area fetching 250,000 but there are also some around
185,000. I think we could realistically offer you 215,000 to
include all the furniture, curtains and carpets. It would mean that
we would not be able to have the new furniture we planned on for
a year or two, but we could gradually do one room at a time as
we can afford it. What do you think: 215,000 and you dont have
to worry about house clearers and auction sales?
Again, Robert and Rosemary are following the soft and sweet pattern, increasing their offer, agreeing with what Jack and Jill are
saying, backing down and almost revealing their final position.
Jack can see that selling to Robert and Rosemary could have several
advantages. The sale would go through smoothly and they could
move earlier than they had anticipated, and that would suit them.
However he still needs to get the best price he can to conserve as
much capital as possible. He keeps following a hard line.

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FUNDAMENTALS OF NEGOTIATION

It has cost us a fortune to get this place looking this good, and
youd be saving a lot of money with the house ready for you to
move in without having to spend anything. On the other hand,
you say you are in a position to close a deal quickly, so perhaps
we could come down to 235,000. If we do that, wed want to
complete the sale quickly.
Rosemary responds:
We couldnt stretch to 235,000; its just too much for us to
afford. If we take our savings and borrow extra, we might be able
to raise 230,000, but thats as far as we can go.
Rosemary has revealed her final position and is doing everything she
can to avoid an argument. Jack now knows he cannot push the price
any higher, and replies:
Well, if that really is all you can manage then I suppose we will at
least be able to move quickly and not have to keep showing people round the house. What do you think, Jill?
Its not what we want, and I dont want to make a commitment
and then find that Robert and Rosemary cannot go through with
the purchase. I think we must insist on a quick sale.
Jack picks up on this and concludes:
Right, well, we will accept your offer of 230,000 but we insist
that the sale is completed by the end of the month.
Finally they shake hands on the deal. As Robert and Rosemary drive
home, they are resentful of the fact that they are paying 30,000
more than they had planned. As Jack and Jill stand at their front door
and watch them drive away, Jack turns to Jill and comments that they
are out-of-pocket by 20,000.
Thats what happens with positional negotiation. Both parties feel
hard done by but, as we shall see later, the same negotiation could
have been achieved more easily and more positively if the two parties had approached it differently.

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TORK & GRUNTS GUIDE TO EFFECTIVE NEGOTIATIONS

Summary
There are three basic rules to all negotiations:

Ground Rule 1:
Someones got something you want

Ground Rule 2:
Understand and be understood

Ground Rule 3:
Plan for the future

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FUNDAMENTALS OF NEGOTIATION

There are four criteria for conducting an effective negotiation:

Sensible : Straightforward : Sustaining : Satisfying

A negotiation should be sensible,

appropriate and workable

A negotiation should be straightforward,

efficient and smooth

A negotiation should sustain and not

damage or diminish the relationship of
the parties involved

A negotiations outcome should be

satisfying, meeting the realistic
expectations of both parties

25

Who is this person?

You have seen the three rules of negotiation, and the four standards
for conducting an effective negotiation. Next are the three steps the
parties take when they start to negotiate.
These are:
1. Consider the people who are involved.
2. Establish what it is you are discussing.
3. Determine how you are going to negotiate.
You can see this in Torks encounter in the last chapter. As Tork
approaches the group, they look at him with a mixture of curiosity
and aggression. Grunt speaks:
Who is this person, whats this all about, and how do we handle
this?
Grunt encapsulates our three steps most succinctly:
1. Consider the people who are involved:
Grunt asks:
Who is this person?
2. Establish what it is you are discussing:
Grunt asks:
Whats this all about?

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WHO IS THIS PERSON?

3. Determine how you are going to negotiate:

Grunt asks:
How do we handle this?

Who are you dealing with?

This chapter and the next examine the first two elements the personalities and the issues. The rest of the book looks at the mechanics
of negotiation.
The people aspect of a negotiation is the first consideration because,
whether you are talking about a domestic dispute, a commercial
contract or an international treaty, it all starts with the personalities involved.
When Grunt asks: Who is this person? you can picture them eyeing
each other. In any personal interaction, most people will start by
looking the other person up and down and making an assessment.
This applies whether you are talking about a sales person and a customer, a teacher and a student, or a parent and a child.

First impressions are important

The parties each sum up the other and make judgements. You do
this when you meet someone face-to-face. Equally, you will use an
initial judgement in any type of contact. You dont need to see people to form an opinion of them.
Where the contact is by telephone, you will make a judgement based
on their voice, their choice of words and their accent or dialect. If the
initial approach is written, you will judge the use of language as well
as how the document is structured, the quality of the paper, the
style, layout and overall aesthetics. From this you will form an
impression about the person or the organization sending it to you.
First impressions count for a lot but if you read too much into your
initial reaction you can make serious mistakes. The fundamental mistake is to judge the person, rather than evaluate the deal the person
is looking for.

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TORK & GRUNTS GUIDE TO EFFECTIVE NEGOTIATIONS

Are you judging the person, or evaluating the deal on offer?

People do it all the time. When two parties make contact they make
a judgement about each other before they consider what it is that
each is asking for. They use their assessment of the person as a tool
to help them determine what the issue is, what the expectation of
the other party is and what their position should be.
When you see an angry expression, you immediately assume you are
going to have to put up a fight. When you see a smiling face you are
instinctively more receptive to the person, even before they speak. If
you see a pleading face, you imagine you are going to have to make
some concessions.
Pre-judgement based on skill, experience and human instinct can
work to your advantage. A skilled sales manager may use her experience to sum up a customer from a first impression and be able to
estimate what the customer is willing to spend on a particular product or service. She may also be able to dismiss contacts who are just
looking so that she does not miss the opportunity to attend to customers who are more likely prospects.
After that first impression the two parties must establish a working
relationship. The first consideration going back to the initial
ground rules is their communication with each other.
This can be either helped or hindered by how well they know each
other or each others personality. It can be an advantage to be negotiating with someone you know well, or who has a similar social,
educational or cultural background. On the other hand, this may
complicate the process. While friends and enemies may be two
extreme examples, the point is that all negotiation is a people-thing
and getting to know the other party helps to build a basis for interaction. Common ground, whether it is based on personal
background or on the discovery of common interests, values and
beliefs, creates a link between the parties, connecting them with a
degree of mutual trust.

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WHO IS THIS PERSON?

Are you letting your personal feelings cloud the issue?

It can be difficult to do business with friends because your personal
relationship gets in the way of commercial considerations.
Maintaining the personal relationship becomes more important than
optimizing the proposed transaction.
Looking at the opposite situation, you may find it difficult to do business with someone you do not like, even if the deal on offer is a good
one, because you do not want to give any benefit or advantage to
someone you dont get on with. What you can see from all of this is
that personal relationships, whether positive or negative, can get in
the way of achieving an efficient negotiation.

How to handle unavoidable differences

In addition, issues of gender, generation, status and culture can all
have an impact on any kind of negotiation. In a court of law, a
woman in dispute with a man may deliberately choose to be represented by a male solicitor so the element of male/female conflict is
reduced. On the other hand, either party to a negotiation may deliberately exploit a difference to gain an advantage. Children, from
toddler to teenager, know exactly how to exploit this: a manipulative
child negotiating with a parent will use age or dependence to try to
win sympathy.

Sorry officer, no speak the lingo

A language barrier can be a bonus: a motorist on holiday in a foreign
country may plead his ignorance of that countrys laws in order to try
to avoid being given a speeding ticket. Sex rears its not-so-ugly head
when a handsome man or attractive woman uses flirtatiousness as a
tool in a negotiation with a member of the opposite sex. Sometimes
such strategies are effective; at other times they can rebound with an
unexpected outcome.

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TORK & GRUNTS GUIDE TO EFFECTIVE NEGOTIATIONS

Would it help if you involved a third party to act as an

intermediary?
In family life a child may turn to an elder brother or adult relation to
mediate with parents over a disagreement, so that the age difference
is less significant. Similarly, when there is a differential in the status of
the two parties a junior wishing to negotiate with a superior the
junior may seek the support of a senior colleague.
When it comes to cross-cultural or international negotiations, a business executive negotiating with a foreigner will attempt to be
familiar with local cultural and social practices to avoid being at a disadvantage. They will frequently engage the services of a local person
to act as their agent in handling the discussions to ensure complete
comprehension. Where there is any level of language barrier the parties will engage an interpreter to make sure the nuances of language
are fully understood.
In every case the parties are seeking to remove barriers to communication and to come closer to achieving a basis for rapport. What is
more, in these examples they are specifically involving a third party
in their negotiations. This is covered in more detail later.

Choosing between the negotiation and the relationship

Negotiations are all about people, and personalities are central to
every interaction. Personal factors can complicate the issue, or they
can make it easier. If you allow personalities to over-influence you,
you can end up taking an unwise decision based purely on personality, that does not fully evaluate the issues under discussion.
Hes my friend. Give him whatever he wants.
This is what you might say, basing your decision on a trusted personal relationship. Or, equally prejudiced:
Dont listen to her. She is jealous and is always unreasonable.
You need to ask yourself what it is that you want. Do you want to
maintain the personal relationship, keeping friends as friends or

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WHO IS THIS PERSON?

equally, keeping enemies as enemies or do you want to resolve the

issue being negotiated?
There is not necessarily anything wrong with making the personal
relationship more important than the negotiation, as long as you
realize this is what you are doing. What is important is to be aware
when you are sacrificing one objective in order to fulfil the other.
Take the example of a domestic situation. The husband wants to go
to a football match and the wife wants him to go shopping with her
and for various reasons they cannot do both. In this situation either
party may decide to relinquish their personal preference in the interests of maintaining the relationship.
By contrast, in an international trade negotiation, Cuba may be willing to sell cigars to the US, knowing that the US consumers
appreciate the quality and value of their products. However, the US
may decide that it wishes to maintain an embargo on trade with
Cuba for political reasons. There is nothing wrong with ranking a
personal or political consideration as more important than a negotiation, as long as you are aware of what you are doing.
So what is the answer? If you keep your distance, if you are cold and
dispassionate and do not take personalities into account, you miss
the opportunity to build on an existing relationship or on the fact
that you do have some common understanding. On the other hand,
if you let yourself be swayed by personal or political considerations,
you may be unreasonably prejudiced or unfavourably influenced.

Separate the personalities from the problem

The only way to set the basis for an efficient negotiation is to be clear
about establishing a definite separation between your relationship
with the personalities involved, and your attitude to the issues which
are being considered in the negotiation. Negotiation is a people
business, but people and business must be dealt with separately.

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TORK & GRUNTS GUIDE TO EFFECTIVE NEGOTIATIONS

Tork and Grunt enter negotiations

First impressions are always important

Grunt looks at Tork. Tork is wearing funny clothes: his loincloth goes
right over his shoulder, and what are those silly bits around his
ankles? When Tork greets them, his voice is squeaky and some of the
words he uses mean nothing to Grunt and his companions.
Tork has a big old-fashioned spear so he is obviously out hunting.
Grunt is amazed because nobody goes spear-hunting for mammoths
these days; its terribly out-of-date. Pits are much easier and more
reliable. Grunt wonders how sophisticated Torks people are. Tork
looks at the mammoth that Grunt and his companions are carving
up and licks his lips. Grunt guesses that Tork must be hungry.

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WHO IS THIS PERSON?

Tork looks at Grunt. Grunt and his companions are wearing tiny loincloths that only cover their bottoms. Tork thinks it shameless to walk
around with the chest fully exposed, and finds it rather offensive.
He is also surprised at their lack of greeting when he approached. He
has been formal, following the etiquette of his own people, and has
talked at length about the weather before ritually offering blessings
on them, their ancestors and their families. All Grunt has done was
stare at him, which any civilized man knows is over-familiar, almost
rude. They ought to be offering hospitality but show no inclination
to share their magnificent kill.
Tork is perplexed and unsure how he should proceed.

Culture, tradition, language and territory

What you learn from the initial contact can provide you with useful
information for your negotiation. You need to verify your early interpretations, and be especially cautious when dealing with people of a
different culture. When Tork and Grunt meet they are both perplexed because what they see is unfamiliar. Each finds the others
appearance rather quaint. How should they proceed?
Whether you are talking about a prehistoric caveman or a twentyfirst century city trader, everyone has the same basic primeval desire
for territorial demarcation and the same psychological demand for
recognition and ego-protection. Everyone has their own values, and
even if you do not hold these same values yourself, it is a lot easier to
negotiate with the other party if you can at least understand where
they are coming from.
As soon as they met, Tork and Grunt were forming opinions about
each other and each others intentions, even though no real communication had yet taken place. Both parties made their initial
evaluation of the situation and both started to assess their next
steps. As they observed each other, they were drawn back to very
basic instincts.

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TORK & GRUNTS GUIDE TO EFFECTIVE NEGOTIATIONS

Everyone protects their own identity and integrity

When you look at members of a younger generation you may be surprised by their priorities and some of the things they do. People
forget that their own parents were similarly perplexed by their
actions and ideas. Similarly, you can look back at history, look at the
actions of governments of previous generations, and ask yourself:
How on earth did they arrive at that solution?
Whether you are talking about the impulsive actions of teenagers or
the political actions of past governments, the answer to the question
is that they chose their options because they felt good about the values on which they based their decisions and felt good about the
outcome they achieved. Their egos were validated, their values were
upheld and their self-esteem was preserved. Their decision was right
at the time because decisions are rooted in real-time and relate to
the values of the day.
This point is crucial to understanding the process of negotiation.
There is always a tendency to judge past events by present values,
and hindsight is an exact and unforgiving science. When you look
back at past events and try to understand them, you need to understand the perspective and realities of a past era. When you negotiate
with someone, you need to understand where they are coming from.

Everyone operates from their own perspective

When people talk about a point of view they are using the vocabulary
of perspective. Each party to a negotiation will operate primarily from
their own perspective their own point of view in a way they perceive
to be perfectly logical and rational. This was considered in the previous
section when you looked at gender, generation, status and culture.
Because its not always easy to do this, people will often appoint an
intermediary who can relate more easily with the other party.
But theres more to it than being the same gender, race or nationality. If you look back at history you can see how the whole social
context affects why people did the things they did and why this
sometimes looks strange from a present-day perspective.

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WHO IS THIS PERSON?

Put yourself in the other partys position

When people look back at the age of the British Empire, they are
often puzzled. They question how one civilization thought it appropriate and justifiable to eliminate cultures and societies that had
existed for many generations. You can start to find the answer if you
now examine the British parliamentary debates that surrounded for
example the building of the railways in East Africa. There, you will
find discussion of the economic imperative to open up Africa to trade
and commerce. This you can understand, because current thinking is
that imperialism was essentially an economic movement born of
greed and arrogance.
However, what you will also find as a strong thread in the parliamentary arguments is a passionate desire to evangelize and bring
western education and values to areas that had been isolated from
the outside world before the railway was conceived. The Victorians
wanted to create economic wealth, and at the same time they
embodied a strong element of altruism in believing they had a mission to save the local population by converting them to Christianity.
If this sounds unbelievable to twenty-first century ears, you can go
back to Hansard, the official record of British parliamentary debates,
and look at what was being said in Parliament at that time. It is
revealing to discover that these were the clear values that were being
expressed. You will make your own judgement as to whether you
believe people were being open and honest in what they said, but
many other contemporary records support the thesis that idealism
and religious fervour were important elements in the British colonial
psyche at that time.

You dont have to agree with another persons point of view,

but you do have to understand and appreciate it
What actually happened in terms of the seizure of land and other
assets, and in terms of the violent wars of conquest, is a separate
issue; what you can see is that the basic motivation was far from simple territorial expansion and economic exploitation. Today, society
challenges and denounces colonialism because society has different

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values. By and large, people are arguably more tolerant and more
open to different ideas.
In short, people today have a different perspective from people a
century ago. And when we try to look forward, it is challenging to try
to predict future attitudes.
How do you think history will judge the American nation for the
invasions of first Afghanistan and then Iraq?
Will multiculturalism be looked on in a positive or negative light?
Is Political Correctness a mature and correct way to interact with
other people or is it patronising and over-reacting?
All we can do is try to see a situation from many points of view, and
try to understand the various different perspectives. Usually we will
see the bare bones of a negotiating situation. If you look deeper into
imperialism, you can see colonization as a sort of negotiation, going
back to Rule One:
Someones got something you want
Colonization failed as a way of achieving this for many reasons
including its ultimate failure under Rule Three:
Plan for the future
One of the underlying reasons for failure was that, despite the
benevolent and humanitarian assertions found in contemporary
documentation, colonialism threatened two of the most important elements of civilization: It denounced self esteem and it
claimed territory.

You must acknowledge the other partys territory

and self-esteem
Personal integrity, the sense of self-worth and ego, is at the heart of
our individual values. If you are not allowed to be yourself, you will
rebel against the other party and insist on your right to be who you
are as an independent human individual. There will be a lack of communication and understanding, and ultimately the parties will
polarize into opposing positions.

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WHO IS THIS PERSON?

Once again, you can look at history for examples. In the negotiations
leading to the independence of India from the British Empire,
Jawarhalal Nehru, then the future first Indian Prime Minister, said:
We want the right to make our own mistakes.
The peoples of India did not want to be told what they could and
could not do. They claimed the right to act within their own personal
integrity. This is a classic negotiation scenario.
In every negotiation, each party wants to make its own choices in
accordance with its own values, and from its own perspective. It is
only when each party truly believes it is reaching the best available
decision, that you have the basis for a positive solution. The final outcome may not be what each party had hoped for at the outset, but
it must be one that each party agrees to as an acceptable resolution.
When you look at a formal negotiation like an armistice, even though
it confirms that one party has won and one has lost, it now establishes a new, non-combatant relationship, a workable way forward.
In one sense, ego is all about the territory you occupy mentally.
Personal territory is an imperative which must be considered in any
negotiation. People are all animals at heart, occupying their own
space in every sense, whether they are sitting with a group of friends
drinking coffee and chatting socially or whether they are at the
boardroom table discussing corporate policy.

Choosing where to negotiate

The selection of a location will make a clear statement about the relationship between the parties. If one wishes to create the impression
of equality, it is important to select a neutral location, or to alternate
between Home and Away. This will ensure that neither party has reason to be intimidated by being on the others territory; nor is either
party able to demonstrate territorial dominance.
It is highly significant that the talks to end the Vietnam War were
delayed for months because no agreement could be reached on the
shape of the table around which the delegates would meet to

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negotiate. That was not a matter of aesthetics or whim; it was a

highly significant issue of the physical territory the parties would be
seen to occupy.
What is more, the negotiating table was eventually situated in a neutral venue (Paris). The location of a negotiation often determines a
hierarchy between the parties, which is why international alliances
are often concluded on neutral ground or at a relatively anonymous location.
The Franco-German armistice in the First World War was concluded
in a railway carriage in the middle of a forest, away from any publicity so that no element of triumphalism could endanger the ongoing
relationship between the population and the invading power.
In more recent times, negotiations on the ongoing crisis in the
Middle East have been held in the United States, signifying on the
one hand the removal of the negotiation from the theatre of the dispute, but at the same time confirming the dominant role of America
in influencing policy in the negotiations between the Arab and
Israeli peoples.
An acknowledgement of both real and virtual territory is fundamental to understanding effective negotiation. You hear it in the
vocabulary of negotiation:
We need space to manoeuvre Where do we go from here ?
We need to move on

The importance of showing respect

When you look at acknowledging and understanding ego, you
come up against one of the buzz-words of the twenty-first
century: Respect.
It is a word commonly used by people who feel themselves to be
socially or economically disadvantaged. They demand respect
because it is the essential element that validates their individual ego
and their right to personal territory.

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WHO IS THIS PERSON?

When someone asks for respect, what is it that they are actually asking for? In a sense it is recognition of their individuality but how do
you recognize individuality? You do it by moving out of your own
mindset and temporarily putting yourself into the mindset the
beliefs and values of the other party. You set aside your own opinions (ego) and vacate your own position (territory) so you can see
what your opinions and your position look like from a different perspective.
In doing this, you show you are willing to explore to use a territorial expression where the other party is coming from. You are
acknowledging and practising the real process of negotiation.

Now, back to the cavemen again

Grunt asks:
Who is this person?
Having made his initial assessment he needs to find out more, and to
establish what it is that Tork wants to negotiate. From the length and
substance of Torks opening greeting, Grunt realizes Tork is used to
rather more formality than his own tribe. He puts down his flint knife
and the bone he has been gnawing and raises his hand in his own
tribes formal greeting. Then he adds a few words which he hopes
will be well-received:
Greetings to you, stranger. Blessings on your women and children.
In doing this, he acknowledges Torks ego, and then he needs to
address territory. He can invite Tork to join them, but in doing so he
is both inviting him into his circle with his companions, and at the
same time effectively threatening him by outnumbering him. He
cleverly chooses a compromise and gestures to some rocks a few
yards away.
Lets sit over there and talk.

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Get to know the person you are dealing with

Grunts companions watch as Tork and Grunt walk across and sit
down. Grunt makes sure that Tork can see the others. He also ensures
his companions can see him and overhear the conversation. Tork
understands the strategy and complies.
There is still an imbalance in the negotiation, which is clear to Grunt
as he sees Tork licking his lips. Grunt offers Tork a hunk of meat and
the balance is restored.
Tork is now revising his initial opinion of the other tribe. They clearly
dont have the same traditions as his own people, but they have
made him comfortable by accommodating his psychological needs
and his hunger. Grunt knows he has made all the right moves. He
has carefully thought about the situation from Torks point of view,

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WHO IS THIS PERSON?

knowing that he and his companions are in a strong and possibly

threatening position.
Now Grunt has to decide what to do next but he is in no hurry to
declare his hand. That can wait while they get to know each other. In
particular, he needs to assess whether the neighbours group is large
and threatening, or small and a potential ally in the struggle
for survival.
When Tork has finished eating, Grunt talks about the mammoth they
have hunted and asks Tork if he has had any success. Tork is careful
not to reveal too much of the harsh situation of his people, who have
not eaten well in weeks. He does not wish to imply that his plight is
desperate, even though things are very tough right now. He tells
Grunt that he has been tracking the mammoth Grunt and his companions trapped and congratulates his neighbours on their success.
This shows respect for Grunt, addressing his ego. He continues the
conversation about food supplies, reverting to their common interest:
I like to hunt alone. Are there just the three of you who are
hunters?
Tork has been clever, not revealing that he is the only strong and fit
adult male in his group, but at the same time asking Grunt a leading
question which may help identify the size of his group.
We need three of us to carry the meat back to our people. How
could you manage alone if you were successful in your hunt?
Tork thinks a moment:
One hunter can move silently, while the others wait to help when
I find the mammoth. If there were more of us there would be more
danger.
There is now mutual respect, because each party has shown skill and
intelligence in the way they conduct their business. A similar conversation could have taken place between a manufacturer and a
potential supplier seeking to discover more about each other. There
is an element of point-scoring in the exchange, but equally there is a
common language that establishes a basis for understanding. The

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two parties sit in silence, each considering the next move, then
Grunt speaks:
This is a harsh and difficult life.
I agree, food is hard to find,
responds Tork, not wanting to put himself at a disadvantage by making any requests at this stage and putting himself and his people
under an obligation to their neighbours.
Grunt pauses, then speaks again:
Perhaps we can help each other. There might be ways that would
make life easier for all of us.
Tork thinks for a moment, then has an idea:
What we need is a strategy, something that would work for all of
us. Not just a survival strategy, we need a policy, a great, big,
mammoth strategy, a way of working together so that we dont
have to worry about the day-to-day problems.
Grunt laughed.
Mammoth strategy thats good. A strategy for dealing with
mammoths and a big, strong strategy, a way of doing things that
will work whenever we need to resolve an issue. I reckon you and
I could come up with something that would suit all of us.
And so they establish a personal relationship, and begin to negotiate.

Summary
Communication is at the heart of negotiation. There is no communication without understanding, and the only way to ensure you are
understanding and being understood is by constant active listening,
emphasis and explanation, and by asking for clarification.
Personalities can help or hinder a negotiation. Whether or not you
like the other person is relevant, but must be put to one side: you
must separate the personalities from the problem.

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WHO IS THIS PERSON?

Who are you dealing with? A pre-negotiation checklist

How do you relate to the other person?
Are you the same gender as the
other party?

Is this an advantage or a
disadvantage?

Are you the same status as the

other party? Is he/she superior or
inferior to you in the organization
or situation you are in?

Do you need to act in a different

way?

Are you culturally similar? Are

there any national, religious or
racial issues which might affect
your conversation?

Should you appoint a third party

who would relate more effectively
to the other person?

Do you have similar social and

educational backgrounds?

Should you negotiate through

your local business agent, a legal
representative, an interpreter,
someone closer to the other party
in status or age or of the same
gender?

Are you both speaking your

mother-tongue? Do you have a
fluent and fully understood
common language?

Timing
Are you ready to hold this
negotiation here and now?

What will be the effect if you delay

the negotiation?

Is the other party ready to

proceed?

Can you agree when to proceed?

Location
Should you aim to hold the
negotiation on your own territory?

Would a neutral location be an

advantage?

Should you aim to hold the

negotiation on the other partys
territory?

Is there a significant third party

whose territory could be used
advantageously?

Common interest
Can you see possible areas of
common interest?

Are you willing to explore

possibilities?

Is the other party open to

expanding the negotiation?

Will they be persuaded to move

from a fixed position?

43

Whats this all about?

In traditional Positional Negotiation, this is where things can start to

go wrong. Grunts position is that he has food supplies. Torks position is that he doesnt. If they focus on the present circumstances,
they can see the situation only in terms of one party winning at the
expense of the other, which is generally the outcome of Positional
Negotiation.
There is another way to look at this. After all, whats this all about?

Establishing the issues

It is vital to realize that the issue is not that Grunt has food and Tork
does not; its all about the fact that food is scarce and hard to come
by. This is the critical issue, and the particular situations of Grunt and
Tork are the direct result of this central issue.
When the cave people find a mammoth they have plenty, but
mammoth-hunting is hard work and not always successful. Suppose
Tork had met Grunt and his companions on the previous day, when
they were all very hungry and desperately hunting. After the initial
greetings and formalities establishing a relationship and finding a
comfortable neutral location to talk, their conversation might have
gone something like this:
Seen any mammoths today?

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WHATS THIS ALL ABOUT?

I saw two together, over by the mountain.

Thats always dangerous when there are two of them.
Yes, the trouble is that if you manage to get one then the other
can come on after you.
Suppose we got a crowd of us together and tried to separate
them, then we could limit the risk. What do you think?
If we involved all our people who can run fast, it could work.
Mind you, wed have to work closely together.
But then we could have enough food for all of us.
Tork and Grunt have a common objective, which is to have enough
food. That objective already existed on the day before Grunt and his
companions were successful, and it will be the same objective when
the new stock they are dining off today is depleted. The present situation, when Tork has no food and Grunt has plenty, does not
contradict the basic fact, which is that food is generally scarce and it
is hard to feed everybody.

Moving in the right direction

Lets look at what happens if you compare the process of Positional
Negotiation with Directional Negotiation, viewing the situation
from a broader perspective.
Tork and Grunt will have a more efficient negotiation if they concentrate on the issue, explore all the options and are open to
investigating all the alternatives. If they keep personalities out of the
discussion and listen to each others point of view, concerns and
needs, they can discover whether there is a solution that works for
both of them.
It is in human nature to be so focused on your own position that you
fail to see the opportunities which could satisfy both parties. Taking
a creative approach requires a willingness to forget any preconceived
ideas about what the outcome has to be, and an openness to considering every option.

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TORK & GRUNTS GUIDE TO EFFECTIVE NEGOTIATIONS

Positional Negotiation

Directional Negotiation

Rough &
Tough

Soft & Sweet

Broader Perspective

Going for
conquest

Going for
agreement

Going for an appropriate

outcome

Dig in

Suggest deals

Focus on what its all about

Threaten

Offer

Explore

Go for what
youll settle for

Go for what
theyll settle for

Establish what all the

options are

Argue for own

position

Argue for
agreement

Look for mutually beneficial

options

Push hard

Back down

Listen, and be open to

alternatives

Conceal final
position

Reveal final
position

Dont have any fixed final

position

Increase
argument

Avoid argument

Listen to reason, and respond

accordingly

Distrust

Trust

Take trust out of the equation

Be hard

Be soft

Be balanced

Make demands
as a condition of
maintaining the
relationship

Concede in the
interests of
maintaining the
relationship

Keep personalities out of it

You can illustrate this example if you take a look at two cavewomen
who live far away from Grunt and Tork, on the other side of the
mountain. They are Wizpa and Chat, and they have their own problems surviving in these primeval times. Once again, one group has
trapped a mammoth while the other has been unsuccessful. Chat
arrives on the scene to find Wizpa and her companions hard at work
skinning the mighty beast.

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WHATS THIS ALL ABOUT?

Fighting over the kill

I want that mammoth, shouts Chat.

You cant have it. We found it and its ours! replies Wizpa.
You cant possibly want all that its huge, says Chat.
At this point Chat and Wizpa have taken up positions and are arguing about who should have the mammoth. The argument could
move into Rough & Tough mode and become violent, or Chat might
play it Soft & Sweet. Eventually they might agree to divide the carcass, but would this serve their individual needs?
Think about it for a moment! What would happen is that both parties would be left disgruntled, having failed to maximize what they
could have got out of the negotiation.

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You must establish what both parties want from a negotiation

The problem with Chat and Wizpa is that they have not established
what it is that each wants from the mammoth. The argument continues.
We need all of the mammoth. We are cold at night and winter is
coming. We need to keep warm, retorts Wizpa.
Wizpas issue is that she and her group are cold, so they need the fur
of the mammoth to make clothes and bedding.
And my people are all hungry, answers Chat.
Chats issue is that she and her group are hungry, and they want to
eat the mammoth.
Why are you hungry? says Wizpa. The lake is full of fish.
How can anybody catch a fish? asks Chat. They swim too
quickly. And anyway, why are you cold? There is plenty of wood
to burn?
Only thunderstorms make fire, says Wizpa. We cant keep the
fire after the storms, and we cant make it ourselves. As for fishing, dont you know how to make a harpoon?
Chats people have no problem keeping warm in winter, but the only
source of food they are familiar with is meat. On the other hand,
Wizpas people have no problem taking fish from the lake for food,
but they do not know how to keep warm without layers of fur clothing and bedding. The debate continues.
Wizpa pauses for a moment, and then makes a proposal a revolutionary win-win solution.
We will show you how to make harpoons and catch fish if you
will teach us how you make fire.
Suddenly, the negotiation is not about the mammoth at all. It has
moved on to skills which each can teach the other and transfer of
skills means that there is a benefit to the receiver without any loss to

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WHATS THIS ALL ABOUT?

the giver. This proposal benefits both parties but Chats eyes are still
on the mammoth.
Chat thinks, and then offers a counter proposal:
What about the carcass? Once youve skinned it youll have
enough fur to keep you warm. What about all that meat? Theres
too much there for your group to eat and our people love to eat
meat.
Wizpa looks for a further deal.
The meat is tough and hard. Thats why we dont eat it. But the
bones are really useful.
Chat is surprised.
If you put the meat on the fire it is very good to eat. It becomes
tender. It tastes really good. You can cook it with plants and vegetables, too. You say the bones are useful? Why would you want
to keep the bones? We just throw them away.
Wizpa shakes her head in disbelief.
Bones can be carved into different shapes; we make all sorts of
things with bones, including brooches and buckles for our clothes.
You can sharpen pieces of bone to make knives and its perfect for
harpoons, of course. Thats how we catch the fish.

What was it all about?

It wasnt about who should have the spoils of the hunt, it was about
finding sources of food and finding ways to keep warm at night.
Once they established what it was all about, they created a winwin solution.

Solving each others problems by being creative

Now you have established that there is in fact no conflict between
the positions that Wizpa and Chat started from. The secret of this
success has been a willingness to move from a fixed position, to be

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creative and open to ideas. Once they focused on their needs they
quickly reach an ideal outcome.
Lets look again at the negotiation you considered in Chapter One,
with Jack and Jill selling their house to Robert and Rosemary.

Its not just a matter of price

The first example of their negotiation focused primarily on the price.
In reality, there were many other issues that surfaced in the course of
the negotiation.
Jack and Jill were going to sell not only their house but also the contents. Although they said they were not in a hurry to sell, there was
considerable benefit in being able to sell to buyers who did not
themselves have a property to dispose of. They pitched the price of
their property at 250,000, which was at the higher end of its valuation, and you saw that Robert and Rosemary knew there were similar
properties available at a range of prices lower than this.
Although Robert and Rosemary had a figure of 200,000 in mind,
they were going to have to spend a significant sum on furnishing
their new home.
This means Jack and Jill wanted to sell their home and much of the
contents, while Robert and Rosemary wanted to buy a house and
most of the necessary furnishings. This was what it was really all
about, but all of this only came out after initial disagreement and a
degree of tension.

When you know the real issues, the negotiation can be more
efficient, smooth and straightforward
In the end, the figure of 230,000 was probably a fair and realistic
price for both parties. But it only appears so when you look at what
the negotiation was really all about, and not when you examine it
from the standpoint of the opening positions of the two parties.
From that opening perspective, it seems that the 50,000 differential
could never be bridged.

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WHATS THIS ALL ABOUT?

How do you handle this?

You have looked in some detail at the matter of establishing what a
negotiation is about, but finding out what the real issues are is only
one step in the negotiation process; most negotiations involve a further stage. Generally negotiations take place on two levels at the
same time.

The What? And the How?

Firstly you need to establish what it is that you are negotiating about.
Then you need to determine how the negotiation itself should be
conducted and, most importantly, how the parties can evaluate
and judge the proposed outcomes.
A tough salesman will often try to establish a timescale in advance,
telling a customer that the prices and deals he is quoting are only
valid if the customer signs up there and then.
At the other extreme, it may take days to draw up the timetable for
an international negotiation, establishing the format and timetable
for a series of discussions, determining how evidence will be presented, and deciding in advance what sort of agreement will be
acceptable to both sides.

Examining the process of Directional Negotiation

Lets take another look at Grunt and Tork, in the first example, when
Tork finds his neighbours grouped around the carcass. Tork arrives
on the scene and sees his neighbours eating. His stomach rumbles
and he feels very hungry.
Give me some food, he shouts. I havent eaten for three days!
Grunt looks up and sees the stranger. He could say:
No, we are also hungry. We havent eaten all week!
Tork has now stalled the negotiation. By focusing exclusively on his
own position he has tried to start the negotiation but has failed to
consider the other partys position. Suppose he had said:

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I see you are hungry and eating well.

In doing this Tork is deliberately seeing things from Grunts point of
view and Grunt cannot disagree with what Tork is saying. Grunt
might then have replied:
Yes, it is a long time since we have eaten. Are you also hungry?
Grunt can see from the expression on Torks face that he is, and
Grunts approach is polite, inviting Tork to join them. This resolves
the immediate imbalance without creating a longer term problem.
Grunt and his people cannot eat a whole mammoth by themselves,
and nor can Tork, so the main negotiation on whether they should
all share their food is postponed.

What did it take to resolve the negotiation?

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Summary
The negotiation process goes through six steps.
1. You set the scene.
This means establishing a personal connection and deciding when
and where the negotiation should take place. The next step is:
2. You acknowledge both of your positions.
You cannot ignore the realities of a situation, and the realities are
the positions you start with. However, having acknowledged the
situation, you can then start to look for the underlying issues.
3. You define the issues.
The basic issue between Grunt and Tork is that food is scarce and
hard to come by. You now need to explore and see if there are
other issues that may be particularly important to either party. In
the example of Chat and Wizpa, you again saw how the existing
position can cloud the issue; they both wanted the mammoth but
they wanted different parts and for different reasons. In any negotiation, you must continually pull the debate away from
considerations of positions, and to do this:
4. You identify the desired outcome.
This may not be as straightforward as it was when Tork and Grunt
agreed that food was scarce and hard to come by. There may be
many possible outcomes to a negotiation, and many ways of
achieving the outcomes, leading to the next stage:
5. You explore possible solutions.
Even then, exploring and debating are not enough. You will not
reach an acceptable resolution of the negotiation unless you agree
in advance on how you will differentiate between good outcomes
and bad outcomes, and between good and bad ways of achieving
the desired outcomes. This establishes the final stage of a negotiation, which is:
6. You establish how you will evaluate the options.
As you can see, you are no longer negotiating about the positions,
nor are you yet negotiating about the issue. You are determining
the process of negotiation itself and agreeing on the parameters
by which you will judge the options.

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To summarize, this then is the process of Directional Negotiation:

1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.

You
You
You
You
You
You

set the scene.

acknowledge both of your positions.
define the issues.
identify the desired outcome.
explore possible solutions.
establish how you will evaluate the options.

RECAPITULATION OF PART ONE

Negotiating strategies
There are two basic strategies: Positional Negotiation which
means arguing from where you start, or Directional Negotiation
which means arguing towards what the parties want. Most people
use positional negotiation even though it leaves both sides dissatisfied, whereas if you find the common objective that is underlying a
negotiation, you can work towards a mutually rewarding outcome.
This book concerns itself with making directional negotiation work
for you, and the following chapters explore different aspects, tactics
and approaches. We have set out ground rules, criteria, scope and a
process to make this work efficiently.

The three ground rules

There are three basic rules to all negotiations:

Ground rule 1: negotiation starts because

someones got something you want

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WHATS THIS ALL ABOUT?

Ground rule 2: negotiation can only

continue if the parties can understand
one another and also be understood

Ground rule 3: negotiation is only

successful if you plan for the future

The scope of the negotiation

1. The People: consider the people who are involved.
2. The Topic: establish what it is that you are discussing.
2. The Method: determine how you are going to negotiate.

The criteria of the negotiation

Four criteria for conducting an effective negotiation:
Sensible : Straightforward : Sustaining : Satisfying

Firstly, a negotiation should be sensible,

appropriate and workable

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TORK & GRUNTS GUIDE TO EFFECTIVE NEGOTIATIONS

Secondly, it should be straightforward,

efficient and smooth

Thirdly, its important that a negotiation

should sustain and not damage or diminish
the relationship of the parties involved

Finally, a negotiations outcome should

be satisfying, meeting the realistic
expectations of both parties

The six-step process of directional negotiation

1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.

You
You
You
You
You
You

set the scene.

acknowledge both of your positions.
define the issues.
identify the desired outcome.
explore possible solutions.
establish how you evaluate the options.

In Part Two you will learn about all the necessary preparation that
establishes the context and background for a negotiation. In Part
Three you will learn the essential skills for handling the negotiation itself.
If it all sounds very complicated, be assured that homo sapiens has
been negotiating since he was hunting mammals. And while some of
his contemporaries were making the same mistakes then as people
still make today with positional negotiation, others were learning the
winning strategies and tactics of directional negotiation arguing
towards a win-win solution.

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PART TWO

Preparation for negotiation

Knowing what you want

Sometimes, what seems like a good idea ... isnt

Some time later, after further discussions with Grunt, Tork rushes
back to the cave, excited about the news he has for the family:
Listen, everyone! We are going to join forces with the people who
live on the other side of the valley and work together to trap
mammoths. Were going to live together as one big community.
Isnt it a great idea?
His wife, brother, sisters, uncles, aunts, in-laws and all his relations
look at him with shocked expressions. His wife responds:
Will there be room for all of us? And anyway, Ive only just finished the cave-paintings in the living area. Its looking so bright
and cheerful; I dont know that I like the idea of living down in the
valley.
Torks sister joins in the conversation:
How many people are there in that tribe? I thought they were all
young warriors; how many women and children are there?
Torks father breaks out in a fit of coughing. Noisily clearing his
throat, he looks at Tork with a worried expression on his face:

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Its very damp, down there in the valley, you know. The fog and
mist hang low every morning. It wont do my chest any good I
get very wheezy in the winter. The air up here suits me, and I like
to sit out on the ledge and watch the sun go down. You know
that, Tork.
Its not much to ask for in my old age, just a place in the evening
sun to sit and watch the clouds drift by. Ive done my bit over the
years, you know, been a hunter and raised a fine family. You cant
expect me to start moving around the countryside at my age. Its
not on, you know.
Tork is taken aback, and rather flustered as he tries to respond to
their objections:
Well, the guys I met seem really nice. I dont know if they have
families and I thought a change would be a good thing
It just seemed like a great idea when we were talking about it
We were thinking that ...
Torks voice fades away. He had been full of enthusiasm for Grunts
proposal that the two groups should cooperate and live together.
The two of them had been so excited that they had readily agreed to
go ahead without consulting their families, without thinking through
all the implications of the idea.
In their enthusiasm, neither of them had taken account of the many
issues and concerns that their families might have.
Meanwhile, down in the valley, Grunt sits down with his family
group, smiles broadly and announces:
The people up on the mountain are going to come down here
and live with us. I met this chap Tork nice bloke and we reckon
that if we all hunt together then life will be a lot easier.
The group is silent. Boss, the most senior member of the group,
strokes his beard and looks Grunt in the eye:

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Like Tork, Grunt lets his enthusiasm get the better of him

Your great-grandfather had the same thought, you know. It

seemed such a good idea, but in the end there was an argument
and our ancestors drove them back up the mountain.
Mountain people are very different, you know. Theyre lazy and
theyre poor hunters. The women just stay in the cave and play
with the children. Theyre not like us. It will never work out.
Grunts two sisters, who both have teenage daughters, exchange sly
glances. One turns to the other with a look of shock and dismay on
her face:
Well, you know what those mountain men are after, dont you?
They want our daughters!
Grunt realizes there are other things to consider apart from having
more people to help with the hunting. Perhaps they should have

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talked about it more before hastily shaking hands on what had

seemed like a good idea at the time.
They had not asked themselves the first question of any negotiation:
Is this important, and is it urgent?
When Tork was facing the tiger the timescale was critical kill or be
killed. When Tork met Grunt, the topic they discussed was very
important to both of them but it was not a matter that needed to
be decided there and then.
Confusing importance with urgency is a common fault you can make
when you become deeply involved in wanting to resolve a situation.
Tork and Grunt became so excited at the prospect of an easier life
that they rushed to decisions without taking all the implications
into account.

Fools rush in
The message of this example is that it is not a good idea to rush into
an agreement unless circumstances demand instant action. Once in
a while you may face a situation when you need to make a snap decision. Far more often, it pays to take stock and assess all the issues
involved before coming to a decision that may have many ramifications. Techniques for making quick decisions are examined later in
the book but firstly this section looks at how you prepare yourself
for a negotiation.

Is this a good time to talk?

Tork and Grunt both rushed in and started trying to negotiate without first establishing whether the other parties were even interested
in negotiating. To maximise your bargaining power, you need to be
sure youve sorted the fundamentals. Is this the right time, the right
place, and is the other side interested in talking? The following diagram is based on the Harvard Theory of Negotiation, and sets out
the critical path for laying the foundation for a negotiation.

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KNOWING WHAT YOU WANT

The first steps

in opening the
negotiation
process

Meet face-to-face : first impressions

Gender

Culture

Age

Establish appropriate approach

Status

Appoint third party negotiator

Formalities and exploratory remarks

Decide not to proceed

Decide to proceed
Timing are we both ready to proceed?

No

Yes

Do I want to continue?

No

Yes
Postpone negotiation
Reschedule timing

Unable to agree on timing

Reach agreement on timing

Do both parties agree on location?

No

Yes

Passive approach

Active approach

Await proposal from other party

Propose alternative location

Discuss alternatives

Unable to reach agreement

Agree on location
Open negotiations

Decide not to negotiate

Determine negotiation process

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What will you talk about? What do you really, really want?
At the same time as being sure your timing is right and that the other
party is ready, willing and able to negotiate, you must be clear about
what it is that you really want out of the deal.
Just as importantly, why do you want it? Are there other ways of
achieving your objective? What is your acceptable WAO? If you start
by finding the answers to these questions you are well-prepared to
negotiate sensibly towards the outcome you desire.

The importance of preparation

Every negotiation is about change. You saw in Part One how negotiation is often couched in phrases that relate to location, position and
movement. Negotiation involves changing your position from where
you are at the moment to a new position whether its about war
and peace, buying and selling, hiring and firing, or agreeing what to
do on a sunny afternoon.
To negotiate successfully about this change in position, you need to
prepare yourself by knowing:
Where you are at the moment
Where you would like to go
Where the other party or parties to the negotiation would like to go
And finally, where you are willing to go if you cannot go where
you would ideally want to go
Working out these positions is preparation that will often make the
difference between good and bad negotiation. When you consider
all these positions before you start to negotiate, you not only clarify
things in our own mind, you also establish a clear and strong basis
for your discussions.
Furthermore, you lay the foundations for achieving a lasting outcome rather than a temporary solution.

Being realistic
Knowing your position does not mean you are adopting Positional
Negotiation; it just means you acknowledge how things stand at

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present and have an expectation of what you want. You will probably also have some sort of road map in your head with various
options clearly defined.

Knowing what you want

Whether you are negotiating a family decision, like Tork and Grunts
plans to join forces as a community together down in the valley, or
whether it is a matter of a business transaction or a career move, you
must decide precisely what you want to achieve. Not more or less the
sort of outcome you might settle for, but a clear picture of what it is
that you want, what it entails, and why you want it.
Tork knew he wanted an easier way to have enough food for himself
and his family but neither he nor Grunt had thought through all the
implications of the solution they hit on which would mean relocating Torks family and disrupting Grunts living arrangements.
Lets take a contemporary example and examine the preparation you
might go through as part of a plan to make a career move.
Imagine you have been in the same job for three years and feel that
youve gone as far as you can in your current employment. You hear
that one of your customers is setting up a new business, and you
believe this could represent an interesting opportunity for you. You start
by talking about this informally, to find out more about the company
and discover what openings there might be. If this looks promising, you
might then have an exploratory interview, and if this goes well, you
could be invited back to negotiate the possibility of a job.
Up to this point, there has been no actual negotiation. You have
been going through a logical progression.

Setting your personal agenda

Having gone through the preliminaries, the next stage in your preparation is to determine the criteria you will be considering. These will
depend on the type of work you are applying for. You will not if you
are serious about getting the best deal from your new employer

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simply be looking for a certain level of pay. You will have an idea of
the salary and benefits you want, and you will also be ready to justify
why you believe that your proposal is fair and reasonable.
Timescale: you know your personal timescale. If you were
currently unemployed, a new job would probably be a matter of some
urgency. On the other hand, if you are reasonably content in your
present employment, there is probably no need to be over-anxious to
finalize negotiations quickly and come to a quick decision.

Mutual benefit: you have determined that there is something each

of you wants from the other.

Communication: you have established personal contact and have

no problem communicating.

Desirable outcome: you both know that the subject of the

negotiation will be a mutually acceptable contract of employment.

Process: you also know how you will negotiate, because there is an
accepted procedure the interview scenario which you both accept as
the process for reaching a negotiated agreement.

It could be simply a matter of determining the job and the remuneration package, or it could be more complex and look something
like this:
You will have an idea of the appointment you want in the company, and what this means in terms of role and responsibility
You will want be sure that you will have the support and assistance you need to perform your job effectively, with specific

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authority in terms of your authority to hire and fire, and to make

certain levels of expenditure
You will want specific strategic authority to set policy, within the
terms of the job specification
You will know the salary you are looking for, and will want to
ensure that the ratio of fixed salary to performance bonus is
acceptable to you
You will know what additional benefits you expect in terms of personal insurance, life and health cover, pension scheme and
holiday entitlement
Finally, and you will consider this in more detail in a moment, you
will know what your options are if the job offer does not match up
to what you are looking for
Clearly, the more senior the appointment, the more critical some of
these elements will be. But all of the above points apply to some
extent to any level of employment. Even the most junior position
carries with it certain rights, obligations, duties and privileges.

Knowing where you can afford to be flexible

The sum total of these criteria acts as a starting point for you, but
takes no account of what may be important to the other side. Again,
that can be put to one side for a moment.
Clearly, potential employers will not want to pay you more than they
think you are worth. They may not wish to grant you privileges and
benefits they are not offering other employees in similar jobs. Because
of this, it is important that you decide how flexible you are over the
criteria you have listed and think about the range of alternative outcomes which you are prepared to accept in each of the areas.
There may be a balance. Some points may be critical to your decision, while you may be prepared to reduce your demands in some
areas in return for an increased benefit in others.

The importance of the timescale

One crucial factor in any negotiation, quite apart from the simple
mutual benefits of the transaction itself, is the question of urgency.

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Are you in a hurry or can you afford to wait? Do you have a deadline?
Is the other side anxious to conclude the deal quickly?
The package deal that one party is prepared to offer is almost always
related to the need and urgency with which the other party wants it.
Generally, if you are not in a hurry to finalize a negotiation,
whichever side you are on, you are in a stronger position.
If you are in business and critically short of funds, you may be forced
to borrow at a high rate of interest or sell a controlling share of your
business in order to survive. If you are trying to buy a house and are
in a position to move quickly because you are currently renting
accommodation with a short-term lease, the person who is selling to
you may accept a lower offer because he or she knows you can close
the deal quickly. One person who needed money and concluded a
deal which later proved to have cost him dearly was J.R.R. Tolkien,
author of the fantasy trilogy Lord of the Rings.
In 1968, Tolkien sold the film rights to Lord of the Rings for 10,000
pounds sterling in order to settle a personal tax bill. When the three
films were eventually made, almost 40 years later, they grossed
almost three billion US dollars in box-office takings with a further
two billion dollars from additional sales and rentals of videos and
the merchandising programme of toys, games and other products.
Even allowing for exchange-rate fluctuations and inflation, Tolkiens
price represents a miniscule fraction of one per cent of the
films earnings.
Was it a good deal or a bad deal?
In 1968, Tolkien needed money urgently. At that time, with the
growth of television changing the pattern of social life, market analysts across Europe were predicting the demise of the cinema
industry, and theatres were being pulled down or converted to
leisure centres and supermarkets. The offer of 10,000 probably
looked reasonable, and nobody could then have imagined that the
eventual screen adaptations would prove to be in the all-time top ten
of box-office money-earners.
The crucial points are that both the prevailing market conditions and
the sellers need to conclude a deal were strong factors in enabling

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the purchaser to strike a bargain that now, with the benefit of hindsight, seems to have been a steal.
Once you:
know the timeframe
know what you want and
know how flexible you are prepared to be with your demands
you will have taken three of the most important steps in preparing
yourself. But setting a starting position and deciding on your final
position are not enough.

Moving from What? to Why?

If you cant get what you want, and even the final negotiation falls
short of what you are prepared to settle for, what will you do? What
are the alternatives to achieving a negotiated agreement?
Sometimes you become over-attached to the subject of one particular negotiation and end up making more concessions than you had
planned. Alternatively, you walk away when your final offer is
refused, and have a sense of failure about the whole deal.
The reason this happens is because you lose sight of your motivation.
You can become so focused on the one particular negotiation that
you forget why you started on this course of action. If you go back to
basics, and you clarify the reasons why you want to make a deal, you
can see whether the present negotiation is the only solution, or
whether it is one of a range of possible alternatives. Furthermore,
you can establish a course of action to follow, if all your negotiations
fall through. This is what is called the WAO the Walk-Away Option.

The risks of seeing a single solution

Lets return to Robert and Rosemary, who bought the house and
most of the furniture from Jack and Jill and are now settling in. As
they relax one evening, Robert sees an announcement in the local

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paper for an auction sale with a photograph of a fine dining table

and set of chairs. He points it out to his wife:
This looks good. Why dont we go along and bid for this?
I agree, it does look rather smart, she replies. But why do we
need more furniture?
Your family are all coming over next month, and that old table is
too small to seat all of us. We need a larger table and it would be
good to have a set of matching chairs. The estimated price is
1,5002,000. Its an antique, and at that price it would be an
investment.
So they decide to go to the sale, with a budget of 2,000.
An auction is a tightly structured type of negotiation. The clear
objective is to strike a bargain between the seller and the bidders.
The communication process is formal, with gestures and eye contact
between the auctioneer and the potential purchaser to place and
acknowledge a bid. The procedure and rules are understood by
all parties.
The potential problem for buyers at an auction is that it is easy to
become focused on winning the single negotiation of the auction, to
be carried away by the excitement of the bidding, and to end up
spending more than was originally planned.
In this example, the antique suite rapidly reaches the estimated
price and is finally sold for 2,200, above both the estimate and the
budget that Robert and Rosemary had set. They go home disappointed, and worried about accommodating the forthcoming visit of
their relatives.
Even if they had continued bidding, and bought the suite, it would
have solved their guest problem but cost them more than they
planned. Why have they failed to achieve the outcome they wanted?
The reason is straightforward. The motivation for buying furniture was
to be prepared for the visit of the relatives; this was why they went to
the auction sale. In fact, they had considered only one solution to their
problem: the auction sale. Was this the only option? Of course not! But

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by focusing on the single negotiation and losing sight of their motivation they failed to achieve the outcome they wanted.

Establishing alternative solutions

Lets rewind the conversation:
This looks good, why dont we go along and bid for this?
I agree, it does look rather smart, she replies. But why do we
need more furniture?
Your family are all coming over next month, and that old table is
too small to seat all of us. We need a larger table and it would be
good to have a set of matching chairs. The estimated price is
1,5002,000. Its an antique, and at that price it would be an
investment.
Then Rosemary could reply:
Yes, youre quite right; we must get a new table before the parents arrive. I agree that it would be good to have a quality
antique, but we cant afford to pin our hopes on placing the winning bid. Lets have a look around and see what else is available.
That weekend they go round the furniture stores and find a good
modern suite for 1,800. Rather than take a decision there and then,
they still go to the auction, but drop out of the bidding at their
budget limit of 2,000. Next day they buy the modern suite and have
enough left in their budget to purchase new crockery and cutlery in
time for the visit of their guests.
What did they do that made this a good negotiating strategy?
They went to the auction because this was one option to solve
their problem of needing a new suite of furniture
They researched the market and found an acceptable alternative
in case their bid at auction was too low to conclude their purchase
They went into the negotiation, but kept to their strategy and
stopped at their budget limit

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They achieved their objective of having the furniture and

the bonus of new crockery and cutlery in time for the visit of
their guests
The point about this example is that Robert and Rosemary were clear
about what they wanted, which was to buy a new dining suite. It was
not specifically to purchase the antique suite that they saw at the
salerooms. Even though they liked this, and decided it would be an
investment, they had made a clear distinction in their minds and
they were not attached to a particular solution to the problem. Most
importantly, they had a valid alternative if their bid at auction failed.
Often, when you think about negotiation, you are keen to determine
your bottom line or final offer but you do not always ensure that
you have established your Walk-Away Option. To do this, you have to
be creative and know precisely why you are going into the negotiation in the first place.

Following the Rules of Preparation

You can summarize the process of preparation into five questions
which help you to focus on the areas you need to think about before
you get down to discussions. These are easily remembered as When,
Why, What, Where and How.
1. When is about Timing:
When do you need to have this negotiation?
2. Why is about Motivation:
Why do you want to have this negotiation?
3. What is about Results:
What are the outcomes you want to achieve?
4. Where is about Flexibility:
Where can you be flexible and where will you be rigid about concessions?
5. How is about your Walk-Away Option:
How will you proceed if the negotiation fails?
At the beginning of this chapter you looked at Tork and Grunt and
their decision that they should all live together, down in the valley.
They hurried back to break the news to their shocked families and it

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looked as if that idea was a non-starter. You will remember one of

their conversations in Part One:
Seen any mammoths today?
I saw two together, over by the mountain.
Thats always dangerous when there are two of them.
Yes, the trouble is that if you manage to get one then the other
can come on after you.
Suppose we got a crowd of us together and tried to separate
them, then we could limit the risk. What do you think?
If we involved all our people who can run fast, it could work.
Mind you, wed have to work closely together.
But then we could have enough food for all of us.
This is how their conversation continued:
So, why dont you and your people move down in the valley, and
we can all live together? When were running low on food well
get everyone together and go off hunting.
Tork replied:
Sounds good to me. Theres no point in hanging around Ill go
and tell everyone to pack up.
Grunt smiled:
And Ill tell my people to make room for you and your relations.

Analyzing what Tork and Grunt decided

What could they have done differently? Now examine the situation,
using the five rules of preparation.
1. Timing:
Tork and Grunt had an ongoing problem but they had lived with
it for years. The issue was important but improving matters was
not a matter of urgency.

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2.

3.

4.

5.

What they did: they acted impulsively and took a major decision without considering all the implications
First mistake: they didnt need to rush into a decision
Motivation:
Both groups had a difficult and dangerous way of life and wanted
to find an easier way to have enough food.
What they did: they decided they would live together and
hunt as a combined group, then share the food they trapped
Second mistake: hunting together did not mean they necessarily had to live together
Results:
They wanted to hunt together and share the spoils.
What they did: they planned to have the two communities
living together
Third mistake: they had never tried working together and
could not know whether hunting together would work let
alone the idea of living together
Flexibility:
They both wanted a fair share of the hunt. They thought this
would work well if they combined their living arrangements.
What they did: although Tork and Grunt were laid back
about the idea of living together, they saw it only from their
own point of view, and did not take into account the opinions
of all the other people involved. As for sharing out the food,
they did not establish whether this should be on the basis of
numbers, seniority, gender, hunting ability, or any other criteria
Fourth mistake: hunting together would mean establishing
new rules and procedures that everyone could agree on. Living
together would mean embracing major changes and readjustments. They did not consider either of these areas in any detail
Walk-Away Option:
There was none!
What they did: they went ahead and agreed on the plan,
leaving themselves without any option to think it through and
consult the others
Fifth mistake: by doing this, they would probably later lose
face with each other and lose the respect of their own communities if they were subsequently forced to back down

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Five simple questions set the basis for change

To summarize the mistakes that Tork and Grunt made:
They made a quick decision when there was no urgency to
change the existing situation
The solution they decided on went much further than was
necessary
They had no idea whether the idea they proposed would work in
practice
There was no pressure to agree on the first idea they came up with
since they had the ongoing option of continuing as they had in
the past
They were left without any face-saving option if either their own
or the other community rejected their proposal

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From this simple example, you can see that lack of forethought and
inadequate preparation can back-fire on the negotiators, the outcome and the prospect of resolving the issue at a later stage.
Now assume that Tork and Grunt have done their preparation and
approach the negotiation more carefully. This is how the conversation might continue:
Suppose we got a crowd of us together and tried to separate the
mammoths, then we could limit the risk. What do you think?
If we involved all our people who can run fast, it could work.
Mind you, wed have to work closely together.
But then we could have enough food for all of us.
How could that work?
Theres a lot to discuss, you know, and were each going to have
to talk to our people about it before we go ahead.
Then their conversation could have continued, covering the five
areas of preparation:
1. Timing:
Well, theres no rush to change things; its been this way for
years and both our communities have survived up to now.
2. Motivation:
Life here is a struggle; it would be good if we did not need to
spend so much time out hunting.
3. Results:
We could try hunting together, to see if we can work well together
and find out whether we can develop a new joint strategy.
4. Flexibility:
We will have to decide how the food should be shared, whether
it should be divided equally or whether some people should have
a larger share than others.

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We need to talk to our people and see whether they are willing to
try it as an experiment. Maybe later we might even move
together into one big settlement.
5. Walk-Away Option:
If it doesnt work out and our people cant get on together, then
we can always go back to the way things are at the moment.

Summary
Before you enter into a negotiation, you need to be prepared.
You can do this by making sure you know the answers to five questions:
Considering your position
When

When must you finalize this, is it urgent, what is your

timescale?

Why

Why are you negotiating what is the background?

What

What do you ideally want to get out of this?

Where
How

Where can you be flexible and where must you be

rigid?
How will you proceed if the negotiation fails, what is
your WAO?

Now you are prepared but what about the other side?

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Establishing what the other

side wants

Why dont you want what I want?

When Tork spoke to the community about the plans to combine
their living arrangements, he was surprised to find that his family did
not share his enthusiasm for the project. He jeopardized the project
by rushing in without any preparation, and subsequently the only
way to repair the damage was to start the negotiation all over again,
rethinking the way he presented the proposition that he and Grunt
had initially rushed into.
What is the best way to start a negotiation?
You could just state what it is that you want to do, and see if the
other party agrees to this course of action. Often thats the way people announce a decision: they simply say what they are proposing
without having considered what the other party might think, and
certainly without leaving an opportunity for discussion. Tork and
Grunt both told their colleagues what they proposed to do in cold
factual terms:
Listen, everyone, Tork shouted. We are going to join forces with
the people who live on the other side of the valley and work
together to trap mammoths. Were going to live with them as one
big community.

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Meanwhile, Grunt sat down with his family group, smiled broadly
and announced:
The people up on the mountain are going to come down here
and live with us.
Imagine the reaction of the family groups. Here was a proposal to
make a fundamental change to the living arrangements, apparently
on a whim and with no thought to the social and organizational
upheaval this would represent. The immediate reaction of the two
groups was similar:
Why should we want to move?
When someone suggests making changes, people are more interested in the effects of the changes than in the detail of the changes
themselves. In classical sales language, they are more interested in
Benefits than they are in Features.
In the same way, when you instigate a negotiation, you need to
explain and demonstrate to the other party the benefits of the course
of action you are proposing. The detail the mechanics and logistics
of the change are very much secondary to seeing what the advantages are.
When you were considering the way people look at the elements of
a negotiation, you saw that people put different values on different
aspects of the benefits package. Even if the transaction is purely
financial, the two parties may put a different value on the amount
agreed depending on their personal circumstances.
When an organizational change is being negotiated, such as the
change in living arrangements that Tork and Grunt have in mind,
benefits alone are rarely sufficient reason for people to accept the
proposals. Whereas people may always say they want a better life,
the reality is that they are generally quite contented to let things stay
as they are, because people resist the upheaval of change.
The only thing that truly motivates them to risk the uncertainty of
making changes is when they are significantly dissatisfied with their
lot and strongly concerned about specific issues.

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They are more likely to accept change if it promises to remove something they dislike, than if it simply promises improvement. People are
most likely to react favourably when a proposal counteracts an
inconvenience or eliminates a problem.
When companies go through mergers, acquisitions and takeovers, when government departments go through re-organization
and when new staff members join any organization, there is usually
resistance to the changes. Even though the changes are always presented as improvements to the previous organizational structure,
they are rarely welcomed with open arms. The most effective way to
gain acceptance of such developments is by highlighting a number
of difficult issues and suggesting that the changes may resolve the
problems these create.
Another tactic is to highlight an opportunity that is particularly
appealing to the other party. Here, Robert and Rosemary are facing
a decision about their garden. Firstly, Rosemary makes the mistake of
negotiating without thinking about the reaction her proposal might
have from Robert.
Robert, this garden is a real mess, and now that the weather is
improving it has got to be sorted out. I think we should extend the
paving and have a proper patio. Then we should build some decking so it looks tidy and less of an eyesore. It shouldnt be too
expensive.
Robert looks up from the sports section of his newspaper:
Im not sure we would get much use out of it, you know. Were
away quite a few weekends in summer and we manage at the
moment with the garden furniture and our old barbecue. I think
it would be an awful lot of work and quite expensive.
I dont think it need cost too much. You could lay the paving and
fix the decking. I dont think it would be extravagant.
But Rosie, thats a major project were talking about here
Well, if we dont tidy up the garden then we certainly cant have
your new boss round for drinks or for dinner.

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Rosemary has a vision of sitting out in the summer enjoying her glass
of wine and a barbecue with the children. All Robert can see is either
a substantial price-tag or himself working weekends as a garden
designer and contractor.
Suppose Rosemary had focused on the benefits to Robert and
approached things slightly differently:
Wont it be lovely when we can sit out in the garden in the summer? Perhaps you could have your new boss round and entertain
some of your golfing friends. Outdoor entertaining is very informal and laid-back. Do you like the idea?
Yes, Id like to show our new house to some of the guys from the
Golf Club. And youre right, it is time you met my new boss ...
Immediately, Robert sees significant benefit to himself, in the idea of
entertaining in the garden of their new home. Then Rosemary moves
on to emphasize the value to Robert:
We could have a barbecue when the weather gets warmer. You
know how people always love your barbecued chicken, Robert.
She is painting a picture of Robert enjoying the benefits of an
improved garden as he demonstrates his culinary skills to his boss
and his friends. Then Robert realizes the picture is not quite right
We will need some more outdoor furniture, and that garden
needs sorting out. I cant let them see it the way it is now. Its
such a mess and its a lot to maintain.
At this point, Robert has created the opportunity for Rosemary to
introduce her ideas:
You know, Robert, the garden would be a lot more manageable
if we put down some more paving. If we did that then you could
have a proper built-in barbecue area.
Again, she highlights the benefit to Robert a proper built-in barbecue area which leads him on to think about the practicalities of
the idea:

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We could only put down a small area of paving because the

ground is too uneven. But then we could lead from the paved area
to some decking where the land slopes down. That would save
the back-breaking job of mowing all that grass.
I love the idea but I am not sure we could afford all of that. These
landscape contractors charge a lot for paving.
By this time, Robert is so keen on the idea that he is prepared to give
up some of his leisure time to turn the dream into reality:
Well, Rosie, it cant be that difficult to put down paving slabs.
Maybe I could do some of it and that would keep the cost down.
I would like you to be able to entertain your boss properly. Lets
go down to the garden centre this afternoon and get some ideas.
Finally, Rosemary reiterates the key benefit to Robert: to be able to
entertain your boss properly, and then moves straight on to instigating action while Robert is in complete agreement and before he
changes his mind.
In this example, not only has Rosemary let Robert identify both the
problem and the solution, she has also let him come up with the idea
without her even mentioning it, allowing him then to take ownership of the project.
In the first conversation Robert saw Rosemary planning to spend
money on the garden and him having to work hard in his leisure
time. In the second conversation, Robert saw himself entertaining
his buddies.
When Tork and Grunt tried to communicate their new ideas, neither
of them focused initially on the difficulties that beset their communities. So, the immediate reaction was: Why do we have to move?
Tork could have started by saying: We must find a way to increase our
supply of food. If we dont do this then we are in danger of starvation.
In this way he would have focused the minds of his community on a
real problem that needed urgent action. He would have gained their

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attention and, provided they agreed that there was a real problem,
they would have listened to his proposals.
Alternatively, Tork and Grunt could have started by listening to what
their community thought about their general situation before
explaining what they had in mind. If they had done this, the negotiations might have gone very differently. Suppose Tork had taken
this approach:
Tork rushes back to the cave, excited about the news he has for
the family:
Gather round, everyone, theres something important I want to
talk about. I think I have found an answer to some of the problems we have, living up here on the hillside. I think I have found a
way that we can all live more comfortably and not need to work
so hard.
His wife, brother, sisters, uncles, aunts, in-laws and all his relations
look at him quizzically, and come across to join him.
Have you found a new spring of good, clean water? asks his
wife. It would be so much easier if we didnt have that long climb
back up here every time we go to fetch water.
Torks sister joins in the conversation:
It would be wonderful if we werent so isolated up here. I never
meet anyone, and I would love to see some new faces.
Torks father sighs and rubs his stomach hungrily:
Theres always a worry about food. If only there was some way
to increase the supply, but there just arent enough of us to get
organized. I know how hard it is for you Tork, out there hunting
day after day, tracking and chasing. Its tough on you, and it
doesnt provide us with enough to eat.

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Tork focuses on the key issues

Here are three issues which were all problematic:
1. The location of the settlement was some distance from a source of
drinking water.
2. The community was isolated and lacked social connections.
3. There was a problem with the food supply.
Tork had been thinking only about the third problem area, whereas
in fact he has now come up with a potential solution to what would
appear to be three of his communitys major concerns.
In the original example, Tork presented the outcome he envisaged
(living with the neighbours in the valley) without first explaining the
problems they had and the way that he saw his solution would overcome these.

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Even if he had started off by talking about the food problem and the
hardship of hunting alone, he would have been arguing primarily
from his own personal point of view, rather than from the standpoint
of the whole community. If Tork had let his colleagues have their say
and let them reveal their hopes and fears, he could then have presented his arguments in a way that addressed these concerns and
demonstrated how these problems would be alleviated.
In the last chapter, you looked at the initial preparation for a negotiation. You saw the importance of the five questions which need
asking before you get into the negotiation itself:
When: When must you finalize this, is it urgent, what is your
timescale?
Why: What is the background to this negotiation?
What: What do you ideally want to get out of this?
Where: Where can you be flexible and where must you be rigid?
How: How will you proceed if the negotiation fails?
In this chapter, you consider the same five areas in a slightly different
order. This time, you look at the information about the other side
that would be useful in your negotiation:
When: How urgent is this for them?
When must they finalize this?
Do they have a fixed timescale and does the timing work
to your advantage?
What: What do they ideally want to get out of this, and what
can they offer you?
Why:
Why should they agree with your ideas and why
should they not?
Whats going on inside their heads?
Is there a hidden agenda?
Where: Where are they willing to be flexible?
What is important to them and where are they rigid?
Do they and you have different critical factors?
How:
How strong are they?
How far can they push their argument?
What are their options if the negotiation fails?

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In all of these areas, the most important factor is to be aware of the

differences between what you find important and what the other
side considers important.

When is the right time?

Throughout this book you will come back to two things. One is the
importance of choosing the right time to negotiate. The other is
appreciating whether or not timing is important from your own
point of view and from the point of view of the other party.
Negotiation is not just about what you say and how you say it; it is
critically about when you negotiate and when you intend to conclude the negotiation and implement the agreement. Timing does
not rely on eloquence or argument. Timing is ultimately common
sense and is dependent only on the ability to be sensitive to the other
persons thoughts and feelings.
Once again, you need to think from both points of view and to consider four critical timings:
1. When is the right time for you to negotiate?
2. When is the right time for the other party to negotiate?
3. As far as you are concerned, when would be the right time to
implement the agreement?
4. As far as the other party is concerned, when would be the right
time to implement the agreement?
And, of course, even more important when are the wrong times?
As a general rule, you want to commence implementing an agreement promptly after the negotiation is completed. You saw a good
example of this in Rosemarys decision to get Robert down to the
garden centre to look at paving and decking as soon as he had
reacted positively to her ideas.
When things are delayed they tend to revert to the way they were
before. To quote the Scandinavian proverb: Make haste slowly. Take
as much time as you need to make the right decision, but once it is
made, implement it swiftly. Even if the decision is to implement

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changes slowly, over a long period, it is important to start the agreed

programme once the negotiation is completed.

Whats it all about?

In his alternative approach, Tork introduces the discussion by stimulating their curiosity and imagination:
Gather round, everyone, theres something very important I
want to talk about. I think I have found an answer to some of the
problems we have, living up here on the hillside.
Immediately they hear this, members of the community will be
thinking about their own particular problems. As you see, they come
right out and tell Tork exactly what they are unhappy about:
It would be so much easier if we didnt have that long climb back
up here every time we go to fetch water.
Torks sister joins in the conversation:
It would be wonderful if we werent so isolated up here. I never
meet anyone, and I would love to see some new faces.
Torks father sighs and rubs his stomach hungrily:
Theres always a worry about food. If only there was some way
to increase the supply. But there just arent enough of us to get
organized.
In addition to Torks prime concern food supplies they mention
water supplies and social connections as being major issues for them.
This gives Tork the opportunity to use their declared problems as the
basis for what he is about to propose. He could continue by saying:
What could we do that would give us a more secure supply of
food, and easier access to water?
In doing this, he is encouraging them to come up with the idea he
and Grunt have already considered: the possibility of living and
working together. You need to remember precisely what it is that

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you want out of this negotiation. Do you want the kudos of having
come up with the idea, or do you want to see the changes happen?
It is often easier to achieve the desired outcome if you can lead the
other party into coming up with the idea themselves, as Rosemary
did with Robert. You may have to swallow your pride but it is a
powerful and effective strategy when applied skilfully.
Where the other party suggests an idea, it already has their endorsement. However, if you cannot manoeuvre the other party into
initiating it, you need to try and work out what their reaction to your
proposal will be before you present it.
Of course, you can prepare yourself for logical arguments that
respond to the thought process you have been following. But when
it comes to this stage, you must be prepared for a reaction that is
quite unrelated to the way you see the issue. Other people see things
differently. They have their own perspective.

Why, and why not!

If you have prepared your negotiation well, you know what you want
to achieve and why you want to achieve it. When you face the other
side in a negotiation, you must try to work out what their likely reaction will be not only to negotiating, but also to your final objective
and all that is entailed in achieving that final objective.
You also need to work out what false ideas they might have about
the reasons for your ideas.
Look at how Grunts sisters react to his ideas. Grunt sits down with
his family group, smiles broadly and announces:
The people up on the mountain are going to come down here
and live with us.
His two sisters, who both have teenage daughters, exchange sly
glances. One turns to the other with a look of shock and dismay on
her face:

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Men dont always see womens point of view

Well, you know what those mountain men are after, dont you?
They want our daughters!
People often have prime concerns which affect their reaction to any
proposed changes. Frequently they are not directly related to the
negotiation itself, and are often connected to personal, cultural or
religious considerations. In this instance, even if Grunt had been far
more careful in the way he made his initial introductions, the
womens first thought could well be to consider how the changes
and upheaval would affect their children. This is their prime concern
in all aspects of their daily lives.
For this reason, when you approach a negotiation and are confident
that your timing is appropriate, your first thought must be to consider
what are the prime concerns of the other side, with the knowledge

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that they may be totally unrelated to the issue you are seeking to
resolve, as in the case of Grunts sisters and his teenage nieces.
In the second example, where Tork is addressing his community and
highlighting the hardships of living on the mountain, you can see
how he is attempting to address what he sees as the prime concerns
of his community. His clear intention is to align his position with
theirs and then move from a common, agreed position the existence of some major problems with living in a small group on the
mountain towards his proposal for a solution.

Where can you negotiate?

It is important to know where you are prepared to negotiate
and where your position is fixed. Similarly, you need to find out
the same points for the other party, so that you know where you
can manoeuvre.
When you are talking about a straight financial transaction, you
would think that both sides would place an equal value on the deal.
However, there are frequently other issues which may be of little
interest to you, but are critically important to the other party. Even a
stalled negotiation can open up and move forward once you start to
be creative and look for additional options.

How far can you push them, and where would they go?
Assuming you have prepared yourself well, you will have a walkaway option clear in your mind. Not just a price limit at which the
negotiation collapses but an alternative, a Plan B, which will be a
different route either towards achieving the same overall objective or
else at least avoiding an unfavourable outcome.
The other side, if they are serious negotiators, will probably have
done the same. It will be greatly to your advantage if you can get
some idea of what they are thinking.
If you have no clear idea about this, your cautious course of action
would be to imagine yourself in their position, wanting to strike the

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best deal for yourself. In their shoes, what would you have plotted as
your Plan B?
In the first example, of Rosemarys plans for the garden, Rosemarys
Plan B is that if the garden is not to be improved, Roberts boss cannot be entertained. If Robert had come back and reconsidered his
objections in the light of this, there is a chance that her plans would
have gone ahead. A strong Plan B can often be a lever which persuades the other party to reconsider their position.
In this instance, Robert might have started to compromise and negotiate a simplified version of Rosemarys plans for the garden.
A good Plan B is a real walk-away option that you genuinely propose to carry through if negotiations break down. The next section
of the book looks at the tactics of using bluff and threats to force the
other side to move. As you will see, this is not a safe strategy and can
back-fire with serious consequences if your bluff is called.
One of the main reasons why pressure can be dangerous is that you
may not be aware of all the options available to the other party.
Lets suppose you are negotiating a distributorship agreement for
your products in a territory. Both parties have a number of options
apart from a straightforward deal. Both parties could be negotiating
with other potential partners. Both parties could be considering a
number of variables such as the method and level of remuneration,
the length of the agreement, the minimum performance requirements and so forth.
You need to be ready with your own walk-away options; whether it
is you or they who decide that no more concessions can be made
and that what is on the table is the best and final offer which can
be achieved.
Just remember that a negotiation is always taking place in the context of the current situation, and things may change overnight. Even
if you are unable to reach a decision at the moment, there is always
the possibility that critical factors may change within a matter of
days, or even hours, and you might find yourself back again at the
negotiating table.

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If you do not bear this in mind, and end a meeting with angry words,
you may have to make significant concessions to rebuild the relationship should you find yourself back in negotiation at a later date.
Through the When, What, Why, Where and How of the negotiation
you are constantly looking for ways to create more options, demonstrate alternative solutions and find opportunities to bridge the gap
between you and the other party. This is the process that expert
negotiators use to find their win-win solutions.

Can they make enough to go round?

Enlarging the pie

Negotiators sometimes say they are sharing a pie, and that this pie
is a fixed size, so nobody can increase their share without someone
else losing.

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Before you consider ways of increasing the size of the pie, here is a
summary of the key points for both sides:

Considering your
position

Considering both
positions

When must you finalize this,

is it urgent, what is your
timescale?

When is the right time for

both parties in terms of
talking about this and
putting it into effect?

Why

Why are you negotiating

what is the background?

Why would they not agree,

what are they thinking and
is there a hidden agenda?

What

What do you ideally want to

get out of this?

You know what you want to

get out of this, but what do
they want, and what can
they offer you?

Where

Where can you be flexible

and where must you be
rigid?

Where are they willing to be

flexible, and are the same
things important to both
parties?

How

How will you proceed if the

negotiation fails, what is
your WAO?

How far can you push them,

how strong are they and
what are their options if the
negotiation fails?

When

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Information and opportunities

Creating choices
There is usually more than one solution to a problem. Sometimes
you are so focused on the first idea you come up with, that you never
consider the possibility of any alternatives.
The reality is that most negotiations have many possible solutions.
Some will benefit one party more than another but some may actually benefit both parties without diminishing the benefit to either
one of them.
In the example of Wizpa and Chat arguing about sharing the mammoth, the reality was that their demands were perfectly compatible:
Chat wanted the meat to eat while Wizpa wanted the skin and bones
to make clothing and tools.
The cartoon at the end of the last chapter showed Grunt looking
very concerned at the prospect of having to share the pie between
five hungry people when he had divided it into four portions. Lets
eavesdrop on the subsequent conversation:
Grunt looks up apprehensively as Tork approaches:
Can I help you, Tork? he says.
I was wondering if we could borrow your pie dish as ours is broken. I can let you have it back tomorrow.

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Sometimes the pie is bigger than it looks. In this case Tork did not
want any part of the pie itself; he just wanted to borrow the dish the
pie was in.

Sometimes everybody gets what they want

Even when a negotiation is purely financial, there may be other

issues apart from the price tag:
Extended credit payment terms or cash discount
Delivered and installed or cash-and-carry
Extended warranty or sold-as-seen
Basic specification or with optional extras

Making a bigger pie

The smart way to prepare for a negotiation is to start by working out
all the alternative packages which could be up for discussion. In

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other words, you increase the size of the pie before you start to calculate the size of the portions.
Obvious as this may seem, people are often blind to the variety of
alternative options that could be discussed. Their eyes will scan
down to the price tag and they will focus on negotiating around
the price.
To put it another way, they will look at the detail of the proposal
rather than consider the end objective the other party wishes
to achieve.
Lets consider this example, where both parties end up with a larger
slice of a bigger pie.
George and Mary want to sell their house but they know it needs
smartening up if they are to achieve the best price and sell quickly.
They talk to an estate agent and are told that repainting the exterior
and tidying up the garden would certainly make the house look
more attractive and help it to sell. However, if they really want to
maximize the price they achieve, they could add 15,000 to the market valuation simply by installing a fairly basic new kitchen. George
and Mary reckon they could afford to spend 5,000 and talk to a
couple of specialist kitchen companies.
The first proposal works out at 10,000, twice what they have
planned to spend. But the second company produces an attractive
layout which would work out at a total price of 7,000. George looks
at Mary nervously, then turns to the sales consultant:
We are planning to move this summer and we want to do this so
we can get the best price when we sell. We can only afford 5,000.
How could we save on these plans?
The consultant sees an opportunity and puts the plans on one side
for a moment.
When do you want to have the kitchen installed, and when do
you plan to put the house on the market?

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Wed like to go ahead as quickly as possible in the next few

weeks and then well put the house on the market once weve
finished decorating. The sooner the better.
The consultant looks at her calendar.
So, that would be around the beginning of April. From your
address, I can see you live in an up-and-coming part of town.
I would imagine that a new kitchen would add at least
15,00018,000 to your valuation.
Mary responds quickly:
Yes, but we need to make as much profit as possible on our sale
so that we dont overstretch ourselves buying our new home. We
simply cannot afford to lay out more than our 5,000 budget,
what with all the costs of decorating and generally sprucing up
the place. Everything costs so much money, doesnt it?
The consultant nods sympathetically, then explains:
My point is this: a house in your part of town, smartly presented
with a really beautiful kitchen, will probably sell before
September, dont you think?
George looks puzzled.
Well, yes, Im sure it will. We want to be settled in our new place
for the summer. I would think its realistic in the present buoyant
market conditions. But what has that got to do with the cost of
the new kitchen?
The consultant smiles, knowing she is about to clinch a goodsized sale.
The point is that we have a special promotion this month on our
Geneva range of kitchen units. If you place your order for that
range before next weekend, we can offer you interest-free credit
for six months. You will have sold the house well within that time,
so you wont need to touch your savings to pay for the kitchen.
Youll be able to settle up when you have the proceeds from the
house sale. In fact, rather than the basic design we have been

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considering for your house, I would suggest we look at something

rather more luxurious, so the kitchen becomes a major selling feature. What do you think?
George and Mary need little persuading. They seize the opportunity,
upgrade their ideas and invest 10,000. This increases the market
valuation of their home by over 25,000.
Looking back, you will see that when they went into the negotiation
they were focused on the fact that they had allocated a budget of
5,000, which proved to be too small for even a basic renovation. The
consultant explored the options, and when Mary told her that they
were planning to move within the coming months, she knew she
could make a proposal that would not only conserve their bank balance, it would also both give her a bigger sale and give them a larger
profit. Both parties get a larger slice of a bigger pie.
Everybody wins because the kitchen consultant established that the
motivation for George and Mary was not to spend their savings and
create a beautiful kitchen they could enjoy themselves, but to make
an investment in their property in order to increase the profit on the
sale of their home.
In establishing the motivation behind the action she could produce
a deal that directly addressed their needs.
How did this happen? In essence all this came about because the
consultant asked questions.

The power of questions

Questions can work for you or against you. When a simple negotiation about a straightforward transaction starts, it is a formal process
of responding to enquiries with factual information. The questions
are direct, specific and to the point:
How big is your kitchen?
What styles can you offer?
What appliances do you want?

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How soon can you deliver?

When the questions go beyond immediate issues and start to involve
other related factors, you start to see a development in the nature of
the interaction.
One positive development is relationship-building. After the initial
formality of an exchange of information, talk moves on to chatting
and the exchange becomes less formal. When this happens, the parties start to develop an emotional connection, and while this creates
warmth between them, it also arouses fear on both sides. You
remember the old warning:
Dont get too close or theyll take advantage of you.
Whenever two parties start a negotiation, they put up a barrier that
keeps them apart. Both parties know what they ideally want as the
outcome of the negotiation. They also know what they must have as
a bare minimum and what they want to avoid at all costs. They are
caught by a need to bring down the barriers so they can negotiate,
and a need to keep up their defences so that they protect their interests. In the end, the process itself has to be a compromise. If they are
too far apart they cannot communicate, but if they come too close
they both threaten and in turn are themselves threatened.
The way to remove this threat is by transforming the relationship
into a partnership in which both sides are working towards a common objective. By understanding the feelings of the other party you
can stimulate a real dialogue which moves both parties towards the
outcome both parties want.
George and Mary wanted to buy, and the consultant, Sheila, wanted
to make a sale. From that analysis you see there was a clear common
objective. What was not immediately clear was that each party had a
hidden agenda. Uncovering this agenda created a better result for
both parties.
For Sheila, the hidden agenda was that the company was running a
special promotion on the Geneva range of kitchen units. This gave
her the opportunity to increase the value of any sale she made, and
thus increase the value of her commission.

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For George and Mary, the hidden agenda was that they were investing in improving their home so they could increase the profit they
would make when they put it on the market. Whether you are asking
questions or making comments, you always risk revealing more of
your position than you need to. Sheila was very careful in the questions she asked. She said nothing about her particular interest in
selling the Geneva range, except to the extent that it was of interest
to George and Mary. When Mary told Sheila:
We are planning to move this summer
Mary revealed her position.
This could have worked to her disadvantage, since Sheila then knew
it would not matter whether or not the units were particularly longlasting. George and Mary were mainly concerned only with outward
appearances, and even if there were any complaints or quality issues
in a year or so, George and Mary would probably have moved on.
Similarly, when Sheila commented:
I would imagine that a new kitchen would add at least
15,00018,000 to your valuation
Mary might have taken offence at a comment about their personal
affairs. Fortunately, she was instead curious to know why Sheila had
asked the question.
In order to broaden the discussion, Sheila used a proven tactic of
making a statement with which she knew George and Mary would
agree. This tactic is often effective in negotiation: making statements
with which the other side will agree, or asking questions to which
you already know the answer. In doing this, the active party automatically sides with the passive party. Without any perceptible
change in tone, both parties are now on the same side of the negotiating table.
Before you start asking any questions in the course of a negotiation,
you must think through what the answers could be. Lawyers always
advise their junior colleagues: When you are in court, never ask
a question to which you dont already know the answer. It is very

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important that when you ask questions you are aware that there is a
delicate balance between pulling the parties closer together and
pushing them further apart. You cannot just blurt out your thoughts
without considering several possible outcomes:
What will your question or comment reveal about you or your
position?
Will it change the other partys opinion of you, and if so, how?
Will it force the other party to adopt a firm position and reduce
their flexibility?
Will their reaction or response be positive or negative?
When in doubt, wait for the other side to do the talking. Whenever
you talk, you must remember that it can be just as easy to sabotage
the outcome as it is to achieve what you want.
How much information do you need to share in order to get the
result you want?
Look at what Sheila told George and Mary about the Geneva promotion: she only mentioned the six months interest-free purchase
deal. Perhaps the range was being discontinued, possibly because it
was rather old-fashioned or maybe it had a minor design fault.
Perhaps Sheila received an extra bonus each time she sold the
Geneva range.
It would not have been in her interest to reveal any of these factors
in her negotiation with George and Mary. This is the central question
of this chapter: how much information should you share when
you negotiate?

Recognize the value of information

You live in a society with communication policies pulling in opposite
directions. With the increased dissemination of information through
investigative journalism, proactive media, satellite communications
and, of course, the Internet, you have access to limitless quantities of
information and disinformation.

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On the other hand, despite this openness in everyday life, most government departments and commercial operations run on a strict
policy of Need to Know. Government or corporate employees are
told only what they need to know in order to do their work.
Information is power, and you can control the balance of power by
what you choose to say and by what you choose to leave unsaid.
In your preparation for a negotiation, you should classify the information into three categories:
1. What the other party needs to know in order to negotiate with
you.
2. What you are prepared to divulge in addition to this in the course
of negotiation.
3. What information you will hold back and not reveal under any circumstances.
You can have soft borders between these categories, with headings
such as information you absolutely must disclose, details you might
reveal under certain circumstances, and so forth.
When you are negotiating alone, you need to be clear in your own
mind about this. If you are part of a negotiating team, you must
ensure that you all agree on what the boundaries are.
Controlling a negotiation is all about controlling the balance of information. This is where careful questioning becomes the vital tool. As
the questioner, you talk less. You reveal less while encouraging the
other side to reveal more. In this situation, you maintain control and
must remember that you are thinking outside the box exploring
all the possible options.
So far in this section, you have looked at putting together your own
case, evaluating what the other side wants and expanding the
options and opportunities. You now need to find a way of agreeing
with the other side about whether the solution is acceptable to
both parties.
You need to agree how you will agree. This sounds complicated but
it is in fact straightforward.

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Summary:
Information is power
Look for a hidden agenda
Ask questions to uncover motivation
Probe to reveal additional information
Categorize your information and be strategic in the way you
disclose it

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Establishing a measurable way

of judging the outcome

Rules are rules

When you looked at How do you handle this? back in Chapter Three,
you set out the process of Directional Negotiation:
1. You set the scene.
2. You acknowledge the position of both yourself and the other
party.
3. You define the issues.
4. You identify the desired outcome.
5. You explore possible solutions.
6. You establish how you evaluate the various options.
In Chapters Two and Three you had already looked at positions and
issues and in Chapter Four you considered what Tork and Grunt
wanted to get out of the negotiation. In Chapter Five you looked at
how Tork and Grunt might prepare themselves for what the other
side might be looking for. In Chapter Six you considered how they
might find answers which satisfied both sides by being creative in
the way they explored alternative options.
Now look at the last of the six points listed above. Consider how you
can measure whether any of the solutions you are evaluating actually
meets the objectives of both sides.

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What tends to happen is that, when you think you have an agreement, you rely on your interpretation or reading of the
arrangement. This can be dangerous, because the only sort of reading that is reliable in a negotiation is to read what is written down.
Generally speaking, a verbal contract is not worth the paper its not
written on! Lip-reading is for mime-artists and mind-reading is
for psychics!
But there is not always enough time to draw up a document that
clarifies everything, before you start talking. So, how do you
resolve this?
Sometimes, one party thinks a negotiation is over and an acceptable
solution has been reached only to find that the other party does
not agree. It comes back once again to different perspectives, and
the way in which people see things differently.
What is needed in advance of a negotiation is an agreement on what
will constitute an acceptable outcome. You need objective criteria
against which you can judge what has happened. You need rules
that really are rules so there is no misunderstanding.
Otherwise you may end up in the sort of mess that Wizpa and Chat
got themselves into, as you shall now see.
In Chapter Three, Wizpa and Chat were arguing over the carcass of
a mammoth. As they negotiated it became clear that while Chat
wanted the meat for food, all Wizpa wanted were the fur and the
bones to make clothing and tools. At the end of the example it
looked as if the matter was resolved, but in fact they never agreed on
detailed objective criteria in their negotiation.
Look at what happened as they tried to cooperate: Chat has been
trying to work out a solution, having discovered what Wizpa wants:
What about the carcass? Once youve skinned it youll have
enough fur to keep you warm. What about all that meat? Theres
too much there for your group to eat and we like to eat meat.
Wizpa looks for a further deal.

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The meat is tough and hard. We dont eat that but we always
need the bones.
Chat is surprised.
If you put the meat on the fire it is very good to eat. But why do
you want the bones?
Wizpa shakes her head in disbelief.
Bone is perfect for harpoons, of course. Thats how we catch the
fish.
The conversation continues. Chat smiles broadly. She thinks she can
see a solution.
Right then. To start with, well have the meat and you can have
the skin and bones. And Ill show you how to start a fire to keep
us warm, and Ill cook some meat for us to eat all this work will
make us hungry. You can start cutting up the front end, and Ill
take the back end.
The two cavewomen start work, but unfortunately each is thinking
only about her own side of the bargain, not about what the other
party wants out of the agreement. The rules they have agreed on
are too vague and imprecise.
Chat doesnt bother to remove the skin in one piece. She attacks her
half of the carcass and hacks the meat into big joints, smashing and
splintering the bones as she does so.
Meanwhile, Wizpa carefully slices the meat off the bones, leaving a
heap of slivers of meat lying in the dust and dirt while she trims the
bones clean.

The danger of misunderstandings

This is an example of what happens when the criteria are not clearly
established. For Chat, all that mattered was butchering the carcass
so there were large joints of meat. For Wizpa, on the other hand, the

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important thing was to remove the skin in one piece and then trim
the bones clean.
Each was focusing on what she wanted out of the bargain, without
taking into account why they had been able to reach a deal. They
had not agreed on objective criteria that defined what they each
understood the agreement to be.
Neither Chat nor Wizpa finished up with what they wanted, even
though they thought they had agreed. When it comes to the sort of
negotiation you might find yourself entering into, you need to set
non-controversial, objective criteria so that what you get is what you
wanted in the first place.
Many readers will be primarily concerned about financial negotiations, and may be wondering how one can achieve objective criteria
in agreeing on a price for a product or service. This is a scenario
everyone faces when they decide to sell personal possessions, and is
never more pertinent than when relocating and moving house.
Here is the dilemma that Jack and Jill faced when they were planning
to move after selling their house to Robert and Rosemary.
Jack and Jill are looking at the 100-year-old long-case clock that
stands in their hallway. Jack sighs:
You know, my love, it just isnt going to fit in the new place. I
think the time has come to sell it and put the money into a new
lounge suite.
Jill is particularly attached to the old clock she remembers from when
it stood in her grandparents house. As a child she loved to stand and
watch the pendulum swing steadily to and fro, and was fascinated
by the loud tick-tock and the chimes that struck every hour. She
inherited the clock when her grandmother died, so there is a
personal connection with it. She would definitely miss the family
heirloom. Reluctantly, she agrees with her husband:
I know youre right, Jack. But what would we get for it? How
should we sell it? And look, were probably moving within a
month, so theres not much time.

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What are the key issues that Jack and Jill are considering in preparing
for their negotiation with a potential buyer? The two main points are
timing always a fundamental consideration in any transaction
and price.
The timing issue might be avoided if Jack and Jill can enrol friends to
help out with storage, by looking after the clock if they cannot complete the transaction before they move house. The valuation is less
easily resolved. Lets consider how you can establish the value of any
article, and what principles affect the decision.

Is it worth what it cost?

An obvious place to start when you fix a negotiating price is to identify what an item cost originally, or would cost to replace today.
In the case of a manufactured product, the accounts department of
a company will calculate the cost based on the sum of the inputs
materials, labour and overheads plus a profit margin based on the
expectation of a certain volume of sales.
But price, cost and value are three different things.
What it costs to produce a DVD of a movie that has already been
released around the world bears little relation to the price at which it
will be sold. Typically, the manufacturing costs of CDs and DVDs are
a tiny fraction of the selling price. The entertainment industry
approaches the price from the marketing standpoint of what the
market expects, or else what the market will bear, and then fixes its
price accordingly.
Another consideration is the question of volume. If a product is
expected to be sold in thousands, the initial costs are amortized over
a large number of units. The unit production costs will be substantially higher if there is to be only a short production run.
In most business, price is fixed according to market expectations.
Cost is based on actual inputs together with a forecast of anticipated
sales volume revenue.

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But for Jack and Jill, cost does not enter the equation. The item is over
100 years old. What it cost originally is simply not a consideration in
fixing their notional price.
What if they had been selling their four-year-old car? Would that
have presented a different set of criteria?
In this case, you would definitely be considering the original cost,
and reducing this by an allowance for depreciation. This calculation
would depend on the condition of the vehicle, its mileage, and how
it had been maintained.
As with the market for DVDs, there would also be a market expectation of what such a car would fetch. Small cars in many countries
tend to depreciate more slowly, quite apart from their actual cost.
Small cars hold their value better than big cars because in the usedcar market there is more demand for small cars than for large
executive cars. The market price does not move according to a simple percentage of depreciation or basic calculation of wear and tear.
This is why car dealers will generally keep a close eye on market
trends, relying on constant market analysis statistics to keep them
abreast of what particular models are likely to fetch in the marketplace, with detailed calculations that take into account age and
condition. So, in the case of a consumer product like a car, there is a
strong reliance on what the market will fetch rather than the simple
calculation of cost and depreciation.
And such a calculation is never simple.
Suppose Jill had finally persuaded Jack that it was time to sell his
treasured classic 1969 Mercedes 280 SL sports car. He had bought it
in a shabby run-down state, years ago, spending the bonus cheque
from his first job. He spent months restoring it to showroom condition and only takes it out on the road for the occasional
summertime spin.
In this case, there is no point in considering either what he paid for
it or even the cost of his time and the materials he invested in renovation. The 69 Mercedes 280 SL is now a collectors item worth tens

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of thousands of dollars and the potential market is global, rather

than the local car dealer.
When you look at pricing this beautiful roadster you are not only
looking at price plus inflation, rather than price less depreciation. You
are also looking at the global market opportunity.
And there is one further factor. So much for cost, and so much for
price there is a much more nebulous consideration.
The concept of value.

Establishing value
Jack is attached to his Mercedes, just as Jill is attached to her family
heirloom. This emotional attachment adds to the value as far as Jack
and Jill are each concerned, even though it is irrelevant to the market price of the product.
Emotional value can add to the market price or it can detract from it.
If Jacks Mercedes had at one time been owned by a Hollywood film
star, it could significantly increase the price he could ask for it. And
if Jills clock had once chimed the hours for a famous author or
composer, it could also add to its desirability, and the price it
might demand.
In a similar, opposite way, notoriety can detract from value, such as
in the case of a property that has been the scene of violent crime or
personal tragedy. Nothing has changed the bricks and mortar, the
location or the condition of the property but its history could affect
what a vendor can expect it to fetch on the open market. The home
of Fred West, the British serial murderer, was demolished after his
conviction and the land cleared and left as an open space.
There would never have been any value in a home built on that site.

How much time do you have?

Finally, you return to the factor that has recurred throughout this
book: time.

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Supposing Jack and Jill need to sell the clock quickly; they may have
to sell to an intermediary such as a dealer, rather than to the final
customer. The dealer then takes on the financing of the time lapse
between his purchase and the eventual sale. If they go to auction,
they may have the opportunity to present their clock to a number of
interested dealers and perhaps some final customers as well but
equally, there may be no interest on the day of the auction sale and
they may have to resubmit the clock at a later date, incurring additional expenses in auctioneers fees and storage costs.
All of these considerations are absolutely valid in our attempt to
define objective criteria to fix a fair price for Jills heirloom. When
you enter into a buying or selling negotiation, you need to prepare
yourself with a number of questions before you can determine a
reasonable expectation of a final settlement which will satisfy
both parties:
How urgently do you need to complete the negotiation, and are
there creative alternatives (such as temporary storage) which will
quite literally buy time?
Assuming its relevant, then what was the cost, depreciated or
inflated, or alternatively what is the replacement cost?
Are there other factors which could affect the market value of the
item?
Are your demands or expectations influenced by emotional considerations about the value of the item?
What will the market expect to pay?
to a dealer
to the final purchaser
What is the state of the market for such items?
Now Jack and Jill can decide whether their expectations are realistic,
and whether they can enter negotiations with a clear idea of what
the item is worth to them, and what the market is likely to deliver.
Whats more, they can approach a negotiation with a confident attitude and from a strong bargaining position. Lets see what happens
when a local antiques dealer visits their home, and lets look at how
each of the negotiating points can be confidently countered by Jill.

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This was my grandfathers. He bought it after the First World War

from a second-hand furniture store. We were wondering what you
would give us for it.
The dealer glances at the clock but does not want to appear
too interested:
Its not an antique, probably early twentieth century.
Jill has done her research but she decides to play her cards close to
her chest for the moment:
I know its not particularly old, because if you look carefully you
can see the date: 1901. Its an heirloom, and I hate to sell it, but
weve decided it wont fit in our new home.
The dealer is confident that he can press his advantage and try to get
Jill to set the price:
Youre absolutely right. This sort of piece wont fit in with
modern dcor. What were you expecting to get for it?
Jill isnt yet going to reveal she knows what it is worth:
Well, youre the local expert; you must know what you could
expect to sell it for. What would you say it would be worth to a
collector?
Well, Im a dealer, not a collector. I need a fair mark-up if Im to
pay you and then keep it in store. I must admit its in good condition. I am prepared to offer you 400. Im sure you werent
expecting that sort of sum, were you?
Jill pauses for a moment:
Indeed not, but then you are the expert. You can see that this is
a Winterhalder & Hofmeier. I am very surprised that you would
offer me 400 when I know that a similar clock was sold at auction
in the city just three months ago for almost 4,000. So lets agree
on some comparables

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As she says this, Jill reaches into a folder and takes out a sheaf of
papers she has printed out from the websites of dealers specializing
in long-case clocks.

Setting benchmarks
Lets pause here for a moment. You can see the criteria each side has
been working to. Jill decided she would let the dealer suggest the price
rather than disclose what she already knew. He started by suggesting
it was second-hand rather than antique. He wanted to set a usedgoods benchmark, in the hope that he could push the price down.
When Jill said that the clock wouldnt fit in with the dcor of the new
house, the dealer moved his negotiation sideways. Now he ignored
the age of the clock and focused on the criteria of current market
fashion and expectations. He suggested there was a limited market
for such items.
Finally, he pointed out that there would be a significant margin
between what he would pay for the clock and what he might expect
to sell it for. Jill knew this, but she wanted to push him into naming a
starting figure, and when he said 400, she knew he was either ignorant of the clocks true value, or else he was trying to get a bargain.
At this point she came in with what she had established as her
benchmark for setting a fair price: she was working on the basis of
auction prices achieved recently for similar items. This was neither
her personal valuation, nor was it derived from what the clock cost.
Her valuation was based on objective criteria which were clear historical records of fact. Up to this point, she had been careful not to
disclose what she knew about the true value of the clock. From now
on, both parties knew where they stood and had objective criteria on
which to base the negotiation.
When a negotiation concerns a straightforward financial transaction
there are generally three crucial factors involved:
1. What is the product or service?
2. What is the price?
3. When is the delivery?

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In a simple retail environment, the product is identified, the price is

fixed, the purchaser pays the price and then takes the product home.
Since everything is visible and tangible, there is no need for agreed
objective criteria. These criteria are part of contemporary retailing convention.
When you are dealing with a non-standard product as in the case
of Jack and Jill with the long-case clock and the classic car objective
criteria help both parties to establish a market value for that product.
These criteria might include cost price and depreciation. Equally,
they will probably reflect current market value and whether there is
a need to make the sale quickly.
But what about more complex negotiations, such as a service contract or a building permit; what objective criteria can you then use?
One proposal is to cite external factors which affect both parties and
are outside their individual control.
Examples of legislative restrictions that limit your individual negotiating power would include:
Employment law in the case of a contract of employment
Building regulations in the case of construction work
Health and safety legislation in respect of either or both of the
above
Currency regulations in respect of a foreign trade contract
In addition to legal obligations, there are also common practices and
conventions which affect negotiations, or established procedures
that are always followed in particular situations. The way to avoid
misunderstanding and further conflict is for both parties to state
clearly what the proposed solution looks like to them. With a little
forethought, it could have gone differently for Wizpa and Chat
Chat smiles broadly. She thinks she can see a solution.
Right then. To start with, well have the meat and you can have
the skin and bones. You can start cutting up the front end, and Ill
take the back end. Then she adds: Keep the joints as big as possible, even if it means smashing the bones.

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Wizpa considers Chats proposal, then responds:

If I smash the bones, how will I make harpoons and fish hooks? I
like to keep the bones as large as possible and scrape them clean.
We cant carve the bones if they are all covered in grease and gristle.
Chat is surprised.
Well, that doesnt help me. We want the meat in big pieces otherwise it cant be smoked or salted. Were not bothered about the
bones because we only chuck them away!
Wizpa pauses, realizing they will have to agree on how they handle
this otherwise, neither of them will be happy. Once they can see
the other point of view (back to Chapter Twos discussion of perspective) they appreciate how they can work together so that they
both achieve a workable outcome.

Often, both parties can get what they want in negotiation

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Chat turns to Wizpa.

Suppose we say we will cut up the meat so that:
the skin is in one piece for curing and making clothes
the joints of meat are mostly at least as big as a wild gourd
the bones are kept whole and scraped clean
That would satisfy both of us, wouldnt it?
This proposal works, and the reason is that there can be no argument about whether or not they are doing what was agreed. Chat
and Wizpa set objective criteria based on something they can both
agree on.
When agreeing criteria, give and take are very important. We
should be reasonable, especially at this early stage of the negotiation. Any disagreement should be based on principle rather than
result from argumentative pressure. After all, you are not yet discussing the matter you want to negotiate; you are simply trying to
find a formula that works for both parties, and it is in both interests
to work towards making this happen.
The only golden rule at this stage in the negotiations is once
again time.
Where time is critically important one party insists on rapid completion of a negotiation this can overrule any other considerations.
At times of war, when people want to make urgent and instant decisions, theoretical values of all types of property become grossly
distorted by the realities of the situation. Having said that, it is generally true to say there is no single rule that outweighs another; two
principles, such as depreciated cost and current market value, can both
be valid objective criteria for a negotiated settlement. The two parties will argue in favour of one or the other way of measurement, and
will finally need to find a measure they are both prepared to accept.
After protracted discussions, if you still consider that the other side is
being unrealistic, you can choose either to walk away, or to proceed
even though you know you will be measuring the outcome in a way

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you consider to be inappropriate. It could still work it might even

work in your favour but you need to be aware that you are competing on an uneven playing field.
This is why the WAO is critically important. Establishing that walkaway option is one of the ways expert negotiators demonstrate
their skills.
The next section looks at the skills of the negotiating table, body language, and the use of both forceful threats and gentle persuasion. It
considers what tactics are appropriate if the other side plays dirty
and most importantly how to end the negotiation with a realistic
alternative when it seems it will be impossible to do the deal.

Summary
Set objective criteria to measure the outcome of a negotiation:
What is the cost in material and other terms of doing nothing and
simply maintaining the status quo?
In a financial transaction, what was the original cost of an item,
depreciated or inflated?
Again, in a financial transaction, what is the cost of replacing the
item?
Are there any external factors that affect the negotiation political considerations, global conditions, social pressures?
What are the market conditions that affect this negotiation?
Be aware of personal or subjective criteria which could be affecting
your decision:
How urgently do you need to complete the negotiation?
Can you buy time one way or another?
Do you have personal reasons affecting the value you place on
the deal?

117

Knowing and believing your

Walk-Away Option

From theories to tactics

Previous chapters have looked at theories, and at the Who, the What
and the How of negotiations. They have considered the factors that
keep the parties apart and the factors that can bring them together.
Analysis of the negotiation process has shown ways of being more
creative in the search for settlement, and the need for a way of
independently evaluating the final outcome in terms of your
prior expectations.
These are all fundamental elements of negotiation. Once you know
what you want and you believe you have a pretty good idea of what
the other side wants, its time to focus on tactics.
But what if you lack a strong bargaining position? The other party
may be more powerful than you are; this could be a matter of size,
wealth, or influence. How will you ever come to a mutually acceptable agreement?

Creating a safety net

When the other party is more powerful, its natural to go on the
defensive. You fear you might yield to this stronger power, and you
try to find a way of ensuring that you give away as little as possible.

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The way you would generally do this is to establish your bottom

line, which is the point beyond which you will not negotiate. It is the
highest price you are prepared to pay, the lowest sum you are prepared to accept, the longest delay you are prepared to endure or the
least favourable terms that you are prepared to tolerate.
It might be an unpleasant and uncomfortable place where you
would definitely prefer not to go but, if you have to, you will because
anything less acceptable would be even worse. On the other hand, it
could be almost as appealing as your preferred option so you are
spoilt for choice.
To start by calculating an undesirable WAO hardly feels like the basis
for a win-win solution, but its a vital safety net. Its a bit like the
lifeboats on a liner or the life jackets underneath the aircraft seat.
They are not something you like to think about but its reassuring to
know they are there. You saw this in the auction rooms, when Robert
and Rosemary decided that they would not bid more than 2,000 for
the dining room suite they had seen.
In an auction situation, where the only variable is the price, it is
always a sound policy to set a bottom-line of the maximum figure
so you ensure you are not tempted to pay out more than you were
prepared to. However, the auction room was only one possible solution to the problem that Robert and Rosemary were trying to resolve.
The objective was not to acquire the specific furniture on offer but to
acquire a dining room suite, because their existing furniture was no
longer suitable for their needs.
In a single-solution negotiation, such as the auction of a specific
item, the bottom-line strategy works as a safety net. But very few
negotiations involve one single possible solution. You are more likely
to be negotiating around one possible solution out of many options.
Lets imagine you have been commissioned to put together an art
collection for an investor with a budget of 10 million. You might not
have sufficient funds to be able to purchase a painting by Picasso or
a van Gogh, but there will be other paintings with investment potential that will fit within your budget. To think only in terms of Picasso

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and van Gogh would stunt your ability to think creatively around the
problem and come up with alternative solutions.
All too often, the concept of a bottom-line number in a negotiation
becomes just a way of saving face in the anticipation of probable failure. None of this establishes the right mindset for a negotiation.
The important point about the example of Robert and Rosemary is
that the bottom-line was only one part of the preparation they did.
They had also already determined what they would do if the auction
bidding went over their budget: they had established their WalkAway Option their WAO. Should they be unsuccessful at the
auction, they would buy an alternative modern suite from a high
street store.
If they had not established their WAO, they would have been back at
square one after the failure in the saleroom.

The importance of being realistic

Robert and Rosemary might have been less specific about their
options, and could have handled the situation differently. They could
have decided that if, they didnt manage to purchase the dining
suite at auction, they could borrow one from neighbours for the parents visit. Or they could put two smaller tables together. Or they
could buy something cheap from a second-hand shop.
The trouble with this is that they are not really establishing a realistic
alternative. They might be saying to themselves
There are lots of alternatives if we dont get the one we want at
the auction,
but in reality none of these is a real, viable option they would want
to proceed with. Psychologically, they would be adding together all
the alternatives in their head and arriving at what seems like an
aggregate solution. But it isnt an aggregate and it doesnt add up!
The reality is that each of these supposed alternatives is actually just
a part of the answer but none is really practical.

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When you establish your WAO it must be realistic and viable, and not
just a list of vague possibilities.
Another danger is to adopt the philosophy of:
Well cross that bridge when we come to it.
You can be so committed to one possible outcome that you cannot
face the possibility that it might not happen. You have set your heart
on the one option; you are so convinced this is the perfect outcome
that you dont want to consider any alternative. You are like the eternal optimist pinning the solution to lifes problems on buying a ticket
each week for the national lottery. If you are in this situation, of having only one option in mind, you are in a weak negotiating position
and in danger of paying a high price for your lack of preparation,
planning and realism.

Creating a strong position

Robert is finding the new house and growing family putting a strain
on the family budget. He is successful in his job as an area sales
manager on a salary of 40,000 but feels ready to take on new
responsibilities. The annual salary review is coming up, and he has
decided that before trying to negotiate a substantial increase in pay,
he will test the market and see what other opportunities exist.
In this situation, Robert is being creative. He wants to go into his
annual review knowing what his market value is. When he looks at
positions advertised in the trade press, he sees that his current salary
is at the lower end of the scale. Pay levels range between 40,000 and
52,000 in various positions advertised over a one-month period.
This gives him ammunition for his negotiation. However, his fall-back
position at this stage is that he will have to accept whatever might
be offered, and then start looking around if he is not happy with
the new pay structure. He doesnt have a WAO, and he needs to
create one.
Robert decides to test the market and increase his options by replying to an advertisement for the position of regional sales manager

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with XY Technics, a company in a similar field. Having been successful at the initial interview, he is asked to come back to discuss the
position in more detail and to see whether the salary package
is attractive.
The company is impressed with Roberts record and is prepared to
offer him 45,000 plus a bonus package that would add another
5,000 at the end of the year, based on current turnover adjusted for
price inflation. He is delighted with the proposal and promises to
give the company his firm decision within a week.
Robert then has to evaluate all the pros and cons of the offer. The
new post would involve more travelling, and hence more nights
away from home. In addition, it would mean a cutback in holiday
entitlement from 20 to 15 days. He decides to talk to his boss, Colin,
before taking a decision.
You wanted to see me, Robert. Whats on your mind?
The thing is, Colin, I really enjoy my job but with the children
growing up were finding ourselves increasingly stretched financially. Youve seen my area turnover grow steadily and Im
looking for a new challenge. To be honest, Ive been looking for a
bigger opportunity and Ive been offered a position which would
give me more responsibility and more money.
I appreciate what youre saying, Robert, and I was going to talk
about this with you when it came to the review meeting. Weve
been pleased with what youve achieved and we are looking to
promote you in six months, when Jack retires in September. That
would mean taking over a larger area and we could certainly talk
about more money. Whats the offer the other people are making?
Theyve offered me a total package of 50,000 including the
bonus.
So, we would have to better that.

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Well, Ive been very happy working here, but I have to think
about the family and the longer term. What could you offer me if
I took over from Jack in September?
Your bonus is pencilled in at 3,500 for this years review. Suppose
we made that 5,000 and raised the basic from 40,000 to
43,000. Then, when you take the promotion in September, we
could make the basic 47,000 with the prospect of a 5,000 bonus
next time around. How does that sound?
The strength of Roberts negotiating tactic is that he went into his
negotiation with a fallback position of 50,000 from the new company. He wasnt keen on losing some of his holiday entitlement, but
since Colin had not asked for all the details of the other job, he
didnt need to tell Colin the disadvantages of the proposal he
had received.
Colin knew that people are creatures of habit and avoid change. He
calculated that the offer of promotion without the upheaval of
changing jobs and with a significant pay increase was a good
one. Now it would be down to how much Robert wanted to
move companies.
Robert now has an offer that gives him the same money in total over
the next 12 months, and still gives him his 20 days holiday entitlement. However, he knows that Jacks job isnt much of a challenge,
even though it has a larger sales territory. Robert really wants the
potential of the job with the new company, and a few days later, the
phone rings:
Hi Robert, this is Arthur from XY Technics. I wondered if youd
come to a decision about that job we discussed?
Well, Arthur, I am very tempted by your offer, but my company
has just told me Im in for promotion in September and it would
mean a total package of 52,000. The other factor, which is
important to me as a family man, is that I currently enjoy 20 days
paid leave and your company only offers 15. That extra week is
worth a lot to me.

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Hmm I understand where youre coming from on that one.

Although, frankly, now my kids are teenagers I dread family holidays and almost look forward to getting back to my desk! Ill have
to call you tomorrow when Ive had a word with my colleagues.
Arthur now has a problem. He can see that Robert wants the challenge of working for XY Technics, but he cant start making an
exception over holiday entitlement and have one member of the
sales department having more holidays than the others. On the
money side, he can afford to be a little flexible if he keeps the basic
salary about the same and increases the performance bonus. It
would also give Robert an incentive to get his teeth into the challenge of a new job.
The next day he calls Robert back.
Youll be pleased to know Ive been thinking about improving our
offer to you, Robert, and I know how keen you are to step up to a
new challenge. I am sure youll appreciate that we cannot make
an exception on holidays because we have a policy across the
board for all staff at that level. However, I can see the industry is
moving towards increasing holidays and probably by next year
well have to change our terms for everyone which doesnt
help you in the short term.
However, I have a proposition which I hope you will find attractive. At XY we have a policy of allowing up to two weeks
additional leave on an unpaid basis to any of our employees who
choose to take it. That week of extra holiday represents roughly
2 per cent differential in financial terms; so if we increased your
pay by 2 per cent you could take an extra week unpaid and still
be no worse off.
Now, the offer from your present employer, of rising from 43 to
47, plus a bonus of five, averages out at roughly 50,000 over the
next 12 months.
I can offer you 46 as an immediate basic salary, with a bonus of
5,000 based on current turnover and the potential to double that

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if you increase turnover by more than 15 per cent in the full year.
How does that sound to you?
Here was a classic win-win scenario. Arthur had made a small adjustment to the basic salary which gave Robert a substantial immediate
increase. He then structured the bonus so that even if Robert did no
more than maintain the territory sales, Robert would match the
money his present employer was offering and give himself the ability
to take the extra week unpaid without losing out. By structuring
Roberts package with a substantial performance bonus, Arthur gave
Robert a great financial incentive to build sales in the territory from
the moment he accepted the position.
Roberts walk-away option in each case was the other job but did
Colin and Arthur have walk-away options? Absolutely! If Robert left,
Colin could change his plans for Jacks succession and restructure
Roberts region. For Arthur, if Robert decided to stay with his current
employer, it was simply a question of looking at the next person on
the list of people he had already seen for a first interview.
Both of these are strong walk-away options, provided Robert is an
average sort of employee. If Robert were a highly specialized scientist, leading the world in cutting-edge research, Colin would have a
problem in creating a walk-away option. Losing Robert could seriously affect the companys R&D programme. In this situation the
roles would have been reversed and the stronger party would have
been Robert, not Colin.

Power is in the hands of the person who knows What Next?

What is becoming apparent as you explore different negotiating
situations is that the stronger party is not necessarily the one who is
initially in the dominant position; it is the one who has the better
walk-away option.
Sometimes the WAO is expressed in the same terms for both parties.
In the case of Robert, Colin and Arthur, it was money and terms of
employment for all three of them. At other times the WAO may not

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be in common currency, and the other side in the negotiation may

not be able to influence the course of events.
Lets look at George and Mary facing a major decision about their
future life together. They have no children and are both in their early
forties. George is in a well-paid job but is weary of the commercial rat
race and yearns to get out and be his own boss. He and Mary share
an interest in holistic therapies. Mary is a qualified homeopath and
George has been studying physiotherapy at evening classes. He has
been with the same employer since leaving college and has built up
a healthy pension fund. Every Monday morning the prospect of
going to work at the office looks less appealing. One Sunday afternoon they sit down after lunch and discuss their future:
You know, Mary, Ive been thinking we could take life more
easily. Im tired of working with Amethyst Holdings. Ive travelled, Ive set up new offices, Ive worked all hours and quite
frankly I am bored. How would you feel about doing something different?
Well, George, I love my little therapy business. Im getting quite
well known and you know that the national association keep
chasing me to become an examiner on the national standards
committee. You and I share an interest in health and fitness and
with your physiotherapy we could build our own practice. How
would you feel about that?
Theres no reason why we couldnt sell up and find something
smaller, maybe a storefront with an apartment upstairs or a little
place on the outskirts of town. Theres not much outstanding now
on the mortgage, Ive got a healthy pension fund with the company and we could keep paying into that for a few more years.
We planned to take some time off next month, so lets have a look
around and get some ideas of whats on the market.
A few weeks later, George and Mary tour around looking at properties and find the perfect place: a former bakery in a small village just
a few miles from their present home. They immediately put their
home on the market and in a couple of months they are able to

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make an offer on the bakery, conditional on planning permission for

alternative use as a health centre.
George knows its now time to talk to his boss, Bradley, and explain
his plans for the future:
So, George, you wanted to
see me for a chat. Nothing
wrong, I hope? Your department is turning in record
results as usual. Is something
bothering you?
Well, Bradley, Mary and I
have been talking and come to
some pretty major decisions.
Weve decided its time to
move on and start our own
business opening a health centre in the old bakery at
Wolverton. Weve exchanged
contracts on our house and on
the old bakery and we have
planning approval. So, now
its all in the hands of the legal
people.
So youre pretty set on this
idea then? How do the numbers stack up?

The Planning Committee was

faced with a choice between
seeing the old bakery stay in
a run-down state until
someone else came along
and bought it as a food shop
(the committees WAO but
an unlikely development) or
accepting George and Marys
proposal, which would see
the property restored,
occupied and generating
property taxes.
In the event, the committee
accepted the proposal to
develop the premises as a
health centre, thus realistically
facing up to general trends in
high street retailing and
ensuring that the property
was once again contributing
to council revenues.

Ive got another nine months before I qualify as a physio, but

Mary already has a thriving practice and quite a reputation.
Weve made a good profit on our home, so I reckon we can survive until Im qualified. Itll be tight, and theres quite a lot to do
on the property, but it should work out.
And this means youre leaving us? I hope youll stay long enough
to train up Bill to take over the reins?

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Im not in a rush to go, but I dont believe its healthy for a company if someone hangs around once a decision is taken.
I understand that, George, but maybe we can work something
out to mutual advantage. After all, youre going to need quite a
cashflow to cover the building alterations, I imagine. Let me put a
proposal to you.
Bradley knows that Georges experience and expertise are valuable
to the company and he would be sorry to lose that after all the
growth George had helped the company to achieve. At the same
time, he knows that Bill is snapping at Georges heels and eager for
additional responsibility. He knows he will lose Bill to a competitor if
he cant find a new challenge for him soon. Bradleys WAO is to
accept Georges resignation and promote Bill immediately but that
could mean a lack of continuity and a difficult transition. He wants to
minimize that if he can while keeping Bill motivated.
For George, the negotiation seems simple. He will agree a period of
notice with Bradley hopefully two or three months which will
give him an income while he and Mary sort out their move and start
on the structural work. There will be a lean period while the building
alterations are being completed and he takes his final examinations
but after that the future looks promising. Georges WAO is that if
Bradley decides to let him go straightaway he will have to fall back
on the capital they have realized from their house sale.
Bradley lays out his proposition to George:
George, we value your contribution and will be sad to lose you.
At the same time, I know you and Mary are passionate about
your interest in health and fitness and I believe you could be very
successful with your new project. I also know Bill is looking for a
more challenging position and I am sure you could induct him
into your job without stunting his ideas. Had you considered cutting back for a few months, maybe working part-time or even
leaving us but retaining a consultancy role to the company?
George is taken aback. He had no idea the company would be open
to such an idea. But Bradley is being creative and looking beyond the
employer/employee box that George has been mentally locked into.

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Bradleys proposal is a win-win solution. George has time to devote

to his new project, and he has an ongoing income over the next few
months. Bill will get the promotion he is hoping for and Bradley has
the security of George shadowing and guiding Bill while Bill is adjusting to his new role. Also, the company will continue to have access
to Georges 20-years experience in the industry for at least a few
more months.
Bradley continues:
Obviously you want to think this over, George, and I need to see
how this would work out in practical terms. But you never know,
you might welcome the continuing association with the company
that you have put so much into. I take it youre in favour, in principle.
Absolutely, Brad, Ill certainly be interested to see what this looks
like on paper. Youre right about Bill. He has itchy feet, so we need
to get this sorted out in the next week or so. Otherwise, hes going
to be taking more odd days off when he says hes at the dentist
but we suspect hes talking to other companies!
Ill have something drawn up and well talk again in a couple of
days. I think that, since it looks as if youll be leaving us one way
or the other, you wont mind if I start talking to Bill, will you?
I think its essential. And you know, I really look forward to
coaching him into my old job.
Of course, if George had been moving out of town, Bradley might not
have been able to make such an attractive offer. In that situation there
would have been little he could do to persuade George to stay. No
amount of money could have persuaded George to stop pursuing his
dream; the house was effectively sold and the new premises bought.
George had apparently burnt his boats. But despite this, Bradley
came up with a solution that worked to everyones advantage.

How to create the Walk-Away Option

You have seen that the power in any negotiation is in the hands of
whoever has the better WAO. Logically, developing a strong WAO is

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a critical part of the preparation for any negotiation. Going back to

our basic principles, this means:
Establishing what alternative options you can develop if you are
unable to get what you want
Developing these ideas into real alternatives, not just vague ideas
Working out what the other side wants and how they are likely to
react and proceed
Deciding on a WAO for the various decisions or attitudes the other
side might take
George had not really thought through his negotiation with Bradley.
He went to see him just to hand in his notice. But if cashflow had
been more critical for George and Mary, they would have needed to
think through the negotiation much more thoroughly.

Working out the WAOs

Here are some of the WAOs that George could have considered.
These are based on the worst possible outcome, which would be
that Bradley would accept his resignation and let him go there and
then. Georges thoughts for a walk-away option might have been:
1. We will have to live on our capital until the health centre is generating a positive cashflow.
2. I could do most of the renovation work myself, using skilled trades
people when I need them.
3. I could get a part-time job so that we still have some money coming in until I qualify.
With a little analysis and forethought, George could have made plans
for a situation in which Bradley tries to get him to stay. Georges
thoughts then might have been:
4. Ill withdraw my notice and hang on for another year while Mary
gets the new business up and running.
5. I can see if Bradley will let me ease off and start handing over my
responsibilities.
6. I can refuse to stay, and see what period of notice we can agree.

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In the earlier example, George had probably already positioned himself at Option 6. He had not considered the possibility of Bradley just
showing him the door and giving him the minimum financial entitlement, and he certainly hadnt considered Option 4 as even a
remote possibility. Look at the various steps to follow in working out
the WAO:
Step 1 analyze all the possible alternatives
George and Mary should have sat down and thought things through
in more detail before George handed in his resignation. They needed
a clear picture of what they could realistically take as their next step,
in reply to the various responses that the company might make.
Step 2 develop the various alternatives to see exactly
what is involved
Having done that, George and Mary next needed to discuss and
investigate their options in more detail. Here are just some of the
points which would need to be talked through:
1. If George had to take another job for six months:
i. What were the opportunities?
ii. How realistic were they?
iii. What could he have expected to earn?
iv. Would he be better off delaying his resignation until their plans
had progressed further?
2. As for doing the renovation work himself:
i. How realistic was this idea?
ii. Most of us can slap on a coat of paint and do basic DIY but
would this have been enough?
iii. Would there be any complicated building work, electrical rewiring or essential plumbing that would need qualified
tradesmen?
3. Would living on their capital seriously damage their security?
i. How much would they need?
ii. For how long?
4. Could George tolerate staying on at work, given the upheaval of
the removal and all their long-term plans for the health centre?

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Step 3 evaluate the possible attitudes and actions of

the other side
It is vital to try to determine what the other sides position is likely to
be. George needed to ask himself some critical questions:
1. Would Bradley react strongly and show him the door?
2. Would he be sympathetic and supportive to his plans?
3. Is there a policy about paying people off and not having them
work their notice? If so, what might that mean in financial terms?
4. Would Bradley consider letting him reduce his workload and work
on a different basis, part-time or as a consultant, during the transition in the management of the department?
Step 4 decide on a definitive option for each possible
outcome
Finally, George and Mary needed to determine their best WAO to
match their judgement of the likely position of the other side. It is no
good thinking vaguely in terms of I have lots of options or the classic get-out clause, Im keeping all my options open which generally
means I havent thought about what might happen next.
The WAO must be a serious alternative and it must be appropriate to
a specific response from the other side. Unless you do this if you
have only a vague, generalized idea of what you might do next
you are no longer in control of your own future.

Its all about staying in control

And that is the nub of this chapter. When you know exactly what you
will do if you dont get what you want, you are in control. Nobody is
going to push you into doing something you dont want, or into settling for less than you are prepared for. Even if you face the
worst-case scenario, you already know in some detail what your next
step will be. So, you stay in control.
George let his emotions get in the way of his negotiation. He was
weary of working for Amethyst Holdings and had decided to quit.
He was so focused on his new project that he was blind to the

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opportunities that might exist in the interim. Given all the facts, what
could he have done differently?
If Bradley had been desperate not to lose Bill, he could have seized
Georges resignation as a way of creating a job that would keep Bill
in the company. By declaring all his intentions, George had made it
very easy for Bradley to move quickly and replace him. A better
course of action for George would have been to have an informal
chat with Bradley, discussing his long-term plans, rather than laying
all his cards on the table from the outset. Suppose he had said:
I wanted to tell you about Marys business. You know were both
into health and fitness, and Mary has a flourishing practice as a
homeopath. Well, weve decided to downsize our living-space
and were in the process of moving out to Wolverton. Weve taken
over the old bakery, and weve been granted planning approval
to turn it into a local health centre. Ive been thinking about joining her sometime in the future but first I need to complete my
physiotherapy studies. I thought we should have a chat to see
how this might fit in with the development of my role in the company.
At this stage George has not been negotiating. He is merely floating
an idea, without any timescale and without any threatening implications. This gives him a chance to do what he was not able to do
earlier, namely Step 3 of the WAO development process to evaluate
the possible attitudes and actions of the other side.

Realistically keeping all the options open

This leaves all his options open. Under the employment legislation in
most countries around the world (though not in the USA), Bradley
would find it difficult to terminate an employee of 20 years standing
with no cause, and without a substantial financial settlement, so
Bradleys options are somewhat limited. However, the knowledge of
Georges possible long-term plans does give him an opportunity to
discuss with him ways of gradually winding down his involvement in
the company, if that would be of interest to George.

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George could then go away, formulate his next steps and work out
his walk-away options for any future negotiations about his position
in the company. He has maintained the most valuable position of
any negotiation: he is in control.

Summary
Knowing your WAO is the single most important element of going
into a negotiation. You should spend as much time on determining
your WAO alternatives as you should in working out your ideal outcome. If you do so, you can be absolutely confident at every stage of
the negotiation. If you fail to do this, you put yourself at the mercy of
whatever outcome the negotiation achieves.
Step 1 analyze all the possible alternatives
Step 2 develop the various alternatives to see just what is
involved
Step 3 evaluate the possible attitudes and actions of the other
side
Step 4 decide on a definitive option for each possible outcome

SUMMARY OF PART TWO

Know what you want
Know what the other side wants
Know and exploit the power and value of information
Know and agree on how you will measure the outcome
Know what you will do if you cant achieve what you really want

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PART THREE

Doing the deal

Playing games and handling

gamesmanship

Playing by the rules

By this stage you are probably about to ask the inevitable question:
But what if the other side hasnt read the book? What if they just
carry on with positional negotiation? I may understand the difference between position and direction but that doesnt work
unless they also understand and will play by the same rules.
Negotiation is all about the to and fro of communication. It is not
about winning a game; it is about moving towards a common
objective. If it were about playing a game, you would often find that
a negotiation is going nowhere because one side is playing football
while the other side is playing tennis.
When one side is playing by one set of rules and the other side is
playing by a different set of rules, or doesnt understand the conventions of the game, there is no communication, no game, no
common objective and no result.
A negotiation starts with the initial steps of acknowledging the mutual
positions of the two parties involved and moving towards identifying
mutually desirable outcomes. Having done this, the two parties can
then explore possible solutions and evaluate the various options.

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When the other side wont play along with this, and insists on stating a position and then arguing around that position, you need to
reappraise the situation. You have several options.
In sporting terminology, you can try different shots, play soft or firm,
or cry: Foul! but as long as they are waving a tennis racquet and you
are kicking a football there simply will not be any meaningful communication. In fact, there is not much you can do as long as they
insist on doing things their way and ignoring what you are doing
and saying from your side.
People who are set on a particular sum of money or determined to
achieve the specific outcome that they personally favour will often
be blind to any alternatives. There is no point in arguing in circles
around their position. This will only lead to a shouting match, each
attack stimulating an ever fiercer counter-attack. Confrontation
builds barriers around the positions and pushes the two parties further away from each other, with a diminishing hope of ever
achieving a negotiated settlement. The harder you reject their ideas,
the harder they push back, and in the end both parties are squeezed
dry and probably exhausted.
What alternative options do you have? You can stop trying to get
them to play the game your way, and instead you can let them play
their own game.

Taking the wind out of their sails

Once you realize that it is going to be difficult to have a mature and
reasoned debate, you should encourage the other side to pursue
their argument. What then happens is that both sides can see where
this particular approach is leading and what the outcome is likely to
be. When they strike out, you must pull them along rather than
rebuff them. You must resist the temptation to argue and just let
them have their say.
What then happens is that once the other side has followed the argument through to its logical conclusion, they and you can both look
at the likely outcome, and see how far it is from what you individually want to achieve.

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Often the other side will come to see that their proposal does not in
fact achieve their objectives. This then yields the scope to discuss
what might be mutually acceptable.
When you are letting the other side develop their argument around
their position, you must be careful to remain impassive, so you do
not give the impression that you are agreeing as the debate progresses. Of course you want to argue but this is not the right
moment. Let them elaborate their ideas and draw them out. Ask for
clarification so they know you have been listening and that they have
been heard.
It may be contrary to your instinctive nature to bite your lip and let
them put their case, but it propels them towards elaborating their
ideas and talking these through to the logical conclusion.

Smiling and nodding

When it comes to listening, there is a fundamental gender difference
throughout Europe and North America in what people mean as they
smile and nod when listening to the other persons argument.
Generally, men see smiling and nodding as a gesture of agreement
to what is being said, whereas women smile and nod to show they
have followed the argument and understand what is being said. In
other words, when women listen and nod it does not necessarily
mean they are agreeing to what the other party is proposing.
As always in negotiations and all forms of communication, especially
across cultural, age and gender boundaries, it is important to avoid
giving out the wrong signals, and to understand the meaning
behind the signals you are receiving. Lets return to George and
Mary, our forty-something couple with no children and a comfortable level of income. They are relaxing one evening, looking through
holiday brochures and planning their summer vacation:
I really think the Algarve in Portugal looks great, says George.
The climate is excellent, theres good food and wine, and plenty
of things to see and do.

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Mary is studying a brochure of Provence, admiring the pictures of

Avignon and Aix-en-Provence.
But surely France would be more enjoyable. We can fly to the
south and pick up a car. Its so sophisticated, with all those wonderful restaurants. Dont you think the Algarve is, well, a bit
rural?
Good Lord, no! This hotel looks superb; just look at all the facilities!
But the Hotel Europe in Avignon is famous, and has some very
reasonable packages. It would make a wonderful base for touring
around, and theres a lot to do in and around Avignon.
George and Mary are going to carry on, endlessly arguing from their
positions, until one of them adopts the directional strategy I am
proposing, and encourages the other to expand on their proposal.
George decides to try this approach:
I dont understand. What is so appealing about Avignon?
Mary thinks she is making progress, and perks up.
Theres so much to do, even just in the town itself. Smart little
bars to sit and enjoy a drink and watch the world go by, a traditional market and lots of picturesque backstreets where you could
do your photography.
OK, but what would you do that you couldnt do in the Algarve?
Well, I want to buy some winter clothes, and the shopping is
wonderful in France. There are wonderful little boutiques with all
the famous names at much better prices than here at home. Then
I thought we might drive down to Marseilles one day so I can look
at the big department stores.
Now George has established that what is behind Marys preference
for Avignon is not the scenery or culture but the shopping. This is
why she prefers the idea of France as compared to Portugal. George
has no interest in haut couture; he has his own reasons for preferring Portugal:

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But I dont want to be stuck in a city; I have enough of city life

back here at home. Thats why Id prefer Portugal.
For a moment, George is back in his position. Then he realizes he
will not make any progress unless he takes the discussion forward.
Before he can pursue his discussion Mary draws him out into revealing his motivation
Anyway, why are you so keen on the Algarve? Whats so special
about that part of Portugal? Surely Lisbon would have more buzz
and life?
And now you can discover what is behind Georges negotiating position:
Well, its the golf. More top class golf courses than anywhere else
in Europe, combined with a superb climate and top class hotels.
One day I really want to play in Scotland, but I didnt dare suggest Scotland with rain for climate and haggis and chips for
dinner.
Mary chuckled.
I dont think youre being fair to Scotland but youre right. I
want sunshine after the awful winter were having this year. So it
looks as if were both set on things we want from the holiday. I
want to be able to shop-till-I-drop for sophisticated European
fashion and you want to be out there on the greens hitting a little ball into a hole in the ground.
OK, you dont appreciate golf, and I dont appreciate your need
to constantly change your wardrobe. But we both knew this
before we were married. My dream was to play the top golf
courses around the world and your dream was to afford to be
dressed in the finest fashions. How can we ensure that we each
get what we want out of this vacation?
This impassive strategy listening to the other side explain their
position demands a fair degree of restraint and self-discipline. In
George and Marys case it works because they are used to discussing
situations and working out solutions together. In a more formal

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negotiation it is less easy for you to stand back and listen to something you find totally unacceptable. However, you are never going to
make any progress until the other party believes they have had the
opportunity to put their full proposal, and that you have listened,
heard and understood where they are coming from.
When Fisher, Ury and Patton outlined this situation in their seminal
work Getting to Yes, they concluded that the other side would probably use three tactics when they negotiated with you. They would:
1. Forcefully assert their position and point of view.
2. Attack any ideas or proposals you put forward.
3. Launch a personal attack on you.
The best way of responding to these tactics is to start by getting to
the bottom of things.

Find out why they are pushing their proposition

You can start by following the tactics that both George and Mary
used when negotiating about their holiday plans. Lets look at a
rather different example when, back at JK Engineering, Robert is
negotiating with a client, Alice, who is buying equipment for a new
production line at her factory.
Well, Alice, it seems as if were still going round in circles and not
making much progress. Youve seen our offer. You have asked for
the XK150, which is the unit you have on your other production
lines, so you are familiar with its performance and reliability. For
a bulk order of ten we could deliver them to you, as you request,
in the second half of August, at a price of 15,000 per unit, including shipping.
The specifications are right but 15,000 is too expensive. I can get
these from Mexico for 12,000. Thats a 20 per cent saving.
You know our list price is 17,950 and you know Ive guaranteed
the delivery date. That really is our best price.
I tracked down this dynamic new Mexican company. They can
match your specification right down to the last detail. Its no good

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sitting there complacently. I want you to stop making fat margins

and work with medium-sized manufacturers like us, helping us to
build our business. We need to get this production line up and
running straight after the summer break, and we need a more
competitive price. Youre typical of the local companies: you just
churn out the products and wait for someone like me to come
along and pay your high prices. Youve never had competition
before, and now you dont know how to handle it!
Alice is getting angry and her attack is increasingly personal. Robert
pauses for a moment to let things settle before replying:
I want to find a way to help you to get that new production line
up on time and running profitably. Theres no way I can go any
lower on price. Well be making a minimal margin, and I can only
go this low because you are a valued long-term customer and
wed like to keep working with you. What Im offering you is a
very fair price and I cannot discount any more than we have done
already. Lets have another look at the project.
This negotiation is going nowhere. Robert needs the answers
to some questions. In particular, since they have always had a
good business relationship, why has Alice decided to look for
a new supplier?
Why is Alice insisting on such a big price reduction? JK Engineering
are market leaders for quality and value and Alice has never
demanded major price reductions in the past. If the Mexican company is so good, why is she still talking to him? Whats stopping her
from ordering from Mexico?
Robert looks back at the quotation his company has offered and considers the key features of his proposition: the XK150, standard
specifications. There is nothing else in the market in that niche;
everything competitive is either too big or too small.
Robert will have to start suggesting alternatives, and see where that
leads. He needs more information from Alice, so he re-opens the
conversation:

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Whats going on here, Alice? Weve always enjoyed an excellent

business relationship.
Let me explain the situation. You remember the new Explorer
product range we previewed at the International Trade Fair? Its
easier for us to produce, its much cheaper than our existing
ranges and its getting a fantastic response from the trade. We
have to get into volume production much faster than we anticipated. The timing is critical if we are to catch the winter sales,
and we need to keep the production costs down. I must work to a
very tight capital budget, which is why we have been looking at
alternative sources.
On the one hand, we would like to continue dealing with someone we know and trust. On the other hand I am looking at the
difference between a total capital cost of 120,000 and your price
of 150,000. The Explorer is a volume market product at a budget
price. You see the problem. Now, what can you do for us?
So, let me get this straight: you need to equip the production line
for the new Explorer range within a capital budget of around
120,000 and have it fully operational in August, so that you can
get the production running to meet the winter sales season. Have
I understood you correctly?
There is no way we can stretch to 150,000. And apart from the
capital cost, your XK150 is pretty heavy on power, so the running
costs of those machines in energy alone will be a major element
in the unit costings right across our Explorer product range.
I hear what youre saying, and I understand you need to control
costs. Suppose we could come up with a way to reduce the energy
costs, but keep your production level the same?
That would be great! But you know the energy consumption of
the XK150. Do the sums and youll see why were concerned
about the costs with ten units all working long shifts.
You are quite right, Alice. But my point is that the Explorer production line doesnt need the XK150! Youll have more than
enough output if you take the XK135, and its much cheaper to

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run. When we discussed this you were talking about setting up a

new production line, and our quote was naturally based on your
traditional manufacturing process and the old product range
which simply wasnt cheap to produce. If you set up the new production line based on the XK135 you can make energy savings
with no loss of capacity. Let me put some figures together and get
a detailed specification to you this afternoon, then you can go
through it with your technical people.
What about delivery? Thats the other big issue; I can bring the
Mexican machines in under budget but delivery is as critical as
price on this whole project. You know what its like, dealing with
a new supplier: youre adding an unknown into the equation.
We can deliver ten machines as early in August as you can take
them. We can also look into putting one of our engineers on a
placement with you, to work with your people on the installation.
As far as your budget is concerned, I am sure we can give you an
attractive package. Does that give you what youre looking for?
Put it all in writing. I think we might have the outline of a realistic deal. It looks as if we can do business.

The power of listening

Alice had been arguing about the price of the XK150, when her real
objective was to set up the new production line for the new product
range, on time, within a fixed budget. When Alice saw that Robert
was inflexible about the price, she became angry and frustrated.
Roberts tactic was to practise Active Listening. He had to draw
out the argument and let Alice know she had been heard before he
could effectively respond and make a fresh proposal. He did this by
feeding back her own argument to her, so she knew he understood
her point of view:
So let me get this straight: you need to equip the production line
for the new Explorer range within a capital budget of around
120,000 and have it fully operational in August, so you can get
the production running to meet the winter sales season.

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He shows that he wants to understand her position by then asking her:

Have I understood you correctly?
By doing this, he is no longer in opposition to Alice, but (metaphorically speaking) he has moved around the negotiating table, and
joined alongside her, identifying with a common objective.
Of course, he might have had to apologize and admit defeat if there
were no way he could provide the right equipment in the right
timescale at the right price. On the other hand, he might have been
able to be creative in his response by suggesting some other financing arrangement, such as a leasing deal, that would meet Alices
concerns about working within the restraints of her capital budget.
In the example here, Robert is able to come up with a win-win solution. He can offer Alice a unit that is more than adequate for this
particular operation, at a lower capital cost and cheaper to run. Now
that he knows both her budget and her delivery requirements, he
can produce a detailed proposal incorporating added value, such as
technical assistance during the start-up period for the new production line.
The first rule of not playing their game
Dont try to attack a position by maintaining your own position.
Try to find out what is behind the opponents position by drawing
them on, letting them have their say and making it clear that you
have heard. Once you know WHY they are so adamant about their
position, you can start to identify their underlying aims and
respond with a proposal which addresses these specific objectives.

Find out how deeply-felt or realistic their objections are

The next tactic you are likely to see from the other side is that they
will attack any ideas or proposals you have put forward. Any parent
will vouch for just how demoralizing this can be when children
become difficult. In commercial negotiations, it can be every bit as
frustrating. You may find yourself in a situation in which both parties

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feel unable to say anything to which the other side will give
any credence!
In this type of negotiation, you instinctively want to defend your
position and argue right back. But you can, in fact, be far more effective if you take a very different approach and encourage the attack.
When you invite more criticism and push the other side to expand
on their objections, they are forced to clarify their thinking and produce solid, reasoned debate. You have to dismantle your defence
and let the opponents try to destroy your argument. George and
Marys discussion could have gone rather differently:
I really fancy France. I love the idea of Provence at that time of
year.
But Portugal would be so much better and cheaper.
Just a minute what have you got against France? Tell me why
my idea is so wrong.
For a start, France is full of the French! Remember that weekend
in Paris? The French are rude, arrogant, and they hate foreigners.
Youre quite right: once you land in France it feels very foreign.
And I agree, when we went to Paris back then, we quickly learned
how snobbish some of them can be. Everyone knows the French
can be very individualistic. And it doesnt seem to make any difference how hard you try to speak their language theyll either
pretend not to understand or just talk back to you in English. But
theres so much more to France than Paris, and the people are
very different outside the big cities. Apart from the undeniable
fact that France is full of French people, what other objections do
you have?
France is so expensive.
Yes, it would be more expensive than Portugal. But if were staying at the Hotel Europe youve got to remember it has a Michelin
star and the standard is going to be much higher than the sort of
roadside motel we stay at when were up north visiting your

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parents. Were not back-packers any longer, George, and its

about time we spent some serious money on a holiday! The Euro
is a strong currency so were going to find continental Europe
pricey but we will get superb service, gourmet food and beautiful accommodation. I think its worth being extravagant. Do you
think we should be roughing it? Dont you think we deserve a little luxury?
Well, I suppose youre right about prices across Europe, but thats
not all. Youre talking about staying in Avignon and frankly, I
dont like the idea of being stuck in a town. I spend too much of
my life in the city and I like to get out and about.
I agree with you. I want to be out and about, I dont want to
spend all my days in the grounds of an hotel, lying on a sun-bed
by a pool eating over-priced club-sandwiches for lunch. But its
good to have a comfortable base to come home to, and in the
evenings we want some sophistication, different places to dine
out, maybe a nightclub, or the cinema. Hotels can be very dull
places in the evenings. Of course we want to tour around, and
Provence is the perfect base. You couldnt ask for more to see and
do, all within an hours drive of our hotel.
But thats the point! If I want to do anything, I am going to have
to get in the car to go and do it!
Im like you. Back home, I hate driving. What I like about the idea
of Avignon is that we can walk everywhere in the town. As for a
car, I thought it would be rather fun to pick up a convertible at
the airport rather than a boring ordinary saloon car. Theres a
lovely coup available at a very reasonable price if we book it all
as a package with the flight and hotel. Youve always wanted a
convertible and weve always said we didnt have the weather for
it at home. You know youd enjoy that!
Well, that is rather appealing, but it still seems that if I am going
to do the things I want to do, I am going to have to spend a lot
of time driving around.

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So, what is it you particularly want to do? I just dont see what
youre getting at. We can have a wonderful hotel with superb
facilities at an excellent package price, in a beautiful, sophisticated town with all the attractions the region offers. What is
wrong with that idea? What more could you ask for?
Well, er, golf, actually.
Eventually, Marys persistence pays off and George reveals that what
he really wants is a golfing holiday. He has never mentioned this
but he has made two sweeping generalizations:
The French are rude, arrogant, and they hate foreigners.
France is so expensive.
He also had some specific complaints about Avignon:
If I want to do anything, I am going to have to get in the car to
go and do it!
I spend too much of my life in the city and I like to get out and
about.
Mary does nothing to counter these arguments. In fact, she agrees
with him:
Youre quite right: once you land in France it feels very foreign.
And I agree, when we went to Paris back then, we quickly learned
how snobbish some of them can be
Yes, it would be more expensive than Portugal The Euro is a
strong currency so were going to find continental Europe pricey
Im like you. Back home, I hate driving.
I agree with you. I want to be out and about. I dont want to
spend all my days in the grounds of an hotel.
Marys strategy drew out his objections and she kept asking him for
his opinion:
Tell me why my idea is so wrong?

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I think its worth being extravagant. Do you think we should be

roughing it? Dont you think we deserve a little luxury?
Youve always wanted a convertible and weve always said we
didnt have the weather for it at home. Wouldnt you enjoy that?
What more could you ask for?
Throughout the conversation, she constantly agreed with him and
encouraged him to come up with new objections. As a result, she
could then uncover what was behind his argument a desire for a
golfing holiday.
In the initial phases of the negotiation it looked as if George was
immovable. Once Mary had let George have his say and often
agreed with him in much of what he said, she could defuse the
debate and lead him to the realization that:
He would actually enjoy staying in a good hotel
He would appreciate a degree of luxury
It would be pleasant to have the sophistication of a stylish town to
wander around in the evenings
He would relish driving a sports car in the sunshine
Later, she found the one piece of persuasive evidence she needed to
clinch her argument. Her master stroke was a leaflet she downloaded
from the French Tourist Board: Golf Pass Provence enjoy the freedom
of our 15 fine golf courses.
The second rule of not playing their game
Support and encourage the opposing party to spell out their
objections. Dont try to argue with them. Keep asking them for
clarification, and agree whenever you can. Ultimately, you will
uncover the real reason behind their objections.

Switch their personal attack back to the problem

In the last example, Mary let George have his say and spell out all the
reasons why he didnt fancy her idea for their summer vacation.
Should the discussion get personal, the same strategy works equally
well. Dont defend yourself; let the other side be angry and get it off

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their chest. What is really happening is that they are frustrated about
the situation and are taking it out on the only visible, tangible representation of the problem you.
Now take another look at Roberts negotiation with Alice, where we
saw a good example of this. Alice was frustrated and started to insult
Robert and his company:
Its no good sitting there complacently Youre typical of the
local companies youve never had competition before, and
now you dont know how to handle it!
Robert said nothing by way of self defence; he believed that, deep
down, Alice liked dealing with JK Engineering and that this anger was
frustration arising from the complexity and challenges of setting up
the new production line. Consequently he deflected her comments:
I want to find a way to help you to get that new production line
up on time and running profitably Lets have another look at
the project.
Having vented her frustration, Alice comes back to discuss the problem in a less personal way:
Let me explain the situation ... We have to get into volume production much faster than we anticipated and we need to keep
the production costs down. I must work to a very tight capital
budget, which is why we have been looking at alternative
sources.
The reality of the situation was that Alice wasnt really upset with
Robert and his company. She was overwhelmed by the scale of the
project she was working on and the budget constraints she had to
work to.

The power of silence

Faced with an angry and vindictive opponent, the first important
rule is to keep cool. You have to ignore the personal insults and forget them as fast as they come.

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At the same time, you can pause and use silence to let the temperature drop. The other party may use your pause to repeat themselves
or become even more worked up but you can just give them time
to say what they want to say.
Silence is not passive; silence is a very powerful way of forcing the
other side to keep talking. They will carry on, expanding on their
argument in more detail which, as you have seen in the previous
examples, gives you more information about their position and gives
you time to formulate your response.
By keeping quiet after asking a question, you force the other side to
give a detailed answer, expand on their reasoning and justify their
response.
While silence may appear to be a stalemate it is in fact a dynamic and
pressured phase of a negotiation.
The third rule of not playing their game
Dont take anything personally. See any negatives as the other
sides frustration about the issues and not as criticism of you or
your colleagues. Understand the other sides frustration, and
pause. Use silence to move the discussion along.

Breaking the deadlock

In all the examples of this chapter you have been encouraging the
other side and not delaying the process with argument. Another way
of resolving a negotiation is by raising and exploring the issues
through the involvement of a third party facilitator.
The facilitators role is rarely proposed as that of a mediator. In general the facilitator is seen as an expert, who is engaged to find a
solution which meets the objectives and criteria of all parties. This is
important as both parties need to feel that the facilitator has their
individual personal interests at heart, and has been engaged to help
them get what they want.
Suppose George and Mary had started their vacation plans by calling
in to consult Shirley, their local travel agent:

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Hello there, what can I do for you today?

Were starting to think about our summer holiday.
Weve got as far as agreeing that it will be two weeks and it will
be in continental Europe.
Well, thats everything from the Arctic Circle to the Greek Islands!
Lets start with one or two details.
Shirley now sets out some of the parameters, establishing travel
dates and some broad categories of holiday:
Were you thinking of a beach holiday, a touring holiday, lakes
and mountains, cultural sights ?
I like to have a base so I dont feel I am living out of a suitcase.
I would like to be surrounded by lots to do. And I do like to buy
clothes when Im abroad.
I enjoy my games of golf, and I would like to play some different
courses while were away.
I think we both agree were old enough to enjoy a bit of luxury
and sophistication.
And I guess youd like some sunshine, too? Give me a couple of
hours while you do your shopping and I should have some ideas
if you call back this afternoon.
In this situation we are developing an independent solution, or a
shortlist of possible solutions, around which the parties can negotiate. You have seen several examples of people building their own
ideas together to create their own fixed position, and then each
arguing around and about.
When you use a professional to perform a specialist function such
as an architect, a wedding planner, a business consultant, an interior
designer or a travel agent you dont have two diverse positions to
debate; you have a single source of options. The specialist creates
these choices based on the requirements of the two parties. At the

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same time the specialist performs the role of being a third-party

facilitator between the opposing parties.
At each stage the parties look at the specialists ideas in terms of the
extent to which their own personal objectives are met. When George
and Mary return to continue their discussions with Shirley, George is
looking for golf courses and Mary is looking for comfort, sophistication and shopping. Shirley is not doing her job properly unless she is
able to show how her proposals meet both of these criteria.
In an earlier chapter you looked at the need to establish independent
criteria for judging an outcome, and in a sense the use of a thirdparty specialist invokes similar principles.
Both parties see the specialist as able to represent their individual
interests in an objective way, and are open to being persuaded that
their interests are being acknowledged and incorporated into the
single solution.
The fourth rule of not playing their game
Avoid conflict and argument by appointing an expert who will
produce an independent solution, that can be modified in discussion to take account of the individual criteria of the two parties.
Keep the initial brief as broad as possible to avoid stunting the
specialists creativity and be open to exploring new ideas in the
course of the consultations.

Summary
In this chapter you have considered how to deal with an opponent
who wants to play a different game.
You have seen how you can progress the negotiation by letting the
other side fully develop their argument without your interruptions.
You have also seen how you can progress the negotiation by letting
the other side attack your proposal with no defence from you.
In both situations, you have seen how this serves to clarify the
other sides position and gives you scope to explore alternatives
and compromises.

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You then saw that it is important to separate the personalities from

the problem and not take personal attacks as serious accusations.
You need to realize that such insults stem from frustration at the
complexity of the problem, and that your best response is to deflect
the attack from yourself and on to the basic issues of the negotiation.
In all these cases, the common element has been to encourage the
other party to expand on and clarify the key points of their argument
whether proposing their own ideas or attacking yours.
Another way of exploring the issues and options is to appoint a specialist who is briefed by both parties on what they want to achieve.
This specialist is effectively a mediator who has to come up with
an independent solution which will satisfy both parties, within
set parameters.
Here are the four principal courses of action which work when you
cannot persuade the other party to move from Positional
Negotiation to Directional Negotiation.
1. Let them argue their case and dont interrupt them.
2. Support and encourage them to attack your case.
3. Dont defend yourself if they attack you personally but do redirect this attack from yourself and on to the problem.
4. Appoint a professional specialist to work on an independent single
solution which takes account of the criteria of both parties.

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10

Handling personalities and

working as a team

People are different

There is something of a fashion in the twenty-first century to treat
people as if they were all the same.
Part of this is the result of major changes in social organization.
Society has gone to great lengths to undo the injustices of discrimination. The public environment is designed with convenient access
for everyone, regardless of any physical disability or impairment. And
increasingly, society is moving towards offering equal opportunity of
employment and advancement to everyone, regardless of gender,
race or creed. This is a huge development from the unjust legislation,
discrimination and practices of past centuries.
But people are different.
In the attempt to be just and fair, individual preferences are often
overlooked and there is a move towards total standardization in the
way things are done. The consequence is that there are sweeping
generalizations about what people expect and these overlook essential differences in human personalities. Everyone has their own
perspective, and this viewpoint is the result of an accumulation of
factors and influences. The fundamental basis of all interpersonal
communication and negotiation is that people are different.

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Are you Head, Heart or Gut?

There are many classifications of personality type and just as many
books that attempt to categorize behaviour patterns. This chapter
will focus on just three basic types, following a principle that is some
5,000 years old. It can be seen in many ancient religions and is still
practised today in the traditional teachings of Ayurvedic medicine.
This is a very simple demarcation, according to whether people are
principally motivated by their logic, their emotions or their instinct,
and which I shall refer to as Head, Heart and Gut people.
Head people are the logical, methodical thinkers, who love detail,
facts, and analysis. Typically they are accountants, engineers, surveyors, scientists: people who deal with factual information and who
need to know all the background and statistics before they can come
to a decision.
Heart people are always influenced by human considerations; they
are people-people. Typically they are teachers, nurses, human
resource executives and social workers. They tend to base their
decisions on the human factors and social impact of any negotiated changes.
Gut people want action. They are get-up-and-go people who want
to get on with the job. Often they are in positions of authority in
society such as Police or the Armed Forces. Or they may have sales
and marketing jobs where they are measured by their results. They
like challenges, they move quickly to reach a decision and they
expect instant action. They dislike delays and hate having to attend
to detail.

The author confesses

Nobody is a pure, 100 per cent Head, Heart or Gut person. Most of
us are predominantly one type, with elements of one or both of the
other types.
Personally, I am very much a Gut person. I tend to be impetuous
and often charge into projects without thinking through the

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consequences in the way a Head person would; or considering the

full effect my actions would have on others, which is what a Heart
person would do. I am far from methodical in my daily routine, and
by nature very untidy.
In contrast to this, when it comes to holidays, I will spend weeks
reading and planning with maps and guide books with all the dedication of the most devoted Head person.
So, while nobody is purely one particular type, you do have your
essential personality traits to the extent that your friends and colleagues will have some initial expectation of how you will react to
any given set of circumstances.
At this moment you can probably categorize people with whom you
come into contact every day. You probably find it much easier to fit
neighbours and colleagues into a category than you do to categorize
yourself. When you do decide, you will probably tend to consider
that your own type is the right one.
However, there are no rights and wrongs in this, no better or worse
categories. Everyone has their own particular strengths, and everyone contributes in some way to the overall mix that makes
team-working effective. What is important is to learn to identify the
core characteristics in others. What motivates them? What is important to them? What principles govern their decisions?

Know your enemy

When negotiating, you will achieve your objectives more easily if you
can identify the core personality type of the other party and play to
this. If the other party is a Head person, they will want facts and
figures, logical analysis and a cautious approach to changing the
status quo.
A Gut person will want action, and will be keen to see an outcome
which offers a quick solution so everyone can move on. A Heart persons main consideration will be the human impact of the outcome.

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Identifying the personality type, even in this simple form, is an effective way of seeing things from the other persons perspective rather
than your own. This means you can construct your negotiation
around the sort of things that are important to the other side. Of
course, you may not be able to offer all that they are hoping to
achieve but at least you can empathize with their prime motivation. Take the example of Tork and Grunt again.
In a further attempt to achieve local harmony and bring the tribes
together, Tork and Grunt have teamed up with Chat and Wizpa and
are planning to make their case to a mass meeting of the local inhabitants. The four of them meet up in advance to discuss tactics under
the leadership of Tork. See if you can decide whether each of them
can best be described as a Gut, Head or Heart person.
Tork starts things off by saying:
I called this meeting after my discussions with my friend, Grunt,
because I know we all share a common belief that we can build a
better future for ourselves and our children if we come together as
one large community including those of us who live up on the
hill, those of us who live down in the valley, and those of us who
live on the other side of the mountain and by the lake. Do I have
your broad agreement that we want to create a wider community
embracing all these territories?
Tork looks around the group who are all nodding in approval.
Chat says:
Its the only logical way forward. We can either hide away on
opposite sides of the mountain, worrying about people on the
other side whom we consider foreigners, or we can come together
and cooperate. Each community has one or more skills it can
share; thats what Wizpa and I found out. We can teach each
other, but more importantly we could start to trade our specializations.

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Grunt:
You mean you want to steal our hunting secrets! That doesnt
seem such a good idea. My people have learned their skills over
generations. I just want to avoid anything that gets in the way of
getting on with day-to-day life.
Wizpa:
Its not a matter of stealing. Its all about sharing for the greater
common good. I cant see my people wanting to dig pits and
spear mammoths. Please! Thats gross! What were talking about
is basic economics. If we share, we all benefit.
Chat:
I dont see it that way at all, either of you. What I see is a better
life for our children. I dont want them to grow up frightened of
the people on this side of the mountain. I want them to be able to
play anywhere without us mothers worrying that strangers might
capture them to be used as servants and slaves. I want my
daughters to choose their own husbands, not be carried off by a
band of hunters.
Tork:
Now, just a minute, lets not get heated about this. Why dont
we take this one step at a time? I want to finish all this talking
and get back to more important things.
Grunt:
I know you do, Tork. So, lets follow a proper negotiating procedure:
What is the present situation?
What are the issues?
What do we want to achieve?
What options are available to us?
How do we measure the outcome?

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The tribes seek a solution that serves everyone

In this example, Grunt and Chat are both Head people, both wanting to be logical and methodical. Tork is a Gut person, who wants to
get on with hunting, while Wizpa is a Heart person, concerned about
the children of the tribe. Different personalities but they all want
the same outcome.
So far you have looked at negotiations in one-on-one scenarios. But
in business and diplomacy, negotiations are frequently undertaken
between teams and may involve three or more parties, each arguing
for their own particular interests.
In the examples of negotiation you have looked at, the conclusion
has been that the ideal way to progress and resolve an issue is
through Directional Negotiation. But how can you continue to
adopt this strategy if you are working in a team? You may be only
one party amongst several competing interests. Lets look at how
multi-party negotiations operate in practice.

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Multi-party negotiations
Major negotiations generally represent a number of interests on each
side. It is important that each team initially prepares its own position
amongst themselves, so they can develop a basic proposition that
covers all of their interests. There are examples when there will be
more than two teams, as in a building development project. If the
project is for you to construct a garage beside your house, there will
not be many interests other than those of yourself, your neighbours,
and the local council (planning officials, building inspectors, etc).
Where this is a commercial project, the negotiation could involve a
commercial developer, local government, the environmental lobby
and other competing commercial interests together with local residents, trades unions or pressure groups with particular social
concerns such as environmental or conservation groups.
Here are some examples of projects that could be highly controversial and are likely to involve a number of other parties
in negotiations:
A medical research establishment testing drugs on animals would
immediately attract the attention of animal rights activists and
local residents on the one hand, as well as pharmaceutical companies and scientific research companies on the other
A nightclub and casino in a mainly residential area could attract
the attention of religious groups who object to gambling on the
grounds of religion. Local residents might also object at the
prospect of late night noise disturbing the peace of a residential
area
A marina and holiday resort development on the site of coastal
marshland would arouse objections from naturalists wanting to
maintain the wildlife habitat of the wetlands and the resident bird
population

The importance of being prepared

All negotiations involve proposals for change and objections to
change. Thats why there is a negotiation.

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Projects that are going to make fundamental changes to how you

live or to your environment, or which involve behaviour that is contrary to some peoples personal ethical beliefs, will attract objections
from pressure groups. In your preparation, you must do your best to
explore every possible area of objection the other side or other parties might come up with, so that you are prepared in advance to
deal with issues raised. Nothing in a negotiation is more important
than being prepared for the unexpected.
In a multi-party negotiation which in government matters can
develop into a Public Inquiry lasting weeks or months the main difference from other formats of negotiation is that the discussion
forum is largely removed. Much of the analysis and examination lies
in the hands of the independent chairperson.
The Chairs role is to consider the arguments of each party and help
to find common ground, as well as identifying individual interests.
The Chair will have to consider all the arguments and the impact of
alternative outcomes. At the end of the hearing, he or she will analyze all the arguments that have been put forward and make
recommendations to whatever authority is responsible for making a
ruling and reaching a final decision.
In a multi-party negotiation there is limited opportunity for interaction. As a result, the tactic comes down to producing a detailed
proposition that is sufficiently comprehensive to persuade the thirdparty arbitrator of the appropriateness of one particular solution.
In many two-party negotiations you are also concerned with a team
of negotiators rather than just two individuals. So, let us now consider the whole subject of how to negotiate as two teams
confronting one another.

Team play
This book deals primarily with a negotiation between two parties. In
a major negotiation, each side will be represented by a team.
Each team will have a leader who attempts to coordinate all of its
interests into one proposition. The team will comprise various team

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members who can each represent a particular interest which is at

stake. The leader must always be aware that without strong leadership there is the possibility that the negotiations could break down
into a number of petty disputes over special interests, with the result
that the bigger picture the need to achieve a workable and lasting
settlement is pushed to one side.
What are the general tactics of negotiating as a team? How does
directional negotiation work when your case is being presented by a
team of two or more? Should the tactic be to rally all the team
towards the common objective and present a united front? Given
the difficulties of establishing an outcome which is acceptable to all
parties, should the team all follow the same process? Or should they
adopt different approaches in order to achieve the best result?

The united front

Just imagine for a moment that you are facing a united front of a
team of four negotiators, all saying the same thing in the same way;
do you think it would be easy for either team to arrive at a mutually
acceptable outcome? I doubt it!
Flexibility is essential if there is to be a mutually acceptable outcome
and the constructive approach is to acknowledge and appreciate differences so that ultimately you can find common ground and the
foundation for a solution.

Black hat white hat

When you operate as a negotiating team, you should allocate different roles and functions to different team members. Even if there are
only two members in your team, there are two different roles these
two people should adopt: the Good Guy and the Bad Guy or, to
use Hollywood terminology, White Hat and Black Hat.
In every old Hollywood cowboy film, the good guys wore white
hats while the bad guys wore black hats. In a tough negotiation you
probably start off by thinking of yourself in white hats and the other
side in black hats. However, within your own negotiating team you

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should allocate different strategic roles to team members, and the

Black Hat and the White Hat are just two of the key roles that need
to be cast in your team.

Leader
This is the person who has the prime responsibility for contact with
the other side. It will not always be the most senior member of the
team but it will be the person who, more than the other team
members, will have to live with the outcome and make it work. It
could be a sales manager. The sales director might also be a team
member since, as a director, he or she will take the ultimate responsibility on behalf of the company. But he or she should allow the
manager to lead the discussions.

Scribe
The Scribe is the person who takes notes and keeps a record of the
various points raised in the course of the negotiation. He will speak
less than the other team members but is in a position to pull the
negotiation back on course if it starts going back over ground that
has already been covered.

Black Hat
The person who wears the black hat will play rough and tough and
argue in a positional style, always stressing the sides point of view
and arguing against any concessions which the other side may try
to win.

White Hat
The person wearing the white hat will argue soft and sweet, and try
to identify most closely with the ideas that the other side puts forward. White Hat will be constantly positive about the negotiation,
while Black Hat will often appear difficult and unwilling to cooperate.

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Boffin
The Boffin is the technical expert who can bring in technical considerations that may expand or limit the discussion. This person could
be a scientist or, equally, a legal or financial expert. If there are just
two on each team, Black Hat and White Hat are the roles they should
adopt, incorporating other roles as needed.

Members of the negotiating team each have their own roles

Switching roles
The Leaders role is to find common ground and identify the sticking
points. He or she will open the negotiation but will leave much of the
discussion to White Hat and Black Hat.
These two key members can be most effective if, at least once in
the course of the negotiation, they change hats and swap roles. A
good time to do this would be when the other side introduces a new
idea or element into the discussion. Unexpectedly, the other side
may find that Black Hat is sympathetic to their proposal, or even in

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agreement. At the same time White Hat starts to find reasons to

object. The other team has no sooner found a friend and ally than it
finds it has a new adversary.
The benefit of this tactic is that the other team has established a
trusting relationship with the person who was previously White Hat
and it is therefore predisposed to listen to this person, even though
he or she is now Black Hat.
As for the former Black Hat, with whom they had been having some
difficulties, the other team is now obliged to reconsider its opinion
since this person is in the role of White Hat, and is now listening to
new ideas with a positive attitude.
Jack and Jill demonstrate this when it comes down to the nitty-gritty
of negotiating to sell their antique long-case clock:
This was my grandfathers; he bought it after the First World War
from a second-hand furniture store. We were wondering what you
would give us for it.
Charles Jackson, the dealer, glances at the clock but does not want to
appear too interested,
Its not an antique, probably early twentieth century.
Jill is currently in the role of Leader. She initiated the negotiation and
is ultimately the person most affected by the outcome. She had done
her research but she decides to play her cards close to her chest for
the moment:
I know its not particularly old, because if you look carefully you
can see the date: 1901. Its an heirloom, and I hate to sell it, but
weve decided it wont fit in our new home.
Charles is confident that he can press his advantage, and tries to see
whether he can get Jill to set the price:
Youre absolutely right; this sort of piece wont fit in with modern
dcor. What were you expecting to get for it?
Jill isnt yet going to reveal that she knows what it was worth.

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Well, youre the local expert; you must know what you could
expect to sell it for. What would you say it would be worth to a
collector?
Well, I am a dealer, not a collector, and I need a fair mark-up if I
am to pay you and then keep it in store. I must admit its in good
condition, and I am prepared to offer you 400. Im sure you
werent expecting that sort of sum, were you?
At his point, Jack steps in, wearing the White Hat,
Well, thats a tidy price for an old clock, Jill, and 400 will come in
very useful at the new house.
Charles now feels he has an ally in Jack, but he hasnt reckoned that
Jill would have spent an evening on the Internet researching longcase clocks.
Jill pauses for a moment, and puts on the Black Hat:
I dont know who you are trying to fool, Mr Jackson. I thought
you were an expert. You can see this is a Winterhalder &
Hofmeier, so I think youve a nerve offering me 400. You do follow the local auction prices, dont you? And you know that a
similar clock went for almost 4,000 at auction in the city just
three months ago. So lets stop messing around. Either you clearly
dont know your business or else youre trying to rip me off! Which
is it?
Jack then steps in, discarding his White Hat and also becoming a
Black Hat:
Thats terrible! I had no idea this was so valuable. How dare you
make such an insulting offer?
Charles has only one option; he has to plead ignorance.
Let me have a closer look. I had no idea it was a Winterhalder &
Hofmeier. I do apologize for not being more professional. Yes, I
can see the signature, and youre quite right. My apologies to
both of you.

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Jill now grasps the White Hat role, not wanting to have both her husband and herself adopting an adversarial position which would only
lead to confrontation:
Well, I must admit, it took me some time to find the markings.
But given the design, the timekeeping movement, and the signature, you can see that it does all tie up, doesnt it? Dont you think
its a rather fine specimen? Im sure you know collectors who
would be interested, and if you take it off our hands it will save us
the delays and frustrations of the auction house.
In this brief negotiation, the Black Hat White Hat strategy quickly
established that Jack and Jill were not going to be put at a disadvantage and Charles was forced to make an apology.
You can also see the benefit of preparation, since Jills research paid
off when she was able to show not only that she knew the clock was
an antique but also that she knew the market price, thus establishing independent criteria on the basis of which the negotiation could
be assessed.

Who sits where?

Chapter Two recounted the negotiations at the end of the Vietnam
War, when procedures were subjected to a lengthy delay because of
a lack of agreement over the shape of the table around which delegates would sit for the formal sessions. Even in a less formal meeting,
the decision as to who sits where is tactically important.
If there are five in each team, this should be the seating plan:
Boffin
White Hat
Leader

Leader

Scribe
Black Hat

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While you cannot dictate where the other side sit, it is probable that
the other sides Leader will sit opposite the Leader of the home team.
Black Hat and White Hat should be separated, with White Hat sitting
next to the leader and the Scribe sitting at the other side of
the Leader.

The negotiating team in position and ready for the kick-off

This looks like a soccer formation with a solid, positive centre formation to the team, and the attacks likely to come from the wings.
The leader will kick off, supported initially by White Hat with the
Scribe keeping the proceedings on course. As the negotiation develops, both Boffin and Black Hat will join the play.
While the essential strategies remain the same as in a one-on-one
negotiation, the main difference comes from the formality of a team

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negotiation. The Leaders should make the first move and introduce
their teams.
The home side should offer appropriate hospitality and start the
conversation with polite social chat. This breaks the ice and sets the
mood for more serious matters. When you are the away team,
visiting the other side on their home ground, it is important not to
allow the home team any advantage. You can achieve this by taking
the initiative: start the conversation with social small-talk and
establish a friendly context. Alternatively, if you foresee a hostile
negotiation, you can politely decline their hospitality and suggest
that you get straight down to business.
Whether you are at home or away, you want to start the negotiation
from a position of strength.

Rehearsals
In a major negotiation you will have thoroughly prepared your team
and know what it is that you want to achieve. You will have in mind
a number of key issues you want to cover and you will know your
WAO. Its a good idea to rehearse some of the possible scenarios in
advance, with your Leader on one side of the table and the rest of
the team on the other.
The Leader will then present his case and the other team members
will role-play in opposition, countering the Leaders arguments as
they hear them from the perspective of the other side. It is useful if
all team members stay in character during this exercise, and make
a genuine attempt to find fault with the Leaders proposals. Often
you can discover aspects of the situation that you had been blind to
when you were totally involved in your own arguments and seeing
things only from your own perspective.
To enable the team to make the most of a rehearsal, they should
play their roles convincingly and be difficult, truculent perhaps
losing their temper or being totally unreasonable at times so the
whole team can work out how they might handle a number of
different situations.

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Once the role play ends, the team should discuss and analyze what
they have learned, and decide whether they need to amend their
own proposal. They can also discuss whether they need to adopt
specific tactics if the opposition should decide to follow a particular
line of argument.
In the rehearsal process, it is not merely a matter of rehearsing what
you want to say, it is also very important to be aware of how
effectively you are communicating. This brings us to the subject
of paralanguage.

Paralanguage
Paralanguage is human language that is not conventional verbal language. It includes gesticulation, intonation, facial expression and, in
particular, body language.
Understanding and using paralanguage is a useful additional communication tool which you can incorporate as part of your strategy.
An additional benefit of rehearsal is the opportunity to assess all the
communicating messages you are transmitting, both verbal and
non-verbal, and to ensure that your paralanguage sends out the
same messages as your verbal language.
I know I personally have a tendency to look too stern and not smile
much. As a public speaker I can be too forceful in my delivery, and
come across as being dogmatic, almost hectoring the audience
rather than conversing with them. In the finals of the 2003 World
Public Speaking Championships, this distanced me from my audience when I should have been relating more closely with them, and
probably cost me a place in the top three. However, I did walk away
having learned a lesson I will never forget, about the importance of
paralanguage.
There is a lot of discussion around the importance of paralanguage.
Much of this is centred on NLP Neuro-Linguistic Programming
which was created by Richard Bandler and John Grinder in the early
1970s from what they called modelling.

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The central premise is that people learn and communicate in different ways, either aurally through hearing, visually through seeing,
or kinaesthetically through physical experience.
To communicate most effectively with people, you need to use all
three modes. Body language can be used, with gesticulation and
expression to accentuate these modes and hence increase effective
communication. At the heart of NLP is the principle of modelling and
this is a technique which is easy to learn and can be incorporated
into your communication tactics in any negotiation.

Modelling the art of copycat communication

To achieve a rapport with someone, you can improve your communication by modelling or mirroring their behaviour. When they cross
their legs, you should cross your legs. When they lean forward, you
should lean forward and if they smile, you should smile back.
The first time you try this, you will probably feel rather self-conscious
but it will soon become a habit, and you will find that communication does become easier. Some of these are things you do
instinctively from an early age, such as laughing when someone else
laughs, or yawning when someone else yawns. Other modelling is
easily learnt once you overcome your initial embarrassment.

Understanding body language

Body language, like NLP, is a vast subject and one on which there are
many books all claiming various degrees of scientific authenticity.
Personally, I find excessive gesticulation distracting, and avoid trying
to match all my words with appropriate gestures.
I would recommend concentrating more on the words you use, than
focusing too intensely on making all the right physical movements to
accompany your message. There is however one simple rule I believe
is worth remembering, and is easy to incorporate into the way you
hold yourself in a negotiation.

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Whether you are talking or listening, you generally want to appear to

be open. When you maintain an open posture, with the shoulders
back and the head upright, you encourage openness in your own
manner and project this openness towards the other party.
Sometimes, when you are deep in thought, you will hunch your
shoulders and look down, which closes up your posture and makes
you look unreceptive. This is certainly not the message you usually
want to put across. When you look across the table to the other
party, you can easily identify openness or a lack of receptiveness from
their posture. And when you see them turn to one side, or fold their
arms, you know they are avoiding what you are saying or resisting
your proposition. Without a word being spoken by them, they have
already given you a response to which you can reply confidently.

Making it an occasion or not!

Every detail of the negotiation is communicating something, and
needs to be evaluated in terms of the messages it sends out.
Where there is a choice of location, should the meeting be in a modest meeting room or in the company boardroom? Should the coffee
come from a beverage machine or be freshly brewed? Should the
team be suited and booted or more casually dressed? Would it be
appropriate for a senior executive to welcome the visitors, even if he
or she is not involved in the actual negotiation?
Most of us will at some time have been to see our bank manager
about raising money. The psychology of this meeting can be quite
complex. If, as a student looking for a loan, you dress too smartly,
will the bank manager think you are living an over-extravagant
lifestyle? On the other hand, if you appear scruffy or unkempt will
the bank manager see this as being disrespectful?
Every aspect of a negotiation contributes to setting the scene and
will ultimately influence how you are heard. In every detail of the
way you conduct yourself, you are projecting a degree of willingness
to negotiate openly and a desire to reach a mutually acceptable outcome. It is rarely to your advantage to come to the table with an
aggressive and uncooperative attitude.

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However, the same may not be true of the other side. In the next
chapter we shall look at how you can deal with a difficult adversary
who is determined to drive a hard bargain to the extent of using
what you might consider dirty tricks.
So, a summary of the key points about personalities and
team negotiations:

Summary
People are different. Just because they are different, this does not
make them any better or worse than you are. Everybody has one
dominant personality trait, described here as Head, Heart or Gut.
When you can identify the key trait in your adversary, you can
develop your argument to relate to that trait.
When a negotiation involves a number of parties, you will probably
not have an interactive opportunity to discuss your proposition. You
will have to draw together every aspect of your argument and proposal into a formal case, which you will probably have to present to
an independent assessor. It is the assessors job to evaluate all the
interests and submissions and draw up recommendations to the
authority responsible for taking the final decision.
In this situation, detailed preparation is of the highest importance
since there is little if any opportunity to debate the issues at a
later stage.
In a two-party negotiation, where more than one person is representing each side, different team members should adopt different
roles. The two basic roles are White Hat and Black Hat, representing
the nice guy and nasty guy, or soft and hard approaches. Additional
roles in a larger team can include Leader, Scribe and Boffin, each
with specific roles that give a balance to the teams presentation.
Rehearsals give a team an opportunity to act out their proposals and
to gauge the possible reactions from the other side. In doing this
they should practise, not only the words they propose to use, but
also their non-verbal communication. The team should be aware of

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and practise some of the basic principles of modelling and body

language and should, in general, present an open and willing demeanour.
Finally, it is essential to remember that every detail of preparation has
some impact on the negotiation and should be carefully considered;
from the room, hospitality and protocol right down to whether business or casual dress is appropriate on this occasion.

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11

Strategies, tactics and handling

foul play

Starting on the right foot

There are many tactics you can adopt to gain an initial advantage,
and others you can adopt in the course of a negotiation, to ensure
that you are not pushed into an unsatisfactory result. Before you look
at handling how you should deal with a difficult opponent, lets first
consider your initial stance in any negotiation.

High moral ground

When you are negotiating you want
the other side to concede either
because you know your cause to be
just and that what you are asking for is
fair and reasonable, or because you
want to give yourself an advantage
you do not currently have.

Visible goodwill is the

strongest negotiation
strategy. Dont let
somebody else determine
your behaviour.
DR. S.U. SUNREI
SONY CORP.

Given this basis, it is logical to appear utterly reasonable and levelheaded in the way you start to present your case.

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Even if you are entering into a negotiation in which the other side
has initially appeared difficult, you should ignore this and start
afresh, on a friendly and grown-up basis.
By doing this, you take the high moral ground and project a perceived intention to be fair. At a later stage you may need to be more
brusque in your style, and this will be looked at later in the chapter.

Establishing an advantage
Robert has a meeting with Alice to negotiate the details of the contract discussed in Chapter Nine. The meeting is to be at Alices offices
and so, to ensure that Alice does not have too great an advantage
from being the home team, he makes a phone call in advance to
sort out some details.
Hello, Alice, Im calling about our meeting on Friday. Have you
got a minute to go through a couple of things?
Fine! Firstly, there will be four of us; Im bringing along someone
from the research department who has been designing the modifications you asked for, and one of our finance guys whos been
re-costing everything to take account of both the modifications
and the high value of the order. Then, my director will be in tow
just to make sure I dont sell the family jewels.
Can you email me to let me know wholl be there on your side?
Robert has set the scene and made sure there wont be any surprises.
He will see from Alices email whether she is fielding a heavyweight
team, and if she decides to be flanked at board level he can always
bring more senior people to support him. Robert continues:
One other thing: here at JK we relax the dress code at the end of
the week and have a dress-down Friday although we dont
allow jeans or shorts. I was wondering, whats the rule at your
offices? Id hate to arrive in a sweater and find you and your
colleagues all in suits!

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Again, Robert is pre-empting the possibility of being made to feel

uncomfortable. If his team had arrived dressed formally and found
that Alices offices also had a dress-down Friday policy, he would
have started with a disadvantage. Alice reassures him that they too
opt for casual wear on Fridays.
Just one other point; I think weve agreed ten oclock till twelve.
Is this still OK with you? We have a management meeting back
here at one, and it would be very convenient if we could be away
from your offices by twelve fifteen. Does that present any problems?
Robert is making sure he is not caught out by Alice dragging the
meeting on through the lunch break and into Friday afternoon. But
Alice has other ideas:
Well, Robert, we had thought we would bring in some sandwiches and carry on through lunch. Then, after lunch we would
rather like to show you the factory and how the new machinery
will fit into the production flow.
Robert has a problem, now. He knows that boardroom lunches at
Alices office are usually more than sending out for sandwiches and
generally include beer and wine especially on a Friday afternoon. If
the negotiation is tough, the generous hospitality could make it hard
to get the best deal. By offering hospitality, Alice is upping the stakes
in her attempt to appear generous and reasonable, and she knows
full well that alcohol could lubricate the negotiating machinery in
her favour.
That would be a great way to end the week, but Im afraid we
have a rather heavy agenda for our meeting back here. On the
other hand, while Ive come to know your factory quite well over
the years, Im sure it would be really useful to familiarize my colleagues with your operation. How would it be if we arrived at
nine-thirty and had a quick look round before the meeting? That
way they will be able to put things into context and have a better
picture of exactly what the contract entails. Id also like Bruce, my
director, to see how youre expanding.

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I understand. Let me check up and get back to you.

Next morning, Robert finds the following email in his inbox:
Hi Robert,
Regret we cannot do an earlier start. Maybe there will be an
opportunity at a later date.
Alice
Robert is surprised at Alices response and curious as to whether the
relationship is cooling off. He makes a mental note and decides to
take no further action until the meeting on Friday.
Meanwhile, Alice is taking a hard line. Her initial plan to soften up JK
Engineering with generous hospitality has been unavoidably
thwarted by Roberts other commitments and so she decides to try
other tactics to retain the upper hand.
She knows that being the home team is not always an advantage.
For one thing, Robert has now set a fixed timescale for the meeting.
However, she has one or two other ideas to try, to force Roberts
hand. Like Robert, she now decides to wait until Friday before taking
any other action.
The old saying is that attack is the best form of defence. When the
other side is confronted by a cool and calm negotiator, some opponents will disregard decorum and will attack and become aggressive,
or start using dishonest tactics in order to try to undermine the other
sides position. Robert may be faced with a difficult opponent, and in
this situation he will need to follow a four-step process:
1.
2.
3.
4.

Realize what is going on and identify the tactic.

Resist the temptation to respond in kind.
Challenge the other side about their actions.
Finally, take a step back from the subject of the negotiation and
re-establish the rules of procedure if the other side starts to play
tough.

Below-the-belt tactics from the other side are designed to put you at
a disadvantage. They include physical factors, psychological pres-

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sure, factual inaccuracies and personal attack. You must be alert to

any signs that the other side are breaking the rules of the game and
the first thing you have to do is identify exactly whats going on.
At the same time, if you are unjustifiably over-sensitive it will reflect
badly on you. While Alice will know whether she is being tactical,
Robert has to work out what she and her team are up to. This is not
an easy game to play, especially when you are on the receiving end.

Whats going on?

When you find that your team is seated uncomfortably, squeezed
between the table and the central heating radiator on the wall, you
should immediately ask yourself whether this is just the unfortunate
layout of the room, or whether you are being manipulated. It is perfectly reasonable to ask, right at the outset, if the table can be moved
over, or if there is an alternative meeting room, rather than start the
meeting feeling uncomfortable.
The effect of raising the issue straightaway is to cancel out any
advantage the other side might believe they have achieved by this
tactic. The general rule for dealing with all types of foul play is to
address it quickly, or pre-empt it if possible. Robert took steps in
advance to pre-empt Alice gaining an advantage in respect of who
would be at the meeting, and to establish a fixed time-frame for the
meeting. You cannot pre-empt everything without appearing unreasonably controlling but you can take swift action when you suspect
you are being manoeuvred, and in doing so you cancel out the effect
of the other sides tactics.

Dont take it personally!

When you react to a tactic by responding personally, you project a
lack of self-confidence. This comes back to the importance of separating the personalities from the problems, which applies just as
much to the subject under discussion as it does to the process of the
negotiation. Look at the alternative outcomes in the above example
about the seating in the meeting room. Robert could have taken the
matter personally and said:

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Look, Alice, are you trying to roast us here, pushing us up against

the radiator?
Alice might then become angry, especially if she has struggled to
find a meeting-room available and has not had time to check the layout. Her annoyance or even anger will then gnaw away throughout
the meeting, poisoning the atmosphere.
On the other hand, Robert could say:
Were a bit cramped over this side of the table. Do you think we
could shift it over a foot or two? There seems to be plenty of room
over on your side.
This response makes no accusations. If Alice has been trying an
underhand tactic to make Roberts team uncomfortable, the effect is
neutralized. If not, no harm is done by Roberts words and the situation is resolved so that Robert and his team are comfortable.
At the same time, provided Robert chooses his tone of voice very
carefully, his comment: There seems to be plenty of room over on
your side, communicates to Alice in the gentlest possible way that
if this was a deliberate ploy, it has been noticed. He sends out a
discreet message to Alice that he and his team are not going to
be manipulated.
In an extreme case, Robert could take polite but decisive action:
Since all your other meeting rooms are booked this morning,
Alice, and this means there isnt anywhere here where we can
meet comfortably, then I suggest we jump in our cars and go
down the road to the Black Horse Hotel and have our meeting
there. I know the manager and Im sure hell let us have one of
the small private dining rooms. We often use them for business
meetings.
Robert is being polite and practical in his suggestion, and at the
same time he has cancelled out any advantage Alice might have
hoped to achieve if she was, in fact, being tactical. Furthermore, if
there was a genuine shortage of meeting-room space at Alices
offices, Robert has come to the rescue.

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Being economical with the truth

It is usually easy to spot lies, or else to verify whether or not a bald
statement is true or false. It is less easy to spot partial truths, where a
statement is designed to imply more than it actually says. The language of estate agents is often joked about and can offer us many
examples of partial truth and misleading language:
Bijou
Cosy
Homely
Deceptively spacious
Scope for improvement
Development potential

Small
Cramped
Cramped and cluttered
Looks cramped
Needs renovating
Derelict

The whole truth and nothing but the truth?

In negotiations you are not obliged to be so honest and open that
you put yourself at a disadvantage. The old Latin maxim of caveat
emptor (let the buyer beware!) applies in negotiations, just as in all
buying and selling transactions. However, you must remember one
of the basic rules, the need for a lasting outcome: if you are to continue in a relationship of some sort with the other party you should
not create ill will by being deliberately misleading.
This is another example in which you need to follow the principle of
watching the process carefully, to be quite sure you see and understand what is going on. When a statement appears incomplete, you
must ask for clarification. This is shown in these examples, going
back to Jack and Jill in Chapter One, selling their house to Robert
and Rosemary.
Jill made a bald statement:
The rewiring set us back 1,000.
And Rosemary immediately sought to clarify the information:
Was that a complete re-wiring or just part of the house?

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Rosemary verifies the extent of the renovations. Later, Jill is talking

about the kitchen:
The kitchen fixtures and fittings are all included.
And again Rosemary makes sure the information is precise:
Obviously that includes the built-in appliances like the hob and
twin ovens, but what about the dishwasher? Thats not built-in.
Is it included?
When any factual statement is made, it is your responsibility to make
sure both parties have the same understanding of what has been
said. You should never assume that the other side is being deliberately misleading. Any response should be a polite request for
clarification, not an accusation of attempted deception. If there is
attempted deception, once again, you will have pre-empted it.
Another part of the negotiation process that needs delicate handling
is to know when you are going to have final agreement.
It is not easy to establish this at the outset of a negotiation without
appearing to be pressurizing the other side but it is critical to establish this in your own mind so you do not reach your final position
while the other side intends to carry on negotiating. You may be
deceived into thinking that the other side is empowered to make a
final agreement, when in fact they need higher authorization or
might insist on more time to consider their proposal. Time is important throughout the negotiation and it is critical in determining the
conclusion of the process.

Ive come out of my way to see you

Salesmen who make home visits have a standard way of negotiating,
pressing consumers into making high value purchases like kitchen
renovations or other types of major home improvement in the
course of one visit. The technique is legal but high-pressure, starting
with an advance telephone confirmation that both husband and wife
will be available for the appointment. Having established that, the
technique is to start early in the negotiation with the question:

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If I can answer all your questions so you are completely satisfied

with my answers, are you willing to make a decision tonight?
The salesman then refuses to start discussions until he has their
agreement so the first part of the negotiation is determine the
process of the negotiation itself. If they say they want time to think
things over, or if they say they intend to see other potential suppliers, he will probably respond along these lines:
Ive come out of my way to see you this evening and its not
worth my while to spend the evening explaining to you how we
can offer you the best products at the best prices if youre not prepared to come to a decision once I have answered all your
questions to your complete satisfaction. Also, I can give you a
substantial discount on our list price but only if you keep your
side of the bargain and sign up tonight. After all, if I meet all your
objections, how can you possibly want to delay finalizing your
purchase?
I am certainly not advocating that you should handle a serious business negotiation in this highly pressurized way. However, the
principle is valid, as you can see when you observe how Robert
opens his negotiation with Alice:
Well, Alice, were finally getting down to the details. Youve met
my sales director, Colin. This is Julian who joined us recently from
Harvard Business School. Then Ive brought Jack from engineering
and Naomi from finance along with me, so we can iron out all the
details and ensure we get the new machinery manufactured and
commissioned to suit your production schedule. Let me run
through what I see as the agenda for this meeting, and then Id
be grateful if you would see if Ive left out anything we need to
cover.
In essence, Robert is saying exactly the same thing as the homeimprovements salesman, but saying it in a more acceptable way. He
is establishing all the points that need covering in order to clinch the
deal, in a way that is neither forceful nor offensive. He can even go
one stage further:

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I am hoping we can finalize and agree everything with you and

your team today, Alice. Does that fit with your plans?
While he cannot prevent Alice from going away to think about it, he
can judge to some extent how far he should go in making concessions if he has a clear idea as to what Alice wants to cover and how
final Alice perceives the days meeting is going to be.

Insults and tantrums

In some cultures, negotiations will be less restrained than in others.
In some discussions, such as divorce proceedings or trades unions
negotiations, emotions may run high. You might be kept waiting, or
distracted by deliberate interruptions. You might find that the other
side treats you as inferior or ignorant.
In every case where there is some sort of discourtesy, it will only be
an effective tactic for the opposition if you are seen to be affected
by it.
All human communication relies on some degree of reciprocity. You
are in control of how you react, and you can choose how you
respond. When you are driving in traffic and another motorist yells at
you or gesticulates obscenely, it will only have an effect if you react
to the insult. If you ignore it, it will have no effect whatsoever.
When it comes to heated emotions and flare-ups of temper, the
same golden rule applies as in all tactical fouls: you must notice it
and you must ensure that the other side knows it has been noticed.
But you dont need to let it have any impact.
Accept that something may be said in the heat of the moment or as
a deliberate ploy, and then choose a calculated response, not an
emotional one.

The walk-out
In tense negotiations, the other side might call your bluff and call a
halt to negotiations. They might gather up their papers and get up

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from the table. How can you rescue the process if the other side
threatens to end everything?
Firstly, you must realize that this is not a declaration of an actual decision; it is a deliberate tactic. They are ignoring the process and trying
to get you either to change the process, or to change your position
significantly or both. They are not trying to end the negotiation;
they are trying to extend it on their terms. Just be aware of what is
going on and make sure not only that you know what they are up to,
but also that they know you know and understand their game.
Secondly, you need to pull them back from the brink and debate the
benefits of the broad outcome you are both hoping to achieve. You
must reassure them that you are committed to reaching a solution
which satisfies everyone, and you need to explore alternative options
which might break the present impasse. Perhaps they need to consult further with their colleagues. Perhaps they need to see your
outline proposals in more detail, possibly submitted in writing so
they can go away and study them further.
Everything you will say must be based on the premise that both sides
want to reach an acceptable outcome. It will rapidly become clear to
the other party that they cannot get the outcome they want if negotiations are discontinued.
Having established this key principle, you need to see whether the
current process of negotiation needs to be reappraised. In particular,
you should ensure you have definitive ways of objectively measuring
the outcome. It may be that you need an independent arbitrator, or
that both sides need more information from each other.
At the end of the day, perhaps there is no scope for a mutually
acceptable outcome, and both parties prefer to return to the status
quo. But this can never be more than a short term hiatus in the
process of resolving the unsatisfactory situation which drove the parties to the negotiating table in the first place.
Even when you are told to take it or leave it, you always have your
WAO, and you always have the final choice.

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Summary
All negotiations are tactical. The more work you do before the actual
negotiation by way of preparation of your arguments, your WAOs,
the details of the process to be followed and the basis for evaluating
the final outcome the less scope there is for surprise tactics when
the parties meet.
When you reach the negotiating table you may be confronted with
foul play. You should confront tactics with tactics:
Realize what is going on
Identify the tactic, be on your guard and notice what is going on.
Resist the temptation to respond in kind
While you keep your cool and are fully prepared, you will occupy
the moral high ground. If you descend to the level of the other
side, you will lose this advantage.
Blow the whistle on foul play
Firmly but politely, challenge the other side about their actions.
Its possible you are being over-sensitive, and for this reason you
must couch your words carefully, to avoid fencing-in the other
side and making unjust accusations. At the same time, if they are
hitting below the belt, you need to make sure they know you have
spotted their ruse.
Call timeout
When the other side starts to play tough, and things have come to
a head, you must get the negotiations back on course. Take a step
back from the subject of the negotiation and re-establish the rules
of procedure.
Back on the hillside, 20 years on, Tork and Grunt are talking to their
grandchildren.

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Summarizing the process

12

Tork and Grunt pass it on

The meeting of the elders

Tork, Grunt, Wizpa, Chat and all the members of the enlarged tribe
are meeting on the hillside.
All the families are present for this community meeting. The toddlers
are running around playing tag, laughing and squealing. The
teenagers are teasing and flirting, and the youngsters are playing
games with pebbles and sticks or racing beetles across rocks. Tork
stands to address them formally:
I have been invited by our noble chief, Alto to start our gathering
and address you today. I have chosen to take this opportunity to
highlight learning from which the tribe might benefit. So it is that
I choose to talk to you about the time when Grunt and I first met,
and how we came to live not as separate tribes but as a common
group. We developed what we called our Mammoth Strategy, a
new way of working together, sharing the work, sharing the
spoils of our hunting and foraging and sharing our knowledge
and skills.
When we first met, we saw things only from our own point of
view. We argued for what we wanted, and there is nothing necessarily wrong with that. When we face our enemies from across
the water, we fight for our people, for our families and for the
sake of the next generation. But when Grunt and I met just as
when Wizpa and Chat first met we could not see that if we
understood what each other wanted, we might find a way that
we could both be happy with the outcome of our negotiation.

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We learned some things that have been very useful to us over the
years, and this is what I want to share with you at this time:
Discussion starts when someones got something you want. If
you can understand each other, then you can talk about it. When
you do, you need to make sure that whatever you agree is going
to work, not just there and then, but into the future.
When you start talking, the proposals you put forward must be
Sensible : Straightforward : Sustaining : Satisfying.
You need to think about the person youre dealing with:
Are you similar, and does this help?
Is this the right time and place for both of you?
At the end of the day, are you both looking for similar outcomes?
Once youre clear about this, and are ready to proceed, you need
to set the scene. You respect each other and acknowledge your
differences. You agree what you want and you start to talk about
what the options are. Most importantly, you agree on how you
will measure the options and the outcomes. Its no good if you
have a different view of how things will turn out.
All the time, you keep respect for each other. Thats how we have
managed to resolve our differences and all sit down here together
today.
Once all the parties have agreed about how they are going to
negotiate and that can be quite a complicated process then you
can get down to the serious business of working out a solution.
Chukka, a fine young hunter with a reputation for being hot-headed,
jumps up and seizes the talking post that any speaker steps up to
when they wish to address the group. He is clearly confused and
wants to make his point:
Mr Tork and honoured elders! I cannot understand how you can
spend so much time talking, talking, talking when you are faced
with an enemy. Surely the important thing is to protect your own

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Chukka demands action

interests, attack before you are attacked, look after your own people and loved ones. How can you insist on all this soft talk?
Tork smiles wryly and glances across to Grunt. It is Grunt who steps
forward to respond.
Young Chukka, I remember when I was your age, swift of foot,
sure of sight and steady with my hunting spear. Like you, I too
wanted to settle differences quickly, without all this talk. But what
we elders have all learned is that there is often a way for all parties to have what they want without giving up what they value
and wish to protect. That scar on your shoulder is an honourable
mark for your fight to defend your honour last year but remember that your attacker, Jellus from across the valley,
misunderstood what you were doing when he saw you holding his
wife in your arms.
Chukka nods.

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Youre right, she had fallen and hurt her leg, I was running back
home so that Wizpa and the other women could attend to her
injury. Jellus jumped to the wrong conclusion.
Tork turns to respond:
And the reason Jellus jumped to the wrong conclusion was
because there hadnt been any of what you call talk, talk, talk.
Thank you, Chukka. You have given us a fine example of just why
it is so important to establish understanding before we enter any
discussion or precipitate any drastic action.
He smiles and pauses:
When we start to negotiate, the power of our action does not
come from shouting or threatening. There are stronger weapons
than these.
Information is power. The more we know about the background
to the negotiation, the better equipped we are to argue. Maybe
the other side are not telling the whole story; perhaps they have
a hidden agenda. Keep asking questions, keep checking what
they say and dont automatically reveal everything you know.
Remember, and Ill say it again: Information is Power.
Another important point is that you have to agree on how you
measure the result of the negotiation. When we first moved down
into the valley to live with Grunts people, we agreed that, if after
two moons we were finding life easier and food more plentiful, we
would plan to integrate our families and our way of life on a permanent basis. Everyone agreed on that. If we hadnt had those
criteria then we might have started arguing about whether or not
we wanted to continue. And of course, when you set these criteria, you have to make sure youre not letting self-interest get in
the way of your objectivity. As it happens, we then all decided that
the air was cooler up here on the mountain, and when Wizpa
found the springs up here in the forest there was fresh clean water
for everyone.
A voice booms out from the row behind him. Its his wife, Speek.

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Timing! Dont forget timing! Youve forgotten how you and

Grunt rushed into things in the first place.
For a moment Tork almost loses his composure, and blushes from ear
to ear at his wifes interruption. He forces a smile.
Thank you, dear wife. I was about to say that its extremely
important not to let Urgency overcome Importance. Sometimes
we can be swept away by enthusiasm and rush into doing the
wrong deal at the wrong time.
He pauses for a moment. He has lost his train of thought but quickly
remembers what he wants to say next.
Another vital part of any negotiation is the What if? Its what
Grunt and I call our WAO: our Walk-away Option. We all know
what well do if we get what we want from a negotiation but it
is very important indeed to be confident about what well do if
things dont go the way we would like them to. Sometimes youll
need a whole list of WAOs to cover all sorts of possible eventualities. It can be tedious but youre in a stronger position, the more
you prepare.
Ive talked enough. Let me hand over to my dear friend, Grunt,
to say something about group negotiations, when the elders
come to negotiate with the elders of another tribe.
Grunt rises, leading a round of appreciative applause for his colleague. He decides to add a touch of humour and reaches for a large
sack he has brought with him.
When theres a team of you negotiating, its all a bit of a game.
You decide whos going to play which part in the negotiations, so
let me show you how we line up. And Ill need some help from
some of you youngsters.
Grunt picks out five children from the front row and lines them up
facing the assembled group.
Im going to give you all roles in this play. Theres the Leader, the
Boffin and the Scribe. Then theres the White Hat, who is very nice
and polite, and theres the Black Hat who is difficult and argumentative. Now, who wants to be who?

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The children shout and squeal, and Grunt finally allocates the roles
and lines them up again with their hats.
The Leader takes the centre seat in our line-up with the Scribe on
his right, to keep a record of everything. The White Hat sits on his
left, friendly and supportive. Then on one end we have the Boffin,
ready to answer any tricky technical points. And at the other end
we have the Black Hat who can liven things up if they get stuck.
This arrangement always works because each person takes care
of a particular aspect of the negotiation. Its very professional and
ever since we adopted this system weve had no problems with
border disputes or any other disagreements with the neighbouring tribes.
Grunt gives a broad smile and lets the children take a bow. He then
hands the stage back to Tork.

The children demonstrate the process

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That really sums up everything from our side, when we negotiate. But its not always quite that easy.
Sometimes the other side can be very argumentative and not play
by the rules. When this happens, let them. Just encourage them so
they get it all off their chest. Dont take it personally, make sure
you keep the argument strictly about the issue and dont be
tempted to let personalities be dragged into it. If you cant resolve
it between yourselves, find an independent specialist you both
respect and let him or her come in with an objective assessment.
Understanding. Patience. Respect. Information. Timing.
These are the lessons we have learned as we came together to
form our community. We have never been afraid to negotiate, no
matter how powerful the other side might be.
We have learned that you get what you want in life by giving
other people what they want. Since most people are focused only
on what they want, this strategy has enabled us to achieve what
we want without anybody making any major sacrifices or concessions. One day we may need to make concessions but we know
that as long as we have our WAO we can discuss, debate and
negotiate on any issue, and always know we are secure in having
a future we are happy to live with.
Thats all I ever wanted in my life, and I am proud of what we
have all achieved.
Tork dabs his eyes as the emotion wells up, then takes his place with
his fellow-elders.

Throughout this book, Tork has taught you everything you need to
know about communication and negotiation, and summarized it in
five words: Understanding. Patience. Respect. Information. Timing.
Negotiation is the pathway to making changes for the better. In the
famous words of John F. Kennedy:
Let us never negotiate out of fear. But let us never fear to negotiate.

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Acknowledgements
First thanks must go to my publisher, Martin Liu at Cyan, who saw
and liked the idea of Tork and Grunt as a vehicle for a series of books
on different areas of modern business skills. The second book, Tork &
Grunts Guide to Great Presentations looks at effective communications in presentations and speeches and more titles will follow, on
leadership, successful strategies for life and other areas of communication. This book started when I was working as a coach with a CEO,
tackling issues around inter-personal communication skills. I was fascinated by the research I did at that time into the Harvard
Negotiation Project and I have drawn extensively on Getting to Yes:
Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In written by Roger Fisher and
William L. Ury with Bruce Patton as editor, published globally by
Penguin Books.
I would also like to credit the work of W. Roy Whitten and the late
K. Bradford Brown, joint founders of the international More to Life
project (http://www.moretolife.org). Their training programmes
have taught me a great deal about the way people interact and,
most importantly, the ways in which we so often misunderstand
both others and ourselves.
This book would never have been completed without the support
and encouragement of many friends along the way. In particular, my
thanks go to Eric Yang, who first asked me if I could write a book and
Fi Law, who first told me that I could. The Book Cooks, Lesley
Morrissey and Jo Parfitt and my editor Fiona Cowan contributed
tremendous professional support and many friends have at different
times read parts of the manuscript and kept my writing on track.
My cartoonist, David Mostyn, embraced the concept with enthusiasm and has brought the characters to life just as I intended.
Finally, my gratitude to Tony Neate of the School of Channelling,
(http://schoolofchannelling.co.uk/) who taught me how to access
personal creativity in a way that has made writing a pleasure and a
joy, and has led me to be become a tutor in this field and start to pass
this on to others.

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About the author

Bob Harvey is the author of two
highly entertaining and informative
books on cutting-edge communication techniques:
Tork & Grunts Guide to
Effective Negotiations
Tork & Grunts Guide to
Great Presentations.
Bob graduated with an honours
degree in Economics and is a Fellow
of the Royal Society of Arts. In the
past, he has held the title of UK
Public Speaking Champion together with the title for Impromptu
Speaking. His career has encompassed brand management, sales,
writing for magazine columns and broadcasting.
Today, Bob specializes in designing, scripting and delivering all
types of corporate communications. He set up his company,
Messages into Words, to help businesses get their message across
and has worked with many of the worlds largest corporations in
developing their corporate communications. He also runs extremely
popular and successful workshops on communication techniques
and personal management skills.
Bob can be contacted via his companys websites:
www.messagesintowords.com and www.bobharvey.co.uk
For those readers wishing to explore Tork and Grunts world, please
visit www.TorkandGrunt.com

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ALSO BY BOB HARVEY

Tork & Grunts Guide to Great Presentations is a story told through the
lives of Tork and Grunt and their fellow cave-people where Grunt is
standing for election as the new chief. With Torks guidance, he
learns how to structure and deliver his electioneering presentations
and speeches. Using stories from their Stone Age life, as well as
modern-day examples, this practical and engaging book explores
many aspects of speaking in public, from scripting to delivery,
including the use of PowerPoint and Keynote.
In this book youll discover:
Content is the key to an outstanding presentation
The risks of speaking are really great opportunities
How to engage the audience in conversation; not bore them with
commentary
The fundamental structures of the Goldilocks Principle and the
Beethoven Imperative
How to develop a theme and tell a story
The ten commandments for using PowerPoint or Keynote with
dramatic effect
The difference between audience support and speaker support
Techniques for overcoming stress and creating your comfort zone
The basics of stagecraft and projecting personal charisma
You win with arrows, not bullets. You win by pointing the audience
clearly in the right direction, not by hitting them with random and
confusing bullet point statements.
ISBN 978-0-462-09924-8 / 9.99 Paperback