Gary Burghoff credited as playing...
Cpl. Walter 'Radar' O'Reilly
- Hawkeye: [after Mrs. Kwang has been having labor pains] I think she's going into labor.
- Radar: What does that mean?
- Hawkeye: It means she's about to give birth.
- Radar: Right here? On this bus? In front of me!
- Hawkeye: Yeah, right here on this bus! What do I do? Give her a transfer? I need your help, can you get up please? Come back here.
- Radar: [Hawkeye and Radar help Mrs. Kwang to lay down] Be careful, don't strain yourself. Easy, i'm gonna lift you now, easy.
- [helps hawkeye put Mrs. Kwang on stretcher]
- Radar: Listen, maybe if we lift her feet up it will slow things up a little!
- Hawkeye: Go get my bag. Where were you when they were teaching this in school?
- Radar: I must have been out that year.
- Hawkeye: I'm gonna need your help.
- Radar: But i'm no good at delivering babies! When the cat had kittens, they sent me to the movies!
- Hawkeye: Radar, there's nothing to it, it's a natural experience.
- Radar: So is fainting!
- Mrs. Kwang: [Cries out in pain]
- Radar: Ahh!
- Hawkeye: Don't worry, you'll be alright.
- Radar: Shouldn't I get some hot water or something?
- Hawkeye: There's no time for that.
- Radar: I'd be very glad to get out and look for some! Maybe there's a hot river near here, like at Yellowstone!
- Hawkeye: Come on, I need your help! Just hold her hand, me and her will do the rest.
- Radar: Oh, no, no, no no!
- Hawkeye: [to mrs. Kwang] You'll be alright.
- Radar: Oh yeah, easy for you.
- Hawkeye: [Lifts up Mrs. Kwangs dress to deliver the baby]
- Radar: *Oh don't do that! Ahh! Oh my god!*
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- Hawkeye: Mr. Kwang's wife is having a baby!
- Capt. 'Trapper John' McIntyre: Her first!
- Hawkeye: And what makes it really exciting is that Mr. Kwang's the father!
- Lt. Colonel Henry Blake: [apathetically] Uh-huh.
- Radar: [sweetly] Oh, geez sir, it sure would be swell if we could get this Korean mommy and daddy, with their little baby all together in the same place.
- Lt. Colonel Henry Blake: Will you cut it out?
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