Scifi: blockbuster & artsy diarrhea
Overrated, terrible movies made for blockheads and dandies.
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- DirectorAndrei TarkovskyStarsAlisa FreyndlikhAleksandr KaydanovskiyAnatoliy SolonitsynA guide leads two men through an area known as the Zone to find a room that grants wishes.Avant Guarde art nonsense taken to the extreme. Extremely long and boring shots that will put you right to sleep. I was forbidden to choose for movie night after this. Avoid this Soviet snoozefest at all costs.
- DirectorGeorge MillerGeorge OgilvieStarsMel GibsonTina TurnerBruce SpenceAfter being exiled from the most advanced town in post-apocalyptic Australia, a drifter travels with a group of abandoned children to rebel against the town's queen.An author’s plot stolen and used without credit? A double feature, with a poorly made version of Hook right in the middle? Look no further than beyond the Thunderdrome, where the plot was likely lost when society collapsed.
- DirectorJames CameronStarsSam WorthingtonZoe SaldanaSigourney WeaverJake Sully lives with his newfound family formed on the extrasolar moon Pandora. Once a familiar threat returns to finish what was previously started, Jake must work with Neytiri and the army of the Na'vi race to protect their home.Homeward Bound meets Dances with the Wolves. With guest appearances by Greenpeace and Shamu. The plot was lost somewhere in the belly of a whale.
- DirectorJ.J. AbramsStarsDaisy RidleyJohn BoyegaOscar IsaacThe surviving Resistance faces the First Order once again.TBH, I don’t know what happened. Was it the Death Star again? If they had replaced it with the ending of 2001 or lost it would have been better.
- DirectorJames GunnStarsChris PrattChukwudi IwujiBradley CooperStill reeling from the loss of Gamora, Peter Quill rallies his team to defend the universe and one of their own - a mission that could mean the end of the Guardians if not successful.Written by someone on Salvia. Was shellshocked coming out of the theater.
- DirectorRidley ScottStarsMichael FassbenderKatherine WaterstonBilly CrudupThe crew of a colony ship, bound for a remote planet, discover an uncharted paradise with a threat beyond their imagination, and must attempt a harrowing escape.Alien meets NASCAR, how fast can they kill these forgettable characters? The suspense is measured with a stopwatch. Hank Hill stars as Cmdr. Data.
- DirectorStanley KubrickStarsMalcolm McDowellPatrick MageeMichael BatesAlex DeLarge and his droogs barbarize a decaying near-future.Was it supposed to be funny? Was it supposed to be insightful? Who knows, the cringe s*x jokes were hard to move past.
- DirectorJean-Pierre JeunetStarsSigourney WeaverWinona RyderDominique PinonTwo centuries after her death, a powerful human/alien hybrid clone of Ellen Ripley aids a crew of space pirates in stopping the aliens from reaching Earth.“K*ll me…k*ll me!”-An unfortunate actor who played in this movie.
- DirectorRyan CooglerStarsChadwick BosemanMichael B. JordanLupita Nyong'oT'Challa, heir to the hidden but advanced kingdom of Wakanda, must step forward to lead his people into a new future and must confront a challenger from his country's past.
- DirectorAlexander PayneStarsMatt DamonChristoph WaltzHong ChauA social satire in which a man realizes he would have a better life if he were to shrink himself to five inches tall, allowing him to live in wealth and splendor.Smol man, the end.
- DirectorDouglas TrumbullStarsBruce DernCliff PottsRon RifkinIn a future where all flora are extinct on Earth, an astronaut is given orders to destroy the last of Earth's plant samples, kept in a greenhouse aboard a spacecraft.
- DirectorAlex GarlandStarsNatalie PortmanJennifer Jason LeighTessa ThompsonA biologist signs up for a dangerous, secret expedition in which the laws of nature don't apply.Film ends with the protagonist crawling into…tmi
- DirectorLeonard NimoyStarsWilliam ShatnerLeonard NimoyDeForest KelleyTo save Earth from an alien probe, Admiral James T. Kirk and his fugitive crew go back in time to San Francisco in 1986 to retrieve the only beings who can communicate with it: humpback whales.“Hey Spok, do you like spaghetti?”
- DirectorChristopher NolanStarsMatthew McConaugheyAnne HathawayJessica ChastainWhen Earth becomes uninhabitable in the future, a farmer and ex-NASA pilot, Joseph Cooper, is tasked to pilot a spacecraft, along with a team of researchers, to find a new planet for humans.“grgl…manamana…hyperdrive!…brglablerg!.” -Matthew Mcconaughey Large sections of the dialogue are inaudible, made worse by how loud the music was. Additionally hard to stay invested when there’s so many plot twists.
- DirectorAlex ProyasStarsNicolas CageChandler CanterburyRose ByrneM.I.T. professor John Koestler links a mysterious list of numbers from a time capsule to past and future disasters and sets out to prevent the ultimate catastrophe.It’s really bad, worth watching if you like terribly hilarious movies.
- DirectorChris ColumbusStarsRobin WilliamsEmbeth DavidtzSam NeillThe life and times of Andrew, a robot purchased as a household appliance programmed to perform menial tasks. As Andrew begins to experience emotions and creative thought, the Martin family soon discovers they don't have an ordinary robot.Pinocchio with robots.Robin Williams makes puberty jokes? When will it end?
- DirectorSteven SpielbergStarsHaley Joel OsmentJude LawFrances O'ConnorA highly advanced robotic boy longs to become "real" so that he can regain the love of his human mother.Movie was quite forgettable, except the outrageous ending.
- DirectorDoug LimanStarsTom CruiseEmily BluntBill PaxtonA man fighting in a war against aliens must relive the same day every time he dies until he can find a way to stop their power source with the help of an elite soldier.How’d you like to watch the same scene 20 times in a row? No? Moving on
- DirectorRoland EmmerichStarsJohn CusackThandiwe NewtonChiwetel EjioforA frustrated writer struggles to keep his family alive when a series of global catastrophes threatens to annihilate mankind.End of the world hype, pretty forgettable except that funny Russian guy.
- DirectorZack SnyderStarsBen AffleckHenry CavillAmy AdamsBatman is manipulated by Lex Luthor to fear Superman. Superman´s existence is meanwhile dividing the world and he is framed for murder during an international crisis. The heroes clash and force the neutral Wonder Woman to reemerge.Batman’s mommy issues aired out to dry.
- DirectorMarc ForsterStarsBrad PittMireille EnosDaniella KerteszFormer United Nations employee Gerry Lane traverses the world in a race against time to stop a zombie pandemic that is toppling armies and governments and threatens to destroy humanity itself.meh
- DirectorRian JohnsonStarsDaisy RidleyJohn BoyegaMark HamillRey develops her abilities with the help of Luke Skywalker as the Resistance prepares for battle against the First Order.Green walrus milk, yum
