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Teacher: Maria please point to America on the map.

Maria: This is it.
Teacher: Well done. Now class, who found America?
Class: Maria did.
Submitted by: Kmankoolman

A: Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?

B: Yes I am, I married the wrong woman.
Submitted by: Anonymous

What are the three quickest ways of spreading a rumour (or gossip).

x| Telegram
x| Telephone
x| Tell a woman

Perhaps not very politically correct in the times we live in, but worth a slight chuckle.
If you give a man a fish, he eats for a day.
If you teach a man to fish, he can always eat.
If you give a man a fire, he's warm for a day.
If you light a man on fire, he is warm for the rest of his life.

A: Did you hear that a baby was fed on elephant's milk and gained twenty pounds in a
week.
B: That's impossible. Whose baby?
A: An elephant's.
Submitted by: Ugur Yavuzturk

"Am I the first man you have ever loved?" he said.

"Of course," she answered "Why do men always ask the same question?".
Submitted by: Ugur Yavuzturk

When I was young I didn't like going to weddings.

My grandmother would tell me, "You're next"
However, she stopped doing that after I started saying the same thing to her at funerals.
Submitted by: Chris Fisher

A very drunk man comes out of the bar and sees another very drunk man.
He looks up in the sky and says, "Is that the sun or the moon?"
The other drunk man answers, "I don't know. I'm a stranger here myself."
Submitted by: Anonymous

A man is talking to God.

The man: "God, how long is a million years?"

God: "To me, it's about a minute."
The man: "God, how much is a million dollars?"
God: "To me it's a penny."
The man: "God, may I have a penny?"
God: "Wait a minute."
Submitted by: Freshteh Sadeghi

A: Doctor, will I be able to play the piano after the operation?

B: Yes, of course.
A: Great! I never could before!
Submitted by: Fred

Why couldn't Cinderella be a good soccer player?

She lost her shoe, she ran away from the ball, and her coach was a pumpkin.

(Requires basic knowledge of the Cinderella story and that both ball and coach have
double meanings.)
Submitted by: Jillian H.

Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with an "I".

Student: I is the...
Teacher: Stop! Never put 'is' after an "I". Always put 'am' after an "I".
Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.
Submitted by: Monirul Hassan

Teacher: How can we get some clean water?

Student: Bring the water from the river and wash it.
Submitted by: Zeinab Eltayb

Q. What do you call a ginger bread man with one leg?

A. Limp Bizkit. (limp biscuit)
(Alternate: What do the British call a cookie that got wet?)
Submitted by: Emily Mileski

(If you don't know what Limp Bizkit is, see the results of a Google search for Limp
Bizkit.)

A guy says to his friend, "Guess how many coins I have in my pocket."
The friends says, "If I guess right, will you give me one of them?"
The first guys says, "If you guess right, I'll give you both of them!"
Submitted by: Matty

This is a good one to follow the following previously submitted joke.

A: What do you call a deer with no eyes?

B: No idea. (No Eye Deer.)

A: What do you call a dead deer with no eyes?

B: Still no idea.
A: Meet my new born brother.
B: Oh, he is so handsome! What's his name?
A: I don't know. I can't understand a word he says.
Submitted by: Landa Eugene

Q: When does the (English) alphabet have only 25 letters?

A: At Christmas time, because it is the time of Noel. (No L)
Submitted by: George Hurlburt

Q: What starts with E, ends with E and only has one letter?
A: An envelope.

Q: If you drop a white hat into the Red Sea, what does it become?
A: Wet.

Q: What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?

A: A stick.

These need to be written.

Q: What do you call a pig with three eyes?

A: A piiig.








x| In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
x| In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
x| In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted".

The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have
mine."

Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.

Q: What has many keys but can't open any doors?

A: A piano.

Q: What has 6 eyes but can't see?

A: 3 blind mice.

Q: Who earns money driving their customers away?

A: A taxi driver.

The teacher speaking to a student said, "Saud, name two pronouns."

Saud who suddenly woke up, said, "Who, me?"
Submitted by: Abu Jouri

Teacher: Today, we're going to talk about the tenses. Now, if I say "I am beautiful,"
which tense is it?
Student: Obviously it is the past tense.

Submitted by: Abu Jouri

Q: What is orange and sounds like parrot?

A: A carrot

Submitted by: Mariana GÛmez

Q: Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building?

A: Yes, because the Empire State Building can't jump!

Submitted by: Submitted by: Ana CarriÁo, Portugal

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