- Chastity Claire 'C.C.' Babcock: Well, it's been five days, and I haven't lost a single pound on this damned liquid diet.
- Niles: Maybe because it's gin.
- [C.C. grimaces at Niles, while she walks over to Fran who is eating a big piece of cake]
- Chastity Claire 'C.C.' Babcock: Nanny Fine. How do you eat like that and stay so thin?
- Fran Fine: I have a very fast metabolism. Every time I think about how old I am and the fact that I'm still single, my heart starts racing.
- Aunt Freida: [about hiring Niles] Maybe I could use some help. I've got all that Lardo porcelain to dust.
- Sylvia Fine: Freida, it's Lladró.
- Aunt Freida: You can pronounce it. I can afford it.
- Maxwell Sheffield: Miss Fine. What is Dr. Joyce Brothers doing in my sitting room?
- Fran Fine: Well, if you must know, she's here to decide if me or Miss Babcock is more right for you, not that it's any of your business.