What to do if an old friend becomes a Trumper
Today’s Office Hours involves a more personal question than most, but I decided to ask it because it may be one you’re struggling with as well.
An old college friend of mine will be in town next week. He just emailed and asked if we could get together for dinner.
We’ve been good friends over the years, but several months ago he emailed me to say he’d become an enthusiastic supporter of Trump. I was appalled, of course. But now that he’s coming to town and wants to have dinner with me, I frankly don’t know what to do.
I decided to share this conundrum with you and seek your advice because I suspect some of you might find yourself in a similar position with regard to old friends or even family members.
Here are the options I’ve considered:
1. Go to dinner with him and ask him why he’s become an enthusiastic Trump supporter. I might learn something — about him and the evolution of his thinking, and about the thinking of other enthusiastic Trump supporters. I doubt I could change his mind, but that’s always a possibility, too.
2. Go to dinner with him but avoid talking about Trump or politics. He and I have known each other for over 50 years. We’ve shared so much history together. There’s so much else to talk about. I’m genuinely interested in knowing about his family, what kind of life he envisions for himself in retirement, and how our mutual friends are doing.
3. Politely turn him down and not have dinner with him. Given his politics, I don’t want to have dinner with him, and I shouldn’t guilt-trip myself into thinking I must. If we talk Trump and politics, I’ll just infuriate myself. If we avoid talking about Trump and politics, dinner will feel awkward and stilted.
4. Turn him down and explain bluntly and clearly that I don’t want to have anything to do with him as long as he’s part of the MAGA cult. The fact he’s become a Trumper reveals that our values are so far apart that there’s no point in pretending to carry on with this friendship, and I owe it to myself to tell him this. Life is too short. I have many other friends.
So today’s Office Hours question: What does one do if an old friend becomes a Trumper and asks you to dinner?
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Robert Reich is a professor of public policy at Berkeley and former secretary of labor. His writings can be found at https://robertreich.substack.com/
