Something I used to struggle with - being a "nice" boss vs being a good boss. Here is the difference: - A nice boss doesn't give you feedback to spare your feelings. A good boss will give you honest feedback, to help you grow. - A nice boss doesn't set the bar too high. A good boss is more demanding because they know you can do more. - A nice boss is your friend while you work with them. A good boss will support you for your entire career. - A nice boss lets you work on what you're already good at. A good boss helps you develop in areas where you're weak. - A nice boss solves problems for you. A good boss teaches you how to navigate problems and situations on your own. - A nice boss cares if you like them. A good boss cares if you're growing. I confused this early in my career and then again when I became a manager. You might not appreciate a good boss until years later. And if you're a good boss you might not be appreciated until years later. Be ok with that. And, no, being a "good" boss doesn't mean a license to just be a jerk. Don't @ me on that. h/t to Jesse Pujji who posted about this somewhere like 18 mos ago and it really resonated but I can't find it on the internet so I had to recreate my version! Who was your good boss that you didn't fully appreciate until later? Make sure you've thanked them.
A thoughtful high schooler asked me today how I am able to give constructive feedback to a direct report who I care about. And my answer was that it’s because I care about them that I give them feedback!
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3dYes this is a hard one! One big mental unlock for me was Kim Scott's "Radical Candor" which gave me the idea of "Care personally, challenge directly" thus tearing down the idea that you have a trade-off between "nice" and "good" at all, and helping me see they can be one and the same (but it takes some skill to get there!).