Short Plays: Good Hidings, FINE, The Stars are Made of Concrete

MICHELLE ASHTON

Short Plays

Michelle Ashton was born in Greater Manchester in 1988. She formed Messy Dress Media in 2009 while training as an actor at the Arden School of Theatre in Manchester. She has written and produced three stage plays: Good Hidings (2009) winner of the Forever Manchester Award, FINE (2011), which was performed in Manchester and London and The Stars are Made of Concrete (2015) which was nominated for Best New Writing and Best Drama at the Greater Manchester Fringe Festival. Stars was subsequently chosen to be performed at the First Break Festival at Oldham Coliseum Theatre Studio during a tour of North-West England. Michelle is also a voice coach and graduated from Royal Birmingham Conservatoire in 2017 with an MA in Professional Voice Practice. She lives in her home town with her partner and children.

MICHELLE ASHTON

Short Plays

Good Hidings

FINE

The Stars are Made of Concrete

Short Plays first published by Messy Dress Media in 2018

This edition published 2022

Good Hidings: Copyright © Michelle Ashton 2009

FINE: Copyright © Michelle Ashton 2011

The Stars are Made of Concrete: Copyright © Michelle Ashton 2013

ISBN 978-0-244-50298-0

Michelle Ashton is hereby identified as author of these works in accordance with section 77 of the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988. The author has asserted her moral rights.

All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review or scholarly journal.

Application for performance etc. should be made before commencement of rehearsal to [email protected]. No full performance may be given unless a licence has been obtained and no alterations may be made in the title or the text of the plays without the author’s prior written consent. Publication of this play does not necessarily indicate its availability for performance.

Contents

Good Hidings……………………………………………….7

FINE……………………………………………………….41

The Stars are Made of Concrete…………………………...85

Good Hidings

Good Hidings was first performed on the 15th July 2009 at The Lass O’Gowrie Studio, Manchester with the following cast.

Barry – Mid to late 40s             Colin Connor

Lisa – Early twenties                  Sarah Jane Hollins

Kate – Seventeen/Eighteen            Michelle Ashton

Sam – Sixteen/Seventeen            Wesley Pearce

The Interviewer                  Andrew Fillis

Directed by                        Christopher Neil

Produced by                         Michelle Ashton

Sound and Lighting designed by       Joe Bateman

Scene One

The living room of the Rothwell family home, Lancashire. Christmas Day 2005. Early evening. SAM is listening to music on his iPod. KATE is reading. There is a sudden sound of a bottle smashing. LISA and BARRY are heard in the kitchen.

BARRY: Argh!

LISA: For God’s sake Dad! Now look what y’ve done! It were a good bottle that, ‘n all.

BARRY: It’s fine! I can fix it!

LISA: Well the bottle on its own ’s no good to me, is it? What d’ya expect us to do? Suck the wine off the floor with a straw?

BARRY: I meant I’ll clean it up!

LISA: No, I’ll do it myself. Just go and mither them two for a bit instead.

BARRY enters.

BARRY: Hi kids!

SAM and KATE grunt a response.

BARRY: God, you aren’t half miserable, you two. (to KATE) What’s that?

KATE:       A book.

BARRY: I can see it’s a book. What y’ doin’ readin’? It’s Christmas day! Y’ supposed to be enjoyin’ y’self!

KATE: I am enjoin’ myself.

BARRY: Ooh, well! I’m ever so sorry to ‘ave interrupted your fun with my friendly conversation. What is it?

KATE:       Nothin’ you’d be interested in.

BARRY: Oh, ‘course. I wouldn’t be clever enough to read any college books, would I? Eh? (to SAM) Eh?

SAM has his eyes closed.

BARRY: Oi! (pulling SAM’s earphones out) Boo!

SAM lets out a high-pitched squeal.

BARRY: It’s alive! IT’S ALIVE! Ha! What was that? (imitates SAM’s scream) Y’ big puff!

SAM: God, Dad! Y’ not funny, y’know.

BARRY: I was talkin’. Serves y’ right for bein’ so fuckin’ ignorant.

LISA enters.

LISA: Dad, stop teasin’ ‘em. Put y’ Will ‘n Grace DVD on or sumert.

KATE:      Will ‘n Grace?!

LISA: I know. I were surprised myself; but he’s got dead into it recently, ant y’ Dad? 

BARRY: Aye. I don’t like that Will, but I like that other puff. He’s fuckin’ funny ‘im.

LISA: Anyone fancy a drink? You two can ‘ave one an’ all, seen as it’s Christmas.

KATE: Oooh! Big wooh!

BARRY: Oi! Don’t be so fuckin’ cheeky!

KATE: Well, I am eighteen in June. It’s not like I’ve never ‘ad a glass of wine before is it? I do drink y’know.

LISA: Not in this ‘ouse y’ don’t. Y’ not eighteen yet.

KATE: What? ‘Ang on a minute. You just said I could have one!

LISA: Well goin’ without shouldn’t bother y’. It’s not like y’ve never ‘ad a glass of wine before, is it?

SAM: Can I ‘ave a glass of wine please, Lisa?

LISA: Why yes of course, Sam. You certainly may.

KATE: Why does ‘e get one when I don’t? He’s only sixteen, I’m older than ‘im!

BARRY: Serves y’ right for bein’ a gobshite.

KATE:       I hate this ‘ouse! Y’ treat me like a kid, when I’ll have me own flat in September!

BARRY: Aye. I’m turnin’ y’ room into a gym!

KATE:       Oi!

LISA: Stop teasin’ ‘er. He’ll miss y’ when y’re gone.

BARRY: Ey, no, I’m lookin’ forward to it. One down two t’ go!

KATE:       Yeah, well y’ can do what y’ want with it anyway. I don’t care.

SAM: Least I don’t have to live with you anymore. Y’ can be moody wi’ y’ flatmates instead. You’re gonna be well popular!

KATE: Shut up!

LISA: Y’re sayin’ that to ‘er, but that’ll be you soon an’ all.

SAM: I’m not goin’ to uni. I’m gettin’ a job.

BARRY: Really? What as? A professional reclineur?

SAM: God, whatever.

LISA: It is somethin’ y’ need to be thinkin’ about y’know.

SAM: Yeah, I know. I am thinkin’, I just haven’t decided, that’s all.

LISA: I was only sayin’. (to KATE) Y’ can ‘ave a glassa wine if y’ want, now that y’ve calmed down.

KATE: Thank you.

LISA: You don’t like that, do y’?

KATE: It’s alright.

LISA: What y’ drinkin’ it for if y’ don’t like it?

KATE: It’s fine! I just prefer red that’s all.

LISA: Well the floor’s ‘ad that. Ey, ‘ave a look at this though...

LISA pulls out a catalogue.

LISA: Here’s next years.

KATE: Ooh, that’s nice. Can I get vouchers again?

LISA: Yeah ‘course. How much y’ plannin’ on spendin’?

BARRY: Bloody ‘ell, we’ve not finished wi’ this year yet!

LISA: We’re just tryin’ to think ahead that’s all.

BARRY: Bloody daft if you ask me.

LISA: Well, it wasn’t so daft when y’ were scoffin’ everyone’s dinner, was it?

BARRY: Will y’ put that down?!

KATE: Well I need to ‘ave been readin’ stuff for me interviews. I don’t wanna look thick!

LISA: It is Christmas Day though love. We’re supposed to be spendin’ time together. Why don’t we watch a film?

KATE:       Well if we’re watchin’ a film what difference does it make if I’m readin’?

LISA: Because the rest of us aren’t readin’. The rest of us are watchin’ a film.

LISA: Classic Christmas film. It’s a wonderful life!

SAM: (to KATE) Not from where I’m sittin’ it’s not.

Blackout.

Scene Two

The theatre of a London drama school. February 2006.

KATE:      A chair, a piece of rope, a whisk, an’ a giraffe?

INTERVIEWER: Yes. Is there a problem?

KATE:      So, you want me to signal a time, a place and a situation... with a chair, a piece of rope, a whisk, an’ a giraffe?

INTERVIEWER: No. You also have lighting effects at your disposal. Now arrange the objects in the space provided.

KATE:      Er... can I ‘ave a minute to think about it please?

INTERVIEWER: Katherine, if you wish to work in the theatre, you must learn to be spontaneous and adapt. If an actor were to stand in the wrong place, or skip three pages of dialogue, what would you do?

KATE:      Yeah, but I wanna do scenic design. I don’t know if I’d be affected by –

INTERVIEWER: Time’s up. You’ve had enough