Positive Attitude vs. Genuine Hope

Those of us who have holistically cared for people with cancer have seen the damaging effects of people believing they must maintain a positive attitude at all times. Sometimes well-meaning family and friends buy into this myth as well and urge the person with cancer to stay positive.

Pressure to maintain a positive attitude is also setting the bar unrealistically high and can lead to self-blame if setbacks in treatment or a recurrence occur. Rather than add stress by blaming yourself for not keeping a positive attitude, acknowledge your emotions and moods, accept them and address those aspects of your life, your relationships and your wellness that you can influence. Asserting your choices in your care is likely to improve both your attitude and your well-being.

Trying to follow the positive attitude myth may be damaging to your relationships with those you love and care about. Your interactions may become shallow and inauthentic as both of you avoid talking about your fears, concerns and other “negative” thoughts and feelings. At a time when you could be drawing strength and support from one another and deepening your love, you are avoiding the main issues you need to address.

Finally, hope changes over time. In the beginning, that hope may be that the treatment will cure the cancer. May that be the case for you. If there is a recurrence, the hope may be that treatments will bring remission or control the cancer. Or perhaps the hope is that you will have time and energy to complete some milestone, find expression of your life purpose, find joy in the midst of all the difficulty. The hope may be that your symptoms will be controlled. Hope that you will heal relationships. And eventually the hope that, as you near the end of life, whenever that might be, you will be able to find two of life’s greatest gifts that according to Rainer Maria Rilke are often left unopened: “love and death.”

Credits: Michael Lerner #LoveHealsCancer #ZenOncoIO #BCCT #Commonweal