How to Resolve Bullying in the Workplace: Stepping out of the Circle of Blame to Create an Effective Outcome for All

How to Resolve Bullying in the Workplace

Stepping out of the Circle of Blame to Create an Effective Outcome for All

Copyright 2015 Alan Sharland

Published by

CAOS Conflict Management Publishing

Smashwords Edition

The right of Alan Sharland to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted by him in accordance with the Copyright Designs and Patents Act 1988.

ISBN: 9781310809446

Table of Contents

Acknowledgements

Introduction

Chapter 1: The problem with bullying in the workplace and why traditional responses don’t work

Chapter 2: How bullying situations are resolved - observations from Mediation and Conflict Coaching

Chapter 3: So you feel you are being bullied? What can you do?

Chapter 4: So you are accused of being a bully? What can you do?

Chapter 5: So you are managing situations where allegations of bullying have occurred? What can you do?

Chapter 6: Objections to this approach

Chapter 7: Conclusion

About the author

Other books by this author

Connect with Alan Sharland

Acknowledgements

I would like to acknowledge the role my parents Marjorie and Derek Sharland played in helping me to see that difficulties in a relationship can be resolved without abuse or lingering resentment. I would also like to thank my partner Jayne for always being open to creating new, exciting ways of dealing with the inevitable challenges an intimate relationship brings.

I would like to thank the many colleagues I have had the pleasure of working alongside on the fascinating journey that is being a mediator and conflict coach, particularly Susie Adams my ‘mediation sister’ who has always supported, challenged and inspired me since we first worked together in 2000. And of course I would like to thank the participants in mediation and conflict coaching with whom I have worked for giving me the privilege of learning from them how the resolution of any difficult relationship, communication breakdown or other conflict situation is always possible.

Introduction:

Bullying has become an ever-present term in discussions about difficult workplace relationships. We hear that bullying is ‘on the rise’ and the challenges it poses for organisations can be almost insurmountable.

The literature about bullying is pervaded by aggressive titles suggesting that fighting back, confronting, combating, exposing, defeating, overcoming ‘the bully’ is the appropriate response, not recognising, it seems, the irony of such titles in that most complaints about bullying suggest aggressive behaviour by the alleged bully as part of the problem.

When you point a finger at someone, always remember there are three fingers pointing back at you - Anonymous

The intention of most approaches to bullying seems to be one of getting revenge, ‘giving them a taste of their own medicine’. In short, finding, or becoming, a bigger bully to bully the bully.

It is not surprising therefore that the responses to bullying are rarely effective or found to be satisfactory by those affected. No sooner has ‘action’ been taken, than the accusations become reversed and the original accuser or, at least, those who take up their cause, become the accused.

If you were to do a search on Google for ‘bullying punishments’ and look at the images section of the results you would see many examples of children and adults who have been deemed to be ‘bullies’ who have had to stand in public with a large sign in front of them with statements such as I am a Bully. Honk if you hate bullies (for a boy of around 10 years old). This mindset that seeks humiliation and shaming of