Hebert

Corinne Hebert
Ms. Coco
English 1001, Section 4
24 September 2015
Audience: seventh grade or older students.
Preface:
Throughout my paper, I have made many changes through the peer review and the cuttape revision. In my peer review, I made changes to my second paragraph dealing with the
focus of one sentence. I was not clear on a specific part and the reader was confused;
therefore, I changed the wording to make sure the reader knows exactly what I am talking
about. Also in my peer review I deleted one sentence in paragraph three. It was not relevant to
the paragraph. The last major change that I made to my paper through the peer review was in
paragraph six. There was a time change, so I split up the paragraphs according to their time
span. I was taught that when you change to a different time, for example time passed, you
need to start a new paragraph. Along with the changes made in the peer review, I made
changes after the cut-and-tape revision. After reviewing what I changed in my cut-taperevision, I noticed one section did not make sense in the other that it was in. In my new
version, I took the last paragraph and made it my introduction paragraph. By doing so, the
audience would be stated at the beginning of the paper instead of at the end. Changing that one
paragraph is the only change I made to my paper during the cut-tape-revision. Overall, I think
my changes to my paper have been beneficial.
In the revisions, my audience awareness has increased. Since I moved the last
paragraph to the beginning, my audience awareness is stated at the very beginning of the
paper. By doing so, the reader knows exactly whom the paper is directed towards. My
audience awareness seems to be the only area that has changed throughout my revision
process.
Throughout my revision process, I have made many changes. Some however I am
unsure about. I am very nervous that I should have kept my paragraph one to the last
paragraph, eight. The one question I would have is that my beginning paragraph starts out my
paper too broad. Should I have kept my introduction paragraph the same and kept the
beginning paragraph at the end? I would like to know what you think.
My three biggest concerns about my draft are that I lose focus at some parts in my
paragraphs, that my organization is off and is not easy to follow, and that my audience is not
directly drawn out throughout my paper. I know that I address my audience in the first
paragraph but maybe it needs to be brought back in through each paragraph. Also, I know that
my paper has a focus, but I might have unnecessary details here and there.
In my revision on the teacher comment draft, I had to mainly work on my
development. I had received a 1+ on it, so that was my main priority. With receiving this
score, I knew I had to fix the development by adding more details and developing the

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paragraphs more. I thoroughly explained situations further and made sure everything was
clear, elaborating on specific moments.

The Transformation
1. As I walked into my classroom eighth grade year, I thought pretty confident of myself.
I knew I could write pretty well, but never thought anything of it. Freshman year then came
around. My teacher was known to be an easy one, but I still had to receive help from her for
every paper. I did not know why things were just not clicking in my head. Why did everyone
else not have to get help? Why did I struggle so much with commas or pronouns? I would never
feel confident putting a comma with using the word and. I would commonly use run on
sentences, thinking putting a comma into the sentence would make it okay. Also, pronouns were
a challenge for me. Often, I would use plural pronouns for a singular verb that might sound
normal when verbalized but would not be the correct grammar usage for the pronouns.
2. Little did I know, that very shortly I would be a pro. After many papers were finished, I
would get my grades back getting a little better each time. Revision to each paper was necessary
and even though it was a lot to revise, it helped me learn my mistakes and receive a better grade.
As the time went along, I started to get fewer revisions on each paper, so I was finally learning
my mistakes. Freshman year came and went, made As on all my papers with the teachers help,
and now facing the next step, sophomore year.
3. On the first day of my sophomore year, I glanced around the room to see who my
teacher was. I did not know what to think. What I saw was a little young lady, not much taller
than me. She must have been a new teacher, Ms. Kennedy. Our first assignment was given out
and when I got my grade back, I was shocked. Written on my paper was a nice big C. I thought I

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wrote a great essay. What happened? Did I miss something? Thoughts came stumbling into my
mind. Instantly I thought, This year is going to be rough. Ms. Kennedy graded more papers and
once again, I had to receive individual help. As she continued to teach us, I thought Oh I know
all of this; however, what I did not know was that I did not know everything. This teacher
taught me the most basic tools for English grammar that would help me for the rest of my life.
She would drill pronouns and subjects into our heads like crazy: who vs. whom, there vs. their,
and so on. I did not even realize how much trouble I had with these pronouns until I really start
to think about using them in papers. When I wanted to use a pronoun, I would see her
PowerPoint she taught in class. We would have fill in the blanks having to use the correct
pronouns with it making sense. Also, we would have multiple quizzes that would test our
knowledge on the pronouns. With having quizzes, I really had to get a grip on these pronouns or
else my grade in the class would drop. While writing a paper, I would have to think about which
one to use and to make sure I used them properly. What I first thought to be a horrible English
class turned into one that changed my ability and performance of writing to the next level.
4. A year passed by, and it was now senior year. What a great year to be starting! Same as
before, I had my first writing assignment on my summer reading book. I had to write a paper
about the theme in the book The Divine Secrets of the Yaya Sisterhood, which was love and
friendship. I wrote it confidently coming from an easy teacher my junior year that boosted my
English writing self-confidence. However, when I got it back, my heart was a bit torn. I did not
receive a good grade again and was so confused. After leaving that class, I reviewed my paper to
see what went wrong. It was my grammar once again. I had used multiple run on sentences and
did not stayed focused throughout my paper. Instantly I knew what needed to be done and that I
would need to go see my teacher individually.

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5. Whenever I would get close to finishing a paper, I would get my teacher, Mr. Fox to
check it over. I would dread getting it checked because there was always something that had to
be fixed and changed, whether it was with commas or with the content and focus of my paper. I
had already worked hours on my paper already, and now I had to redo parts that will take more
time. I do not mind working hard for my grades, but when I try my hardest, and it is still not
good enough, it kicks my self-esteem downward. After I made the conclusion that revision to all
my papers was a necessary step to my writing career, I learned to love revising and making
changes. Making changes would help me earn a better grade, so I became okay with it. Getting
help from others should not make you feel stupid; it should help you realize that learning from
others is a great way to learn. Students cannot see getting help as a sign of weakness, but as a
symbol of strength and perseverance.
6. After many papers were turned it, I had the biggest of them all to conquer, the research
paper. My topic for this year was technology and its effects on younger children. I was so
nervous. I found all my sources and highlighted the important information. Finding so much
information on my topic was very encouraging. Soon after I finished my first draft, I asked my
teacher to check over it. He read the paper, and shortly after told me, I love your introduction
paragraph, but I do not see how it relates to your thesis. I was so disheartened because I had
worked so hard on this paper and especially this paragraph. I had to change and revise multiple
other paragraphs as well simply because my topic was very specific, and they did not relate
directly. After hearing him tell me this, I became so upset and mad. I did not want to redo this
paper that already took me hours to complete. However, I knew that in order to become a better
writer, I needed to learn from this experience. I needed to get a grasp on how to properly write an
introduction paragraph and have supporting paragraphs that stay focused. When school ended, I

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went home and picked apart my essay. Change was vital to my paper or else I would fail my
class.
7. When I got home, I ate a snack and sat at my desk in my room. I turned on my lamp so
that everything was well lit and got my essay out. I first started to revise the easy changes, for
example the grammar mistakes, taking out commas or adding them in places. Then, after I would
start to really dig into the major changes, taking out chunks of my paper that were not relevant or
that was out of order, or parts that needed to be reworded. After looking at all my revisions, it
looked like a completely new paper. I was ready to turn it in to my teacher, feeling proud of what
I had accomplished. When I got my paper back, I was very satisfied with my grade and knew
that all my hard work and time devoted to revision had paid off.