It will have happened to you too

IT WILL HAPPEN

TO YOU TOO

A MANUAL BY

DARIO SIEVE

HOGWORDS editions

I dedicate this book to the memory of Alessandro Feverati.

Goodbye Mister: I'm sure you are in Heaven too

already made appreciated by all, for your great humanity.

All those who have known you

they can only remember you with much affection.

Preface

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I am a person who had the opportunity to meet a large international organization such as BNI, 17 years ago, at the end of 2003, and to start its development in Italy by becoming its National Director.

During these years I have had the opportunity to meet thousands of people who were interested, with curiosity, in our activities and how they could be useful for their business and Dario did not go unnoticed from the first moment I met him, when he signed up as Sales Agent in the field of holidays, at the BNI Agorà di Pinerolo chapter, back in 2010.

Dario, according to his nature as a relationship person, immediately became aware of how the BNI method worked and could benefit from it by applying it correctly or by paying attention to others first and then becoming more interesting to them, according to our fundamental value: Givers Gain.

His healthy realism and innate ability to create trust soon led him to also become a Director of BNI, collaborating in the development of other Chapters in the province of Turin, and then making the big leap in Padua, taking responsibility to make BNI known and develop the first Chapters in areas where we were not known at all, a daring pioneer, with courage and passion, like the first conquerors of the far west in America.

His long professional experience in the field of human resources has led him to create relationships with simplicity and effectiveness, always managing to be consistent and transparent in transforming his thoughts and proclamations into actions.

One of the outstanding features that distinguish it is the continuous ability to observe and to make fun of, and especially self-mockery, situations, with naturalness and nice transparency.

As you will have the opportunity to grasp, while reading the book, Dario knows how to observe with wit the situations we encounter in our daily life, to then be able to comment on them with clarity, simplicity and effectiveness.

His observations always manage to remain simple to understand, as they are targeted and based on real anecdotes.

It will have happened to you too to meet a great character and Dario is one from all points of view ... and not only from the height of his meter and eighty eight in height. I invite you to read it listening carefully to his reflections, they will constitute for you a valid approach to life.

Paolo Mariola

National Director BNI Italy

Introduction

This book stems from some reflections relating to my own business, linked to the establishment and management of work groups. An activity that involves planning, organization and a spirit of initiative.

It often happens to compare myself with colleagues, collaborators and these comparisons usually focus on two very different aspects.

On the one hand, there are organizational ideas, the review of initiatives and their results.

The other part, on the other hand, is linked solely to anecdotes, the funny aspects of many situations.

Someone suggested to me that it might be worthwhile to collect the organizational elements in a book, others told me that some episodes were so funny that you could imagine writing a manual on them. This text collects both of these themes.

In the chapters from n. 1 to no. 11 there are professional reflections, while from 12 to 15 I wanted to collect some anecdotes purely to smile. The last Chapter, n.16, contains the final reflections.

This double approach reflects my way of being, of living the profession. I am convinced that excellent results can be achieved while remaining serious at the same time, even if not necessarily serious. Personally, I don't think that, to be effective, you have to avoid joking. On the contrary, I believe that the best can be achieved when you do things in a relaxed way, playing down as much as possible.

Who can say that if you smile it means that you are taking life lightly?

Who can say the opposite and that is that if you behave in a sustained way things will be managed better, because you will take them more seriously?

When you get stuck, the situation doesn't change if you smile or are austere.

In the first case, however, it is likely that you will be less involved in it and perhaps you will have a better chance of dealing with circumstances more calmly, with a higher probability of success.

On the contrary, I believe that, very often, the best results come precisely when we have followed the path of simplicity, of relaxation. It is clear that the context must be the right one: I find it difficult for those who pave the motorways in July to do so with a toothy smile.

Everything indicated is only the result of my experiences, does not claim to be instructive and certainly all my theories could be refuted from the scientific side.

I believe, however, that even science is not infallible. What were once believed to be absolute scientific truths have since been modified over time and, in some cases, overturned.

The only scientific laws that, in my opinion, will hold forever, are Murphy's laws. Among the many suggestions provided by the paradoxical and ironic postulator, I find one that always works: if you are phoning a person and decide to dedicate time to socialization before moving on to the point, you can be sure that, when you want to get into the concrete, the line will fall.

I also have doubts about some scientific indications today. For example, research indicates that the living thing with the weakest short-term memory is the sail-tailed oranda (big-tailed goldfish, for those unfamiliar with it), which is said to forget everything after 7 seconds. Well, if someone could evaluate some of my experiences they would notice that I could beat the sailboat by forgetting so many things in much less time.

In addition to not being scientifically based, most of my reflections can be considered banal, obvious, nothing new. During my courses, I always ask this question: "Whenever you are faced with a situation that seems trivial or obvious to you, are you sure that you are still putting in place countermeasures? Because, on many occasions, our consolidated habits, they make you forget to apply concepts that are apparently too banal and obvious and therefore underestimated. So, always check if you are really making practical and concrete aspects that may seem overly simple to you.

Even the title of the book, "It will have happened to you too", follows this logic.

I am sure that many of the situations indicated both in the more professional and in the more playful part will have already been experienced by many readers, who I hope will be able to smile again in reliving them.

I believe that one of the many winning aspects of life is precisely that of being able to share smiles and, if I am successful in this, it will be a great satisfaction for me.

Before starting with the various themes that I intended to propose in the book, I consider it useful to explain how the various chapters and the topics covered were born.

I think that in life things often arise by chance almost as if instead of asking the question why yes a and why not would pop up.

As I wrote at the beginning, I believe that I do not have particular skills to be able to propose teachings with the claim that they have a scientific value.

I have always had an approach in the life of those who want to learn, face challenges not knowing how they will end, simply to see, day by day, what the results can be.

I consider myself a normal person, although there may be a lot to say about what meaning we give to this word today; like everyone else, I have strong characteristics and others where I can still improve. I always try to do it, even though I know my limits.

For example, when I was young, I counted a lot on my memory, which was definitely very ready at the time.

Now that I have grown older I have to accept the fact that it is no longer what it used to be, so I carry sheets of paper and ballpoint pen with me, to write down the things that come to mind, so as not to forget them. With the logic of the sail-tailed oranda.

Since the book was initially born by chance, without any specific project, I followed this method: when something came to my mind I wrote it down and as soon as more ideas could be traced back to a common theme, I gathered them in a Chapter.

In doing so, I had confirmation of something that I often repeat during the courses I hold: every time you reach a certain level it is useful to start from scratch, review the film as they say.

Often, when we arrive at a point on our path, we forget all the way we went to get there.

We often hear that we must look forward and never back.

True, to the extent that we must not stop at the past, but it is equally useful to reanalyze what we have done, especially to avoid repeating the same mistakes and, on the contrary, to take advantage of past positive and negative experiences, to better prepare ourselves towards the future.

It's not just about that. If we refer to individual experiences we can act better, deepening them.

However, if every now and then we don't really go back to the origins, from all points of view, we can lose sight of what once guided us and which, perhaps, could do so even now.

The writing of this book, precisely because the ideas came to my mind all the time, helped me in this return to origins.

I suggest everyone try to have the same experience and that is to write a manuscript, even if it may not be published. A manual, as I see it, must first of all be useful for those who create it, regardless of whether it is then printed and disseminated.

Furthermore, who can legitimately affirm that if a manuscript is not edited it cannot be processed on a PC and then made to read to one's acquaintances?

I am sure that the experiences of many can be a reference for others.

Each of us has values ​​and tries to express them in life.

Everyone can be a reference to someone.

During the courses that I direct I repeat several times that it is useful to take notes and then reread what has been written.

And it is advisable to do it almost immediately because, if you have been concise and it has been a long time, it is likely that you no longer remember the context.

Above all, I believe that, from time to time, it is useful to take a break, a stop, rewind the tape.

How many has happened to watch a film a second time, or even more, and notice details that had escaped during the first viewing?

Here, life is the same.

Every now and then it is useful to go back to the film, review it from the beginning, try to grasp the details that could have escaped the first time.

I had heard that even airplane pilots, from time to time (I hope not so often ...), look at the road traveled, focus on the arrival and then evaluate if it is necessary to change something.

I am sure that the same applies to us too. Occasionally a pause is needed to reflect on the way to go. Time passes, inexorable, and we often believe that, if we never stop, we will make better use of time, we will not lose anything.

True.

It is even more so if every now and then we do not take stock of the situation, risking to continue to follow the path that is not the best and one day we will have to go back, to take the right one.

At this point, we will have wasted time in vain.

Occasionally there are situations that make us understand how time is passing.

I remember a time when I got on a bus and a very friendly young man offered to get up and give me my seat.

On the one hand I appreciated the kindness of the young man but, on the other, I had the awareness of being old by now or, at least, of appearing as such.

This gives me a further incentive to review from time to time where I have arrived, to make better use of the time, not having much left.

Fortunately, it has not yet happened to me, when passing by a retirement home, that someone asked me if it was my usual residence. In that case, I would have thought I should... make better use of the pauses for reflection.

I close this introduction by returning to a concept expressed previously, namely that of jotting down ideas, rereading them and understanding if something useful can emerge.

I suggest everyone to use this system, always, let the thoughts go by themselves, without limits or preconceptions, then write them down and hypothesize further developments.

My business largely involves the introduction of new ideas, innovative working hypotheses.

I believe that many are able to find an original idea, based on reasoning, and then carry it on.

I am unable to work in this way, to grasp an idea, to dedicate time to it and to succeed.

I know that I want something that is successful, I think about it, then I stop: I wait for the ideas, to come by themselves, when the time is right.

Usually, ideas come to mind when we are relaxed, calm, without thinking about anything else.

As far as I'm concerned, the moment when I can be most relaxed is when I'm driving on the motorway, listening to music, or in the bathroom, for the most demanding stops.

I find that the comparison, even by telephone, often allows for some insights. When I feel the need to have new ideas, I call a collaborator and start tackling a specific topic. Speaking of one aspect, it spontaneously comes to mind what the next one might be. I suggest you try.

I repeat, we do not discard any thought that comes to mind, even the most apparently absurd or unattainable one. The best ideas in history have often started from ideas that are at first sight unworkable; let's try to get out of the box and we will realize that, on the contrary, many are possible and successful, without a doubt.

Like everyone else, my character has aspects that make me manage to be effective and others that, on the contrary, put me in great difficulty.

Among these I must record that of not being able to recognize people's faces, unless after having seen them many other times.

Unfortunately for my work, which is based on relationships, it is not a small limitation; there are people who feel very bad about it if they are not recognized.

Among the positive aspects of my character I have that of knowing how to recognize and accept my limitations, so I have always talked about my problem to people, asking them not to notice if I don't recognize anyone.

It makes me smile when I see broadcasts such as who has seen it?, In which I am asked if anyone remembers if, three months ago, the person whose photograph they show was on the same train; I don't remember anyone I saw three minutes ago.

I even managed not to recognize my wife as she went up the stairs, in front of our front door, just because she was wearing a hat I had never seen before.

Try not to do the same.

Mine made me pay for it for at least two weeks.

I do not like to highlight what may be the positive aspects of my character, as I believe it is others who have to do it.

I also want to mention two aspects that have certainly proved to be successful in life and this is because I think they can be improved with good will and conviction, unlike others that cannot be grown that much if they are not present in their DNA.

The first is the use of intelligence.

Everyone will have heard of intelligence quotient and also of IQ evaluation.

I remember that, many years ago (maybe it still exists, even if I haven't heard of it for some time), there was the Mensa Club. Only those who exceeded a certain, proven level of IQ could belong to it. Having a lot of intelligence and not exploiting it is like surrounding yourself with many collaborators and then centralizing decisions, rather than delegating.

How many of you have worked in the company, or in any case in contexts where there were superiors with collaborators, and noticed that they wanted to do everything by themselves or reserve only the noble and creative work, leaving the crumbs or tasks to others purely realizations and that's it? The result of this attitude almost always involves a greater amount of effort and often poor performance. On the contrary, superiors who understand collaborators, delegate based on characteristics, and then monitor the results almost always obtain greater results, with less effort.

This concept also applies to intelligence.

How many people have a high level of intelligence but, instead of thinking fully, prefer to adapt to what others like or what they think they would do in various situations?

Of course, this conduct is perfectly in line with the human being, who by nature is lazy, conservative, and unwilling to leave his comfort zone.

The fact remains that, in the end, the results will be lower.

Not knowing how much my IQ can be, I am sure I can say that I am making good use of it, evaluating individual situations with my head,