Take Me for a Ride

No, I'm not talking about the spunk that emerges from a masseur like clockwork at the end of every vignette in this "Tricky Spa" release from Mills & Blade but rather the idiotic scenarios presented in this most repetitious series within the Gamma Entertainment's Massage Porn universe.

Each scene is set up identically with the horny masseur setting a couple of hidden cameras to record his Oiler session with a beautiful babe, often to be used for blackmailing her not to reveal that he's up to no good, sexually speaking.

The tiresome gimmick is that while the man is painstakingly giving the client a rubdown he is eliciting enough information out of her to concoct on the spot a silly scheme designed to get her to put out and service him. Even if that were a viable premise (repetition makes it quite boring, especially as Barrett & Bree have gone to this well over a hundred times and counting) the main drawback of these DVDs culled from the team's websites is that those schemes make no sense.

So when Derrick Pierce tells Sarah Vandella that he has an acquaintance with a kennel and can help her out with her dog now that she's about to fly to Europe it beggars belief that this is enough to get her to have sex with him in the salon like a common whore. Apparently Bree and her director feel that their audience will stand for anything, sort of like that mythical mass of Trump supporters who follow their leader no matter how outrageous his falsehoods and misdeeds. My calling them to account amounts to naught, but somebody's got to do it.

Besides Sarah, who seems bewildered by much of Pierce's idiotic patter as both of them figuratively (if not literally) are glancing at their watches, hoping to get on to the humping portion of the program so that they can hit the shower and visit the paymaster, we have four other lovelies doing nothing for their career by playing a similar (nearly identical) charade.

Topliner Peta Jensen brings her massive and popular fake breasts to the table, also fooled by Pierce who is ever so cavalier in not keeping his promise to help her in any way once he's shot his load on her posterior. Eric Masterson bamboozles two babes, Alexis Blaze and Olivia Wilder, while my least favorite member of Blade's male troupe Ryan McLane does the honors with petite Kimber Lee after her car breaks down.