guilt – willowdot21

W3 Poetry Prompt

This week’s W³ poetry prompt, hosted by the lovely Suzanne Brace,( her poem here) is to compose a poem in the ‘Dectina Refrain’ poetic form to share an emotion.

Dectina Refrain?

Ten lines;
Syllabic: 1/2/3/4/5/6/7/8/9/10;
The tenth line is comprised of the first four lines all together, as one stand alone line in quotation marks. (apparently the quotation marks are optional.)

GUILT

Could
We be
More guilty
Shut tight our eyes?
Blocking out the pain.
Don’t look, we’re not to blame.
We can’t carry all the guilt
It’s not our job to shoulder shame
Rockets will fly daily all the same.
“Could we be more guilty, shut tight our eyes?” © willowdot21

THIS IS PART OF W3 POETRY PROMPT.

Lune 11

At Kat Myrman‘s suggestion,along with Jane Dougherty, I’m trying out the Lune form this month. The Lune is a three line poem, either 5/3/5 syllables or 3/5/3 words.

Image from Pixabay

Looking back in time

Could it be

My fault for what’s mine.

Homeless At Christmas

I originally wrote this in December 2013 but it is still relevant .

I hope it won’t snow this Christmas it’s one of my biggest fears.

It was so bitter last year even thinking of it makes me shudder and shed a tear.

They won’t be eating Turkey with all the trim

Unless they find a charity shelter and they can get in.

The people at the shelters are angels from up above they give their time and plenty love.

They really are saviours they really do so much good.

They give warmth and comfort and Christmas dinner and even Christmas pud.

OH! why are they out here I hear you say

There are lots of reasons, have you got all day? Dave got made redundant the bills he couldn’t pay So the bank stepped in and took his home away.

His wife could not stand the B&B that the social offered them

So she took the children off to live with her mum so Dave won’t see them again.

Jen, she was cheeky girl always having fun

Staying out late and playing up in the end it got too much for her mum!

After a big row one night in the summer she asked Jen to go,

So she is struggling along out here now,when your homeless it is amazing how fast your friends all go.

istock_000023730585_small-compressed — image found here

Rob well his story is very sad,

It all started with his drinking then he discovered drugs he became violent and everything turned bad.

He fell out with his mother’s boyfriend who told him he had to go

And then threw him out into the December snow.

The reasons are legion you can take your pick,

People who loose their jobs because they became sick

From parents who can’t cope

To addictions that make you loose all hope,

Parents or family who beat you, family who will not stop at a touch

They want you to give them way too much.

This may all seem morbid this may all seem too sad

I hate to tell you all, things can be so very, very bad.

People young and old see their hopes and dreams unfold and vanish in clouds of smoke

As they end up on the streets lost and without any hope.

So enjoy your Christmas parties, your families and your Yule tide fare

But as you raise a toast remember the homeless ones out there .

YOU CAN DONATE OR HELP HERE

BLOOD ON YOUR HANDS

Blood on my hands, bright red and warm

Where is it from , sticky thick . Have I caused harm?

It runs slowly down my fingers then drips on to the sand.

Where am I , alone here with blood on my hand.

You are guilty it is your fault all your doing

The machine of war keeps turning all hell ensuing

You can carry all the blame, look at this world you have built

Never mind the blood on your hands there are gallons more you’ve spilt.

Who are you to blame me,

Show yourself , reveal your face let me see.

Why me, what have I done to have blood on my hands.

I have done nothing , I do not wage war I don’t make stands.

You are guilty it is your fault all your doing

The machine of war keeps turning all hell ensuing

You can carry all the blame, look at this world you have built

Never mind the blood on your hands there are gallons more you’ve spilt.

I am no one just an ordinary woman, I have never hurt anyone

I have never have I killed so why is there blood on my hands

Why am I here, this empty place, dirty under this sun

I need to wash this blood from my hands.

You are guilty it is your fault all your doing

The machine of war keeps turning all hell ensuing

You can carry all the blame, look at this world you have built

Never mind the blood on your hands there are gallons more you’ve spilt.

I am your conscience, your last chance

Take off your blindfolds and stop the devils dance

Love each other, share what you have for a change

Before it is too late , have compassion. That is not so strange.

STOP IT.

http://jmbaumgart.com/assets/dermatillomania.jpg

I have a guilty secret I have written about it here I think it is called Dermatillomania .

The more I try to stop the habit the more it seems to plague me.

I scratch my back and my shoulders until they bleed

The more I scar myself the more I have to hide so no one will see.

I just do not know why I have to do this, what ever is the need.

I am going on holiday soon I shall be in the sun

But I shall have to cover up to hide what I have done.

My husband does not like this, he does not understand

Why I make such a mess of myself, my back, my arms and now the fingers of my hand.

Why do I do this, why can’t I handle life

Sometimes it looks like I have attacked myself with a knife.

The more I tell myself to stop the more I seem to do it

My husband tells me I must stop, as if there is nothing to it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I am not as bad as the picture but I do now have many scars. Unfortunately I have several new scabs on my back and shoulders. I really do not understand why I do this I am not a teenager or even a young person. I feel so ashamed that I do this when I am a mature woman with children and grandchildren.

WHY IS LIFE SO HARD.

EvDaDaDec : Guilty secret

http://th06.deviantart.net/fs70/200H/f/2013/051/4/c/dermatillomania_by_frolicking_photons-d5voj6y.png

I am a grown up, I must be, look at my age

But I self harm just like a teenager , it must be all the rage!

I don’t cut but I scratch until I bleed

I make sure it does not show, no to show is not a need.

I do it because I hate myself, because I am so unsure

Sometimes it is the only thing that helps me life to endure.

Right now I feel I am loosing the tenuous grip I hold on life

There seems to be only fine lines and they all lead to strife.

I really should be passed all this,I am a grown up woman

But when things get fraught I scratch because I can.

I do not want to do this I am ashamed to admit

I hope that if I write it down, I find a way to stop it.

http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m4ak37j0rb1rwv1jko1_500.jpg

This is not my back but it could be

Why do I do this, what is wrong with me.

I know I am not alone many struggle with this curse

I want to find the strength to stop and not get worse.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I feel the need to face up to this as I have now been chewing my fingers… I have never attacked my hands before.

I have found this on the web Dermatillomania does anyone know about it .

HOMELESS AT CHRISTMAS

http://www.sunderlandecho.com/webimage/1.4056197.1323777984!image/3331716754.jpg_gen/derivatives/landscape_595/3331716754.jpg

I hope it won’t snow this Christmas it’s one of my biggest fears.

It was so bitter last year even thinking of it makes me shudder and shed a tear.

They won’t be eating Turkey with all the trim

Unless they find a charity shelter and they can get in.

The people at the shelters are angels from up above they give their time and plenty love.

They really are saviours they really do so much good.

They give warmth and comfort and Christmas dinner and even Christmas pud.

OH! why are they out here I hear you say

There are lots of reasons, have you got all day? Dave got made redundant the bills he couldn’t pay So the bank stepped in and took his home away.

His wife could not stand the B&B that the social offered them

So she took the children off to live with her mum so Dave won’t see them again.

Jen, she was cheeky girl always having fun

Staying out late and playing up in the end it got too much for her mum!

After a big row one night in the summer she asked Jen to go,

So she is struggling along out here now,when your homeless it is amazing how fast your friends all go.

Rob well his story is very sad,

It all started with his drinking then he discovered drugs he became violent and everything turned bad.

He fell out with his mother’s boyfriend who told him he had to go

And then threw him out into the January snow.

The reasons are legion you can take your pick,

People who loose their jobs because they became sick

From parents who can’t cope

To addictions that make you loose all hope,

Parents or family who beat you, family who will not stop at a touch

They want you to give them way too much.

http://nolimitshelp.org.uk/sites/default/files/imagecache/main/Homeless_Young_Man_1.jpg

This may all seem morbid this may all seem too sad

I hate to tell you all, things can be so very, very bad.

People young and old see their hopes and dreams unfold and vanish in clouds of smoke

As they end up on the streets lost and without any hope.

So enjoy your Christmas parties, your families and your Yule tide fare

But as you raise a toast remember the homeless ones out there .

No escape

I thought I had escaped at last the clinging ties that hold me fast. I though with age things would relent and all the harsh things you’d said were just not meant.So many years I have carried the fears that have weighed me down and reduced me to tears.

How long is this path I have to walk while all my short falls on your, black board, you chalk. I just think I see the light and as towards it, my way I fight. You watch me nearly reach my goal then you scoop me up and drop me in your goldfish bowl.

How long can this torment last? When will you loose these chains that have me in their grasp.Why must each day be another trial that sees me fail , stupid, lazy , ignorant and vile.Why must it always be your way, why must I adhere to everything you say. You march on your eyes and ears tight shut and I am dragged in your wake all bruised and cut.

I am tired and and weak of heart lost for words, by your demons I am slowly torn apart. After all these years I cannot melt your icy heart but I guess I new that from the start. How can I fight these devils, they are yours not mine but still they are killing me as around my heart they entwine.

WHY

Hi I wrote this in November of last year. Today I am feeling tired and cold and if I am honest very low. This poem of mine came into my head so I revisited it. I keep thinking that I have moved on and that he has too but then another kick from the gods of fate comes resounding into the small of my back and I open my eyes and see nothing has changed nothing at all.

I have changed about two words, they probably make no difference to the poem but I needed to change them. A little tweakette. Oh! that we could do that with life. The keys at the end of the poem are very symbolic to me. I feel locked up, trapped in a cell. Yet to the world I present this smile, “I can do ” appearance. What a joke that is I feel hardly capable of standing today.

Okay that is enough,I have subjected you all to more than you need to know about my bleeding heart and life so lets wipe the blood from the page and hope for a cheeky chirpy next post…… yer right!! 😦

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

WHY?

Just how do you do it time after time.Why do I let you do this to me, there is no reason or rhyme. It makes no sense, why do you tear up this life of mine. Do you have no sense of occasion do you not even care, have you no feelings left for me, do you even need me there.

I think I must be stupid I think I must be mad to let you carry on the way you do, it is all so wrong, it just makes me feel so bad..

Why do you want to live two lives it surely it is not on. You are missing most weekends, sometimes weeks at a time and that is surely wrong. I have dodged the questions asked about you from family and friends I hate to lie for when that starts it never, never ends.

People take their sides they do not realize that they have, they make a choice which means different rules apply. The first time I was shown this my heart was turned to stone. I thought that I would die.

This really was a shock to me, I am a bit stupid you see, the fact that life is like that was staring at me glaringly.

It has been so many years now but time has not made any of the pain recede. In fact time makes no difference the pain just grows indeed. It has turned into acceptance which is a bitter seed.

Why have I taken this all for so long, why when I know it is all wrong. Family yes, appearances no,I lost all pride long ago . For my comfort maybe, I need help I need someone even if they don’t want me.

“WHEN WE LET GO WE ARE FREE “

Why are we falling apart.

Stop, stop you are breaking my heart. Why now, why is it all falling apart. It was good, it was great at the start so why why is it all falling apart.

You no longer listen to a word that I say, there is a split and it is growing larger every day.Why, oh! why when it was so good are we throwing it all away.

Stop, stop shouting at me , the louder you shout the less likely I am to agree. We were so together, what was it that happened that made you hate me.

Falling, falling apart. I can’t take much more you are breaking my heart. Listen, please listen don’t slam that door because if you do there will be no way back to how it was before.