- Gorr: [wields the Necrosword] It feels more like a promise than a curse. So, this is my vow: all gods will die.
- Peter Quill: [from trailer] Remember what I told you. If you ever feel lost, just look into the eyes of the people that you love.
- [Thor looks into Star-Lord's eyes]
- Peter Quill: Not me!
- Thor: What? Just listening.
- Thor: [to Gorr] You've won. Why should I spend my last moments with you, when I can spend them with her?
- [goes to Jane]
- Zeus: It used to be that being a god, it meant something. People would whisper your name, before sharing their deepest hopes and dreams. They begged you for mercy, without ever knowing if you were actually listening. Now, when they look to the sky, they don't ask us for lightning, they don't ask us for rain, they just want to see one of their so-called superheroes. When did we become the joke? No. No more. They will fear us again, when Thor Odinson falls from the sky. Do you understand me, Hercules? Do you understand me, my son?
- Hercules: Yes, Father.
- [Thor is in a cloak]
- Zeus: Let see who you are. I take off your disguise... and flick!
- [strips Thor naked, crowd gasps]
- Korg: Ohh!
- Thor: You flicked too hard, damn it!
- [the Olympian ladies faint at the sight of Thor]
- Jane Foster: Should we help him?
- Valkyrie: I mean, eventually. Grape?
- Korg: Come. Come gather round, and listen to the legend of the Space Viking. A.K.A. the God of Thunder. A.K.A. Thor Odinson.
- [pause]
- Korg: Raised in the way of the warrior, Thor was taught to help win battles, fighting the good fight for those who can't fight good. He grew, and he grew, and he grew. He was sensitive, like a smile. And his loving nature did not discriminate. He once loved a swashbuckling Passionista. Another time, he loved a Wolf Woman, on a Woman Wolf.
- [pause]
- Korg: But Thor's one true love was an Earth woman named Jane Fonda. Oh, wait. No. Jane Foster. But sadly, in the battle for love, Thor lost. In fact, he lost a lot of people in those days. His mum. His dad. And that guy. And that guy. And whoever that is. And Heimdall. And his brother. And his brother, again. And again.
- [pause]
- Korg: Poor Thor had to watch his planet explode. And then he said, 'What have I done?' It seemed that everything and everyone he loved, he lost. And so he hid his heart behind a big, fleshy bod, so it could never be broken again.
- [pause]
- Korg: But just because he was done loving, didn't mean he was done fighting. He teamed up with the Guardians of the Galaxy and set off on some classic Thor adventures. He got in shape, putting in the hard yards. Taking pains into gains and never skipping leg day. He went from dad bod to God bod. But beneath this God bod, there was still a sad bod just trying to get out. Because all of the bods that Thor had worn over the years couldn't hide the pain that he was feeling on the inside.
- [pause]
- Korg: So he gave up his search for love, accepting he was only good for one thing... Waiting in quiet contemplation for someone to say, 'Thor, we need your help to win this battle.'
- Thor: [from trailer] These hands were once used for battle. Now they're but humble tools for peace. I need to figure out exactly who I am. I want to choose my own path, live in the moment. My superhero-ing days are over.
- Jane Foster: I'm not Lady Thor. My name is Mighty Thor! And if that's still too hard for you, you can call me Dr. Jane Foster! And one last thing: EAT MY HAMMER!
- Korg: [Ending narration] They will always be there for us. The Space Viking and his girl, born from Eternity, with the powers of a God. Two warriors fighting the good fight for those who can't fight good.
- [pause]
- Korg: They have traveled far, and have been given many names. But to those who know them best, they are simply known as Love and Thunder.
- [Thor has the children grab their weapons]
- Thor: Today is a day that will go down in history. Today is a day they will talk about for generations to come. Today, we are Space Vikings! Present... arms!
- [the children hold out their weapons as Thor holds up Zeus' lightning bolt]
- Thor: Whosoever holds these weapons, and believes in getting home, if they be true of heart is therefore worthy, and shall possess... for limited time only, the power... of Thor!
- [with lightning formed on his right hand, Thor energizes the children's weapons]
- Thor: General Axl, lead your army to that axe.
- Axl: We shall do our worst. For Asgard.
- Thor: King Yakan, tell them what happened here today. Tell of the time that Thor, and his ragtag, motley crew of misfit desperados, turned the tide of the battle, and etched their names in history. For the odds may be against us, but I'll tell you this for free...
- Peter Quill: Here it comes...
- Thor: This ends here and now!
- Jane Foster: -Quite a reunion, huh?
- Thor: -You're telling me.
- Jane Foster: What's it been? Like, three, four years?
- Thor: Eight years, seven months, and six days.
- Jane Foster: [raises eyebrows inquisitively]
- Thor: I haven't forgotten...
- Gorr: I know your pain. Love is pain. I had a daughter once. I put my faith in a higher power, hoping it would save her... and she... died. Now I understand. My daughter is the lucky one. She does not have to grow up in a world of pain... and suffering... run by wicked gods.
- Korg: [narration] Let me tell you the legend of Thor and Jane. He was a God of Thunder and she, a woman of science. And although they were from different worlds, somehow, it just made sense. And together they embarked on a journey of love.
- [pause]
- Korg: Thor taught Jane the way of the warrior. And Jane taught Thor the way of the people. And as time passed, their love grew deeper and deeper.
- [as Jane sleeps, Thor talks to Mjolnir]
- Thor: She's incredible, isn't she, Mjolnir? I need you to promise me you'll always protect her. I love you too, buddy.
- [Thor pats Mjolnir before walking away. Mjolnir briefly glows]
- Korg: [narration] And love that deep has a way of becoming magical.
- [pause]
- Korg: Thor set his sights toward a future and all it might hold. But the more he pondered a life with Jane, the more he feared losing that life. And although Jane didn't want to admit it, she was scared of loss as well.
- [pause]
- Korg: And so, they built walls between them. Thor got busy saving humanity. And Jane got busy doing the same. Real busy. And eventually, the space between them grew and grew until it became too wide to bear. Something had to give.
- Jane Foster: I have to stay up all night to go through this data, okay?
- Thor: And I have to stay up all night and clean all of this up.
- Jane Foster: There's two plates!
- Thor: It's two plates and two forks!
- Korg: [narration] And then, one night, it did give. Jane wrote a note. And Thor read that note. And their legend suddenly became myth. Or so they thought.
- Jane Foster: [says her catchphrase] Catchphrase!
- Thor: W-w-w-wait, is that your new catchphrase?
- Korg: I dunno. The word "catchphrase" actually sounds like a pretty cool catchphrase.
- [a stage play in New Asgard re-enacts the death of Odin]
- Actor Odin: Look at this place. It's beautiful. Home.
- Actor Loki: Yes. Home, father.
- Actor Thor: We're here to take you home.
- Actor Loki: Yes. To planet Asgard.
- Actor Odin: Asgard is not a planet, my sons. It is people. It is you!
- [Actor Loki sprays water on his face and pretends to cry]
- Actor Odin: And now, it is time for me to pass on to the spirit realm.
- [Actor Odin gets up on the stone]
- Actor Odin: I will take my place in the great banqueting hall of Valhalla, the resting place of the gods. Oh, one more thing. You have a sister.
- [confused look on Actor Thor and Actor Loki's faces]
- Actor Odin: And so now, I turn into godly stardust, and say farewell.
- [Actor Odin starts pouring glittered confetti on himself]
- Actor Odin: Oh, look. Do you see? It's happening. I'm disappearing.
- [Actor Odin hides behind the rock and crawls backstage as stage hands throw more confetti to the stage]
- Actor Thor: [screaming] NO!
- Actor Loki: Father!
- [stage hands bring in a painted canvas]
- Actor Loki: But wait! Brother! An ominous portal hath appeared behind us!
- Actor Thor, Actor Loki: Transform!
- [stage hands remotely rip the actors' normal clothes to reveal their costumes while Actor Hela bursts out of the canvas]
- Actor Hela: [laughing maniacally] I am Hela, Goddess of Death. Now, I return to Asgard to stake my claim as the rightful heir to the throne, and no one will stop me! Join me or die!
- Actor Thor: We will never join you, witch! Mjolnir!
- [Actor Thor throws Mjolnir at Hela, but she catches it with one hand]
- Actor Loki: Impossible!
- [Actor Hela crushes Mjolnir]
- Actor Hela: I broke your hammer! Time to die!
- Actor Thor, Actor Loki: Bifrost!
- Thor: Astrid, are you okay?
- Axl: I no longer go by the name Astrid. I'm now known as Axl. He's a singer from a popular band I heard on Earth.
- Korg: G n' R.
- Thor: Astrid, your father gave you a very tough Viking name and I intend to honor his wishes.
- Axl: Axl
- Thor: Astrid.
- Axl: I said Axl.
- Thor: Astrid.
- Axl: Axl!
- Korg: [interjects] It's asshole. Now listen to him!
- [last lines]
- Heimdall: Jane Foster.
- Jane Foster: Heimdall.
- Heimdall: I see you're dead now.
- Jane Foster: Yeah.
- Heimdall: Thank you for looking after my son. You are very welcome to the land of the gods. Welcome to Valhalla.
- Gorr: [narrating] ... There is an idea of a God Butcher; some kind of abstraction. But there is no real me: only an entity, something illusory. And though I can hide my cold gaze, and you can take my blade and feel it pierce through your bones and maybe you can even sense our hopes were probably comparable... I simply am not there.