SteakSalad_101

I very, very rarely write reviews for films that I don't see in the theater. However, this is a gross exception. Now you may think I am writing this review because the film I saw was a spectacular piece of cinema, something worth drooling over, spending $20 on and watching every Friday night with a different group of friends. But no…I am writing this review to tell you that if you ever so much as THINK of seeing it, I strongly recommend you to reconsider your decision.

Those who know me, know I love a scary film. The original 'Saw' is the only horror movie I have seen that managed to scare me. I picked up The Blair Witch Project after it had been called the scariest film since the Exorcist, genuinely frightening, and among other critics' ravings, I knew I had to give it a shot. So I made myself some tea, some popcorn, and sat down in the middle of the night and put it into my DVD player to watch on my big projection screen TV. All alone with the Blair Witch Project. Some may say, quite a daring thing to do! I may say, quite a laughable thing to do. (that is, laughable in the sense of me thinking I actually was going to be scared.) The Blair Witch Project is 87 minutes of pieces of footage collected by three young adults who go filming a documentary on the Blair Witch legend deep in the woods of Maryland. After interviewing several locals about the legend, they trudge into the woods, only to become horribly lost. They begin seeing strange things—sticks that look like witches, babies crying out in the middle of the night, rocks that magically appear in piles outside their camps…you know. The stuff from your absolute scariest nightmares.

So basically we have these three stupid people who DON'T stop cursing (130 F-bombs in one film) and these poor souls just can't find their way out of the woods. About 75% of the film is made up of footage of these people crossing streams while saying "turnip! I hope I don't fall!" and "I thought we already WERE traveling south!" The other 25% is made up of them crying during the night in their camps saying "Jesus kissing Christ, what the kissing turnip was that?! turnip!" While leaves rustle outside, rocks fall, and voices murmur. Then the morning comes. And they go back to crossing streams. Except this time, their map is gone. Ooh! The Blair Witch took the map! Getting scary, eh? Yeah, right. Then the night comes again. More "turnip! ITS BACK! turnip! WHERE THE turnip IS JOSH?! turnip!" Then the morning comes….you get the idea.

I kept thinking "This has GOT to get scarier, maybe the film hasn't gotten going yet." I was saying that throughout the whole film. I was even saying it during the final scene, and then the credits came up, and I was like WTF? Is there more? Wow, guess not. To be honest, that's what the Blair Witch Project is. And I'm not being funny or making it seem dumb for the sake of this review's success…I'm being completely serious.

All three of the people are laughable. Heather Donahue, who is an actress I love the work of, is the only one who seems mildly genuinely unsettled. The other two just scream like idiots. And then more F-bombs are dropped. Give me a BREAK already.

So yeah. Then we get to the final scene…they find a house in the woods. Pretty scary. They go in, they hear screams in the basement, and their cameras drop. THE END! Roll credits. I was thinking to myself, "They just used an hour and a half of camera time for something that could've been shown in literally five minutes." Now, I am not saying that the three people in this situation weren't scared, or wouldn't be scared. It's a pretty creepy set-up. But watching it on a screen? Bleh. It's just three stupid people who can't get out of the woods and who scream and curse at random noises they encounter. Last night I had a dream Nathan Radley from To Kill A Mockingbird snuck into my house, hacked my computer, and stole my kitchen table. And even that was scarier than this terrible movie. I'm not trying to be funny either.

So, in conclusion: mix three stupid people, a big woods, 130 F-bombs, and a bunch of weird noises that don't make sense, and you've got yourself The Blair Witch Project. I mean come on…gimme a break. Or, better yet, give YOURSELF a break—and never see this movie.

Come on, filmmakers! Give me another 'Saw' to scare me! This is your best shot?

Vantage Point was the film I chose to see this weekend at my local theater and I went in with high hopes. The storyline, which is a part-interlocking , part-flashback film (which, for the record, are my two favourite film elements combined into one!) is simple, yet complex to uncover. The film opens at a UN gathering of world leaders in Spain, with a big crowd, in an even bigger square. Suddenly the president of the United States is shot twice by an unseen assassin. The next thing you know, two bombs go off, one of them destroying the square.

The film is made up of that story told five times--each from a different point of view from a different person who was there. First, we've got agent Thomas Barnes (Dennis Quaid) who is back on assignment after taking a bullet for the president six months prior. He's paranoid, and picks up on any slight signal that could mean an assassination threat. Next, there's a shady looking cop who commits a strange act at the scene--is he corrupt? You decide. Third, we've got the American tourist (Forest Whitaker) who loves videotaping things. Fourth, we have the president himself, and fifth--we see the assassination unfold before our eyes. In addition to these four main characters, there are four others who are involved in the scenes, and combined, makes for a total of eight people searching for the truth--or who are somehow involved in it.

Each "vantage point" (hence the film's righteous name) offers more and more clues as to which of these people were involved in the assassination. Director Pete Travis delivers a bang-up job in making the plot line completely and utterly unpredictable. Even most people who can guess plot twists coming at any speed will be left baffled and thinking hard. My favourite aspect of the film was that it was entirely the same thing on repeat--yet different every time. There were some stupid idiots in my theater that were booing every time the scene got restarted, and that's where I think a lot of people will dislike this film, because it is undoubtedly repetitive. However, I feel the redundancy of the film adds to its original essence and its tension. The tension in the film is done very well and the first quarter of the film will have you holding on to your seat. Although there's a more than action packed climax, people who just want to see stuff blown up and people shot and car chases will be left disappointed throughout the movie. Don't worry--even throughout the redundancy there's plenty of that good stuff. My other favourite aspect of the film was its acting--Dennis Quaid was excellent and Forest Whitaker blew me away like he always does, in a role perfectly cast for him. Sigourney Weaver's brief cameos were done very well and everyone in the cast does a great job.

All that being said, Vantage Point is definitely not without its flaws. Some of the characters aren't introduced right and the execution in many scenes is done very sloppily. The climax (although ironically long) is extremely rushed and, in my opinion, was done rather poorly. Unfortunately I can't elaborate without giving away major spoilers, but it is a fun ending to watch nevertheless, and you are able to forgive the sloppy editing. The thing that made me want to cry was the horribly clichéd conclusion that shouldn't have happened. In my opinion...they should've revised the screenplay. I hope there's an alternate ending on the DVD.

So, if you're looking for a decent thriller or a movie to check out, you might just want to see Vantage Point. The classic assassination thriller, a splash of originality, garnished with great acting and an unneeded sloppy ending turns out to be one bittersweet cocktail. But mostly just sweet.

I have never been the only male person in a theater audience before. Ever. But now as I have gone to see "Juno," I know what that feels like. From all the hype surrounding this movie, and Roger Ebert himself calling it the best movie of the year, I decided it would be worth walking down to my theater in below 20 degree weather to see it at a 2:45 matinée on a lazy Sunday afternoon. So I did.

First and foremost--the film is over-hyped, but I still loved it. Juno (Ellen Page) is a weird, abnormal, yet stunningly cute teenager who messes up and gets pregnant by her best friend Paulie (Michael Cera). After choosing not to abort the baby, she decides to find adoptive parents, but in turn must face being pregnant at school, at home with her parents, and of course, trying to balance the everyday challenges of teenage life. As expected, there are bumps along the way, and that's why I think Juno is not so much a movie about teen pregnancy and the dangers that come with it--but as a dramedy about growing up.

There are a lot of original, fun, quirky ideas that come along with Juno--one, primarily, is Juno's character, who you can't help but love. She's weird and rebel, and doesn't try to be popular, yet of course, she gets some unwanted popularity eventually. Ellen Page does such a seamless job portraying the character, I would not be surprised if she was nominated for a Best Actress Oscar. Then we have Juno's best friend Paulie (who gets her pregnant), who is the nerdy, skinny kid who dominates the track team, plays guitar, and puts deodorant on his legs. The adoptive parents--Vanessa, the baby-obsessed lady who wants a child so bad she's ready to jump off a building, and Mark, the musically obsessed Sonic Youth lover who forms a friendship with Juno. I could go on and on and on but you get the picture...the film is quirky and lovable by everyone.

The film has a very indie feel to it that is paired up with a cute, indie acoustic soundtrack that I absolutely loved. The acting is without question some of the best I've seen in 2007 films--the dialogue is very witty, quirky, and entertaining, and forces a smile upon your face. Ellen Page gives a phenomenal performance as the weird, pregnant Juno and she is paired with outstanding performances by Jason Bateman, who you might remember from Arrested Development, and Michael Cera. Unfortunately, though I really liked the film, it is extremely over-hyped. It does not deserve a Best Picture nomination and certainly not it's 8.4/10 rating on IMDb. The strongest point of Juno is its indie -feel and originality--the weakest, unfortunately, is the way it is executed. I can't help but think Jason Reitman, the director, sort of mishandled the film and couldn't decide on whether he wanted it to be a comedy or tragedy. Also the first half hour or so of the film is very, VERY slow and lacks charm that is found in the second half. The idea, story, and structure for Juno is absolutely brilliant--but it could've been handled so much better.

Contrary to popular belief, Juno is not just for preppy teenage girls who have dumb boyfriends who want to knock them up. Like I said earlier, this is much more than a story about a pregnant teenager--it's a story about growing up and facing the world's challenges. Paired with wonderful acting, superb dialogue, a cute soundtrack, and a brilliant story, Juno turns out to be a great, cute film, whether you're old or young or male or female.