- Grace Sheffield: [playing with dolls] Now everyone: Mr. Fuzzy would like to share!
- Fran Fine: Oh, I just love playing with dolls!
- Grace Sheffield: We aren't playing!
- Fran Fine: No?
- Grace Sheffield: We're in group therapy.
- Fran Fine: Ohhhhhh. Thank God, because, you know, I heard Ken and Barbie are on the skids.
- Grace Sheffield: Really?
- Fran Fine: I heard it directly from Chatty Cathy. It seems that Ken found out that Barbie had a fling with G.I. Joe right before Desert STorm.
- Grace Sheffield: Poor Ken.
- Fran Fine: Poor Barbie! One little indiscretion in 30 years, and it cost her the dream house.
- Grace Sheffield: Barbie never said a word! She must be in denial.
- Fran Fine: Sure. Look at her feet. That's all from frustration. Never trust a woman who can't wear flats.
- [smiles; cut to beginning credits]
- Fran Fine: [enters therapy waiting room] Excuse me, is this Dr. Voort's office?
- [turns head to look at sign]
- Fran Fine: Oh, yeah. Of course. I'm sorry. I'm just a little new at this whole therapy thing.
- Lexine: May I help you?
- Fran Fine: What's that supposed to mean? I'm okay, you're okay.
- [scoffs nervously and looks back to people waiting]
- Fran Fine: Are THEY okay?
- Lexine: You must be a new patient.
- Fran Fine: Me, a patient? What are you, nuts?
- [looks back to see the people offended]
- Fran Fine: Not that there's anything wrong with it.
- [turns back to receptionist]
- Fran Fine: I just need to pick up Grace Sheffield.
- Lexine: You must be the new nanny.
- Fran Fine: Yes. Fran Fine. I'm sort of a role model for her.
- [receptionist looks doubtful]
- Fran Fine: I'm sure she's mentioned me.
- Lexine: Anything Grace may have said about you is strictly confidential.
- Fran Fine: Well, what d'ya mean? Oh, if she blabbed about that little Chutes and Ladders incident, I did not cheat.
- [looks back to people]
- Fran Fine: She just can't count!
- [Gracie comes out]
- Fran Fine: Hiya, Gracie! How was your session?
- Grace Sheffield: It was great! I'm starting to make real progress!
- Fran Fine: [soft voice] Good for you.
- Grace Sheffield: [to air] Come on, Imogene! Lunch time! Stage Deli?
- [thrilled]
- Grace Sheffield: I was gonna say the same thing.
- [walks to door]
- Fran Fine: [to people in chairs] That's AFTER a $150 session.
- [follows Gracie out]
- Maxwell Sheffield: [on the phone, looking at drawings] What can one say about these costumes? They're uh, they're awfully well-drawn; you stayed almost completely inside the lines.
- C.C. Babcock: [takes phone from Maxwell] They're grotesque; you couldn't design a dickey, you talentless hack!
- [removes phone from ear, shocked and meanwhile, Fran stands in doorway]
- C.C. Babcock: He hung up on me!
- Fran Fine: [knocks on open door and enters the office] You catch a lot more flies with honey than you do with vinegar. Although what anybody would want with a whole bunch of flies, unless of course, you had a lizard to feed or a salamander or something.
- [Maxwell looks perplexed]
- Maxwell Sheffield: Miss Fine! May I ask why you're in my office babbling about reptiles?
- Fran Fine: Actually, I wanted to talk to you about one of the kids.
- Maxwell Sheffield: Hmm. If this is about canceling Maggie's piano lessons, God, yes!
- Fran Fine: So, she's not Liberace; is that such a crime?
- C.C. Babcock: Yes, in some countries, they'd cut off her hands.
- [she walks to couch and Fran, shocked and aghast, stares after her]
- C.C. Babcock: What?
- Fran Fine: Question - When they shot Bambi's mother, did you find that a sad moment?
- [C.C. and Fran just stare at each other for a bit]
- Fran Fine: At all?
- C.C. Babcock: [her smirk turns into a smile] I'm sure she's mounted in a nice home in a fine home somewhere.
- Fran Fine: Ah-huh. Well,
- [turns]
- Fran Fine: now I'll talk to you. Yeah, um, I took Gracie out to lunch and that figment of her imagination tagged along.
- [sits on Maxwell's desk]
- Maxwell Sheffield: Ah, Imogene.
- Fran Fine: Now, not that I mind eating two BLTs, but she stuck me for the check.
- Maxwell Sheffield: Yes, she has been cropping up quite a bit lately.
- Fran Fine: Oh, you should have seen poor Gracie in the park, sitting on the teeter-totter with her little tush in the dirt, not budging an inch, just waiting and waiting. I'll tell you, it broke my heart.
- Maxwell Sheffield: Well, perhaps we should increase her therapy.
- Fran Fine: Well, I was thinking of doing just the opposite. I mean, she's six years old; does she really have to lie on some couch getting her head shrunk twice a week?
- C.C. Babcock: [walks over] Miss Fine, they don't actually shrink the child's head.
- Fran Fine: What am I, an ignoramus?
- Maxwell Sheffield: Miss Fine, while I appreciate your concern, Grace is a very complex child and therapy is an important outlet for her.
- Fran Fine: Well, look, if she needs an outlet, I'll take her to Jersey. They got a Ralph Lauren outlet, a Donna
- [dialogue buried under audience noise]
- Fran Fine: I'm not sayin' the kid's gotta go cold turkey; I'm just sayin' I think she needs a little less Freud and a little more fun.
- C.C. Babcock: Therapy happens to be very beneficial. I've been going for 20 years.
- [Fran and Maxwell obviously perplexed, doubtful, shocked and confused]
- Fran Fine: [shakes head] Nahh. It's too easy.
- Brighton Sheffield: [Maggie is playing piano off-key with wrong notes; Niles is spray-cleaning; Fran is reading Tres Chic as Grace entertains herself with checkers and Brighton reads, but then throws magazine to couch and rushes to Fran, hands over his ears] Alright, alright, I confess - just make her stop playing; it's torture!
- Fran Fine: [shakes head] You don't know what torture is. MY sister played the zither. Once my ears actually bled.
- Margaret 'Maggie' Sheffield: My teacher says I have nimble fingers.
- Niles: You know, sign language is an excellent hobby.
- Grace Sheffield: [to no one] Okay, I'll do it myself.
- Brighton Sheffield: [theatrically] Submitted for your approval: A girl who has a friend that isn't there. An imaginary friend, here in The Gracie Zone.
- Fran Fine: Give her a break. She's only 6! When she invites and imaginary guy to the prom, we'll start worrying.
- Grace Sheffield: I win! You want to go play hide-and-go-seek? Okay, you hide.
- [covers her eyes; almost immediately uncovers them]
- Grace Sheffield: Where did she go? She IS good!
- Wife: 'Get out?' Is that what you want? Out?
- Husband: Yes, I want out.
- Wife: Well, forget it. You're in. Forever!
- Husband: Okay.
- Maxwell Sheffield: We're late. Can't you ever be on time for anything?
- Fran Fine: You think this look happens by accident? You think these clothes just fall on me? The only shoes that work with this outfit are six feet under.
- Wife: That's how we used to talk to each other. Remember, sweetheart?
- Husband: Yes, dear.
- Wife: But then Doctor Voort gave us the tools to rebuild our marriage. And now it's perfect.
- Maxwell Sheffield: We're not married.
- Husband: Get out now!
- Niles: Miss Fine, it's three o'clock in the morning.
- Fran Fine: [Digging ground in the garden] Thank you, Big Ben.
- Niles: Lose something?
- Fran Fine: No. I've always wanted to visit China.
- Niles: Give it up, Miss Fine.
- Fran Fine: You'd be singing a different tune if your wing tips were pushing up daisies.
- Niles: Let the poor souls rest in peace.
- Fran Fine: I can't. I'm still making payments on them.
- Niles: [Taking the shovel and starting to dig] Oh, here.
- Fran Fine: Oh, Niles, you doll you.
- Niles: Well, I just figured if we dig a deep enough hole we can bury the piano!
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