*louder please* Breaking Free from the "Good Girl Rules" to Speak Up, Stand Out

I'm still buzzing with energy from keynoting at the Phi Sigma Sigma, Inc. National Convention in DC this weekend. What a thrill it was to see my book in the hands of these brilliant young women. And let me tell you: they brought the energy—we even had a dance party! 💃

But also, a couple of things happened that I just can’t stop thinking about and want to amplify here.

Before I even began my presentation, a young woman approached me and asked if it would be relevant for her since she didn’t currently hold a title or leadership position in the sorority. Her question stuck with me. I hear this a lot from women early in their careers. Of course, it is!! Because leadership isn’t top-down; it’s all around. No matter your title or position, you have a role to play. Leadership is about influence, initiative, and impact.

During my presentation, I shared what I believe is the #1 skill that holds women back in the workforce: speaking up—especially public speaking. The statistics are striking - while 50% of young women stay quiet to be liked, 96% of employers rank communication as the critical career skill. Even more telling, women speak 75% less than men in professional meetings, and those who do speak up face a 2.5 times higher rate of interruption.

To explore why this happens, I asked them to share some of the labels they’ve heard assigned to vocal women. The responses came rapid-fire:

Bossy

Demanding

Too Much

Attention-seeking

A lot

Difficult

Full of herself

(& more!)

The room fell silent when I asked if men face these same labels.

A resounding “no” filled the space, making the double standard crystal clear. 

We must work to let go of this harmful double standard once and for all.

Do you find yourself holding yourself back from speaking up? If so, here is a quick activity that you can do right now:

Take 2 minutes and write down 📝:

3️⃣ unique perspectives you bring to your work

1️⃣ idea you've held back from sharing

1️⃣ commitment to speaking up this week

Start by truly believing that you have a genuine contribution to make. Your unique perspective deserves to be heard. Believe: Your voice matters. 

Finally, someone asked why I believe female affinity spaces are so important. I honestly shared that this realization came to me later in life. I wasn’t in a sorority in college—so these young women are ahead of the game! I later came to understand that there are key career and life inflection points where the support of women is essential: navigating spaces where you might be the only woman in the room, achieving work-family integration, advocating for your needs, and more. I now know the power of women empowering women. It’s why I’m so committed to building the LiveGirl community and why I’ve actively sought out and joined other women’s networks later in life.

The power of women's networks is clear: Research shows women in strong professional networks are 250% more likely to receive promotions and 58% more likely to earn top-tier salaries.

Maybe I can even convince Phi Sigma Sigma to make me an honorary member?! 😉

A huge thanks to my brilliant cousin, Michelle Ardern (I am in awe of you!), for making this opportunity possible—and to all the Phi Sigma Sigma sisters who gave me such a warm welcome. I can’t wait to hear what you think of my book! 💛

📚 Obsessed with Fran Hauser 's new bookstore: Bedford Books! Also LOVED Martyr! by Kaveh Akbar and The Order of Things by Sarah Gormley

🎥 🍿 Obsessed with Wicked and all things Cynthia Erivo! I also thought Nikki Glazer killed it at the Golden Globes!

I love reading Suleika Jaouad's Isolation Journals, and her five day new year journaling reset was impactful for me. Learn more: [email protected]