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This is essentially a backup of my livejournal here. Content should mostly be the same both here and there.
For some quick links though:
Screencap adventures
Main site
Deviantart account
Fics
Update Tumblr
Gaster Ghost Updates
Patreon
If you're new, be prepared for long rambling entries filled with hundreds and hundreds of uncompressed screencaps of things no one cares about. Or on occasion bunches of sketches of nonsense. And caps.
Posts may contain material not suitable for children!
~The rhythm has my soul!
Mar. 9th, 2026 07:36 am
FINALLY MADE A SONG PAGE ON MY SITE
I've had a mental image of what I wanted to do for a while but I just wasn't sure where to start on it. It just seemed like it'd be so complicated! What did I want it to look like exactly, all these fiddly details... finally I just decided to get in there with a general wood pattern (like my desk) and just try and figure something out. Once the ball got rolling the rest started coming along! It took me a long time to finish though. I think it really looks cool, haha.
I went through my LJ looking for posts I made about CDs here and there to copy em over, so now I've got back-up copies in case something happens! Always a good idea, especially with ones like the Lady or Vargas FSTs that got absurdly long write-ups. In the process of looking around I found out I'd written up posts for some VGmix CDs and DoD ones that I had no memory of. I didn't have any convenient cover art made for them, so instead I just decided to go the simple route and set up a blank CD-R in a case and then wrote the name on it using a ClipStudio pen, haha. It looks surprisingly realistic! It's like I took a picture of the CD! I ended up putting the other covers in the cd case with some weathering/age effects too so they'd all match. You can see the clean versions of the covers on their own individual pages.
A tricky thing is that for a while I was posting individual songs from 100 song chunks from my main Winamp playlist where all my music has gone for decades now (currently at 41119 songs). There are a lot of them but I don't know how I'd convey that on the shelf! I have a big ipod playlist for my car as well, and I GUESS I could put an ipod on the shelf but I don't know...
In the meantime, I got curious about whether or not there are USB converters for cassette tapes and there are! I ordered one and we'll see if it works. Maybe I can dig up some REALLY old mixtapes for you lol. I mean, assuming anyone downloads or listens to any of these... if nothing else it's nice to have them in an easy place where I can get them if I need them.
lj post
I've had a mental image of what I wanted to do for a while but I just wasn't sure where to start on it. It just seemed like it'd be so complicated! What did I want it to look like exactly, all these fiddly details... finally I just decided to get in there with a general wood pattern (like my desk) and just try and figure something out. Once the ball got rolling the rest started coming along! It took me a long time to finish though. I think it really looks cool, haha.
I went through my LJ looking for posts I made about CDs here and there to copy em over, so now I've got back-up copies in case something happens! Always a good idea, especially with ones like the Lady or Vargas FSTs that got absurdly long write-ups. In the process of looking around I found out I'd written up posts for some VGmix CDs and DoD ones that I had no memory of. I didn't have any convenient cover art made for them, so instead I just decided to go the simple route and set up a blank CD-R in a case and then wrote the name on it using a ClipStudio pen, haha. It looks surprisingly realistic! It's like I took a picture of the CD! I ended up putting the other covers in the cd case with some weathering/age effects too so they'd all match. You can see the clean versions of the covers on their own individual pages.
A tricky thing is that for a while I was posting individual songs from 100 song chunks from my main Winamp playlist where all my music has gone for decades now (currently at 41119 songs). There are a lot of them but I don't know how I'd convey that on the shelf! I have a big ipod playlist for my car as well, and I GUESS I could put an ipod on the shelf but I don't know...
In the meantime, I got curious about whether or not there are USB converters for cassette tapes and there are! I ordered one and we'll see if it works. Maybe I can dig up some REALLY old mixtapes for you lol. I mean, assuming anyone downloads or listens to any of these... if nothing else it's nice to have them in an easy place where I can get them if I need them.
lj post
~Bugs me how he's playing that thing.
Feb. 25th, 2026 10:27 am
I watched this vid recently about Suno.ai and AI generated music which was really interesting, if bleak. At one point, the guy asks people who use Suno three questions.
The first question was what did Suno do that DAWs and traditional music couldn't do? And the answers came down to three recurring things: it was fast, it was cheap, and it replaced having a friend to talk to about your work.
The second question was if people thought that they had a unique style in their AI music, and the answer was obviously no. A few people tried to say the parts they contributed like lyrics were unique to them, but come on now.
The third question, which really fascinated me, asked who their favorite AI artists were, and what AI artists influenced or inspired them. Obviously no AI artists were mentioned because it's all slop, but the majority of respondents said "me". Like, the music they were generating was their favorite. Some people said that their own AI generated music was the only thing they listened to anymore, because why listen to anything else? The music they were generating was exactly to their tastes.
One of the things that tech billionaires need to do to keep the money flowing for them is to create needs where there aren't any, then sell you a solution to that need. This gets clear in the first couple minutes of the video, where the Suno CEO talks about how music needs to be more like video games because video games make a lot of money, and why can't music do that too! We need to gamify music, make it multiplayer, sell meaningful consumption experiences! The arrogance of thinking you need to fix music of all things is so repellent to me, but vultures gotta vultch. The CEO talks a lot about giving "power to the people" re: making music, which the guy points out isn't giving power to the people, it's giving power to Suno. Suno goes down, and suddenly all those people aren't making music anymore.
Anyway, trying to get back to my original point, the answers to the second and third question keep going around in my head. Not having your own distinct style or voice didn't seem to matter to a lot of the Suno users, although a few of them seemed a bit shame-faced about not having one, thus trying to make excuses about how they really DID have one if you squint. The entire point of a creative art to me is finding and expressing your own voice, having something to say. Something you want to get out. Not having a style or voice and not really caring really emphasizes what music is to these users - a product, something to consume until the next thing. Notably, something that doesn't involve other people at all.
The third question, where they just listened to their own slop music forever, is so masturbatory and they were all so strangely proud of it. Combined with the previous answer, where all the music being generated has no unique style or aspects to it, where nothing the creators are putting into it is coming out in any kind of meaningful way, emphasizes how disposable music has become in this mindset. This isn't accounting for people trying to make money off this slop either, although that's another aspect of it.
(As the refrain goes, why should I bother reading/listening/watching something no one could be bothered to make? Because maybe if i make enough slop i can make free money money money money)
But the three questions have a uniting theme throughout them - it's isolating. Don't ask a friend for advice or help with a song you're making, ask the company! Don't worry about developing a unique style or voice or standing out in any way, disappear into the masses and enjoy product! Don't listen to other people's music or talk with them or make groups to connect with each other, just listen to your own product! You don't need anyone else, just Suno and your product! All you need is Suno! Just give Suno your money and accept that Suno is the future, it's so easy! You get product made just for you! Except not really, but close enough! Don't need people or community or skills, just Suno!
It made me think about a post I wrote a while back about Hypnospace Outlaw, about the very human desire to create communities wherever we can, even if that space is inherently hostile to that desire. When humans can connect, we hold onto that as long as we can, usually until something forces our hands apart. God knows Twitter is a horrible cesspit, but people stay there because they've made communities there, they know people there (and they need money sometimes, but aside from that). People are willing to put up with a lot to keep a community, it's hard-wired into us. We want to talk to and interact with each other in one way or another. The guy in the video points out that the second the Covid restrictions went down, people went out to concerts and stuff as quickly as they could because we want to see each other in real life. We want to see music.
The Suno model, which can extend out to most GenAI models, is inherently an isolating thing. It lets you create what you want without any input from anyone else, gives you a fake friend you can talk to so you don't have to talk to a real person. It can do it fast and cheap, and it's almost good enough. You get wrapped up in a bubble of just what you want to hear, something that doesn't need other people because AI can present enough of an illusion of a real person. And this isn't happening in a vacuum, tech billionaires want to encourage reliance on their services so you'll keep paying for it.
Although there is an interesting wrinkle to this - the Suno CEO said he didn't want people using it to go into self-isolating bubbles like that, that he wanted to encourage "multiplayer" experiences. But what did he really expect?
Cutting ties to real people to encourage people to rely on AI controlled by huge tech companies, a lot of which have fascist ties, isn't great. And preying on people's loneliness is part of the whole gameplan - there's some AI service that's been advertising on Tumblr lately saying it can make AI copies of your mutuals that you can talk to when they're asleep, or AI versions of your characters, etc. Basically the same concept - replace a real person with an AI person. It's convenient, it says what you want, it's always there, it's almost good enough. Isn't that enough?
This is such an insidious dismantling of a very human desire within us, it creeps me out. Humans want to interact with each other, we want to make communities, we want to share and learn. Art is about sharing! Making an impact! Getting stories and feelings out in some way for others to experience! Ripples of inspiration going outwards that impact people's lives! And being stuck in a bubble of your own generated AI music cuts off those ripples at the source. You aren't looking for other artists, and they sure aren't looking for you because what you're making is indistinct slop. Your slop doesn't have anything to say. No one has an AI artist role model, no one is influenced by AI music. By its nature it's worthless.
Humans have made communities in hostile places before, destroyed so often by the larger companies that control those spaces. Geocities, Angelfire, Delicious, LJ, Tumblr, Twitter, the list goes on and on. But in those cases, we were all still just humans interacting with each other. Now with AI, we have these facsimiles that can pass as a real human, that can divert people into little self-contained bubbles where they don't want to seek out or contribute to anything around them. All that exists for them is their slop and the company in charge. And if the company pulls that product, then they have nothing to fall back on, making them that much more reliant and dependent on the fake people they've made to take the place of real people. Divide and conquer, manufacture a need that they can leech off of forever.
I can't get over the idea of people listening to their own AI slop over anything else, getting stuck in a feedback loop like that. It's so creepy to me, so lonely and exploitable. Giving away so much just because you can generate slop that makes the happy chemicals in your brain, just for you. It really does seem like a drug, a quick high you can get addicted to to the exclusion of all else. There's been talk for years about a loneliness epidemic, about how people have had a lot of trouble making friends as the internet became more of an omnipresent force in our lives. With all the deaths and psychosis enduced with ChatGPT, we know that people are so desperate for even the illusion of another person that they'll lose themselves entirely in it, and that the people in charge will just let it happen. Encourage it to happen, even. Humans long for connection and community in an isolating age, and we're being given a lot of cloth mothers by tech billionaires trying to suck out every penny so they can bring about the techno-apocalypse. It's so disturbing.
THIS IS KIND OF A DOWNER SORRY
lj post
The first question was what did Suno do that DAWs and traditional music couldn't do? And the answers came down to three recurring things: it was fast, it was cheap, and it replaced having a friend to talk to about your work.
The second question was if people thought that they had a unique style in their AI music, and the answer was obviously no. A few people tried to say the parts they contributed like lyrics were unique to them, but come on now.
The third question, which really fascinated me, asked who their favorite AI artists were, and what AI artists influenced or inspired them. Obviously no AI artists were mentioned because it's all slop, but the majority of respondents said "me". Like, the music they were generating was their favorite. Some people said that their own AI generated music was the only thing they listened to anymore, because why listen to anything else? The music they were generating was exactly to their tastes.
One of the things that tech billionaires need to do to keep the money flowing for them is to create needs where there aren't any, then sell you a solution to that need. This gets clear in the first couple minutes of the video, where the Suno CEO talks about how music needs to be more like video games because video games make a lot of money, and why can't music do that too! We need to gamify music, make it multiplayer, sell meaningful consumption experiences! The arrogance of thinking you need to fix music of all things is so repellent to me, but vultures gotta vultch. The CEO talks a lot about giving "power to the people" re: making music, which the guy points out isn't giving power to the people, it's giving power to Suno. Suno goes down, and suddenly all those people aren't making music anymore.
Anyway, trying to get back to my original point, the answers to the second and third question keep going around in my head. Not having your own distinct style or voice didn't seem to matter to a lot of the Suno users, although a few of them seemed a bit shame-faced about not having one, thus trying to make excuses about how they really DID have one if you squint. The entire point of a creative art to me is finding and expressing your own voice, having something to say. Something you want to get out. Not having a style or voice and not really caring really emphasizes what music is to these users - a product, something to consume until the next thing. Notably, something that doesn't involve other people at all.
The third question, where they just listened to their own slop music forever, is so masturbatory and they were all so strangely proud of it. Combined with the previous answer, where all the music being generated has no unique style or aspects to it, where nothing the creators are putting into it is coming out in any kind of meaningful way, emphasizes how disposable music has become in this mindset. This isn't accounting for people trying to make money off this slop either, although that's another aspect of it.
(As the refrain goes, why should I bother reading/listening/watching something no one could be bothered to make? Because maybe if i make enough slop i can make free money money money money)
But the three questions have a uniting theme throughout them - it's isolating. Don't ask a friend for advice or help with a song you're making, ask the company! Don't worry about developing a unique style or voice or standing out in any way, disappear into the masses and enjoy product! Don't listen to other people's music or talk with them or make groups to connect with each other, just listen to your own product! You don't need anyone else, just Suno and your product! All you need is Suno! Just give Suno your money and accept that Suno is the future, it's so easy! You get product made just for you! Except not really, but close enough! Don't need people or community or skills, just Suno!
It made me think about a post I wrote a while back about Hypnospace Outlaw, about the very human desire to create communities wherever we can, even if that space is inherently hostile to that desire. When humans can connect, we hold onto that as long as we can, usually until something forces our hands apart. God knows Twitter is a horrible cesspit, but people stay there because they've made communities there, they know people there (and they need money sometimes, but aside from that). People are willing to put up with a lot to keep a community, it's hard-wired into us. We want to talk to and interact with each other in one way or another. The guy in the video points out that the second the Covid restrictions went down, people went out to concerts and stuff as quickly as they could because we want to see each other in real life. We want to see music.
The Suno model, which can extend out to most GenAI models, is inherently an isolating thing. It lets you create what you want without any input from anyone else, gives you a fake friend you can talk to so you don't have to talk to a real person. It can do it fast and cheap, and it's almost good enough. You get wrapped up in a bubble of just what you want to hear, something that doesn't need other people because AI can present enough of an illusion of a real person. And this isn't happening in a vacuum, tech billionaires want to encourage reliance on their services so you'll keep paying for it.
Although there is an interesting wrinkle to this - the Suno CEO said he didn't want people using it to go into self-isolating bubbles like that, that he wanted to encourage "multiplayer" experiences. But what did he really expect?
Cutting ties to real people to encourage people to rely on AI controlled by huge tech companies, a lot of which have fascist ties, isn't great. And preying on people's loneliness is part of the whole gameplan - there's some AI service that's been advertising on Tumblr lately saying it can make AI copies of your mutuals that you can talk to when they're asleep, or AI versions of your characters, etc. Basically the same concept - replace a real person with an AI person. It's convenient, it says what you want, it's always there, it's almost good enough. Isn't that enough?
This is such an insidious dismantling of a very human desire within us, it creeps me out. Humans want to interact with each other, we want to make communities, we want to share and learn. Art is about sharing! Making an impact! Getting stories and feelings out in some way for others to experience! Ripples of inspiration going outwards that impact people's lives! And being stuck in a bubble of your own generated AI music cuts off those ripples at the source. You aren't looking for other artists, and they sure aren't looking for you because what you're making is indistinct slop. Your slop doesn't have anything to say. No one has an AI artist role model, no one is influenced by AI music. By its nature it's worthless.
Humans have made communities in hostile places before, destroyed so often by the larger companies that control those spaces. Geocities, Angelfire, Delicious, LJ, Tumblr, Twitter, the list goes on and on. But in those cases, we were all still just humans interacting with each other. Now with AI, we have these facsimiles that can pass as a real human, that can divert people into little self-contained bubbles where they don't want to seek out or contribute to anything around them. All that exists for them is their slop and the company in charge. And if the company pulls that product, then they have nothing to fall back on, making them that much more reliant and dependent on the fake people they've made to take the place of real people. Divide and conquer, manufacture a need that they can leech off of forever.
I can't get over the idea of people listening to their own AI slop over anything else, getting stuck in a feedback loop like that. It's so creepy to me, so lonely and exploitable. Giving away so much just because you can generate slop that makes the happy chemicals in your brain, just for you. It really does seem like a drug, a quick high you can get addicted to to the exclusion of all else. There's been talk for years about a loneliness epidemic, about how people have had a lot of trouble making friends as the internet became more of an omnipresent force in our lives. With all the deaths and psychosis enduced with ChatGPT, we know that people are so desperate for even the illusion of another person that they'll lose themselves entirely in it, and that the people in charge will just let it happen. Encourage it to happen, even. Humans long for connection and community in an isolating age, and we're being given a lot of cloth mothers by tech billionaires trying to suck out every penny so they can bring about the techno-apocalypse. It's so disturbing.
THIS IS KIND OF A DOWNER SORRY
lj post
I NEED TO MAKE A POST AAAAAAAA I constantly get stuck thinking of long posts and then they seem like too much work and I never do them!! I just have to do shorter ones and get them out there!! Bleaaghhhh
In stars-aligning type news, I've been doing a lot of good work on the next Vargas chapter! It was the Vargas anniversary like a week ago, which is one I constantly forget even though I usually try to keep track of this stuff. I had this really old meme I started in Flash ages ago I'd just found again, so I figured finishing that up would be something. So I did! I'd matched it to the source video so it's at a WAY higher framerate than usual, so Scri's little breakdance looks surprisingly smooth. It's also on Youtube if the Flash version isn't working for some reason. It should though, I have Ruffle set up so you can get the full experience! I used Swivel to convert it for Youtube which was so much easier than some other things I've had to do to get Flash videos into a workable format. I love the UI of Swivel, it's so dramatic and colorful and unique. I'm sick of the current minimalism trend in programs! Give me more elaborate UIs!
Oh right, Vargas chapter! Anyway, did a lot of good work the past few days smoothing out a lot of more tangled or awkward bits that had been bugging me for a while. I'm going to cut the chapter in half I think and just focus on getting this first part done and out. It's still like 20k so it's lengthy but it's more managable and it's at a good breaking point. It's been almost five years since the last update which is way too long lol. If I hadn't hurt my arm I'd be more on schedule! Or so I tell myself, anyway. I'd like to get it done before May... I'm mostly doing small adjustments with each pass now. I need to email my beta and see if she's still up for taking a look at it... god, 23 years, can you believe it? It's crazy to have characters 23 years old that still show up with some regularity that I still think about and write stuff for, haha. Even if there are long gaps, they're always going to be there. The number doesn't feel real to me at all. |D I wonder how many readers are younger than the fic itself at this point...?
It's still crazy to me how invested people get in the fic since it's so bizarre and long and complicated. It's so hard to pitch to people! And yet it seems to snag people and draw them in...
lj post
In stars-aligning type news, I've been doing a lot of good work on the next Vargas chapter! It was the Vargas anniversary like a week ago, which is one I constantly forget even though I usually try to keep track of this stuff. I had this really old meme I started in Flash ages ago I'd just found again, so I figured finishing that up would be something. So I did! I'd matched it to the source video so it's at a WAY higher framerate than usual, so Scri's little breakdance looks surprisingly smooth. It's also on Youtube if the Flash version isn't working for some reason. It should though, I have Ruffle set up so you can get the full experience! I used Swivel to convert it for Youtube which was so much easier than some other things I've had to do to get Flash videos into a workable format. I love the UI of Swivel, it's so dramatic and colorful and unique. I'm sick of the current minimalism trend in programs! Give me more elaborate UIs!
Oh right, Vargas chapter! Anyway, did a lot of good work the past few days smoothing out a lot of more tangled or awkward bits that had been bugging me for a while. I'm going to cut the chapter in half I think and just focus on getting this first part done and out. It's still like 20k so it's lengthy but it's more managable and it's at a good breaking point. It's been almost five years since the last update which is way too long lol. If I hadn't hurt my arm I'd be more on schedule! Or so I tell myself, anyway. I'd like to get it done before May... I'm mostly doing small adjustments with each pass now. I need to email my beta and see if she's still up for taking a look at it... god, 23 years, can you believe it? It's crazy to have characters 23 years old that still show up with some regularity that I still think about and write stuff for, haha. Even if there are long gaps, they're always going to be there. The number doesn't feel real to me at all. |D I wonder how many readers are younger than the fic itself at this point...?
It's still crazy to me how invested people get in the fic since it's so bizarre and long and complicated. It's so hard to pitch to people! And yet it seems to snag people and draw them in...
lj post
~But you're my sweet cookiepants!
Jan. 27th, 2026 01:47 am
OH DANG i should do the holiday request round-up! I was putting it off for some reason for a bit and now I can't remember why, haha. I still need to go back and fix all those broken image links on the old dreamwidth posts, ugh.
( Starting with LJ and moving on to DW... mostly )
livejournal post
( Starting with LJ and moving on to DW... mostly )
livejournal post
~You are the most scrutable man I know.
Jan. 13th, 2026 02:22 am
Not sure what's going on on the LJ front still. In the meantime, I've been watching Star Trek! The original series, to be specific. It was one of those things I never really watched at any point until now, just something I kind of learned about via osmosis. I saw First Contact and the reboot movie, and a few episodes here and there, but never any kind of like, focused watch. So I started watching TOS while streaming!
From all the jokes and memes about it, I was expecting it to be campy and ridiculous with bad acting, which it is for the most part! I wasn't expecting it to try and be telling serious stories though, even with a shoestring budget. Like each episode is trying to say something or make some kind of philosophical point, and everyone is playing it straight-faced, or as much as they can. I didn't think it'd be that serious about it!
It's also wildly uneven, with episodes jumping from weird plot to weird plot in ways you don't see in shows too often today. Sometimes they're in space, sometimes they're in Rome, sometimes they're in Nazi Germany, sometimes they're in an ice age, it's all over the place! There's no rhyme or reason to it, and a lot of the time stuff happens because of space gods that just do ridiculous things for no real reason, like making them re-enact the shoot-out at the OK corral because I guess they had some Western costumes left over from some other show they were making.
It was fun to watch! Well mostly, some episodes were kind of boring and one in season three really sucked (Elaan of Troysius), and I loved all the characters, even if they were also really uneven and sometimes disappeared without warning (Sulu was on vacation so much! Sulu come back!). Spock and Bones and Kirk really make such a great OT3, haha. There's also something kind of... I don't know how to phrase it exactly, but knowing people way back in the 60s also saw how gay everything was is just... like hands reaching across time maybe? Feeling connected to a different era? How things change but stay the same? I'm not sure what to call it.
Anyway, I was watching it over a long period of time, like an episode or two here and there, and finished season 3 just recently, although I still have the movies to watch! I couldn't really remember a lot about what happened in a lot of the episodes, so I decided to try and write some quick summaries of them to remind myself. It's kind of funny which ones are the ones I remembered.
Season One
Season Two
Season Three
The funniest summary though is this video someone made with one second from each episode lol. I'm kind of sad it's over but there's still the movies to go!
lj post
From all the jokes and memes about it, I was expecting it to be campy and ridiculous with bad acting, which it is for the most part! I wasn't expecting it to try and be telling serious stories though, even with a shoestring budget. Like each episode is trying to say something or make some kind of philosophical point, and everyone is playing it straight-faced, or as much as they can. I didn't think it'd be that serious about it!
It's also wildly uneven, with episodes jumping from weird plot to weird plot in ways you don't see in shows too often today. Sometimes they're in space, sometimes they're in Rome, sometimes they're in Nazi Germany, sometimes they're in an ice age, it's all over the place! There's no rhyme or reason to it, and a lot of the time stuff happens because of space gods that just do ridiculous things for no real reason, like making them re-enact the shoot-out at the OK corral because I guess they had some Western costumes left over from some other show they were making.
It was fun to watch! Well mostly, some episodes were kind of boring and one in season three really sucked (Elaan of Troysius), and I loved all the characters, even if they were also really uneven and sometimes disappeared without warning (Sulu was on vacation so much! Sulu come back!). Spock and Bones and Kirk really make such a great OT3, haha. There's also something kind of... I don't know how to phrase it exactly, but knowing people way back in the 60s also saw how gay everything was is just... like hands reaching across time maybe? Feeling connected to a different era? How things change but stay the same? I'm not sure what to call it.
Anyway, I was watching it over a long period of time, like an episode or two here and there, and finished season 3 just recently, although I still have the movies to watch! I couldn't really remember a lot about what happened in a lot of the episodes, so I decided to try and write some quick summaries of them to remind myself. It's kind of funny which ones are the ones I remembered.
Season One
- The Man Trap - lady eats salt out of people's bodies, i don't really remember this one very well tbh
- Charlie X - evil space child
- Where No Man Has Gone Before - two drama queens hog up all the airtime
- The Naked Time - this is the one where everyone freaks out, Spock has a good cry, Sulu runs around shirtless, A+ all around
- The Enemy Within - Evil Kirk, maybe the one where they have a pet dog in a wig they pretend is an alien?
- Mudd's Women - Mudd's this recurring womanizer, i forget what happened here though
- What are little girls made of? - Some guy makes android copies of everyone
- Miri - Evil space children, this is the one where Kirk goes BLAH BLAH BLAH at them
- Dagger of the Mind - Spock does a mind meld! I don't remember anything else
- The Corbomite Maneuver - ????
- The Menagerie - The original pilot masquerading as two episodes. Pike is more boring than Kirk. This whole setup was kind of boring tbh
- The Conscience of the King - ???
- Balance of Terror - ??? There are Romulans in this one I guess?
- Shore Leave - This is the one where they go to a planet and see a whole lot of weird personal hallucinations and Kirk gets beat up by an irishman
- The Galileo Seven - I think this is one where Spock's left in charge and he and Bones get into a really dramatic fight about it
- The Squire of Gothos - Some theater kid with psychic powers wants attention
- Arena - The one where Kirk fights that lizardman, I think
- Tomorrow is Yesterday - Weird time travel episode, maybe a stealth pilot? These ones are so weird
- Court Martial - ???
- The Return of the Archons - Space gods being weird
- Space Seed - ???
- A Taste of Armageddon - I don't remember this episode at all but this summary is wild. Computers have a simulated war but whenever someone dies in the simulation that person in real life has to go into a Killbox to die for real
- This Side of Paradise - Sexpollen but with happiness. Happypollen
- The Devil in the Dark - guy in a sheet is a monster that eats rocks
- Errand of Mercy - Klingons are in this one but they're in their weird proto-forms
- The Alternative Factor - Some guy named Lazarus is having brain fights with an evil him in another dimension, the rest of the crew seem pretty uninvolved with it. Hilarious visual effects
- The City on the Edge of Forever - The one where Spock and Kirk go back in time to the 1930s and live together in a small apartment with one bed for a while
- Operation - Annihilate! - Spock gets a deadly frisbee thrown on his back
Season Two
- Amok Time - PON'FARR also one of the few times you get to see Spock really happy about something
- Who Mourns for Adonais? - Space Roman God on a power trip demands attention. I think Chekov appears out of nowhere to join the cast in this one
- The Changeling - The Nomad robot shows up to kill imperfect things, this is the one where Uhura gets her mind wiped and it's just handwaved away, messed up
- Mirror, Mirror - Mirrorverse! Everyone gets to be evil this time
- The Apple - Space god screwing with a planet again
- The Doomsday Machine - Don't remember this one
- Catspaw - Space gods again. Kirk starts slutting around
- I, Mudd - This is the one where everyone acts insane to confuse the robots and everything that happens is amazing
- Metamorphosis - ??
- Journey to Babel - Spock family drama, I don't remember too much about it
- Friday's Child - ???
- The Deadly Years - Radioactive planet that makes you age really fast
- Obsession - Kirk is obsessed with revenge against a floating cloud of dust before it kills again
- Wolf in the Fold - Scotty's accused of being Jack the Ripper who it turns out is an evil intergalactic immortal entity that's been running around for centuries
- The Trouble with Tribbles - Yay Tribbles!! :D They're so cute!! There's some subplot about political rice but who care
- The Gamesters of Triskelion - Pure fic premise where they end up on some slave gladiatorial world with shock collars and Kirk gets whipped but mostly just looks kind of annoyed by it
- A Piece of the Action - They find a planet that's modeled after mobsters in the 1920s for no reason at all
- The Immunity Syndrome - Giant space amoeba
- A Private Little War - they land on a primitive planet, give them guns, then shrug and leave after causing total chaos
- Return to Tomorrow - Space gods messing around again, this time they possess people to make androids
- Patterns of Force - Nazi planet for no reason
- By Any Other Name - Enterprise gets hijacked again by space gods
- The Omega Glory - this stupid episode has an entirely separate new planet that somehow has a copy of the US constitution and flag on it as well as a corrupted form of yankee, nothing in this makes any sense at all, rah rah AMERICAHH what is this episode
- The Ultimate Computer - some guy tries to sell his AI program as better than a human but it completely botches it and almost gets everyone killed, this episode is surprisingly prescient
- Bread and Circuses - Space romans kidnap them and make them fight gladiatorial battles again. Spock and Bones have an intense emotional argument about feelings and how they love their mutual boyfriend
- Assignment: Earth - Stealth pilot where they travel back in time really casually again and some weird dimension hopping guy with a cat has to stop the cuban missile crisis or something, very weird episode
Season Three
- Spock's Brain - Aliens steal Spock's brain. Weird sequences of Bones controlling Spock's body with a little handheld device, there has to be porn about this
- The Enterprise Incident - Romulan cloaking device! Bunch of subterfuge about stealing it, I don't really remember it very well. I think Spock fell in love with a Romulan lady?
- The Paradise Syndrome - Kirk lands on Native American utopia planet and says his name is Ki'rok now, it's extremely silly and pretty racist. Completely insane ending scene where Kirk's sad about his wife dying and Spock touches his head and tells him to forget while he's passed out to make him feel better, like spock??? woah???
- And The Children Shall Lead - Evil space children with an imaginary friend, has that one bit where Kirk collapses into Spock's arms and then stares at him inches away really intensely for like a minute
- Is There No Truth In Beauty? - Alien ambassador is so ugly it'll make you go crazy and die. Blind telepath lady loves him anyway though
- Spectre of the Gun - Space gods make them act out the Shoot-out in the OK Corral, everyone in this episode is acting like a moron about it being real even though they told them it was fake. It does have Spock mindmelding with everyone and it's super intense, giant brain orgy
- Day of the Dove - Klingons get stuck on the ship and some ghost that feeds off of anger makes everyone racist. Very funny moment where Scott calls Spock some slurs and Spock is like "I think humans are kind of annoying :/" and then silently raises a fist to beat him to death
- For the World is Hollow and I Have Touched the Sky - Bones thinks he has a terminal disease but most of the episode is actually about a weird false-Earth cargo cult. Has some cute scenes of Kirk and Spock being worried about sickly Bones and Spock touches him a lot
- The Tholian Web - Kirk gets lost in-between dimensions and everyone thinks he's dead, he leaves a post-mortem tape for Spock and Bones telling them they need each other and to get along which is cute
- Plato's Stepchildren - Psychic space romans almost make Spock tapdance on Kirk's head. This is the one with the interracial kiss. Spock also gets pretty mad in this one
- Wink of an Eye - Space gods can't stop going too fast
- The Empath - Another fic-like episode where Kirk gets chained up and tortured and Bones tries to sacrifice himself to save them both and gets tortured almost to death and his clothes get torn, Spock gets intense about it. There's a lady who's an empath or whatever too I guess
- Elaan of Troysius - Taming of the Shrew in space, this episode sucks
- Whom Gods Destroy - They go to a prison planet where everyone's crazy and a guy who chews the scenery even more than Kirk tries to masquerade as him, absolutely bonkers performances from everyone here, amazing
- Let That Be Your Battlefield - Two guys painted black and white chase each other across space to kill each other, racism is bad
- The Mark of Gideon - Kirk gets lost between dimensions again thanks to some space gods who are overpopulated this time, they want Kirk's cooties on purpose to kill everyone. Genuinely creepy shot of Kirk makin it with a lady while a group of ghost heads watch through a window
- That Which Survives - Weird primitive planet of stupid people is controlled by a big computer. WHAT IS BRAIN
- The Lights of Zetar - pretty space god lights possess Scotty's new girlfriend
- Requiem for Methuselah - Nonsense episode about some immortal old guy who is somehow every important person in human history ever but lives on some planet a billion miles away
- The Way to Eden - Space hippies take over the Enterprise
- The Cloud Minders - Cloud people are racist against ground people. Spock falls in love with a lady in this one, very weird
- The Savage Curtain - SPACE LINCOLN versus GENGHIS KHAN in a BATTLE TO THE DEATH
- All Our Yesterdays - Planet has people who time travel to the past to escape the apocalypse, Spock acts super weird in this ep because he somehow regresses to ancient Vulcan horniness?? Very handsy and mean to Bones, also sleeps with a lady he instantly falls in love with??? very weird episode
- Turnabout Intruder - Bodyswap with a lady in Kirk's body and the overacting is crazy from both of them. Weird mention of the Federation being sexist against woman captains even though they're supposed to be a utopia
The funniest summary though is this video someone made with one second from each episode lol. I'm kind of sad it's over but there's still the movies to go!
lj post
(no subject)
Jan. 5th, 2026 11:29 pm
Open to: Registered Users, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 18
important
~Gotta get me some of that soup!
Jan. 5th, 2026 11:16 pmGasp someone got me paid time here! :O Whoever it was thank youuuu, I added my old Girl and Triangle mood theme as a result. |D I should probably redraw parts of it or make a lady one or something but I'm fond of it! I'm so used to it now. I did add a few new little bits to it:
Though shoot I already had one for Determined and just forgot. OH WELL guess what the other ones are for, haha.
It seems like my posts on LJ aren't visible if you aren't logged-in now, which isn't great. It seems like email notifications are still working though. I mirrored some of my old comms over here the other night:
![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
frungylovers - the old Starcon2 comm!
respectawoman - Lady comm
screencappery - The screencap adventure comm I totally forgot about. :O A lot of stuff here if you want to read through some games, haha.
I haven't really done much clean-up or maintenance on them, except turning off comments on one post in the ladycomm that was covered with spam. They're here at least for now!
Though shoot I already had one for Determined and just forgot. OH WELL guess what the other ones are for, haha.
It seems like my posts on LJ aren't visible if you aren't logged-in now, which isn't great. It seems like email notifications are still working though. I mirrored some of my old comms over here the other night:
frungylovers - the old Starcon2 comm! respectawoman - Lady commscreencappery - The screencap adventure comm I totally forgot about. :O A lot of stuff here if you want to read through some games, haha.I haven't really done much clean-up or maintenance on them, except turning off comments on one post in the ladycomm that was covered with spam. They're here at least for now!
Just a brief note considering the imminent LJ collapse/shut down, I've been using a tool called LJArchive to make back-ups of my LJ whenever a scare happens. This recent fork by sharpden (Release 0.9.10) should be able to quickly archive all your posts INCLUDING the comments! It won't save the usericons but it will save any images people post in the comments or anything like that, so it's not perfect but it works! You can also use it to back up communities as well, which I highly recommend doing. It doesn't take very long and it's better to be safe than sorry with this at the moment.
Happy New Year! Well this is kind of late, haha. It didn't start on on the best note, I hung out with Robyn and when I was pulling out to go home, it was raining and I couldn't see through my rear view camera clearly and I ended up bumping into a parked car across the road. ;_; I felt so stupid, I should have just looked through the rear view mirror, what was I doing! I left them a note about it at least although they haven't called me, and I didn't see any damage, so hopefully it won't turn into anything. I was so mad at myself! I still kind of am, haha. I also misjudged the driveway and took a big thump over the curb which wasn't great. Ugh! Hopefully it won't be a bad omen for the year to come.
In brighter news though, the new merch has come in! :D It's super exciting to see and touch and feel, it's all real! I still haven't worked out the exact logistics about how to set up shipping and all that... and this was just a test run of the charms. But it's so neat to see them anyway!
( There's a restock of the Papyrus shaker keychain but they look the same so I didn't bother posting a shot of them here )
Excited to get the small clasps to put together a real chain and see how it looks! Gotta wait a few days for them to arrive though. There used to be a Joann's Fabrics close by where I could've just run and got them easily but it's shut down now. ;_;
On a more serious note, LJ's started banning people for posting outside of Russia within Russian LJ and adding money/id restrictions there, all of which bodes badly. This thread goes into it a bit more. LJ's gone through a lot of different scares over the years but this one seems really serious. If you have an LJ account you should back it up as soon as you can! I'm working on it myself. I've been mirroring these posts on DW for ages, but that doesn't keep the comments, and I want to save those too!
The thought of LJ really dying makes me so sad... I've spent so much time there. Even with Dreamwidth still up to continue long-form journal posting, losing LJ just feels so wrong. :< I've hung onto LJ all this time, even after almost everybody left, and to finally come to the end of it... it hurts to think about.
lj post
In brighter news though, the new merch has come in! :D It's super exciting to see and touch and feel, it's all real! I still haven't worked out the exact logistics about how to set up shipping and all that... and this was just a test run of the charms. But it's so neat to see them anyway!
( There's a restock of the Papyrus shaker keychain but they look the same so I didn't bother posting a shot of them here )
Excited to get the small clasps to put together a real chain and see how it looks! Gotta wait a few days for them to arrive though. There used to be a Joann's Fabrics close by where I could've just run and got them easily but it's shut down now. ;_;
On a more serious note, LJ's started banning people for posting outside of Russia within Russian LJ and adding money/id restrictions there, all of which bodes badly. This thread goes into it a bit more. LJ's gone through a lot of different scares over the years but this one seems really serious. If you have an LJ account you should back it up as soon as you can! I'm working on it myself. I've been mirroring these posts on DW for ages, but that doesn't keep the comments, and I want to save those too!
The thought of LJ really dying makes me so sad... I've spent so much time there. Even with Dreamwidth still up to continue long-form journal posting, losing LJ just feels so wrong. :< I've hung onto LJ all this time, even after almost everybody left, and to finally come to the end of it... it hurts to think about.
lj post
Waa I keep wanting to make posts but I get so busy and all my ideas seem so long! December is such a busy month, haha. It's been raining a lot and it's cold! Mostly been trying to do requests but I did also put some time into making a novelty Hassy mug for myself lol. I'll have to post some pictures when it actually gets here. I've been lazy about replying to comments I'm sorryyyy
I've been considering getting a laser cutting type machine and a nice Ecotank printer to make some of my own stickers at points, but I haven't pulled the trigger on it. Would I really use them enough to justify getting them...? It'd be kind of fun to do little limited run stickers but I dunno! I don't know how in demand stickers are, haha. In my little store they don't move very quickly but maybe the designs I have just aren't grabbing people. :B I know some people don't like stickers because it's such a big decision to decide where to stick them which I can relate to lol. It could also just be fun to make stupid one-shot stickers for my own amusement. I dunno! It's an investment... a new printer would be a good idea though, the one I have right now is a mess. Even when I replace the ink tanks it still prints terribly. :/ Although I don't print things too often anyway... but maybe I would if it worked better.
I ordered a bunch of little things but they haven't come yet - another set of Papyrus shaker keychains, some little Gaster pillow keychains, some pins, a set of the connecting charms... I'm excited to get them but I'm worried about getting swamped when I put them up and they go live! The 15 shaker charms before sold out in like 2 minutes, haha. The next batch will have 50 shaker keychains... can I keep on top of it? Is there a way to streamline shipping a bit more? All questions I've never really had to think about before, haha. Sending people prints and stickers is easy, I can just stick them in an envelope with some forever stamps (in the US), but bigger objects are more complicated. :O I dunno! Just gotta see what happens when they get here.
(Incidentally, I did add some new prints to the store and restocked some sold out ones if you're looking for some, haha)
Anyway that's all boring I assume, what I actually wanted to post about is SOAP!! One of my lesser known hobbies is that I like getting soaps from small indie companies to try out, I like supporting small businesses and trying new scents. |D I have a few little bits of perfume here and there too I like playing with (from Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab, the classic that's still kicking, and Conjure Oils which sadly seems to have died), but mostly nowadays I like trying out unique soaps. So here are some of my recommendations! I dunno if any of you out there are interested in this kind of thing but maybe it'll be helpful. It's fun to get new soaps! It's nice to smell nice. :B
Generally I like foody or sweet scents more so than florals or incense, so those are the ones I'm usually looking for. But each site usually has a nice variety!
Mystic Water Soap - I LOVE the web 1.0 look of this site, it might seem abandoned at first but I JUST ordered a blackberry vanilla soap like five days ago and it came right away! So they're still out there, haha. I've ordered from them a few times, they're good! They also do manly soaps if you're more into that kind of thing.
Cat and Raven Designs - Really pretty bars and fun silly themeing for their soaps. Has a queer-themed collection that makes for good gifts for the other gays in your life! They have a Fresno Nightcrawler themed soap right now, how can you resist, haha. I've ordered from them a few times and the scents were very nice!
Contact Caffeine - Furry themed soaps, some of which have caffeine added for a pick me up! Well supposedly, I tried one or two of them with it and didn't really notice a difference. I've gotten some cheerful scents from here before, although I've never found a use for the stickers.
Royalty Soaps - Fancy bars, some of them with frosted tops! Which admittedly I find a bit intimidating, I assume the frosting also works as a soap... I've never ordered one, haha. But I have ordered some non-frosted ones and they were nice! They have a club too that lets you know about monthly themed soaps, I think, I'm not a member lol.
Shea Makery - Food themed soaps and candles and such that look super accurate to the foods in question! Like at a glance you'd really think they were cookies or pound cake. Smell just like them too, haha. I've gotten a few things from them that smelled delicious, although I will say I did order a grilled cheese soap at one point that got lost in the shuffle, although when I emailed them about it they sent it right away. These things happen! It was so pretty and smelled good too. :O
Haus of Gloi - Mostly whipped soaps with seasonal themes! I just got one from them (Ghost Puffs, from the Fall collection) that I haven't had a chance to try out yet but it smells delicious. They included a free tubelet of their Turkish Delight fragrance which was nice of them!
Lincoln Street Soap - Plain looking bars, but the one I just ordered (Apple/Oak) has a complex fragrance to it. :O Looking forward to trying it, haha. They included a free lotion bar of the Apple/Oak scent too. :O I like soaps but I've never been into lotion but I might give it a try.
Paintbox Soapworks - Pretty bars and glycerin soap! I just tried one tonight and it was very moisturizing, haha. It was a rose/lemon/vanilla one, although to my nose it smelled more rose than the others, but it could just be me. Still nice though! They also gave me a free whipped soap to go with it which was very kind. :O It was for a scent called Stretched on Your Grave (frozen loam, dessicated flowers, tears) that I'm not really into though sadly lol. I appreciate the generosity though!
Chikyu - Whipped soap with a HUGE scent list to choose from! I put in an order but it's still on its way, excited to see what it's like. I have heard the scents are strong but we'll see!
Witch Baby Soap - Very witchy as you can probably guess, haha. Very pretty bars with interesting scents! I ordered a few but they're also still on their way. Looking forward to it though!
Bath Sabbath - Very metal soaps, absolutely beautiful bars! Sculpted and painted and everything, they look incredible. :O I'd feel guilty using one even, haha. I haven't picked up a bar from here yet but I'm keeping an eye out for a good scent to try.
Ophelia's Soapery - Very pretty bars, although none of the current scents grabbed me. They might grab you though!
Studio Beige - Straight-forward bars, some with charcoal and clay and such if you feel fancy. I'm tempted by the lemongrass one but haven't committed yet, haha.
Itty Bitty Soap Company - Small selection but fun! Also set up on blogspot which is a first lol. I haven't picked one from here but I am thinking about it.
Nat Botanicals - Very minimalist looking soap, looks very clean! None of the scents here grabbed me just yet but I'm keeping an eye out.
Unearth Malee - Soaps with no palm oil! I was very tempted by the Lemon Drop one but refrained since I'd gone on a soap buying frenzy that night lol. I might come back to it later though.
Tree Marie Soapworks - Stunningly beautiful bars, but a very limited choice of scents. They're so pretty though!
The Indigenous Soap Company - A Hawaii based company, most of their soaps are themed around the islands. I'd like to pick one up someday but none of the scents quite grabbed me.
Little and Grim - More so perfume than soaps, although they do have some liquid soaps available! Not a lot of scent options though (for the soap, there's a ton for the fragrances).
-
Cattails Blvd - I'm including this more as a cautionary tale - I ordered a soap rock and never got it. :/ I tried emailing customer service and support several times to no avail. Sometimes that's just how it goes, but I'm not about to try again. Maybe some of you out there are willing to take the risk and see what the soaps are like.
Anyway if there are any other indie places you get soaps let me know, I like trying new ones. |D
lj post
I've been considering getting a laser cutting type machine and a nice Ecotank printer to make some of my own stickers at points, but I haven't pulled the trigger on it. Would I really use them enough to justify getting them...? It'd be kind of fun to do little limited run stickers but I dunno! I don't know how in demand stickers are, haha. In my little store they don't move very quickly but maybe the designs I have just aren't grabbing people. :B I know some people don't like stickers because it's such a big decision to decide where to stick them which I can relate to lol. It could also just be fun to make stupid one-shot stickers for my own amusement. I dunno! It's an investment... a new printer would be a good idea though, the one I have right now is a mess. Even when I replace the ink tanks it still prints terribly. :/ Although I don't print things too often anyway... but maybe I would if it worked better.
I ordered a bunch of little things but they haven't come yet - another set of Papyrus shaker keychains, some little Gaster pillow keychains, some pins, a set of the connecting charms... I'm excited to get them but I'm worried about getting swamped when I put them up and they go live! The 15 shaker charms before sold out in like 2 minutes, haha. The next batch will have 50 shaker keychains... can I keep on top of it? Is there a way to streamline shipping a bit more? All questions I've never really had to think about before, haha. Sending people prints and stickers is easy, I can just stick them in an envelope with some forever stamps (in the US), but bigger objects are more complicated. :O I dunno! Just gotta see what happens when they get here.
(Incidentally, I did add some new prints to the store and restocked some sold out ones if you're looking for some, haha)
Anyway that's all boring I assume, what I actually wanted to post about is SOAP!! One of my lesser known hobbies is that I like getting soaps from small indie companies to try out, I like supporting small businesses and trying new scents. |D I have a few little bits of perfume here and there too I like playing with (from Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab, the classic that's still kicking, and Conjure Oils which sadly seems to have died), but mostly nowadays I like trying out unique soaps. So here are some of my recommendations! I dunno if any of you out there are interested in this kind of thing but maybe it'll be helpful. It's fun to get new soaps! It's nice to smell nice. :B
Generally I like foody or sweet scents more so than florals or incense, so those are the ones I'm usually looking for. But each site usually has a nice variety!
Mystic Water Soap - I LOVE the web 1.0 look of this site, it might seem abandoned at first but I JUST ordered a blackberry vanilla soap like five days ago and it came right away! So they're still out there, haha. I've ordered from them a few times, they're good! They also do manly soaps if you're more into that kind of thing.
Cat and Raven Designs - Really pretty bars and fun silly themeing for their soaps. Has a queer-themed collection that makes for good gifts for the other gays in your life! They have a Fresno Nightcrawler themed soap right now, how can you resist, haha. I've ordered from them a few times and the scents were very nice!
Contact Caffeine - Furry themed soaps, some of which have caffeine added for a pick me up! Well supposedly, I tried one or two of them with it and didn't really notice a difference. I've gotten some cheerful scents from here before, although I've never found a use for the stickers.
Royalty Soaps - Fancy bars, some of them with frosted tops! Which admittedly I find a bit intimidating, I assume the frosting also works as a soap... I've never ordered one, haha. But I have ordered some non-frosted ones and they were nice! They have a club too that lets you know about monthly themed soaps, I think, I'm not a member lol.
Shea Makery - Food themed soaps and candles and such that look super accurate to the foods in question! Like at a glance you'd really think they were cookies or pound cake. Smell just like them too, haha. I've gotten a few things from them that smelled delicious, although I will say I did order a grilled cheese soap at one point that got lost in the shuffle, although when I emailed them about it they sent it right away. These things happen! It was so pretty and smelled good too. :O
Haus of Gloi - Mostly whipped soaps with seasonal themes! I just got one from them (Ghost Puffs, from the Fall collection) that I haven't had a chance to try out yet but it smells delicious. They included a free tubelet of their Turkish Delight fragrance which was nice of them!
Lincoln Street Soap - Plain looking bars, but the one I just ordered (Apple/Oak) has a complex fragrance to it. :O Looking forward to trying it, haha. They included a free lotion bar of the Apple/Oak scent too. :O I like soaps but I've never been into lotion but I might give it a try.
Paintbox Soapworks - Pretty bars and glycerin soap! I just tried one tonight and it was very moisturizing, haha. It was a rose/lemon/vanilla one, although to my nose it smelled more rose than the others, but it could just be me. Still nice though! They also gave me a free whipped soap to go with it which was very kind. :O It was for a scent called Stretched on Your Grave (frozen loam, dessicated flowers, tears) that I'm not really into though sadly lol. I appreciate the generosity though!
Chikyu - Whipped soap with a HUGE scent list to choose from! I put in an order but it's still on its way, excited to see what it's like. I have heard the scents are strong but we'll see!
Witch Baby Soap - Very witchy as you can probably guess, haha. Very pretty bars with interesting scents! I ordered a few but they're also still on their way. Looking forward to it though!
Bath Sabbath - Very metal soaps, absolutely beautiful bars! Sculpted and painted and everything, they look incredible. :O I'd feel guilty using one even, haha. I haven't picked up a bar from here yet but I'm keeping an eye out for a good scent to try.
Ophelia's Soapery - Very pretty bars, although none of the current scents grabbed me. They might grab you though!
Studio Beige - Straight-forward bars, some with charcoal and clay and such if you feel fancy. I'm tempted by the lemongrass one but haven't committed yet, haha.
Itty Bitty Soap Company - Small selection but fun! Also set up on blogspot which is a first lol. I haven't picked one from here but I am thinking about it.
Nat Botanicals - Very minimalist looking soap, looks very clean! None of the scents here grabbed me just yet but I'm keeping an eye out.
Unearth Malee - Soaps with no palm oil! I was very tempted by the Lemon Drop one but refrained since I'd gone on a soap buying frenzy that night lol. I might come back to it later though.
Tree Marie Soapworks - Stunningly beautiful bars, but a very limited choice of scents. They're so pretty though!
The Indigenous Soap Company - A Hawaii based company, most of their soaps are themed around the islands. I'd like to pick one up someday but none of the scents quite grabbed me.
Little and Grim - More so perfume than soaps, although they do have some liquid soaps available! Not a lot of scent options though (for the soap, there's a ton for the fragrances).
-
Cattails Blvd - I'm including this more as a cautionary tale - I ordered a soap rock and never got it. :/ I tried emailing customer service and support several times to no avail. Sometimes that's just how it goes, but I'm not about to try again. Maybe some of you out there are willing to take the risk and see what the soaps are like.
Anyway if there are any other indie places you get soaps let me know, I like trying new ones. |D
lj post
~Hey guys, ladder's loose again
Dec. 11th, 2025 03:31 am
I've got an idea I'm excited about!
I saw some gachapon charms where they had a hook on the top and the bottom, so you could collect them and chain them together! It was a blind bag Deltarune one of course to try and chisel money out of people, but I really liked the idea of being able to chain things together, so I did some designs!
( Ladies of course are first )
Also updated the stalker fic! More spooky things happen, haha. My cold is mostly gone, although I have this annoying dry cough. :/
lj post
I saw some gachapon charms where they had a hook on the top and the bottom, so you could collect them and chain them together! It was a blind bag Deltarune one of course to try and chisel money out of people, but I really liked the idea of being able to chain things together, so I did some designs!
( Ladies of course are first )
Also updated the stalker fic! More spooky things happen, haha. My cold is mostly gone, although I have this annoying dry cough. :/
lj post
ALRIGHT HERE WE GO should get this down now before things this month start getting really crazy, haha. December is always so busy! I'm ahead of some gifts at least, so that's one less thing to worry about. Wish this cold would just pass though. :/
ANYWAY, if you want a little holiday sketch, leave a comment here and ask for one! These will be quick, silly doodles in Sai - you may want to look at previous years for an idea of what they look like (2024, 2023, 2022, 2021, 2020, 2019, 2018, 2017, 2016, 2015, 2014, 2013, 2012, 2011, 2010, and 2009). Requests are closed on January 1st, so if you want one you got to make it in December. WOOO SIXTEEN YEARS WOOOOO if i'm doing my math right. The images in the old ones are broken on Dreamwidth because they changed how they load http addresses which is very annoying. :/ I'll have to go back manually and fix those at some point uuuuughh. In the meantime you can check the LJ sister post for each year, both entries have different comments and different sketches!
A few stipulations:
-Don't ask for like a million characters. Use your common sense here.
-Don't try to trick me into drawing your kink, that's not cool. >:( At least be up front about it.
-Link me to some reference pictures, unless you know I know the source material pretty well already. Please do this, it saves me SO much time.
-One request per person. Anonymous is fine. Don't try to duck around this. You can make multiple suggestions in ONE comment for me to pick from, but I'll only do one of them.
-I may interpret your request in a way you don't expect - that's the risk you take! No refunds, haha.
-If you're too embarrassed to post the request publicly you can send me an LJ or tumblr note about it.
-If you request something I don't feel comfortable drawing I may ask you to ask for something else.
-I'm way more likely to spend more time on your request if it's something I'm already interested in.
When I finish the sketch, I'll reply to your comment with it, so don't worry that I'm ignoring you, haha. Unless its just a general chatty comment or something. I usually get them done before the New Year but no promises! I'm already starting December sick which isn't great but we'll see how things go, haha.
If you want to do something for me in return, I still pine for my poor lost hat... I really think it's just gone for good but if you did find it it'd be a Christmas miracle, haha. Anything lady-related is a good bet, or Handplates/Vargas/Defrag related as well! Larrykabu things would also be appreciated lol. If you actually want to spend money for some reason (!?), some TF2 taunts would be fun, paid time for Dreamwidth or LJ wouldn't be bad, and rare video game remix albums and stuff would be neat. But I'm just throwin stuff out there. |D
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ANYWAY, if you want a little holiday sketch, leave a comment here and ask for one! These will be quick, silly doodles in Sai - you may want to look at previous years for an idea of what they look like (2024, 2023, 2022, 2021, 2020, 2019, 2018, 2017, 2016, 2015, 2014, 2013, 2012, 2011, 2010, and 2009). Requests are closed on January 1st, so if you want one you got to make it in December. WOOO SIXTEEN YEARS WOOOOO if i'm doing my math right. The images in the old ones are broken on Dreamwidth because they changed how they load http addresses which is very annoying. :/ I'll have to go back manually and fix those at some point uuuuughh. In the meantime you can check the LJ sister post for each year, both entries have different comments and different sketches!
A few stipulations:
-Don't ask for like a million characters. Use your common sense here.
-Don't try to trick me into drawing your kink, that's not cool. >:( At least be up front about it.
-Link me to some reference pictures, unless you know I know the source material pretty well already. Please do this, it saves me SO much time.
-One request per person. Anonymous is fine. Don't try to duck around this. You can make multiple suggestions in ONE comment for me to pick from, but I'll only do one of them.
-I may interpret your request in a way you don't expect - that's the risk you take! No refunds, haha.
-If you're too embarrassed to post the request publicly you can send me an LJ or tumblr note about it.
-If you request something I don't feel comfortable drawing I may ask you to ask for something else.
-I'm way more likely to spend more time on your request if it's something I'm already interested in.
When I finish the sketch, I'll reply to your comment with it, so don't worry that I'm ignoring you, haha. Unless its just a general chatty comment or something. I usually get them done before the New Year but no promises! I'm already starting December sick which isn't great but we'll see how things go, haha.
If you want to do something for me in return, I still pine for my poor lost hat... I really think it's just gone for good but if you did find it it'd be a Christmas miracle, haha. Anything lady-related is a good bet, or Handplates/Vargas/Defrag related as well! Larrykabu things would also be appreciated lol. If you actually want to spend money for some reason (!?), some TF2 taunts would be fun, paid time for Dreamwidth or LJ wouldn't be bad, and rare video game remix albums and stuff would be neat. But I'm just throwin stuff out there. |D
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Blllughhhh I caught a cold at some point over the weekend and I feel out of iiittt. It's not super bad right now but it's not pleasant!
I keep meaning to make posts and then I keep getting different ideas for them, and then some of them need more set-up, and then I just get distracted or can't find the time to just sit down and write one and I SHOULD WRITE HERE MORE OFTEN. I should have at least posted pics of Gatsby now that his fur has grown back! He seems much more comfortable now, although he does yowl a lot at night. Such a loud boy. But then I have to upload the picture and it's like bluughhh OKAY FINE I'M JUST GONNA DO IT IT'S NOT THAT HARD
( Just one )
Anyway, some of the other things I was thinking of doing was - a Sims 4 post since I found where my other screencaps went (I should make some Larry and Kabu sims), a Xanth post, a sketch post, a Handplates reminiscing post, a language post... Just gotta decide on oneee although maybe when my head doesn't feel so stuffed up.
I got some little shaker Papyrus keychains made a while back, I'm not sure if I've mentioned them here before? From the blue magic comic where he gets thrown into the walls lol. I finally put them up for sale but I only had like fifteen and they sold out like, instantly. I'm gonna do a restock though! So many people were so sad not to get one, haha. Although packing them up was a bit of a chore... and I had to eat some of the shipping costs since I mis-estimated... but still! I like thinking of them out there making people happy.
I also got an idea for another little keychain, a plush one of Gaster so you can slap him around lol. I'm not sure how those'll come out, so we'll have to see. :O Gonna restock the stickers too, and get some Vargas pins. :O The Vargas pins are one of my bigger concerns at the moment... I had a lot of ideas, but I just felt like I was drawing like garbage the whole time. I did finish some little chibis but I don't know, maybe they look weird, maybe they won't make a good pin, i dunno I DUNNO. I guess we'll find out :O I'm not sure how much demand there is for Vargas stuff in comparison to Handplate stuff but I guess I'll find that out too lol.
It's hard for me to come up with an idea that seems clever enough to turn into something physical! I was thinking about a little printed notepad too, but I couldn't think of a design for it... I want Handplates AND the Ladies AND Vargas and what is the overlap there! I don't know! So I thought about maybe just a joint design with all of them on there in various corners lol. Thing is of course, I have to get a minimum of 60 little notepads, and that's a lot... particularly if I don't even know if anyone would want one. I'd like to make a Lady button too, and a Lady keychain, and I just keep drawing blanks for the designs aaa. Lately I just hate everything I'm drawing, it's frustrating. :/ I want to draw and then when I do it's just THIS SUUUUCKSSSSSS and I'm sure it's just me but it's annoying!
I should probably open the sketch requests soon too but eh I feel so tired lately, this month is always so busy. :O Just want to relax for a day or two to wait out this cold... I hope it isn't anything serious. It's not crippling or anything right now but it's only been a day or two, it could get much worse.
I've been working on this animatic based on the spooky gym sequence in the stalking fic (there's a second chapter now btw!) and I feel like it's taking forreeeveeerrrr I massively underestimated how much time it'd take. I'm only a few frames from the end though... I'm so close...
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I keep meaning to make posts and then I keep getting different ideas for them, and then some of them need more set-up, and then I just get distracted or can't find the time to just sit down and write one and I SHOULD WRITE HERE MORE OFTEN. I should have at least posted pics of Gatsby now that his fur has grown back! He seems much more comfortable now, although he does yowl a lot at night. Such a loud boy. But then I have to upload the picture and it's like bluughhh OKAY FINE I'M JUST GONNA DO IT IT'S NOT THAT HARD
( Just one )
Anyway, some of the other things I was thinking of doing was - a Sims 4 post since I found where my other screencaps went (I should make some Larry and Kabu sims), a Xanth post, a sketch post, a Handplates reminiscing post, a language post... Just gotta decide on oneee although maybe when my head doesn't feel so stuffed up.
I got some little shaker Papyrus keychains made a while back, I'm not sure if I've mentioned them here before? From the blue magic comic where he gets thrown into the walls lol. I finally put them up for sale but I only had like fifteen and they sold out like, instantly. I'm gonna do a restock though! So many people were so sad not to get one, haha. Although packing them up was a bit of a chore... and I had to eat some of the shipping costs since I mis-estimated... but still! I like thinking of them out there making people happy.
I also got an idea for another little keychain, a plush one of Gaster so you can slap him around lol. I'm not sure how those'll come out, so we'll have to see. :O Gonna restock the stickers too, and get some Vargas pins. :O The Vargas pins are one of my bigger concerns at the moment... I had a lot of ideas, but I just felt like I was drawing like garbage the whole time. I did finish some little chibis but I don't know, maybe they look weird, maybe they won't make a good pin, i dunno I DUNNO. I guess we'll find out :O I'm not sure how much demand there is for Vargas stuff in comparison to Handplate stuff but I guess I'll find that out too lol.
It's hard for me to come up with an idea that seems clever enough to turn into something physical! I was thinking about a little printed notepad too, but I couldn't think of a design for it... I want Handplates AND the Ladies AND Vargas and what is the overlap there! I don't know! So I thought about maybe just a joint design with all of them on there in various corners lol. Thing is of course, I have to get a minimum of 60 little notepads, and that's a lot... particularly if I don't even know if anyone would want one. I'd like to make a Lady button too, and a Lady keychain, and I just keep drawing blanks for the designs aaa. Lately I just hate everything I'm drawing, it's frustrating. :/ I want to draw and then when I do it's just THIS SUUUUCKSSSSSS and I'm sure it's just me but it's annoying!
I should probably open the sketch requests soon too but eh I feel so tired lately, this month is always so busy. :O Just want to relax for a day or two to wait out this cold... I hope it isn't anything serious. It's not crippling or anything right now but it's only been a day or two, it could get much worse.
I've been working on this animatic based on the spooky gym sequence in the stalking fic (there's a second chapter now btw!) and I feel like it's taking forreeeveeerrrr I massively underestimated how much time it'd take. I'm only a few frames from the end though... I'm so close...
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It's been two weeks since the surgery now! I should've been posting daily updates really but I DID take pictures every day to keep track of how it was doing! I took him in to get the last stitches taken out today and he's healing very well, very alert, eating and drinking good, all good news! His other eye seems to be fine too, although they haven't gotten back to me about the pathology on that yet. He DOES have some redness at the corner of his eye though, so I'm going to have to put ointment on them and keep the cone on him another week. He's so close to being free though!
Anyway, DO YOU WANT CAT PICTURES of course you do! Of a cat post-eye surgery? Well maybe not as much. They're not gory or anything! It's just a stitched incision healing up. If you're squeamish about that though maybe give this a pass? It slowly gets more and more normal by the day, haha. It was mostly a quiet two weeks, except for one day...
( did i INTRIGUE YOU )
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Anyway, DO YOU WANT CAT PICTURES of course you do! Of a cat post-eye surgery? Well maybe not as much. They're not gory or anything! It's just a stitched incision healing up. If you're squeamish about that though maybe give this a pass? It slowly gets more and more normal by the day, haha. It was mostly a quiet two weeks, except for one day...
( did i INTRIGUE YOU )
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~You'll get mustard all over his brain!
Oct. 28th, 2025 05:50 pm
Okay, the surgery went well and Gatsby is back home! They said he was a very good boy for it, haha. Truly the most perfect baby in the world. Anyway his face right now looks rather gruesome, poor thing, but it's mostly the cone that's tripping him up right now. Going to be tricky for him to get used to it! But he's gotta deal with it for two weeks. Last I checked on him he was just resting on one of the couches downstairs, so hopefully he's feeling okay. The swelling and bruising should go down over the next couple of days.
His meds I think I can hide in his food fairly well, he's usually pretty good about that. I hope he doesn't give me trouble! One of the meds is liquid which I haven't really administered before... I've tried to hide liquid ones in treats before but he was not into it, haha. I might just have to get in there and do it, but maybe it won't be so bad. Just gotta do what you gotta do! After two weeks I'll take him back and they'll take out the sutures and he'll be free from the cone. Hopefully he'll heal up fine.
They sent off his eye to pathology, but they won't get back to me about that for another two weeks or so, so we still don't know what exactly was wrong with his eye. I really hope it was just a benign thing... otherwise he really seems fine, but I dunno. Am I just prolonging the inevitable? I guess we all are to a degree. Can you put a price on every new day you spend with your pets? I've made my decision, I don't regret it. Mostly I just hope I'll have more time with him. Hopefully I will! No reason to worry about it now, there's nothing I can do about it until the reports get back.
In the meantime, I don't have to do his eyedrops anymore, haha. He was very good about them but it was tedious and neither of us liked it too much. Hopefully he'll be good for me about these new meds too...
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His meds I think I can hide in his food fairly well, he's usually pretty good about that. I hope he doesn't give me trouble! One of the meds is liquid which I haven't really administered before... I've tried to hide liquid ones in treats before but he was not into it, haha. I might just have to get in there and do it, but maybe it won't be so bad. Just gotta do what you gotta do! After two weeks I'll take him back and they'll take out the sutures and he'll be free from the cone. Hopefully he'll heal up fine.
They sent off his eye to pathology, but they won't get back to me about that for another two weeks or so, so we still don't know what exactly was wrong with his eye. I really hope it was just a benign thing... otherwise he really seems fine, but I dunno. Am I just prolonging the inevitable? I guess we all are to a degree. Can you put a price on every new day you spend with your pets? I've made my decision, I don't regret it. Mostly I just hope I'll have more time with him. Hopefully I will! No reason to worry about it now, there's nothing I can do about it until the reports get back.
In the meantime, I don't have to do his eyedrops anymore, haha. He was very good about them but it was tedious and neither of us liked it too much. Hopefully he'll be good for me about these new meds too...
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~We will become silhouettes
Oct. 22nd, 2025 09:00 pm
Oof, had a rough couple of days. I went to go see Alex for his birthday last weekend, and it was fun to see him again but it does make me a little sad to go there. His house looks really nice, it's really lovely and he loves it there, and I guess it just emphasizes that gulf of distance that can only really be temporarily crossed. I don't want to live in the desert, and he doesn't want to leave it. It's just how it is. He's been busy lately so we haven't had much time to play games together either.
I was already feeling kind of melancholy after I got back, but then my mom found an old bag of Nana's that had a lot of photos of hers I hadn't seen before. More than that though, it had the note that she had taped up to her wall. Nana sometimes wrote out things on paper and taped them up for whatever reason. I don't remember exactly when she taped up this particular one, but it was basically her begging God to help her or save her when she was sick. Every time I went into her room to check on her or get her for treatment or ask her something or when she needed help, I'd see that note on the wall just "please please god help me" and it broke my heart. I never talked about it and she never talked about it but it was always just there, hanging there. I'd kind of forgotten about it until I saw it again and it just rocketed me right back to that time period again. I guess I was kind of numb when I first saw it and then the pain of it hit me more slowly through the night. I ended up crying for a while about it at various points over the past few days. Grief never really leaves you, I guess. Mostly just feel tired and sad.
Today I took Gatsby in for a follow-up on his eye. I forget if I mentioned this here or not, but Gatsby's left eye started looking strange a while back, so I went to get it checked out at an opthalmologist. They can't tell what's wrong with his eye exactly, but something is clearly wrong with it. The pressure in it is sky high and he's lost vision in it, and it's probably causing him constant headaches. I tried one course of medication which got the pressure down a bit, and this second course I was hoping would help even more. His eye looked better to me! But when I took him in it turned out his eye pressure was sky high again, and while his eye didn't look as dark as it did before, his pupil is strangely shaped now, which points to some kind of tumor in there. They recommended the first time that I get the eye taken out, but it's such an expensive procedure... it'll run some 3700$ or so, which is just, a LOT.
I was hoping the eyedrops would help with it. The cost of the operation is considerable of course, but I was also worried about him in other respects... he's older now, like 14, and I'm worried a bit about how he'd handle the anesthesia. I'm worried about if they send the eye out to get checked and it turns out he's got some kind of malignant cancer in him somewhere. It could be a benign tumor in his eye, they can't be sure. The other eye is fine and he otherwise seems to be behaving normally, although he walks a bit slowly and he sleeps a lot. I can see blood in there sometimes too, but not all the time.
I don't know. I'm taking him in tomorrow for a blood panel, since the eyedrop meds also have their own side-effects. I feel like at this point I have to get the operation done, things point to it just getting worse as the meds stop working, and what if it spreads to his other eye? I keep feeling guilty about not taking him in sooner, like if I'd just been more proactive about it maybe it wouldn't have gotten this bad. I felt like this about Nana too, like if I'd just encouraged or pressured her more to get checked out by doctors sooner then she'd still be alive. I guess both situations are kind of echoing each other and leaving me in kind of a bad place. I got some dustjar ideas the other night which hasn't happened in a while.
I feel really tired and heavy. I haven't gotten too much sleep. It feels like there's stuff happening every day this week. I want to draw but I can't find the time, or when I do I can't get started, or when I do I feel guilty I'm not doing the next Defrag page, but I never feel like I can find enough time to finish it. I think that might just be an excuse to not start on it. This could all be a combination of a lot of things though, really. Contributing factors. There usually isn't a simple explanation for things.
If I do get Gatsby's eye out, and everything goes well, then he'll be laid out for two weeks and I'll have to keep an eye on him, keep him medicated, all of that. Once those two weeks are up and he gets the sutures out though, then he should just be good to go. Like after that, his life should just go back to normal, and he can go back to just the thyroid medicine each morning/night, which is actually super easy. I just grind up the tablets and put it in a treat and he eats it right up, not even a problem. Right now, or well, up to today, I was giving him eyedrops three times a day... and morning/night there were two drops that I had to stagger by 10 minutes, so it was a bit of a time investment... there's all this stuff to do but I felt kind of tethered by making sure I got Gatsby's drops all done in time. I think I did a pretty good job... I missed a few drops here or there, or a day or two due to stuff happening, but I tried to be really consistent with it. I mentioned that to the vet tech and she said it was unlikely anything I did would have messed anything up...
I don't know. I have some money saved up, I can afford to get the procedure done, I think... I'll have to see what the blood panel says when they get it back. They're checking it to make sure he'd be good for surgery, as well as the side-effects of the medication. It's possible maybe they can't do the surgery and there'll just be nothing I can do, and I'll just watch him die. No, those are grief thoughts, I can't take those seriously. My head is just in a really weird place right now. I love Gatsby so much, I don't want to lose him. I'm trying my best with him. Maybe if I got him in sooner it wouldn't have done anything. It probably doesn't help to think about it either way.
I haven't been getting much sleep lately which also probably doesn't help. There's so much to do and it feels like Halloween is so close. No idea what to wear or what I'll do, or what to draw. What I need is to eat and sleep and take a shower and not let this kind of stuff eat at me.
It turned out my niece came over while I was at the vet's, so when I got home I had to put on a kind of more upbeat kid-watching tone/face, which I could do just about although I didn't have a lot of energy. Gatsby was walking around meowing after I let him out of the carrier, but now he's just sleeping so I hope he's not in any pain or anything. I think he just gets huffy after I take him to the vet, like how dare I do that to him! He's probably going to be unhappy tomorrow when I take him in AGAIN, I'll have to try and sneak up on him quickly. It'll be early in the morning, so I shouldn't stay up too late tonight... I don't have anything drawn for Friday, I barely managed to get something done for today. Am I going to have time sometime on Thursday to get something done...? If I can focus enough when I do.
This is really kind of a stream of consciousness thing, but that's what journals are really meant for after all, haha. Just a lot going on lately...
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I was already feeling kind of melancholy after I got back, but then my mom found an old bag of Nana's that had a lot of photos of hers I hadn't seen before. More than that though, it had the note that she had taped up to her wall. Nana sometimes wrote out things on paper and taped them up for whatever reason. I don't remember exactly when she taped up this particular one, but it was basically her begging God to help her or save her when she was sick. Every time I went into her room to check on her or get her for treatment or ask her something or when she needed help, I'd see that note on the wall just "please please god help me" and it broke my heart. I never talked about it and she never talked about it but it was always just there, hanging there. I'd kind of forgotten about it until I saw it again and it just rocketed me right back to that time period again. I guess I was kind of numb when I first saw it and then the pain of it hit me more slowly through the night. I ended up crying for a while about it at various points over the past few days. Grief never really leaves you, I guess. Mostly just feel tired and sad.
Today I took Gatsby in for a follow-up on his eye. I forget if I mentioned this here or not, but Gatsby's left eye started looking strange a while back, so I went to get it checked out at an opthalmologist. They can't tell what's wrong with his eye exactly, but something is clearly wrong with it. The pressure in it is sky high and he's lost vision in it, and it's probably causing him constant headaches. I tried one course of medication which got the pressure down a bit, and this second course I was hoping would help even more. His eye looked better to me! But when I took him in it turned out his eye pressure was sky high again, and while his eye didn't look as dark as it did before, his pupil is strangely shaped now, which points to some kind of tumor in there. They recommended the first time that I get the eye taken out, but it's such an expensive procedure... it'll run some 3700$ or so, which is just, a LOT.
I was hoping the eyedrops would help with it. The cost of the operation is considerable of course, but I was also worried about him in other respects... he's older now, like 14, and I'm worried a bit about how he'd handle the anesthesia. I'm worried about if they send the eye out to get checked and it turns out he's got some kind of malignant cancer in him somewhere. It could be a benign tumor in his eye, they can't be sure. The other eye is fine and he otherwise seems to be behaving normally, although he walks a bit slowly and he sleeps a lot. I can see blood in there sometimes too, but not all the time.
I don't know. I'm taking him in tomorrow for a blood panel, since the eyedrop meds also have their own side-effects. I feel like at this point I have to get the operation done, things point to it just getting worse as the meds stop working, and what if it spreads to his other eye? I keep feeling guilty about not taking him in sooner, like if I'd just been more proactive about it maybe it wouldn't have gotten this bad. I felt like this about Nana too, like if I'd just encouraged or pressured her more to get checked out by doctors sooner then she'd still be alive. I guess both situations are kind of echoing each other and leaving me in kind of a bad place. I got some dustjar ideas the other night which hasn't happened in a while.
I feel really tired and heavy. I haven't gotten too much sleep. It feels like there's stuff happening every day this week. I want to draw but I can't find the time, or when I do I can't get started, or when I do I feel guilty I'm not doing the next Defrag page, but I never feel like I can find enough time to finish it. I think that might just be an excuse to not start on it. This could all be a combination of a lot of things though, really. Contributing factors. There usually isn't a simple explanation for things.
If I do get Gatsby's eye out, and everything goes well, then he'll be laid out for two weeks and I'll have to keep an eye on him, keep him medicated, all of that. Once those two weeks are up and he gets the sutures out though, then he should just be good to go. Like after that, his life should just go back to normal, and he can go back to just the thyroid medicine each morning/night, which is actually super easy. I just grind up the tablets and put it in a treat and he eats it right up, not even a problem. Right now, or well, up to today, I was giving him eyedrops three times a day... and morning/night there were two drops that I had to stagger by 10 minutes, so it was a bit of a time investment... there's all this stuff to do but I felt kind of tethered by making sure I got Gatsby's drops all done in time. I think I did a pretty good job... I missed a few drops here or there, or a day or two due to stuff happening, but I tried to be really consistent with it. I mentioned that to the vet tech and she said it was unlikely anything I did would have messed anything up...
I don't know. I have some money saved up, I can afford to get the procedure done, I think... I'll have to see what the blood panel says when they get it back. They're checking it to make sure he'd be good for surgery, as well as the side-effects of the medication. It's possible maybe they can't do the surgery and there'll just be nothing I can do, and I'll just watch him die. No, those are grief thoughts, I can't take those seriously. My head is just in a really weird place right now. I love Gatsby so much, I don't want to lose him. I'm trying my best with him. Maybe if I got him in sooner it wouldn't have done anything. It probably doesn't help to think about it either way.
I haven't been getting much sleep lately which also probably doesn't help. There's so much to do and it feels like Halloween is so close. No idea what to wear or what I'll do, or what to draw. What I need is to eat and sleep and take a shower and not let this kind of stuff eat at me.
It turned out my niece came over while I was at the vet's, so when I got home I had to put on a kind of more upbeat kid-watching tone/face, which I could do just about although I didn't have a lot of energy. Gatsby was walking around meowing after I let him out of the carrier, but now he's just sleeping so I hope he's not in any pain or anything. I think he just gets huffy after I take him to the vet, like how dare I do that to him! He's probably going to be unhappy tomorrow when I take him in AGAIN, I'll have to try and sneak up on him quickly. It'll be early in the morning, so I shouldn't stay up too late tonight... I don't have anything drawn for Friday, I barely managed to get something done for today. Am I going to have time sometime on Thursday to get something done...? If I can focus enough when I do.
This is really kind of a stream of consciousness thing, but that's what journals are really meant for after all, haha. Just a lot going on lately...
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~Where did I PUT it
Oct. 17th, 2025 05:05 pmBleegh. I think I forgot to mention this before but I lost my meds the first day of my Greece trip, and as such just had to go cold turkey off them for a week with no warning, which left me feeling super weird physically and emotionally. Physically I'd get dizzy or get waves of tingles or hot flashes, weird blurs if I moved my eyes too quick, get kind of disoriented, all unpleasant stuff like that, and mentally I was just all over the place. Very hard to focus on anything! I did some editing on the next Vargas chapter but when I got to a scene I wanted to revamp more heavily I just hit a wall and couldn't do it, haha.
Anyway, when I got back I got back on them, and while the physical side-effects are gone, the mental ones will take a bit longer to go away. And it's frustrating! I'm getting a lot of self-doubt and self-hatred creeping up on me, and I keep forgetting things or making mistakes which doesn't really help a lot with it. The other night I was trying to park somewhere and I accidentally backed into someone's car when I wasn't watching clearly, and then I forgot to get a movie ticket in time to go to a show with some friends of mine and they all sold out, so THAT plan went out the window too. I forgot to post something I finished TWICE, I lost track of time trying to untangle an origami fish/thread mobile with tweezers yesterday until my arm hurt, and I feel like there's a bunch more stuff I can't remember clearly now, although that could just be my brain making up stuff. My thoughts feel all scrambled, kind of hard to keep in line.
Had a terrible nightmare last night and when I woke up, I felt something on the top of my head like a scab. I can kind of remember bonking my head on a cabinet door at one point, and the pictures I took with my phone make it look like a scab too, but it worries me. It worries me! Everything worries me!!! Uughhhh!!!
I should really be working on the next Defrag page too but I keep thinking of little Kablarry ideas... small things seem easier to manage right now, I dunno. And I want to write fic too but I keep not finding the time... I DID get a bit further in the stalker fic though which was a relief, since I'd been stuck in this one place for a while it felt like.
Anyway not a super long entry but a check-in at least, haha.
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Anyway, when I got back I got back on them, and while the physical side-effects are gone, the mental ones will take a bit longer to go away. And it's frustrating! I'm getting a lot of self-doubt and self-hatred creeping up on me, and I keep forgetting things or making mistakes which doesn't really help a lot with it. The other night I was trying to park somewhere and I accidentally backed into someone's car when I wasn't watching clearly, and then I forgot to get a movie ticket in time to go to a show with some friends of mine and they all sold out, so THAT plan went out the window too. I forgot to post something I finished TWICE, I lost track of time trying to untangle an origami fish/thread mobile with tweezers yesterday until my arm hurt, and I feel like there's a bunch more stuff I can't remember clearly now, although that could just be my brain making up stuff. My thoughts feel all scrambled, kind of hard to keep in line.
Had a terrible nightmare last night and when I woke up, I felt something on the top of my head like a scab. I can kind of remember bonking my head on a cabinet door at one point, and the pictures I took with my phone make it look like a scab too, but it worries me. It worries me! Everything worries me!!! Uughhhh!!!
I should really be working on the next Defrag page too but I keep thinking of little Kablarry ideas... small things seem easier to manage right now, I dunno. And I want to write fic too but I keep not finding the time... I DID get a bit further in the stalker fic though which was a relief, since I'd been stuck in this one place for a while it felt like.
Anyway not a super long entry but a check-in at least, haha.
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~Emperor does not sux. Glory to him.
Sep. 28th, 2025 01:57 pmAck it's been a while I know! I keep thinking about longer posts to make and such and then I just end up putting it off or getting distracted. Silksong is so good! It's so big, I'm like 85 hours into it and I'm still not done, I'm still finding new stuff all the time. Right now I'm trying to find the entrance to a temple and I'm having trouble with it, but I could've just been tired at the time, haha. I'd go and pick it back up but I'm actually in Greece right now for a destination wedding! I didn't bring my controller with me but I did bring my laptop. |D I figured if I was going to be on my computer here at least I should be writing lol. I do want to do some work on the first draft of the next Vargas chapter, but I also want to do some work on the Kabu stalker fic I'm working on... and I had an idea for a fic where Kabu teaches Larry how to swim floating around in my head for a while.
And the Frozen/Ace Attorney AU! I finally finished The Great Ace Attorney Chronicles on the flight here, after taking way way too long lol. I enjoyed it a lot! It deals a lot with cultural mismatches and clashes between Britain and Japan and I really liked all the characters a lot, even if I'll never get used to Herlock Sholmes instead of Sherlock Holmes, haha. Speaking of, he's so much fun! He's so incredibly stupid sometimes and other times he's very crafty, which I guess does fit in with his canon origins, haha. So lame they couldn't just call him Sherlock in it.
I can definitely see why people were mad after the first one got released because it really is like half the story, you only get the full resolution in the second game, so I'm glad they released them together in English. It's a shame we probably won't get to see more of the cast's adventures! Thinking about the localization for it is interesting, since a lot of the flavor to it to me is the different British accents that show up in places. I remember Hato Moa talking about how the English localization was better than the original Japanese version because it was able to capture those nuances in English better than it could in Japanese, haha. There's huge differences in British accents that tell you a lot that are hard to convey in translation! And the localizers did a great job of it, I enjoyed all the Cockney rhyming slang and little quirks here and there, haha. Attention to detail! What was it, back in the day people used to get Britpickers to beta their Harry Potter fic for Americanisms and such, I wonder if people still do that? Woah tangent
Anyway it was really a fun localization, everyone had such a unique flavor to their text, I really wonder how it was conveyed in Japanese, if at all. The cultural intersection is SUCH a huge thing in the two games, and it's interesting to think that I'm coming to it from the English-speaking side, as opposed to the Japanese-speaking side who were the original intended audience. There are conversations at points about differences between Japanese and English - characters talking about how you'd translate "I love you" into Japanese, for example, which got into cultural differences where a Japanese person wouldn't state their feelings so clearly, and would say something a bit more subtle instead, like "the moon looks beautiful tonight, doesn't it?" It reminds me a bit of a part of the first Pokemon movie where Meowth and cloneMeowth are talking and he says talking about the moon at a time like that is tasteful, haha.
There was also a fun conversation about Kanji readings and names, like Shakespeare being shortened to Sao, and like Holmes wanting to know what his name would be in Japanese, and all stuff that's just like crack to me lol. I'M REALLY INTERESTED IN THIS KIND OF THING the language differences are so cool! All the small traits and such that reflect that language's culture! Loved having them talk about it and do cultural exchanges and talk about racism and prejudice and all that, it's just SO MUCH about the culture shock between the two, it's so much fun. It's crazy to think back to the first games and how they localized away as much of the Japanese flavor as they could, and now with this they just completely embrace it. So much time has passed, so much has changed...
Anyway the Great Ace Attorney is really good, I recommend it. Learned about a lot of weird taxes Britain had back in the day! Like a window tax and a paper tax. :O And a beard tax! While in Japan beards were outlawed, haha. Just fun things like that. Still wish they could've kept his name Sherlock though. Now I can finally look up Great Ace Attorney stuff without fear of spoilers! I actually managed to avoid almost all of them for TGAA even after all this time. :O
Man my eyes feel so bleary right now, I need to clean my glasses or something. I think it's just the exhaustion, haha. I should try to get some sleep...
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And the Frozen/Ace Attorney AU! I finally finished The Great Ace Attorney Chronicles on the flight here, after taking way way too long lol. I enjoyed it a lot! It deals a lot with cultural mismatches and clashes between Britain and Japan and I really liked all the characters a lot, even if I'll never get used to Herlock Sholmes instead of Sherlock Holmes, haha. Speaking of, he's so much fun! He's so incredibly stupid sometimes and other times he's very crafty, which I guess does fit in with his canon origins, haha. So lame they couldn't just call him Sherlock in it.
I can definitely see why people were mad after the first one got released because it really is like half the story, you only get the full resolution in the second game, so I'm glad they released them together in English. It's a shame we probably won't get to see more of the cast's adventures! Thinking about the localization for it is interesting, since a lot of the flavor to it to me is the different British accents that show up in places. I remember Hato Moa talking about how the English localization was better than the original Japanese version because it was able to capture those nuances in English better than it could in Japanese, haha. There's huge differences in British accents that tell you a lot that are hard to convey in translation! And the localizers did a great job of it, I enjoyed all the Cockney rhyming slang and little quirks here and there, haha. Attention to detail! What was it, back in the day people used to get Britpickers to beta their Harry Potter fic for Americanisms and such, I wonder if people still do that? Woah tangent
Anyway it was really a fun localization, everyone had such a unique flavor to their text, I really wonder how it was conveyed in Japanese, if at all. The cultural intersection is SUCH a huge thing in the two games, and it's interesting to think that I'm coming to it from the English-speaking side, as opposed to the Japanese-speaking side who were the original intended audience. There are conversations at points about differences between Japanese and English - characters talking about how you'd translate "I love you" into Japanese, for example, which got into cultural differences where a Japanese person wouldn't state their feelings so clearly, and would say something a bit more subtle instead, like "the moon looks beautiful tonight, doesn't it?" It reminds me a bit of a part of the first Pokemon movie where Meowth and cloneMeowth are talking and he says talking about the moon at a time like that is tasteful, haha.
There was also a fun conversation about Kanji readings and names, like Shakespeare being shortened to Sao, and like Holmes wanting to know what his name would be in Japanese, and all stuff that's just like crack to me lol. I'M REALLY INTERESTED IN THIS KIND OF THING the language differences are so cool! All the small traits and such that reflect that language's culture! Loved having them talk about it and do cultural exchanges and talk about racism and prejudice and all that, it's just SO MUCH about the culture shock between the two, it's so much fun. It's crazy to think back to the first games and how they localized away as much of the Japanese flavor as they could, and now with this they just completely embrace it. So much time has passed, so much has changed...
Anyway the Great Ace Attorney is really good, I recommend it. Learned about a lot of weird taxes Britain had back in the day! Like a window tax and a paper tax. :O And a beard tax! While in Japan beards were outlawed, haha. Just fun things like that. Still wish they could've kept his name Sherlock though. Now I can finally look up Great Ace Attorney stuff without fear of spoilers! I actually managed to avoid almost all of them for TGAA even after all this time. :O
Man my eyes feel so bleary right now, I need to clean my glasses or something. I think it's just the exhaustion, haha. I should try to get some sleep...
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