Amateur Porn Star Killer 3: The Final Chapter

Having trouble scoring with the ladies? Here's a clever little ruse courtesy of 'director' Shane Ryan that should help turn your luck around: get yourself a video camera, pose as a horror film maker, cast z-grade porn-stars/wannabe actresses in your 'film', and give yourself the lead role as a psycho who records himself having sex with silicone-chested sluts before killing them.

Not only will you be bumping and grinding in no time, but you'll have a copy of the whole sordid affair to spank yourself silly to once the pros have rumbled your game; whatever you do though, please, please, please DON'T feel like you have to share the fruits of your labour with the world-wide horror community. I've just sat through Ryan's third recording of his sexual liaisons with cut-rate adult performers, thinly disguised as a horror film under the title of Amateur Porn Star Killer 3, and I have rarely been so bored in my life.

As a horror, APSK3 is a colossal failure, more likely to have the viewer falling asleep in their chair than perched on the edge of it in terror; as a piece of porn, the film fares no better, the women far too trashy and the camera-work way too erratic to achieve any tangible level of eroticism.