missing – willowdot21

MMMM Sweet Sister.

I read Cathy from Curious as a Cathy post for MMMM. She said it’s a free choice week and she chose to write about her younger brother who died before his time. Cathy’s post inspired me to write one for my Sister Mary who died also before her time. I hope you don’t mind Cathy.

My beautiful sister Mary and I about thirty years ago.

If only I’d made more time
To travel to your door
If only we’d lived closer
Or I’d known what I know now, before.
If only I had told you how much I really care
If only I could touch you, If only you were still here.

My dear and beautiful second eldest sister died in October 2015 . She was a nursing sister all her working life and she touched so many lives. She died a horrible and painful death due to a drug resistant bug.

Last moments

The machines murmured and slowly stopped their pings
As her soul, finally at peace, found it’s wings.
After months of pain and strain
She was free again.
I hope you are with your true love and dancing to a sweet refrain.
God Bless you sister dear
I miss you so, yet still feel you near.
Your going left a scar
I see you everyehere like a burning star.

She loved musicals, Opera, films, books, she was an author for Mills and Boon. Here is some of the music that she loved.

MMMM is a Blog Hop, the head host is Xmas Dolly, and the co-hosts are Cathyfrom Curious as a Cathy, joined by the knowledgeable Stacy ofStacy Uncorked and Ramblin’ AM.

Boogie on everyone .💜💜💜

Song Lyric Sunday. To those I miss.

The lovely Helen Espinosa who has been missing her daughter this week has set us our Song Lyric Sunday . : ‘Post a song about missing someone you love. Let’s let them know how much we miss them and can’t wait to see them again.’

Rules and Pingback here

Andhere

This is just so hard for me right now as I am missing so many people in my life. Sadly things are just getting worse and worse , every time I think there is a light at the end of the tunnel it turns out to be the the express train heading right at me.

So what to do, the pain is excruciating and things are just tearing my family apart and all I can do is watch. I live in fear of the next blow up …one is actually imminent.

What to choose I do not know?

Well the way I feel now it is harder for me to cope with my son and his family removing themselves from my life , the loss of my sister and my best friend being on the other side of the country !

Did I say a blow up was imminent well it just happened again! I just feel so low and physically sick.

This is too painful to write so I shall let Sia say it all for me.

Eye of the Needle

Sia

Take me down
I’m feeling now
And if I move on
I admit you’re gone
And I ain’t ready
And I’ll hold steady
Yeah I’ll hold you in my arms
In my arms, in my arms

Whoa

And you’re locked inside my heart
And your melody’s an art
And I won’t let the terror in, I’m stealing time
Through the eye of the needle

Step and repeat
Whoa
Tears fall to the beat
Smile through the pain
Feel the acid rain
And I ain’t ready
But I’ll hold steady
Yeah I’ll hold you in my arms
In my arms, in my arms

Whoa

And you’re locked inside my heart
Whoa
And your melody’s an art
Whoa
And I won’t let the terror in, I’m stealing time
Through the eye of the needle

My bags heavy
Been filled by me
They weigh me down
Carry them ’round
It’s all mine all mine
I am blinded by the eye of the needle

lyrics from A to Z Lyriccs

Hedgehog in Reverse: A Poem

It is so hard to stay away even though circumstances demand I must. So Here I am with my heart on my sleeve again. Just a quick visit to get an annoying set of words off my brain and out of my heart.

9739f77602a3f673d4c0eafd65933dc1 Hedgehog in reverse
It is such a curse
Deeper each day
The barbs don’t go away.

Piercing deeper than deep
Through my brain they seep
Sometimes they make me fall
Always they sting and make me small.

I close my mind to fears
When verbal barbs assault my ears
There is no where I can go
There is just no escape I know

Where is Paul?

Hi I am afraid I have not received an “If we were having coffee” post from Paul Curran this week. I am sure all his and my readers will join me in wishing him well and hoping he is safe.

We all are sending you love Paul and hope to hear from you soon . I have emailed Paul but had no reply.

Sending you warm loving and good vibes Paul via wordpress xxxxxxxxxxxx

A Letter of Thanks to Mum and Dad.

Yesterday Jean at Social Bridge wrote a post about writing a thank you letter to your parents read here. It is beautiful and it inspired me to write a thank you letter to my sadly, long gone parents. Thank you Jean.

Dear Mum and Dad

I don’t think I ever made it clear enough how I appreciated exactly what you did for me. It is only now as a parent that I see what you must of gone through.

Nine children you had, nine, you lost three but that was never your fault. How did you cope Mum it must of been hard, and Dad worse for you because in those days grieving was not the done thing. I lost three babies too I could not openly grieve either but you knew you silently gave me strength.

How did you cope Mum and Dad how did you balance help and interference , how come you never ended not talking to each other. What do I do to bring my husband and youngest back together…. how do I get them both to cross the huge void that is screaming to be addressed!

Now look see, you have both been gone so long and I miss you both so. I need you here to give me the strength , kindness and love. See even now I am asking for your help. I am so selfish, I was so angry when you died Mum because you were not there to talk to me and help me, do you know it took 7yrs to accept that you had really gone.

Who helped you, did anyone or did you have to struggle through learning haphazardly! You no doubt had too and that is why you were both such helpful parents. I am amazed at the sacrifices you must of made to keep us in clothes, shoes and food.

Dad worked as a body maker for LT making seats on the buses! Off to work at 5am and home at 5pm for dinner 6pm the BBC News … silence reined!

Mum remember Wimbledon week we had salad every evening because you loved the Tennis , funny thing Mum I can’t stand tennis! 🙂

Well I shall close now and tell you that you gave me lots of love and good advice and support. I really hope that you were both proud of me!

I miss you and I love you !

willow xxxxxxxx

PS. I think things are improving on the father and son front so please if you can pray that they continue to improve!!

Wish You Were Here.

We wish that you were here
So we could hold you near.
Today of all days we wish
That you our cheeks could kiss.
A mother in a million were you
We hope we told you enough , true.
In our thoughts you stay and on this Mother’s Day
We love and miss you so, that is all we have to say.