Caught Out There: A Black Platonic Comedy Screenplay

CAUGHT OUT THERE:

A BLACK

PLATONIC-COMEDY

SCREENPLAY

CAUGHT OUT THERE:

A Black Platonic-Comedy

Screenplay

by

Tahira Chloe Mahdi

&

Christopher A. Brown

OPENING IMAGES -

A Newspaper headline fades into view:

Extraterrestrial Emergence Only Exposes Exasperated Earthlings

A second headline replaces the first:

Interplanetary Incomers Ignored Amid Everyday

Agitation

A third headline appears:

F*ck Dem Aliens. Student Loans, Housing, and Food Prices Still Dominate Concerns

CUT TO:

A SEARCH BAR WITH A BLINKING, READY CURSOR

Slowly typed text begins to populate the search bar:

#BLACKALIENS

Followed by a click/enter sound. The screen populates with the following results:

THE VOCAB: Notofearth (not*uhv*urth) - noun

1) Preferred identification of beings from worlds, planets, or societies other than Earth.

2) Adopted nomenclature for extraterrestrial human-form beings arriving on Earth after the year 2020.

3) Black-presenting extraterrestrials.

TRENDING:

The word appears as the screen scrolls downward to reveal more information. A series of social media posts appears under the heading.

@WhiskeysSister: Is it me or are all the Notofearths Black?

@UrUncleRon: If they not from Earth, are they really Black tho?

@THDKR: Not-of-earth Negroes?

@ChadBreezy: So ALIENS can come to the cookout but we can’t? Racist.

@MosTheft: I am in negotiations with the aliens. Donate to my new organization and I’ll give it to them.

@LikeAHeart: Please take me with yall. I hate it hear. I can spell #Notofearth

The final entry is an article headline from ThinkPiece

Magazine:

An Alien African Diaspora or Are These Incomers All-The-Way Otherworldly?

Another click sound.

INT. BAR - NIGHT

A man looks up from his phone. We see he is sitting alone at a bar.

Two MALE PATRONS are sitting together near him at the bar. One checks his watch.

MALE PATRON 1

Aye man, I gotta go in like, 15 minutes.

I told the kids I was goin’ to the gym.

His companion motions to the bartender to bring two more drinks.

Two barstools away, two FEMALE PATRONS are having a heated discussion. One is clearly upset.

FEMALE PATRON 1

...and they gon’ let her do MY project!

I’M the one who brought it up at the staff meeting!

Her companion motions to the bartender to bring two more drinks.

Two barstools away, a woman sits alone. She makes eye contact with a man sitting at the other end of the bar. They connect and smile at each other. With her head and eyes, she asks if the guy wants a drink. The guy indicates yes, smiles flirtatiously, then gets up and joins her. She motions to the bartender for two drinks.

A woman (Black, early 30s, curvy) enters the bar, passing the sign displaying the Thursday night Happy Hour Specials. This is HEARTLY. She sits on a barstool and squints at a list of drink specials. She nervously glances around, then pulls out reading glasses. When she looks up, she realizes the BARTENDER is looking directly at her.

HEARTLY

(snatches off her glasses)

Can you recommend something good?

BARTENDER

You cryin’, sighin’, or celebratin’?

HEARTLY

All o’that.

There’s a man I need to forget. Or kill.

BARTENDER

Oh shit. Aight. I got’chu.

A man (Black, early 30s) enters the bar. This is MALIK.

He sits two seats down from Heartly.

BARTENDER

What up main man?

MALIK

What up. Gimme a Revolver, man.

BARTENDER

Oh shit. You too?

MALIK

Damn.

You got somebody else up for the six-shooter?

The Bartender nods toward Heartly.

HEARTLY

(looking from the bartender to Malik)

Hold up... what’chu ‘bout to give me?

The Bartender sets up six shot glasses in front of Malik and six in front of Heartly. He pours different liquids into a cocktail shaker.

HEARTLY

Wait... can I get something a little more... feminine?

BARTENDER

You said you wanna forget the dude or kill him.

That’s what the Revolver is for.

HEARTLY

(takes a deep breath)

Okay.

She looks at Malik.

MALIK

We in the same boat, I see.

HEARTLY

Bad breakup?

MALIK

If we was even IN a damn relationship... (thinks) Nah, I KNOW we were! Damn Leos, man. And I ain’t even into that birthday Zodiac shit, but my boys warned me about them damn Leos!

Heartly gasps and moves to the seat next to Malik. The bartender fills their shot glasses.

HEARTLY

NOOOO! Oh my gosh!

I’M about to kill a Leo!! What’d yours do?

They both take a shot.

MALIK

So... she’s a party promoter. ‘Round-the-town socialite,

social media model, (does finger quotes) influencer,

the whole nine...

CUT TO:

FLASHBACK:

INT. NIGHTCLUB - NIGHT

Malik follows behind RHONDA (late 20s, Instagram model-type, ambiguous race) who seems to know EVERYONE as she passes by them. A lively hip hop groove plays as enthusiastic clubgoers dance and socialize.

Malik watches her hug and kiss every guy she passes and speak to each of them by name. As she progresses through the club, each interaction seems to get more personal and intimate. Finally they reach the OWNER (Black man, tall, 40s) of the club.

RHONDA

HAYYYYYY BOO! You been workin’ out? You lookin’ extra fine...

OWNER

A little bit. Good to see you, Rhonda. You gon’ have to let me take you out again. Last time was... memorable.

MALIK

AHEM.

Rhonda ignores Malik as she leans in to the owner and whispers something in his ear. The Owner laughs and hugs her, sneakily slipping a hand over her rear. Malik sees the movement and steps forward but Rhonda laughs, runs her hand across the owner’s chest while moving the other hand off of her posterior, and walks away.

Malik stares the owner down before Rhonda grabs him by the hand and drags him away. Malik starts to push her away when someone hands Rhonda a mic. She addresses the crowd.

RHONDA

Hey ya’ll! Thanks for coming out tonight! We gon’ get this party started! Where my Notofearths at?

CUT TO:

EXT. NIGHTCLUB - LATER

Rhonda steps out of the club. Malik follows a few steps behind, furious. They walk a few steps before he finally speaks.

MALIK

What the hell was that?

RHONDA

A party?

MALIK

You know what I’m talking about. How many times we gonna do this? Every dude, every club. Like you know every dude in the club intimately!

RHONDA

And?

MALIK

You have a man. This is mad disrespectful. And that shit with the owner? What the --

RHONDA

THIS is why I’m the best promoter in