Dungeons & Dragons (2000)

Marlon Wayans: Snails

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Quotes 

• Snails : I got a new name for "dumb": "Ridley"! This is the Ridleyest thing I've ever heard!

• [while scaling the towers of the magic school, to Ridley] 

  Snails : Why don't we just rob God while we up here?

• Snails : I thought you said this was gonna be easy.

  Ridley : No, I said it wasn't impossible.

  Snails : See, that's the same thing you said when we robbed that little halfling's house.

  [Ridley begins mouthing in time as Snails says;] 

  Snails : And who'd he catch? Me. And who'd he beat from the waist down? Me.

  Ridley : Are you gonna jump?

  Snails : You gonna catch me?

  Ridley : I'm gonna catch you.

  Snails : Promise?

  Ridley : I promise. Now jump.

  Snails : All right.

  [There is a noise off to the side and Ridley turns around as Snails screams then falls to the ground] 

  Ridley : Sorry. I though I heard something.

  Snails : You did. Me hitting the ground.

• Ridley : We gotta save Marina.

  Snails : Wait. What about the dwarf?

  Ridley : You get the dwarf. I'll get the girl.

  Snails : Wait, how come I always gotta get the dwarf?

• Snails : She must've put some kinda holding spell into that bracelet.

  Ridley : Yeah, must be the only way she can get guys to come home with her.

  Marina Pretensa : I'd have to put a feeble mind spell on myself to want to take *you* home.

  Snails : That was funny.

  Marina Pretensa : You're going to the city dungeon.

  Snails : That wasn't.

• Norda : How old are you?

  Snails : Twenty-three. Yeah, I know I'm a little young for you, but what if I get my hands on an aging potion, huh? I'll sacrifice a couple of years for you.

  Norda : I'm two hundred and thirty-four.

• [Ridley recites an incantation, hoping to decode a scroll] 

  Ridley : Alanor, salah, bedara!

  [Nothing happens. Hands scroll to Marina] 

  Ridley : Can't blame me for trying. At least I...

  [Ridley is sucked into the map] 

  Snails : Woo hoo! See that there? I knew that boy had talent!