- J.D.: Come on, man, it's our last week together! The J.D. and Cox train is pulling into the station. You must have a metaphor you want to use; hit me with it!
- Dr. Cox: I suppose I could riff a list of things that I care as little about as our last week together. Lemme see, uhh... Low-carb diets. Michael Moore. The Republican National Convention. Kabbalah and all Kabbalah-related products. Hi-def TV, the Bush daughters, wireless hot spots, 'The O.C.', the U.N., recycling, getting Punk'd, Danny Gans, the Latin Grammys, the real Grammys. Jeff, that Wiggle who sleeps too darn much! The Yankees payroll, all the red states, all the blue states, every hybrid car, every talk show host! Everything on the planet, everything in the solar system, everything everything everything everything everything everything - eve - everything that exists - past, present and future, in all discovered and undiscovered dimensions. Oh! And Hugh Jackman.
- Dr. Cox: I sure hope you're comfortable in that bed, because you're gonna be in one just like it for the rest of your natural born life.
- J.D.: What the hell was that?
- Dr. Cox: That was me talking to a patient who has thrown in the towel. You can't save everyone, Newbie, so I suggest you start working with people who want your help. That's what I will be doing.
- J.D.: I just want you to know I'm not ready to give up on Mr. Radford.
- Dr. Cox: Do you want me to give you my "things I don't care about" speech again? Because, you know, I've updated it to include all white guys who add -izzle to anything.
- J.D.: I agrizzle, my nizzle.
- Dr. Cox: Go on home and get in bed, will ya. I'm betting your friend Mr. Radford's already in his. I'll see ya.
- Elliot: I'm sorry. Look, um... You wouldn't understand.
- Dr. Clock: No, I get it. I mean, you're feeling lonely, you're feeling rejected. I mean, most people around here won't talk to me, and even Johnny won't take my help.
- Elliot: Who's Johnny?
- Dr. Clock: You know, he's a resident, he's got like gelled-up hair, and he and his friends are in a motorcycle gang?
- Elliot: I knew it!
- Dr. Clock: You know what, Elliot, you act like everyone's boxing you out, but you wouldn't even get a cup of coffee with me.
- Dr. Clock: Look, isn't it possible that Dr. Cox tricked you as a motivational ploy?
- J.D.: Hmm, no.
- Dr. Clock: After he said there was no hope with Mr. Radford, didn't you both work harder?
- J.D.: Nnoo! You're like a crazy person!
- Dr. Clock: I'll tell you something else. I mean, Dr. Cox is a text-book closed-off alpha male. I mean, you can try forever, but you're never gonna get that hug that you really want.
- J.D.: Uh, excuse me, I'm not a child. I'm a doctor.
- [thinking]
- J.D.: And i'll get that hug!
- Dr. Clock: So where were we?
- J.D.: Er... we weren't talking
- Dr. Clock: Was it cause of something you did cause i'm totally over it. I don't even remember what it was
- J.D.: No i mean like, we've never talked
- Dr. Clock: How do i know your name then?
- J.D.: You don't
- Dr. Clock: You're freaking me out Jimmy
- J.D.: It's Johnny
- [thinking]
- J.D.: Why would you say Johnny. You hate Johnny
- J.D.: [Voice over] As I fondled Katya, my pillow girlfriend, I thought about how things had changed for all of us.
- Elliot: It's so strange feeling all alone when like a month ago I was part of this really tight group, you know?
- Dr. Clock: Yeah. I had tons of friends at my old hospital.
- Elliot: I gotta meet some new people.
- Dr. Clock: Do you wanna, uh, get a cup of coffee tonight?
- Elliot: Can't. I'm hitting the internet hard and going on a friend hunt!
- Dr. Cox: [when Turk and JD huged each other after Turk just came back from his Honeymoon] Oh wo, wo. What do we have here? The newlyweds... oh and hey Carla. Mark my words he first year of marriage is just a real treat!
- [to Jordan]
- Dr. Cox: Sweetheart, do you remember ours?
- Jordan: The silly fighting for control!
- Dr. Cox: You broke my jaw!
- Jordan: You gotta stop that back-talk early. Come on, glass jaw.
- Dr. Clock: Hey! Do you guys mind if I eat with you? 'Cause I don't wanna sit alone and sing to my food like a crazy person
- Elliot: Oh, my gosh! I do that!
- Dr. Clock: No way!
- Elliot: Mostly pop songs. You know, unless I'm eating soul food.
- Carla: Where's your food?
- Dr. Clock: Oh, shoot.
- [she hops up again]
- Carla: Look, Elliot, we'll do something later this week, just the two of us.
- Elliot: Okay
- Dr. Clock: [returns with a tray] Oh, that is not my food. But I'm not getting up again.
- Elliot: Oh, I wouldn't.
- Dr. Kelso: Well, sweetheart, you're here early.
- Elliot: Yeah, well, you know I didn't have any plans last night, so I went to bed at 8 and then I woke up at 4. And then I realized that the sunrise just looks beautiful through the trees, and that my neighbor gets his paper in the 'nude' and that he needs to lose like 900 pounds.
- Dr. Kelso: In the future, the appropriate response is, "Yes, I am here early" - it's called 'small talk', not 'my depressing life in thirty seconds'.
- [walks off]
- Elliot: I am not depressed, sir. In fact, nothing is gonna get me down today!
- Mr. Blass: [singing] "All by myself. Don't wanna be all by my - "
- Elliot: Oh, shut up!
- Dr. Clock: Did you just tell my patient to shut up? 'Cause that seems not very doctory.
- Elliot: No. I mean, I said it like all those high school girls do in the mall, like, "Oh, shut up!" I should go.
- Dr. Cox: Good God, Fantasia. You - you don't actually think I'm done teaching you, do you? D'you not understand the only difference between today and tomorrow is that you wake up tomorrow and start coming in here and killing people, that no one can say, "It's no big deal, he's just a resident." Instead, what they're damn sure gonna be wondering is who tried to educate your sorry ass. And when that finger of blame starts pointing in my direction, I had damn sure better be in a coma from the anger stroke I suffered from the last time you tried to hug me. Oh, and, uh, don't be late tomorrow... Doctor.
- J.D.: [JD plays Scrabble with a patient] Ahh, Mrs. Grodberg, "jzilbek" is not a word.
- Mrs. Grodberg: I'm still beating you!
- J.D.: Well, I'm just glad your surgery went okay and you still have your A game. I don't really care who wins!
- [He turns]
- J.D.: [Voice over] Half a brain, dammit!