The Perfect Wife

Sometimes I think that somewhere in the "Lifetime" Channel's office complex there is a room where the writer's hang-out, with a large wheel on the wall - sort of like the Big Six ones in casinos. The latter have a lot of spots where you win even money, and fewer for higher amounts, until there are perhaps a couple which pay bigger bucks.

But I picture the channel's wheel having about six different genres on its wheel, with two of them, appearing the most, labeled "The Psychotic Neighbor," or "The Spouse with a Hidden Past or Secret or Both." "Lifetime" movies have a few repetitive story lines, and these two seem to be the most ubiquitous.

The "Spouse..." category can have a spouse of long-standing, but some person appears, or an event occurs, exposing that the good wife was once a hooker, one of the couple was involved in some nefarious act long ago, or that something else in one of the background in different than presumed -- etc., etc., or, as in this flick, one of them has entered the marriage with the most nefarious of aims.

One constant, in all of their genres is that the husband or other males are usually clueless, vacuous, and slow to have any idea what in the hell is going until the climax, or at best, very late in the proceedings (unless the male is the miscreant). Not the case here.

Whether the referenced miscreant might be the "neighbor," or as in this offering, "the wife," it is always fascinating how easily, successfully and effortlessly they proceed with their dastardly deeds. They manipulate many of the others, whack them as necessary, assume various poses, and juggle more deceptions than you can count - with unfailing success until just before the end.

The lead actor here, like many in this channel's movies, is an old hand. I noticed that another film in which he starred was titled "The Perfect Neighbor."

Finally, the vengeful "perfect wife" in this flick dispatches those in her path with more expertise and ease than the most experienced and competent "button man" in Don Corleone's family could muster. And I couldn't help but imagine that Jack Nocholson's Melvin Udall character fro "As Good As It Gets," with his massive OCD affliction, could provide counsel to the anti-heroine to assist in dealing with he obsession which was the basis of this opus.

From Lifetime, we have "The Perfect Wife," a 2001 movie starring Perry King, Lesley-Anne Down, William R. Moses, and Michele Greene. Dr. Robert Steward, who stops at the site of an accident to help the victims. One of them, a man, is dead, but he is able to save the woman. When the man's sister, Leah Tyman (Shannon Sturges) identifies her brother's body, she vows vengeance on anyone who played a part in his death. It's a long list since it includes anyone within three feet of them.

Before we know it, Leah Tyman is now Liz Steward, married to Dr. Steward, who is divorced from Helen (Lesley-Anne Down). Leah/Liz goes to work getting rid of people, all the while going to her little jewel box and talking to a photo of her brother.

Typical Lifetime, with a psycho that several people in the story know is insane and his or her spouse has no clue, despite the bodies falling all around.

I've always loved Lesley-Anne Down and thought she was incredibly beautiful. For me she was the only saving grace here. However, I knew what I was getting into. That's one thing about Lifetime movies - they have about six plots and you know you'll get one of them.

Yes, Lifetime has a habit of making the male species look stupid. And this soap opera ain't kidding when they make Perry King, supposedly a well renowned medical doctor, unable to see the evil surrounding him. Puts your trust in doctors, huh? How can anyone not see what's going on? Is he that stupid? And the evil wife, with a face like a horse, goes around killing off his entire family without a trace. How does she acquire all the drugs? That isn't explained. How does she get off being a secretary in a hospital without any credentials? I guess the director, Don FauntLeRoy asks us to just believe it. I didn't. I kept yelling at the screen at the stupidity of King with all right in front of his face. If the wife was that attractive, maybe, just maybe, I'd accept it. But she's not even that. Shannon Sturges is the perfect wife and I tell you she has the face of a horse. I wouldn't cross the street for her, yet our perfect husband does and quickly. After everybody in the cast get knocked off, I wasn't satisfied with the come up pence given to our villainess. She deserved more than she got. William Moses plays the doctor's brother who unfortunately you know his outcome from day one. Pleasure to at least see one pretty face in this clinker. That of Lesley Anne Down. She gives the film a 2 count just on the relief of seeing someone fetching in this mess. Perry King deserved his fate. What a jerk.

In THE PERFECT WIFE, Lesley Anne Down stars as a divorcée whose ex-husband has married a gal half his age and with something more in mind than matrimony. Turns out the new wife is seeking revenge in the death of her brother, and she believes the doctor had something to do with his death. Down starts to figure things out about halfway through, but no one will listen to her. Perry King plays the doctor, and Shannon Sturges is the new wife. No one exactly knocks themselves out in the acting department, and the plot tends to drag. Save this one for a rainy night. If you're me, you sometimes watch these things to see how much a given actor has aged.

This movie is like most of the Lifetime "he/she seems nice but is really a psychopath" types that are entertaining and good for a laugh. There are some familiar Lifetime actors, including Shannon Sturges, who overdoes her phony sweetness, and Perry King and William R. Moses, both probably underrated because of their association with Lifetime movies. Michelle Greene adds spice in the scene outside the kitchen at the brother's funeral. I just wonder, since there are no goofs listed, if anyone else wondered, in one of the movie's early scenes, why Greta the housekeeper is complaining that the new wife has been mistreating her for three months, when the happy couple has returned from their honeymoon just minutes ago.