Sherlock (TV Series)

The Empty Hearse (2014)

Martin Freeman: Dr. John Watson

Photos 

Quotes 

• Dr. John Watson : Well, I've got some news.

  Mrs. Hudson : Oh, God, is it serious?

  Dr. John Watson : What? No, no I'm not ill. I've, uh, well I'm... moving on.

  Mrs. Hudson : You're emigrating?

  Dr. John Watson : Nope. Uh, no, I've, uh... I have met someone.

  Mrs. Hudson : Oh! Ah, lovely.

  Dr. John Watson : Yeah. We're getting married. Well, I'm going to ask, anyway.

  Mrs. Hudson : So soon after Sherlock?

  Dr. John Watson : Hmm, well, yes.

  Mrs. Hudson : What's his name?

  Dr. John Watson : [sighs]  It's a woman.

  Mrs. Hudson : A woman?

  Dr. John Watson : Yes, of course it's a woman.

  Mrs. Hudson : [laughs quietly]  You really have moved on, haven't you?

  Dr. John Watson : Mrs. Hudson, how many times?... Sherlock was not my boyfriend.

  Mrs. Hudson : Live and let live, that's my motto.

  Dr. John Watson : Listen to me. *I am not gay*!

• Dr. John Watson : I'm definitely going to kill you.

  Sherlock Holmes : Oh, please. Killing me, that's so two years ago.

• Dr. John Watson : [seeing a couple scooted from the room]  Clients?

  Sherlock Holmes : Just my parents.

  Dr. John Watson : Your parents?

  Sherlock Holmes : In town for a few days.

  Dr. John Watson : *Your* parents?

  Sherlock Holmes : Mycroft promised to take them to a matinee of Les Mis. Tried to talk me into doing it.

  Dr. John Watson : Those were your parents?

  Sherlock Holmes : Yes.

  Dr. John Watson : Well. *That* is not what I...

  Sherlock Holmes : What?

  Dr. John Watson : I-I mean, they're... just... so... ordinary.

  Sherlock Holmes : It's a cross I have to bear.

• Mary Morstan : God, I had six months of bristly kisses for me and then His Nibbs turns up.

  Dr. John Watson : I don't shave for Sherlock Holmes.

  Mary Morstan : [sighs]  Oh, you should put that on a T-shirt.

• Dr. John Watson : Mind palace!

  Sherlock Holmes : Hmm?

  Dr. John Watson : Use your mind palace!

  Sherlock Holmes : How will that help?

  Dr. John Watson : You've salted away every fact under the sun!

  Sherlock Holmes : Oh, what, and you think I've just got "how to defuse a bomb" tucked away in there somewhere?

  Dr. John Watson : *Yes*!

  Sherlock Holmes : ...maybe.

• Mrs. Hudson : Oh, I'm really pleased, Mary. Have you set a date?

  Mary Morstan : Uh, well, we thought May.

  Mrs. Hudson : Ah, a spring wedding.

  Mary Morstan : Yeah. Well, once we've actually got engaged.

  Dr. John Watson : Yeah.

  Mary Morstan : We were interrupted last time.

  Dr. John Watson : Yeah.

  DI Lestrade : Well, I can't wait.

  Mary Morstan : You will be there, Sherlock?

  Sherlock Holmes : Weddings - not really my thing.

• Dr. John Watson : I wanted you not to be dead!

  Sherlock Holmes : Yeah, well, be careful what you wish for.

• Dr. John Watson : You'd have to be an idiot not to see it. You love it.

  Sherlock Holmes : Love what?

  Dr. John Watson : Being Sherlock Holmes.

  Sherlock Holmes : I don't even know what that's supposed to mean.

• Dr. John Watson : One word, Sherlock, that is *all* I would have needed! One word to let me know that you were alive!

  Sherlock Holmes : I've nearly been in contact so many times, but... I worried that, you know, you might say something indiscreet.

  Dr. John Watson : What?

  Sherlock Holmes : Oh, you know, let the cat out of the bag.

  Dr. John Watson : Oh, so this is *my* fault?

  Mary Morstan : [Mary starts laughing]  Oh, God.

  Dr. John Watson : Why am I the only one who thinks that this is wrong? The only one reacting like a human being.

  Sherlock Holmes : Overreacting.

  Dr. John Watson : [Yelling]  Overreacting!

  Mary Morstan : John!

  Dr. John Watson : Overreacting! So you fake your own death and you waltz in here, large as bloody life, but I'm not supposed to have a problem with that, no, because Sherlock Holmes thinks it's a perfectly okay thing to do!

  Sherlock Holmes : Shut up, John! I don't want everyone knowing I'm still alive!

  Dr. John Watson : Oh, so it's still a secret, is it?

  Sherlock Holmes : Yes, it's still a secret.

  [looks around the crowded shop they are in] 

  Sherlock Holmes : Promise you won't tell anyone.

  Dr. John Watson : Swear to God!

• Dr. John Watson : [with a time bomb ticking]  So what do we do?

  Sherlock Holmes : I've no idea.

  Dr. John Watson : Well, think of something.

  Sherlock Holmes : Why do you think I know what to do?

  Dr. John Watson : Because you're Sherlock Holmes, you're as clever as it gets.

  Sherlock Holmes : It doesn't mean I know how to diffuse a giant bomb. What about you?

  Dr. John Watson : I wasn't in bomb disposal, I'm a bloody doctor.

  Sherlock Holmes : And a soldier, as you keep reminding us all.

  Dr. John Watson : Can't-Can't we... rip their timer off or something?

  Sherlock Holmes : But that would set it off.

  Dr. John Watson : You see? You know things!

• Dr. John Watson : [furious]  Two years... Two years! Hmm... I thought. Mm... I thought... you were dead. Hmm?... Now, you let me grieve. Hmm?... How could you do that?... How?

  Sherlock Holmes : Wait, before you do anything that you might regret, um, one question, just let me ask one question...

  [laughing at John's moustache] 

  Sherlock Holmes : Are you really gonna keep that?

• Mrs. Hudson : Sherlock?

  Sherlock Holmes : Mm?

  Mrs. Hudson : Talk to John.

  Sherlock Holmes : I tried talking to him. He made his position quite clear.

  Dr. John Watson : [John is in his office examining a patient with an undescended testicle. He lifts a middle finger]  Just relax, Mr Summerson.

  Mrs. Hudson : What did he say?

  Sherlock Holmes : F...

  Dr. John Watson : [feeling his patient's testicles]  Cough.

  Mrs. Hudson : Oh, dear.

• Dr. John Watson : Well, uh, surprise me.

  Sherlock Holmes : I'm certainly endeavoring to, sir.

• Sherlock Holmes : I calculated that there were thirteen possibilities once I'd invited Moriarty onto the roof. I wanted to avoid dying, if at all possible. The first scenario involved hurling myself into a parked hospital van filled with washing bags. Impossible, the angle was too steep. Secondly, a system of Japanese wrestling...

  Dr. John Watson : You know, for a genius, you can be remarkably thick.

  Sherlock Holmes : What?

  Dr. John Watson : I don't care *how* you faked it, Sherlock. I want to know *why*.

• Sherlock Holmes : No, I prefer my doctors clean-shaven.

  Dr. John Watson : That's not a sentence you hear every day.

• [discussing John's mustache] 

  Mrs. Hudson : ages you.

  Dr. John Watson : Just trying it out.

  Mrs. Hudson : Well, it ages you.

• Sherlock Holmes : Moran didn't disappear. The entire Tube compartment did. The driver must have diverted the train and then detached the last carriage.

  Dr. John Watson : Detached it where? You said there was nothing between those stations.

  Sherlock Holmes : Not on the maps, but once you eliminate all the other factors, the only thing remaining must be the truth. That carriage vanished, so it must be somewhere.

• [having stopped John from calling the police] 

  Sherlock Holmes : They'll get in the way, they always do. This is cleaner, more efficient.

  [pulls out a pry-bar and opens a locked gate] 

  Dr. John Watson : And illegal.

  Sherlock Holmes : A bit.