Moriachnae

Okay. There were too many characters in the book, too many plot twists and (sadly) too much thinking required on the part of the audience to make a movie of the story as written by Raskin. But why oh why rewrite the whole thing from start to finish? Why make Angela a witchy debutante instead of the goody-two shoes she had been forced to become? Why did Grace Wexler promptly become an interior designer (which is what she wanted to be in the book and instead, she became a restaraunteur while Mr. Hoo became an inventor)? Why throw out Flora (who became a true mother figure to Turtle when it became clear that Grace was the worst mother on record) to pair Turtle with Chris (who was originally partners with Angela's fiance, Dr. Deere)? Why completely subvert the whole premise of Sam Westing's game which was to release Crow from her misguided suffering and free her to live life to the fullest--not to punish her for past misdeeds? The whole story became just another run of the mill kid flick with characters from central casting--no depth, no personality, no nothing.

Someone, somewhere, PLEASE, read the book and make us a far better movie than this mess. Yes, the book was tough to read because of the shifting viewpoints, but this mess cut out all the need to think, inquire or analyze. What a disaster!

Really, I did enjoy the movie. Honest. There were great moments here:

1) Aragorn's grief at the "deaths" of Merry and Pippin. 2) Aragorn's comic delight at seeing the Elven archers 3) The counting match between Gimli and Legolas 4) Sean Astin--let's just give him the award for Best Performance in a Supporting Role and call it done. 5) Best new way to mount a moving horse award to Legolas 6) The Orc Army 7) Pippin and Merry's delight at "getting it right". (I understand this wasn't in the book, but it was nice to see the two little trouble makers growing up a bit and coming into their own.) 8) The battle between Gandalf and the Balrog 9) Just about everything at the Battle of Helm's Deep (even the Elven archers who aren't in the book)

But--

1) Who's idea was it to have Legolas go stair-surfing? It didn't look cool, it looked anachronistic and dumb. 2) Some of the dialogue (including Sam's lengthy spiel about heroic stories toward the end) was cringe-worthy. 3) So was the dwarf tossing business. I know we needed some comic relief, but why Gimli every time? 4) Gollum's unfortunate Donald Duck voice--I'm sorry, but the argument between Gollum and Smeagol brought the house down with laughter when I saw it. Instead of being a tense and heart tugging moment, it became a cause for laughter. 5) The lighting of the bomb at Helm's Deep looked a lot like the Olympic Torch lighting. Please! 6) It really wouldn't bother me a whole lot if Peter Jackson went outside cannon and killed Arwen. Now. Please. Before I toss my pasta. 7) Also let the Nazgul get Eowyn instead of the other way around. 8) Some of the things taken out "because of time constraint" were replaced by things that took up more time than the things they replaced. 9) Was anyone else besides me and my friends waiting for the army at Mordor to start singing "Oh-wee-oh" from "The Wizard of Oz"? I would not have been at all surprised to see Sam, Frodo and Gollum grab three orc soldiers, smack them on their heads and then reappear dressed in their armor to march inside. Oh, but that would have ended the movie early, wouldn't it?

But I liked it. It made me cry in the right spots and it didn't have two things that make me want to scream whenever I see them: Jar Jar Binks and Princess What's Her Name of Naboo. Also I appreciate that none of the females (Elven or otherwise) resorted to wearing lots of revealing clothing.

That said, this was weaker than the glorious first film and I hope Return of the King redeems and clarifies the changes made.