This morning, I walked past an advert for something described as the anal gland revolution. I didn’t know anal glands had been calling for a revolution and, futhermore, what’s going to happen once they start buying munitions?
In recent years, the word “revolution” has become as overused, meaningless and commodified as other natty terms such as “journey”, “community” and “identity”. I did a quick search of the word “revolution” in my inbox to see what else is out there and, among others, I found references to The Self Love Revolution (a midlife podcast), a break-up revolution (changing energy provider), a youth-led revolution (which turned out to be about floristry) and a revolution in chicken (essentially, salt).
Perhaps it’s because I’m teaching year 9 pupils Animal Farm at the moment, but this wholesale gobbling up of the word “revolution” by the advertising and PR industries makes me wonder if it might be time to come up with a whole new vocabulary for the overthrow of a government. Reincarlution? Expulsiocracy? Ploughism? I don’t know – branding isn’t really my thing. Away from the moral wasteland of consumer promotion, the word “revolution” is also getting a pretty good run-around in political, economic and social commentary. From the sexual revolution of the 1960s to the social media revolution of the early 21st century, with a green revolution, education revolution and AI revolution along the way. All of which surely means we need something to differentiate between the systematic removal and replacement of social and political order from, well, a new website or type of mascara (or, should I say, the “eyelash revolution”).
If you’re still wondering when the anal gland revolution is going to arrive and how best to reinforce your windows in preparation, let me clarify: the anal gland revolution is – and believe me, I’m as disappointed as you are – the tagline for a new dog chew. One that will, apparently, stop your dog skidding its bum along the carpet. Vive la glande, I guess.