Making a Change for Good: A Guide to Compassionate Self-Discipline, Revised Edition

1. Compassionate Self-Discipline and Presence: The Opportunity as We See It

I’ve never met anyone who does not struggle with self-discipline. The problem with self-discipline is usually identified as a lack of willpower, a lack of follow through. You commit to a program, with every good intention, and wake up a few days later having failed.

A few of us are on the other side of the continuum, so disciplined we fail at things like kindness, spontaneity, and relaxation. One way or another, the struggle to be disciplined takes a lot of energy, often misspent. There is a convoluted belief about self-discipline that many of us have taken on:

THE BELIEF

If I were different - better, smarter, thinner, richer, more in control (which I would be if only I had more self-discipline!) - life would be as it should be and I would be happy. As it is, life isn’t the way it should be and it’s my fault.

I contend that what we think of as the problem with self-discipline is not the problem at all, and the solutions we try, sincere as they are, lead only to frustration and failure. So, as I see it, this belief is not true.

Nothing in life is a matter of fault,

no amount of self-discipline will ever give anyone control over life (control is an illusion),

happiness does not depend on circumstances,

and life is always exactly as it is.

There are two kinds of self-discipline.

1. Strict, harsh, and punishing

2. Supported, assisted, and nurtured

The first is familiar to us all.

The second, compassionate self-discipline,

is nothing other than being present rather

than engaged in distracted, unfocused,

addictive behaviors based in an

I-need-to-fix-myself mentality.

That person is actually paying attention, focusing on what is here to do in this moment, bringing compassion to all aspects of daily life, and discipline has nothing to do with it.

We don’t lack self-discipline,

we lack presence.

Compassionate self-discipline

is simply allowing

the intelligence and generosity

that is your authentic nature

to guide you in every moment.

With this guidance you will be not only disciplined, you will be spontaneous, clear, awake, aware, efficient, appropriate, respectful, grateful, kind, honest, sincere, expressive, steady, dependable, responsible, peaceful, joyful, and satisfied.

These are only a few descriptions of the experience.

Discovering compassionate self-discipline

may be easier, and harder,

than you thought.

On the one hand,

it is not necessary

to come up with more

sophisticated methods

for making your self

do what your self does not want to do.

No more planning, hoping, fearing, and failing.

On the other hand,

you will need to choose

in-the-moment presence

over the habitual patterns of a conditioned mind.

Everything you have attempted

for as long as

you can remember

has been under the direction

of a socially and karmically

conditioned mind.

Every conditioned human being is in a constant, primary relationship with a voice in their head telling them, second by second, what is so, real, true, right, good, beautiful, worthwhile, important, and desirable, as well as what is wrong, bad, to be avoided, unpleasant, ugly, and so on.

The voice lets them know how they feel and if they’re being the right person.

It scans for what’s wrong and points out mistakes.

In other words, it creates and maintains the reality of each individual.

As you read this, the process I’m describing is going on. Conditioned mind is taking this in and