- Giles Romney: Hi. Giles Romney, filmmaker.
- P.C. Cambridge: P.C. Cambridge.
- Giles Romney: You're a policewoman? That's fabulous. I've bet you've had a lot of problems with sexism and racism, eh?
- P.C. Cambridge: When I first joined, yes. But I've mellowed a lot since then.
- Henry Crabbe: [reading a menu] Wild duck pancake in a cherry sauce. You know, this menu was written by a deeply disturbed person.
- John: Are you ready to order, madam?
- P.C. Cambridge: Um, I'll just have the goat's cheese and grapefruit salad, thank you.
- John: One Hawaiian salad. And for you, sir?
- Henry Crabbe: Uh, the um, the plaice fillets in brandy and mustard sauce. Is there any chance I could have the plaice minus the sauce, fascinating as that sounds?
- John: No, I'm afraid that wouldn't be possible, sir.
- Henry Crabbe: But all you've got to do is ask the chef not to put any sauce on the unfortunate fish.
- John: The meals are precooked, sir, boil-in-the-bag. All the chef has to do is to microwave them and snip open the bags. Even that's beyond him half the time.
- John: This omelette. It's um... I don't know, different. I can't explain it.
- P.C. Cambridge: It's the Crabbe Effect.
- John: What's that?
- P.C. Cambridge: It's what happens when normally rational, articulate people eat his food. They get a faraway look in their eyes and start rambling.