Kellie Shanygne Williams credited as playing...
Laura Winslow
- Steve Urkel: Laura, this is a... a really special moment and... well, I think we should celebrate it by... getting married.
- Laura: No.
- Steve Urkel: Engaged?
- Laura: No.
- Steve Urkel: Going steady?
- Laura: No.
- Steve Urkel: A date?
- Laura: No.
- Steve Urkel: A kiss?
- Laura: No.
- Steve Urkel: A handshake?
- Laura: No.
- Steve Urkel: I'll see ya tomorrow?
- Laura: Yeah.
- Steve Urkel: I'll take it.
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- Laura: How long have we known each other?
- Steve Urkel: Nine years, three months, two weeks, four days, six hours, eight minutes, and fourteen seconds... fifteen seconds... sixteen seconds.
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- [on the afternoon of the Prom]
- Laura: Girl, have you ever seen the hair salon so crowded?
- Maxine Johnson: It happens every year the day of the prom. Did you see them work on Dora Fenswick?
- Laura: She didn't need a hairstylist, she needs a fairy godmother!
- Laura: [Curtis is about to break bad news to Laura] Curtis!
- Curtis: Hi Laura!
- Laura: What's wrong?
- Curtis: I don't know how to tell you this, but I have to tell you straight out. I won't be able to take you to the prom.
- Laura: Curtis, I got my hair done, my nails. I bought a new dress and you say you can't take me?
- Curtis: That's Right
- Laura: Let me tell you something. It better be a dead relative in your excuse.
- Curtis: My grandmother died!
- Laura: [gasps] I'm sorry, I'm so sorry please forgive me.
- Curtis: My whole family is flying out to Washington for the funeral
- Laura: Can you wait a day, of course you can't
- Curtis: I know you're disappointed. I'm sorry, call you next week?
- Laura: Poor Curtis
- Maxine Johnson: Yeah and poor you, you gonna miss your prom.
- Laura: Maybe not, there has to be some guy who doesn't have a date.
- Laura: [as Steve walks he sobs and cries on Laura's shoulder] What's the matter baby, did you eat some bad cheese again? Whoo!
- Steve Urkel: [sobbing] No, it's Myra, her cold got worse. Her temperature shot up and she tossed more cookies than the Keebler elf. I rushed her to the emergency room and the doctor said she has walking pneumonia.
- Maxine Johnson: Will she be okay?
- Steve Urkel: [sobbing] In about a week or so, but she gonna have to miss the prom.
- [crying]
- Maxine Johnson: [Maxine starts to laugh while talking to Steve] Ooh, hoo hoo. This is amazing! You know uh, Laura doesn't have a date for the prom either. This means you guys have to go together.
- [laughs]
- Maxine Johnson: Bye!
- [Maxine laughs hysterically after she leaves the house]
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- Steve Urkel: Care to mop my brow?
- Laura: Forget it.
- Steve Urkel: No sweat, my pet?
- Laura: In your dreams.
- Steve Urkel: Hey, this is my dream!
- Laura: Well, then not even in your dreams.
- Steve Urkel: I can't believe this! I'm being rejected in my own fantasy.
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- Laura: Look, I owe you an apology. The only reason I asked you to be my partner was because I was worried about my grade. When I said my feelings for you might change, I was lying. And I'm sorry.
- Steve Urkel: So, you used me! You trifled with my emotions! I offered you my heart and you stomped that sucker flat!
- Laura: Yes.
- Steve Urkel: No biggie!
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- Steve Urkel: I have a spectacular evening planned!
- Laura: We're not going anywhere until the ground rules are straight. First of all, this is not a real date. It's a "non-date". Second, no one must ever know about this "non-date". Third, if you touch me at any time, the "non-date" is over.
- Steve Urkel: Well, what if you trip or something?
- Laura: Just let me fall! The rest of the rules are covered in this contract.
- Steve Urkel: [reading] "No mouth breathing, no snorting, no drooling". Who does these things? They're disgusting. Where do I sign?
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- Steve Urkel: A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do.
- Laura: Yeah, but what are you gonna do?
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- Steve Urkel: Hi everybody! Got anything in the fridge?
- Laura: Urkel, don't your parents feed you?
- Steve Urkel: Not everyday.
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- Steve Urkel: Laura? Laura, please. Please, my little Rapunzel.
- Laura: For the last time, Steve. I will not give you a lock of my hair.
- Steve Urkel: I'll settle for a toenail clipping!
- Laura: How can you be so disgusting?
- Steve Urkel: It's a gift!
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- Steve Urkel: [Steve is suing Carl on the TV show Citizen's Court and Waldo has been called as a witness] Waldo, how did you feel about Pablo?
- Waldo: [Monotone while Steve mouths his words with him] Pablo was a kind and gentle creature. When I was with him, I felt... I felt...
- [Rolls up his sleeve and begins reading]
- Waldo: ... I felt like I was one with the Bee-Oh-Sphere.
- Steve Urkel: [panicked] ... um... perhaps you mean "biosphere"?
- Waldo: [after thinking a moment] Ok. Cool.
- Steve Urkel: [Rushed] That's all. I'm finished with this witness, your honor!
- Laura: Wait a second. Excuse me Waldo, is there something written on your arm?
- Waldo: Just the stuff Steve told me to say.
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- Laura: I do want a guy with something upstairs, but, uh, I also want a well-built staircase.
- Steve Urkel: Oh, well, no problem-o. I'll just begin a rigorist-training schedule. Why, a few sessions on the Muscle Master and you'll be drooling over my deltoids.
- [strikes a pose]
- Steve Urkel: ... Laura?
- Laura: What, Steve?
- Steve Urkel: I hurt myself. Can you carry me home?
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- [Steve just built an atomic bomb]
- Steve Urkel: I knew you'd be thrilled.
- Laura: This is just a model, right? It can't explode or anything?
- Steve Urkel: Why, of course it can! I love ya too much to build you a dud!
- Laura: But... but, where'd you get that radioactive stuff?
- Steve Urkel: I just called my uncle at the Pentagon. Colonel Dirk Urkel!
- Laura: There's an Urkel in our defense department?
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- [Jazzy music playing]
- Laura: Steve, you like this kind of music?
- Steve Urkel: Mmm, not really.
- Laura: Maybe there's hope for you yet.
- Steve Urkel: I'm more of a polka kinda guy.
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- Steve Urkel: Hi Laura, my little sweet potata! Did you think of me while you guys were camping?
- Laura: Yeah, every time I used the bug spray.
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- Laura: Steve... why did you give me this... this... THIS?
- Steve Urkel: Because, I love you... love you... love you!
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- Laura: Get a life, Steve!
- Steve Urkel: All right! This is fantastic!
- Laura: What are you so happy about?
- Steve Urkel: You said, "Get a life, Steve", A week ago you would have said, "Get a life, TURBONERD". I'm wearin' you down baby, I'm wearin' you DOWWWWNN!
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- Steve Urkel: Is there anything I can do for you while I'm down here waiting?
- Laura: Let me know when Eddie gets back.
- [Eddie comes crashing through the living room in the car]
- Steve Urkel: [shocked] He's baaaaack!
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