I had a call this morning with a woman who asked me how I balance motherhood and running a business. I don't. I can't. As I documented in "The Motherload" report, women can't have it all, but society expects us to do it all. I'm the breadwinner and the default parent. I pay the mortgage and fund the childcare. I manage household finances and ensure we never run out of nappies. I have help—a cleaner and a nanny—but I coordinate their schedules and shoulder the financial burden. I handle most bedtimes and bath times, then work deep into the night. I deliver professional keynotes and never miss my baby's developmental reviews. I don't juggle plates. I juggle chainsaws. And I am depleted to my core. This is the unvarnished reality of modern motherhood. You're expected to earn a substantial income while maintaining a mental inventory of endless life admin. Be a fully present mother. Ensure your child always has properly fitting clothes and their preferred foods. Keep your business invoicing current. Do your tax returns on time. Pack the right nursery supplies. Remember World Book Day costumes. Book flights for your Berlin business trip while simultaneously arranging childcare for the single night you're away. It's an unsustainable chaos of competing priorities and parallel life management streams. And it's brutal, honestly. The sacrifice is always personal. Your needs evaporate first. I haven't finished a book in two years. Exercise is a distant memory. Proper sleep is a luxury I can't afford. My "productive" work exists only within the nine precious weekday hours of reliable childcare and that time vanishes between conference calls and trying to get deliverables out of the door. But I persist in this impossible gauntlet not because I've discovered the secret to balance, but because collapse isn't an option when others depend on you. And here's what no one tells you: I'm successful because I flog myself relentlessly, not because any of this comes easily. I work with bone-crushing intensity and still strive to be an exceptional mother, but fuck me, the weight of it all is staggering.
I read this and wondered “Why is your partner not contributing their fair share?” Working and parenting simutaneously is incredibly challenging, but it sounds like you’re doing it by yourself, which is pretty much impossible to sustain
I have 2 thoughts 1) How many of us are there out there? 80% of working women? 2) I was suprised it was a woman who asked the question, normally it’s a questions reserved for men. I suspect most women know this and therefore don’t ask the question!
Why are we asking women a question like that in 2025...
This is exactly why Gether (AI family management) exists - to take care of the relentless admin and to foster collaboration between partners and caregivers so that mums don’t have to bear the weight of it all. As co-founders Elly Bartens and Claire Waring felt like they were constantly dropping the ball, missing events like PJ day, book character parades and excursion forms. They got tired of the constant emails, messages and remembering everything for everybody and when they couldn't find a tech solution out there to help, they built one themselves. Sure, AI can make you an image of a monkey in pink fluffy clouds sipping a margarita, but we'd much rather use it to auto-schedule, anticipate and remind us of everything family so we don't have to DO IT ALL. Every. Day. We'd love to help any and all of you who feel like you're drowning (as we did) under the weight of the mental load of motherhood. Jen Dobbie Mikhaila Warburton 🚀Julia Spencer Marie Rolfe
I have too much to say about this to fit it in an LinkedIn comment so I will leave it at this: in six months my youngest leaves for college and my home will be empty. The anticipatory grief I have is profound. We hear for years “it goes so fast,” but then it does. I recall a phone call with a friend during those grade school years of soccer games and birthday parties and guitar lessons and science projects - it all felt so FULL- and suddenly she started crying and said, “Tracy, these are the best years of our lives. When we are 80 we are going to look back and remember being young parents and connected to our communities and raising kids together. This is it. This is the best part. We are in it.” It is excruciatingly hard to balance, especially if you are demanding of yourself or, in my case, have people pleasing tendencies. I left five jobs, and ended up “pulsing” my career in 3 year sprints and 6 month to 1 year breaks. It was more reactive than planned but it was what ended up working for me and my partner, and looking back, they were good choices for me, and my family. Good luck with the crazy years, I hope you find a way to enjoy them more. ❤️💪🏼
I can relate to this post so much! I’ve just gone down to 3 days after 20 years of working FT. I’m a CEO. My husband is a CEO. We’ve been living a very highly geared life - we’ve laid a solid foundation for our family but it’s come at a cost in many ways. I’m hoping 2025 can be a transition year to a more balanced existence. I’m actively working on swapping my keyboard for cuddles 🥰
Never has something resonated quite so much. The mental load is overwhelming and the innate expectations thet still prevail on mothers, despite years of ‘progress’. I sold my business when my two were very young as the business admin and responsibility for others salaries as well as life admin and actual work was too much for me; I admire anyone who manages to carry on with all of that. Actually I admire pretty much all working mothers who are doing it all behind the scenes!
I won't say you're an inspiration because that's a cliche that glosses over reality. But you have my respect and admiration. Thank you for your honesty - it might piss some people off, but that's probably a good thing.
A LITTLE SECRET - it is relentless, but it's not sustainable for long term health. On the flip side, many 'highly involved' men also do the same. I am the hugely involved fatherhood driver of our clan. 5 kids. Now all in a myriad of directions. I can tell you it does get easier as they age! But you do need balance. Our work deadlines can be managed out. Nothing is critically life threatening in marketing. It's a matter of managing people to see value, not rush, and reclaim some of your wonderful life skills. And adding a dash of self indulgence along the way. Sending a hug.
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3dJust curious what would happen if the kids’ clothes were not exactly right or you forgot a homework assignment? It’s okay to let a ball drop now and then. My kid is in preschool and has to do a video show and tell each week, and I’ve probably done 1 out of 3 this year. I’m not taking responsibility for something that would have been the kid’s responsibility in the past (and it would have been me). Not every single one of the things listed here necessarily matters that much. Aren’t we supporting the notion that motherhood is untenable when we subscribe to the belief that every detail matters in the long run? A lot of this pressure is internalized.