Duck! The Carbine High Massacre

This film was crap. I agree that a film should be made regarding the columbine shootings, even one with a satirical bent would be appropriate but this piece of cow dung was a waste of time. The filmmakers have no talent to speak of, the acting was atrocious, and the writing was so boring I found myself sighing and screaming at the television to hurry up and finish. I can appreciate underground cinema as much as the next man, but I'm hocking my copy of Duck! and taking whatever I can get. I should mention I have not seen any other titles anybody involved in Duck! may have done but whatever... I'm not gonna try and track them down either.

The massacre at Columbine High School--and the grief of its aftermath drawn out in the mass media--brought the 1990s to a screaming halt in a manner similar to the way Charles Manson's 'family' ended the 1960s on a similarly somber note. In the years that have followed, the incident has been the crux of Michael Moore's "Bowling for Columbine" documentary and Gus van Sant's awful, exploitative art-house take, "Elephant." In Moore's film, more issues than answers are raised, with the ambiguity of motive and reason providing the fuel for discussion and thought; van Sant's film, on the other hand, is 80 shallow minutes that take forever to say absolutely nothing.

"Duck! The Carbine High Massacre" exists in an odd limbo between the above-mentioned films. Not as thought-provoking as Moore's humanitarian view, and not as dull as van Sant's debacle, its biggest claim to fame is being out the gate first (though filmed in 1999, it didn't receive an official video release until last year), though that ultimately isn't saying much. And the rationale for its existence, though the directors claim otherwise, is just as empty as the news media jumping on the handkerchief-wringing bandwagon of sadness carried in the aftermath of the Columbine massacre.

The shot-on-video production (which has the feel of a home movie, thus making its flaws all the more apparent) follows the lives of two put-upon high school kids (played by William Hellfire and Joey Smack) who listen to heavy metal, make bombs, read "Mein Kampf," and are subjected to torture and humiliation by the Alpha Elite, until one day they decide to shoot up the school in a blood-soaked frenzy. The characters are broad stereotypes without names, from a Bible-thumping Puritan, the cheerleader and her jock boyfriend, the gearhead, and the similarly tormented Goth kids--the cast isn't experienced enough and the writing isn't sharp enough to bring off the cutting satire successfully, so the film just winds up wallowing in its over-the-top excess, pandering for our attention.

That's not to say it isn't without its merits--though some of the humor is awkward (when a husband beats up his wife after hearing some heavy metal music, for instance), the youthful characters hit the right notes in spite of their heavy-handed approach. Needless to say, Hellfire and Smack carry this 20-minutes-too-long picture, and exhibit a deeply felt rapport whenever on screen; though their characters are ultimately as clichéd as the bullying jocks, we are sympathetic towards their plight without necessarily agreeing with it.

On the other hand, "Duck!" trots out nerve-obliterating clichés (how many times did we need to see that wounded kid running out of the building, on TV?), unfunny one-liners, and very poor acting by the surrounding adults. It gets to the point where any commentary on school violence is jettisoned for a "Natural Born Killers"-style festival of excess, to the point where the film becomes a chore to watch.

Ultimately, "Duck!" is an unbalanced misfire that takes the good with the bad, but doesn't elicit the strong reaction it is so desperately trying to provoke. What's left is the promise of seeing something of fairer quality from the Hellfire/Smack duo one day, so...better luck next time, guys.

Yes the acting is bad the editing is bad the script is bad... but that's what makes it so perfect. Whether it's actually meant to be a comedy or not, me and my friends were laughing the entire time. Its actually so funny to watch and if that was on purpose, that's even better. If you want something that's actually informative and high-quality about school shootings like columbine though, you probably wouldn't like it.

If you are a fan of William Hellfire, Joey Smack, Misty Mundae, or E.I./Alternative Cinema (even though this isnt an e.i. release), then I STRONGLY urge you to buy this movie. I know that the only copies you're going to find are going to be around $40, but it IS worth it, if you collect films from this genre.

You knew it would happen...a spoof (and a hilarious one, at that) of the infamous Columbine High School shootings. Sure, you may go to Hell just for contributing to the film-maker, but what a fun, amusing way to get there! Let's just hope Hell has air-conditioned private rooms with kitchenettes and a big TV set so you can watch all your favorite underground movies....

Anyway, you know the story... I won't even get into that... But the best part of this movie is the "startling" truth behind the excessive media frenzy that follows such violent, shocking crimes, putting the killers on a pedastal like some sort of false idol. Plus, it's somewhat nice and refreshing to see Misty Mundae give a memorable performance without taking off all her clothes and rolling around licking other women's various bodyparts.

My only gripe about this movie is that it takes a little bit too long for the actual bloodshed to start flowing (I say that because I'm a downright gorehound...). But when it does, it is actually pretty brutal and gross, so it's all good. William Hellfire and Joey Smack are perfect as the two idiot "anarchist" teenagers with murder on their minds. A VERY funny, VERY low-budget, and VERY memorable movie.

I was, at first, reluctant to show this movie to my friends. i was afraid they'd think it was a tasteless, shoddily made, horrible movie (Which it is, but more on that later). then, once i told them about it, they were very eager to see it. So i showed it to them, and we laughed our asses off.

This movie is very cheaply made (On sub-porno quality video), with some of the worst acting i've ever seen. It's cheap, crude, and not at all slick. but that's the only way i can imagine a project like this working. it wouldn't be funny at all if it were slickly made. That is the true beauty of this film. My one gripe: the carnage comes too late in the film. but up to that point there are numerous comic gems, so this movie is still worth seeing.