The Challenge of Behaviour - the Real Way: A Bespoke Behavioural Approach to Tackling Defiant and Challenging Behaviour in Children Aged 3-12 Years Parent Version

Copyright © 2015 by Dr Sima Dosani and Dr Amanda Hull. 612534

Library of Congress Control Number: 2014919696

ISBN:   Softcover       978-1-4990-8653-9

             Hardcover     978-1-4990-8654-6

              EBook           978-1-4990-8652-2

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

Rev. date: 03/25/2015

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Contents

Testimonials from parents and schools who have used ‘The Real Way’

Parent Testimonials

School Testimonials

Acknowledgements

CHAPTER 1 Preface

CHAPTER 2 The REAL Way Explained

CHAPTER 3 Overview of The REAL Way

CHAPTER 4 Introduction

CHAPTER 5 Distinction between Desirable, Undesirable and Zero-Tolerant Behaviours

CHAPTER 6 The REAL Principles

A. NO Reasoning

B. NO Emotion

C. NO Arguing

D. NO Leeway

CHAPTER 7 The REAL Procedure

A. Introduction to The REAL Procedure

B. The Behaviour Contract Explained

C. Breaking the Contract up into Different Timeslots

D. Target: ‘to do as you are told first time round’…Explained

E. Using the Traffic Light System in Conjunction With the Behaviour Contract

F. Determining Meaningful Rewards

G. Choosing a Reward System to go With the Meaningful Reward That You Have Chosen

H. How to Extend the Meaningful Reward Using ‘Special Rewards’

I. Determining Meaningful Sanctions

J. How to Extend the Meaningful Sanction?

K. Do’s and Don’ts When Issuing an Amber, Small Red or BIG RED Traffic Light

L. Getting Started

CHAPTER 8 The Psychology of Behaviour

A. All Behaviour is Learned

B. Behaviours Can Be Unlearned

C. Adults Influence Behaviour

D. Behaviour Occurs in a Context

E. Summary of The Psychology of Behaviour

CHAPTER 9 What to Expect in the First Couple of Weeks of Implementing The REAL Way?

CHAPTER 10 Frequently Asked Questions

A. What to Expect in the First Couple of Days? Revisited

B. How can I use this with All My Children?

C. Why is The REAL Way No Longer Effective?

D. My Child is Different – The REAL Way Will Not Work With My Child

E. Do I Have To Follow The REAL Procedure Forever?

F. Do I Use The Traffic Light System If I Am Out In Public?

CHAPTER 11 Promoting Positive Behaviours and Enhancing Self-Esteem

A. Using Goodwill Gestures

B. Praising Desirable Behaviour Using Specific Praise

C. Why the Balance of Praise Needs to Outweigh Negative Attention?

CHAPTER 12 Final Handy Tips

CHAPTER 13 Conclusion

Testimonials from parents and schools who have used

‘The REAL Way’

Parent Testimonials

‘We have implemented The REAL Way system … and we have seen a big change around in the behaviour of our child. I feel like we are the ones back in the control seat again. Our house has become a peaceful environment again and we look forward to spending time with our son.’ Parent of 7yr old boy.

‘On implementation of The REAL Way I feel, as a parent of a child with Moderate Learning Difficulties and challenging behaviours I am more equipped to deal with challenging behaviours. I feel calmer in dealing with Eleanor… Our home life suffered greatly before The REAL Way was implemented…Eleanor has become an extremely happy, sociable 10 year old who now understands the consequences of her actions and the acceptable boundaries.’ Parent of a 10 year old girl with additional needs.

School Testimonials

Prior to the implementation of The REAL Way the school was experiencing problems mainly with one year group…

Children in this group were openly defiant, they challenged the authority of adults, they regularly displayed anger or were extremely upset.

It was worth dedicating a whole day to INSET where all members of the adult school community worked on establishing The REAL Way principles.

The effect was immediate. Children rarely speak out of turn. They appear kinder and happier. They are desperate to please.

The whole school has benefitted. Staff are less stressed and they feel supported.

The adults feel that they have been empowered and are back in control…The school seems happier and calmer.

Who would have thought that something so simple could be so effective? We are so happy that Dr Sima Dosani shared The REAL Way with us.’ Headteacher of a primary school.

‘Before we introduced The REAL Way the child was regularly displaying aggressive and violent behaviour towards adults and occasionally towards children.

He was hitting his support assistant whenever he was asked to do adult initiated tasks …

He also lay on the floor, kicking his feet and shouting when asked to do tasks that he did not want to complete.

He regularly swore at adults, repeating what he had heard on the television or computer…

Through The REAL Way we were able to identify sanctions that were meaningful to the child and were no longer rewarding violent behaviour…

It took around two and a half weeks for us to see an impact…. I feel more in control and able to manage his behaviour.

I also feel confident in using this strategy with other children.’ Primary School SENCO regarding a boy that was close to exclusion.

By Dr Sima Dosani and Dr Amanda Hull