What if... you lead with love

"She is driving me crazy Cate! Not only does she have unrealistic expectations of me, she knit picks my work and finds flaws in it along with forgetting we are a team vs her running the show. We are equals however she doesn't act like it." A leadership coaching client shared her frustration, anger and stuckness with a colleague she is working with. Can you relate? Have you ever experienced a personality in your life at work or home where the person is dominant and controlling and question how much more you can take?

Between the fear porn on social, in the news, and within our work cultures, many are walking around with a third degree sun burn. If you have or are experiencing a similar situation or person here are some Powerhouse Strategies:

1. Take a deep breath or take a mind break walk. This helps you get grounded and to help take the emotional charge from the situation.

2. Ask yourself, "Out of 10 with 10 being high and 0 being low what is your reaction to this person? If you rate yourself a 15 or 1,000 you are likely being triggered.

3. Who does this person or situation remind you of? A bossy parent/spouse/family member who needs to be in control. You can't change what you don't acknowledge.

4. Is this controlling/perfectionistic/criticism normal behaviour for this person or is it situational? We know behaviour has a purpose. What is happening in their life to cause this behaviour? e.g. health scare, financial troubles, work overload or major changes in their life. This helps you get a better perspective on where their behaviour is coming from not excusing it only looking through the lens of love versus judgement. I was volunteering with a man who seemed to have a constant scowl on his face. I decided to try a new approach because I started to dread seeing him. As I approached him before a meeting, I asked Alan if he could help me out. He quickly said yes. I shared I was behind in my daily quota and I was hoping he could help me fill it. His puzzled face made me smile. I shared that it takes 12 hugs a day to thrive and I had only had 2 so far and would he be open to a hug. From that day forward Alan's arms were open to greet me each time. He soon shared with me his wife. had died that year and how much he was struggling with his grief.

5. Principles above personalities is a common phrase I use for my clients. You won't like everyone nor will everyone like you. What if, you focused on the principle of the situation versus on their personality how might you rise above this frustration.

6. Leading with love includes setting healthy boundaries so people know what you will accept and what you won't accept. However, accepting the person as they are will free you from expecting them to be anything else. High expectations of someone who clearly has demonstrated they are not capable of interacting the way you deserve will only lead to resentment. Acceptance allows you to avoid renting space in your head for them.

7. Leading with love shifts your perception with the situation to one of solution focused versus staying stuck in the problem. Ask yourself, "What is this person here to teach me?" For my client, she said it was to do the work around triggers of people from her past by journalling, sharing with me and letting go. Once she healed her past, she was able to look at her colleague with more compassion and love. It took the sting out of the situation. Did her colleague change, no, however, how she reacted to her did. She also set healthy boundaries when it was needed.

What if, for the next 7 days you shifted your thinking and reactions to leading with love?

Leading with love is the core of who you are and who doesn't want to experience more calm, peace and connection.