self harm – willowdot21

Mental Health Awareness.

It was Mental health awareness week last week and Clive at Take it Easy is an advocate for this cause. Each year having read his posts I am joining him today to highlight the plight of people suffering. Please read Clive’s post the link is above. To his post 2019.

Below is a post I wrote in 2013…when I was at a very low ebb..trying to cope with my life after breaking my back for the second time. I am proud to say this is something that I no longer do. ( Well very rarely)

Guilty Secret

I am a grown up, I must be, look at my age

But I self harm just like a teenager, in a rage!

I don’t cut but I scratch until I bleed

I make sure it does not show, no to show is not a need.

I do it because I hate myself, because I am so unsure

Sometimes it is the only thing that helps me to endure.

Right now I feel I am loosing the tenuous grip I hold on life

There seems to be only fine lines and they all lead to strife.

I really should be passed all this, I am a grown woman

But when things get fraught I scratch because I can.

I do not want to do this I am ashamed to admit

I hope that if I write it down, I find a way to stop it.

http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m4ak37j0rb1rwv1jko1_500.jpg

This is not my back but it could have been back then.

Dermatillomania, also known as excoriation or skin-picking disorder, is a body-focused repetitive behavior (BFRB) characterized by the compulsive urge to pick at one’s skin. It often leads to tissue damage, scarring, and emotional distress, and is typically treated with a combination of therapy and medication.

image

New pills

lozenge shaped

white and round they lift me

Sleep is a feeling new to me

Tablets

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Image

Tired

eyes drooping low

muscles aching, with such pain

these feelings are all new to me

Passed out

Sadness

sinking, falling

dragging me downstairs so deep

loosing my senses, to evil

New pain.

So to all of you out there suffering with any form of depression or mental illness please know you are not alone…. Get help, talk, listen open up . 💜💜💜💜

It Hurts

Friday I wrote about the pessures put on people by the media and society to follow their ridiculous demands by showing us the body beautiful. Resulting in Anorexia and Bulimia.

Even children as young as 5yrs are worrying about weight and looks . It’s not only women and girls effected boys and men are too.

Today I am writing about mental health, be it eating disorders, self harm, depression, anxioty …all of the above.

This poem talks of the “system” phyciatric care or maybe the lack of it. I witnessed some of this first handwhile helping a friend who’s daughter has phyciatric problems. The daughter also once spent a night in a police cell, the discription is almost interchangable.

I have also had the same experience nearly thirty years ago looking after a close family member (male) going through a “nervous breakdown” nothing much seems to have changed, the surroundings, the staff most of who do, do their best, the lack of information and support, the locked doors ( I know they need to be)

Well here is another reworked poem I do hope it can open an eye or two and hopefully let others know they are not alone.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It Hurts.

Shoe laces taken

All you know, shaken

Not a razor or knife in sight

Still the pain sears through the night.

Corridors full of eternal walkers

Going nowhere, watched by stalkers.

Screams erupt so do tussles

Held down by ‘staff ‘ with muscles.

Nothing stops the pain NOTHING

Smile at family don’t let them see the bluffing.

It hurts, it hurts you needs to bleed

A sacrifice to the demon’s seed.

Doors slam locks turn

Fears grow behind doors souls burn

Help me please help me

Blind eyes don’t see…………………….

Shoe laces taken

All you know, shaken

Not a razor or knife in sight

Still the pain sears through the night.

Dark Thoughts

Dark is the night , heavy this pain I bear

Empty feelings , black thoughts emotions flair.

The pain is eating me up pounding in my head

Evil, sugar sweet voices tell me I’d be better off dead!

I cannot breath my chest is too tight

The horrors crawl towards me every night

They engulf my very essence strangle my soul

The rip me open and devour me whole.

So dark the night so dark my soul in such plight

I need someone to find me and lead me to the light.

One more cut, one more pill, I pray it will be my last

My ugly face, my ugly body into the black pit be cast.

Cut my arms until they bleed

Cover them up to hide my need.

Have another drink and take more pills

Fall into oblivion to escape my ills.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

For those suffering with depression

FanFoFeb: I Cut therefore I bleed.

http://blog.palmpartners.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/boys-self-harm.jpg

In goes the blade and the blood seeps out

The relief is immediate all of the pain escapes in a spout.

You have to be careful that the scars will not show

This is yours only, yours no one else must ever know.

This you secret, as dirty as can be

You need to cut yourself, you have to cut yourself to be free.

Hounded all day and nagged at by night

Why don’t you go out anymore with your friends, why do you look such a fright.

Oh! that is a deep one, Oh! look at the blood flow

The warm wet is comforting , this is really soothing you know.

Oh! it won’t stop, what shall I do. OMG that’s a pool of my blood on the floor.

I am feeling cold and tired , I’ll just close my eyes,I can’t fight anymore.

http://i.imgur.com/t6FTeBl.jpg%3F2

Lots of young girls self harm and cut, it is true,

But never forget lots of young boys do this too.

Boys are venerable and easy to hurt as well

They suffer and pretend lost in their private hell.

Look out now for your daughters and sons

It is too late to help them if they are dead and gone.

Watch out for the signs ,look out for signs of strife

If you ignore them you could regret this for the rest of your life.

Places of help

Home

http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/self-harm/#.UwPhMvl_uSp

Or talk to me.

FanFoFeb, Why Don’t you see me.

http://sfgyc.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/anorexia_teens.jpg

No one listens no there is no one to care

They wouldn’t notice if I was not there

I am so hungry but I will not eat

I can’t gain weight that would be defeat.

Mum won’t listen she is too busy with her latest date

When they get drunk he corners me and does thing I hate.

Dad is too busy with the new baby and young wife

Where oh! where do I rate in their lives?

I am so hungry but I just can’t eat

If I gain weight then it would mean defeat.

Just some left overs in the fridge and cheese cake

If I just eat that , then sick I can myself make.

http://vernonaharris.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/Bulimia_by_LemonTequila1-600×438.jpg

I am not hungry, I shall eat later,I will take it to my room

I am so tired , I have no energy, I need to purge soon

Lock the door her boyfriends round again

He smells and he’s brutal and he causes me pain

No one listens no there is no one to care

They wouldn’t notice if I was not there

I am so hungry but I will not eat

I can’t gain weight that would be defeat.

FanFoFeb : Monster under the bed.

http://fc02.deviantart.net/fs71/i/2011/157/2/2/monster_under_my_bed_by_tarasovagalya-d3i7ty4.jpg

Sitting under the bed watching and judging me

Why do I do this what is the point, is there a reason

My nails scratch my back till it bleeds, it’s for no one else to see

I scratch till I bleed, it helps me cope with what is wrong.

I am worthless I am useless and very stupid.

Go on says the monster, scratch your back or your arms or even your legs

Do it now go on deeper watch the blood flow just make sure the scars are hid!

Rip your pain out, guts and gore, you are worth nothing. No more than the dregs!

I can no longer fight you monster under the bed.

You have worn me down I feel so worthless.

Yes you have won, I am convinced you have entered my head!

I can no longer fight, no longer repel, here I am ready for your viscous caress!

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Post on your site, and join FanFoFeb . The rules are easy!

1. It’s never too late to join in, since the “FanFoFeb Fantasy for February lasts all month . (it doesn’t have to be a post) counts as a “post.” If it makes it to WordPress that day, great! If it waits a week to get from the sticky note to your screen, no problem!
2. If you write a FanFoFeb . post on your blog, you can ping it back to the above link to make sure everyone participating knows where to find it.
3. Write anything!
4. Have fun!

Self Harm : a Nonette.

Screams rise from my tortured and empty soul

Desire dragging me into a cavernous hole.

Demons ripping the clothes from my back

Grabbing, thrashing blindingly black.

Biting and scratching

Sucking my blood

Heaving and retching

Tears flood

Mud.

JusJoJan: What are we doing?

https://encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcR9skRC9vw5t6mvck9jRmV0-qbqJriNwLVkXDBoekxuOp2dzKH7

If this offends you look away, you may

Not like what I have to show you or what I have to say.

So many people tapped in pain and fear

So many souls asking us for help loud and clear.

Wonderful people in the evening of their lives

Lonely and neglected, lost souls, lost husbands, lost wives.

Easy pickings for bullying evil staff

Ignoring their charges, at their pain they just laugh.

http://www.thinkinghousewife.com/wp/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/Nursing-Home-Hallway.jpg

Teenagers starving themselves into ghosts

Believing the thinner they grow they will be acceptable to the heavenly hosts.

Their parents sins telling on them

Young tortured souls punishing themselves again and again.

Couples caught in merciless arguing rounds

Pulling each other deeper, deeper under ground.

Desperate and hopeless attacking themselves.

Cutting and bleeding into themselves deeper they delve

What are we doing how can all this come to pass

Blood being let from veins by scissors and glass.

Ignored, neglected, forgotten brushed under the carpet

Look away now, pretend it’s not real. God help you pet.

No? this is none of your doing? so don’t worry or fret!

Cutting the pain

Shut the door , shut them all out cover your ears

Pull the curtain, drop the latch wish you could shut out your fears.

The pain is building, pumping in your blood, echoing in your head .

Find the tin box, the one you hide , with the knife and tissues under your bed.

http://api.ning.com/files/8pfDfdylq2vpthnCRhDk2CrNUySeABc5jeYJkfYnDQVhNJ5dARB8Jc3rnG1HQv5V*r7xFuT8znUiwdo6jF5rbxHLBoQuPOaU/wmLoveSuicide.jpg

Put the light on take a deep breath not long now release is at hand.

Take the knife watch it cut , cut deep see the red line expand

Seeping out it takes the pain , make it work this time again

Make it work deeper we go , damn it’s gushing tissues quick make no stain.

Why won’t it stop , just watch it flow

Making all my pain and fears go

I am feel so cold ,I can’t stop shaking

Falling, falling all is fading something is all my agony taking ………………….

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