College-Grades-Hope

November 1, 2009
Trying to decide upon what I want to do with my life I began looking through
my notes on majors and noticed that there are so many things that I have
enjoyed in past classes that I will most likely find it quite hard to choose a
major and stick with it in the future. In total, I have listed 30 majors that
interest me based on classes I took concerning the topics included in that
major. I am yet to narrow it down. Plans for eliminating majors have been
made for this summer. My idea is to graduate early from middle college with
at least a 3.0 and then continue my education at another community
college, taking courses that interest me and math in want of finding
something I will truly love. After completing classes in Fall 2010, I would like
to be able to choose what and where I want to study. Furthermore,
yesterday I looked through several college view-books I picked up from an
international college fair and discovered I need at least a 3.0 to enter a
college of my choice.

Next Semester-Ideas-Remembering
November 5,2009
Last night I forgot to do Clardy homework somehow. It must have been
because I had been in pain from yesterday’s wrestling conditioning. I had
also been reading Huck Finn so that I’d be able to write the paragraph for
Fraser today, which to my surprise I did get done. I probably got it done on
time because I didn’t procrastinate as much as I usually do, which is an
accomplishment.  I have been thinking about what classes I need to take to
get into college and to determine what I will do with my life. So far I have
thought of several classes I should take to figure out if I still am interested in
certain subjects and that I will need to take to get into college. Those classes
are: Chemistry, Trigonometry, Pre-Calc, Spanish, Italian, Poli. Science,
Physiology, English 100/10, Sociology, Psychology, and probably others to
help me determine my interests. I can’t not like something I have never
tried. In career class today we did an assessment thing that had results
signifying that I had a dislike for engineering, which I disagree with. So I
need to take an engineering class too. I would also like to say that I would
like to learn how to speak as well as Mr. Moorhouse. I thought he had great
inflections of the voice that created a sort of interest/ will to listen to him.
But I would like to be better than him, I would like to speak with complex
words and have influence over others by how I speak. That would be great.

Remembering-Credits-Work-Plans-Registration
November 23, 2009
 Well, Truthfully, I haven’t written a journal in a while because I forget. I do
think about writing my thoughts down though, which is the funny part of the
Journal situation. What I need to do to help me remember to write these is to
buy a white board and stick it on my wall so I can frequently update my list
of things to do without forgetting something. Maybe I should go look up how
much those costs right now.. Okay well my search didn’t go as well as I
thought so ill look that up later. Now speaking of credits, I have discovered
that I am in need of 17.5 credits however, I have just had a mini-
conversation with Mr. Clardy who has informed that Mr. Basques class, both
that is, amount to 5 credits and advisory is another ten if I pass both with an
A. Therefore, I’ll have finished 15 credits total plus another 5 credits for the
speech 120 class, I’m taking, meaning I don’t have to take sociology next
semester as I planned and I can just stick with 9 units in PLSC 210, Math
123, and Eng 100. Now I just hope I can get into the Math class at 10 am
that I want to. Now work has been good so far since I haven’t been getting
many hours. I had much more time for homework but now what I have to fix
is how much I procrastinate and I guess I need to spend less time with my
friends, unfortunately. Also, Wrestling has started and I weigh 143. That
means Ill be in the 145 weight class if I don’t lose some pounds. The work
out in wrestling is great it lets my mind wander as I relieve my stress  Oh,
and I forgot to mention that at work on November the 13th I passed my
probation period and earned a raise of 25 cents, which may not seem like
much but its good in the long run. But then, also, I’m guessing it’s because I
just passed my three month probation period, I have been getting more
hours and this week I am getting 25 hours compared to 8 next week.
Furthermore, I had an interview with sears and that was cancelled thank
goodness; I definitely don’t need a second job. In addition, I stayed up all
night working on Mr. Clardys essay because I went out with my friend on
Saturday which I wasn’t planning on doing, and I worked on Sunday which I
also wasn’t planning on doing so them I spen about 10 hours on Mr. Clardys
essay and felt like I did a good job but I didn’t answer the question the way
he wanted it answered. Also, I found out that I am very detail oriented in
writing and am stubborn when It comes down to facts; I always feel like I
need to be precise with dates- most likely because of Ms. Ferro’s “be
specific”. I prefer the facts rather than vagueness anyways.

Overwhelmed-JCP-more
Dec. 6 2009
It took me four months to figure out I was working too much; now that’s sad.
Ms.Fraser called it smart for figuring that out and lessening my hours, yet I
think it stupid because it took me so damn long. Its about 12:52am and its
raining outside. The sound of it is calming. Its saddening to know I have so
much work to do and yet I have no time for it. I like being busy but I guess
I’ve become a workaholic; it began when I got the job at JCP and started
middle college. I now think middle college was a bad idea because it has
given me so much freedom and is so easy that I have stopped doing the
work for lack of a challenge and time to do it. Recently, I have been doing
quite a lot. Then I just stopped going to wrestling practice if I worked, which
sucks because I really wanted to wrestle this year. I even missed my favorite
tournament because of a pointless middle college party. Wel,l here is how
much I have been working at JCP since the beginning of the year:

8/16 - 29 was 59.40 hours 10/11 to 10/24 was 42.70 hours

8/30 – 9/12 was 41.60 hours 10/25 – 11/7 was 23.50 hours
9/13 – 26 was 49.40 hours 11/8 to 11/21 was 12.40 hours
9/27 to 10/10 was 44.30 hours 11/22 to 12/5 was 45.20 hours
I’m so scared of failing this year. I can’t believe how much I have paved the
road to my own failure. I actually like doing school work and challenging
myself to do the projects better than they need to be. My procrastination is
at its worst this year and I really have to start using my time management
skills. I was actually talking to my Bio Professor about that. She said she
would love to help. I don’t know if she can. It is too late already. I requested
to work only the weekends at JCP but they didn’t approve. Why? I have no
clue. I don’t even think they really need me and I don’t want the money
anymore, its no longer about that. I would have quit as soon as I found out
my grades were low if it hadn’t been for an intellectual who works with me.
Its not that he literally asked me to stay or convinced me, it is just that I
adore the people I work with and I would hate to burn all the bridges that
have just been built. I REALLY DON’T WANT TO FAIL THIS YEAR!! I AM NOT A
BAD STUDENT. I AM ONE WHO STRIVES TO BE THE BEST. But somehow, it
has lead me wrong. I am now stuck in a rut. I hate my stubbornness I wish I
could change it, I hate my environmentalism, I wish I could just waste paper
like everyone else, I hate how I love people so much, and yet receive nothing
in return and keep giving, I hate how I procrastinate doing nothing because I
think I should relax when I know that the way I have set my life up I can’t
relax, its work, work, work. What do you do when you’re overwhelmed? You
let things go. And that’s exactly what I’d done, landing in hell. I want to live
to be a professional of some-kind, yet I know that this dream I have is
irrational because of how much time and effort I actually have to put into my
work. If I was more committed it wouldn’t be a problem, but commitment
has always bothered me; I’m eager to start, but I hate to complete. I have
also recently burdened myself with a little girl named Julie. She’s a sweet 10
year old that my mom asked me to tutor. She is going to outdoor ed. Soon
and if I dont go she cant go. I already know I cant go because of my grades.
Last year I went 2 times. I kept my 3.0 the whole way through. I did my work
late at night, I succeeded. So, why cant I do that now? Because I chose to
work, procrastinate and be a stupid teenage minded individual. I even took
up a boyfriend, which I know I shouldn’t have because he is an obligation I
don’t have time for; I never see him and we never talk. There is just no time.
A typical monday for me is:

1. 9 am wake up 9. eat and do hw (start hw ‘round

2. 9:45 drive to school (25 min) 3:45)
3. Start class 10:10 10. Go to work at 5:45 come home
4. Advisory at 10
5. English 11. Complete homework (as much
6. History as possible at least)
7. Advisory 12. Go to sleep (12am or 1am)
8. 20 min drive home
I have just come to the conclusion that I would prefer to work with my mind
the rest of my life instead of working with my body as I have been doing. I
also would really like to spend winter break just sitting reading a book and
going running mornings. Finals are something I don’t even want to think
about right now, especially my bio final which I am yet to start on. It is due
next week, I haven’t even started. I will though this week, I hope. Right now I
don’t even have time to hang with my friends. It’s a very sad situation.

Career project + to do list

Dec. 8, 2009
Well, apparently I look twenty because kids don’t lie. I just remembered that
because right now I am at San Bruno library waiting for the girl I volunteered
to tutor; when we had first met and I told her I was 16 she replied with” oh, I
thought you were like 20”. Ha, that’s not the first time. I hope I’m not
annoying the people around me with my typing, I’ve never brought my
laptop and typed in the library before; well, I once heard that people with
higher IQs tend to be able to concentrate on things more easily with
distraction than those with a lower IQ. That used to be me, but nowadays it
seems that my concentration level has dropped, for I find it hard to keep on
thinking if I hear other people talking, maybe its just me being a good
listener. Its hard for me to concentrate to I noticed when I think people are
watching me. O yeah, and yesterday I stayed up til 5 am working on my
career project. But at least I got it done; ive always been told turning in
something is way better than turning in nothing. Did you know that the girl
who I volunteered to tutor has a mother who is willing to pay me? I don’t
think I really need it. O, and ive come to a conclusion that I hate JCP and I
will not work weekdays any longer; this year I need to pass all my classes
with at least a C and next year I hope to get a 4.0 or near it. After doing the
career project last night I have had a change in ideas for where I would like
to go to college. I think now I would like to go to college somewhere on the
east coast that is near or at least 20 miles or less away from the coast. I
don’t know why but I feel an attachment to the ocean; even though lately I
haven’t had time to be anywhere near it. Also, my to do list is rather long
I’ve just completed it:

Career: three 3x5 cards (questions), contract journal, familiarize self w/

IGETC pattern. Book.
Speech: Get notes from Megan + study
Bio: Finish labs, and begin sexual selection final (due 12/14)
Math: Hw and study for final test CH 1 – 5.
Eng: Complete article b4 the end of this week + organize journal + answer
3B Q’s before Mon.