Grief – willowdot21

Helping Eachother.

On Friday I joined in on a prompt: dVerse
poetics hosted by Punam this week. The guidelines were to write about grief in general or personally. If we were prepared to share, you could write about healing, dealing with loss or the general state of our world that brings grief to you”
I wrote about the three babies I lost in the early 1970s when you didn’t grieve or even mention having miscarriages. (You can read it here) I got so many replies from bloggers who had similar experiences some so very close to mine. Some worse and some better but all so very painful.
I truly hope that opening my heart here on my blog has helped people. I have found so much solace and love from other bloggers. Every single comment I have received is from the heart and worth reading. If you have time please see what everyone has had to say.
Here are two of the beautiful and supportive replies I have received.

From Ginger .
I am so deeply sorry for your loss Willow, not once but three times. I understand completely how you feel. We were expecting our first child in 1963. He was born, full term, and died three minutes later. I never got to hold him or even see him or kiss him and tell him how much I loved him. Never allowed to name him either.
My dad, thinking he was being helpful, had our son buried immediately and no one would ever tell me where.
Like you, I spent years feeling guilty that I must have done something wrong, even though doctors insisted I didn’t. He would be 61 now. Married? Children? Who would he look like? Would he have grown into a fine man? Just questions, no answers.
BUT we have two beautiful adopted daughters who are the love of my life. They are my rainbows after a terrible storm.
I don’t know about you Willow, but I felt shunned. Didn’t receive so much as one card or phone call from family or friends. I know people don’t know what to say, but seriously?
Everything was swept under the carpet which reinforced that somehow I was guilty of something. No one to talk to, not even my ob/gyn. I was assured I would get pregnant again right away. Well, that never happened. Couldn’t even talk to my husband, he didn’t want to know how I felt.
I’m glad these tragedies can be shared today and women don’t have to endure their grief alone. Any woman who has had a miscarriage or lost a baby at birth needs support, not to be made to feel like a freak of nature.
You are not alone Willow. I hesitated if I really wanted to put this out there. Then I decided to join forces with you in the hope that our experience may help someone else get through a similar tragedy.
Yes, we know grief up close and personal.

And from Nancy
My dear friend Willow. How my heart cries for you, not in sympathy but in empathy for I know exactly what you went through, how you felt, how you hurt, how you cried, how you died inside. You’re right; miscarriage was something we didn’t broadcast back then. Get over it and move on. My doctor was just like yours, telling me to think of the babies I lost as bad apples that fell from the tree. It was a good thing; that’s how nature cares for those unable to survive in the world. But still, it hurts like hell. The doctor also told me researchers believe that some women can carry both boys and girls successfully, some can only carry boys, some can only carry girls and some cannot carry any. I don’t know if I believe that or not, but if it’s true my 3 misses were all baby girls since we were blessed with only sons, just like you. I make myself feel better by saying if all this didn’t happen then the course of events would have been altered and I would not have the amazing sons I have today. It’s one of those sad mysteries of life. Bless you, my friend.

If you have suffered in this way please know you are not alone and you are not to blame. .

An Ocean of Grief.

In response to: dVerse poetics hosted by Punam this week

I have written about the three babies I lost in the early 1970s when you didn’t grief or even mention having miscarriages. These are the guide lines Sadje gave us. “So, for today’s Poetics challenge, I would like you to write about grief (in general or personal). If that is something you don’t want to share, you can write about healing, dealing with loss or the general state of our world that brings grief to you”

Hidden Grief .

Did they know me, those tiny souls, did they grieve as they left me their lives un -lived.
I grieved for them though in those days to grieve for that loss was not done . Yet grieve I did for those souls lost that I had been gifted.

Had I done something wrong? Was it something I moved or something I had lifted? I suppose I shall never know. It seemed so unkind that the first one was lost while I was out. In a pub toilet, I was frightened and alone, my husband and friends on the other side of the wall celebrating. Was that soul as scared as me. God forgive me the inside of a toilet, not formed just blood to see. I was mortified so guilty it was not even a shape so I flushed it away in fear. I bit on my lip to off set the pain I wanted to stop this but that was in vain. So I cleaned up the blood and painted my lips then tided my mascara smudges with my finger tips.

The rest of the evening I sat and cried inside ,
“Your quiet tonight is anything wrong” I was asked but of course I denied. I was gutted and hurt and slightly in pain just so empty inside. When we got home I shared my grief I was met with disbelief. Not of the facts but that I had not said, well best not make a fuss lets get you to bed.

It was not my fault the doctor said it’s nature’s way of clearing away anything that was not perfect. A practice run”. He was so bright and brisk, off hand. I was taken aback. Was nature so cruel, so matter of fact? I had done nothing wrong he said, I needed more reassurance to assuage my guilt but he only suggested two days off work and rest in bed.

Did that soul grieve did it forgive me , I grieved for it for its soul and the life it did not see.

After the Christening of our first born , three years later, I was exhausted and so hot, mind you it had been a lot of work and I had put in my all not being one to shirk. Things got worse and I knew at once what was happening to me. I did my best to get away from the visitors , the centre of attention was not what I wanted to be. We called the doctor when everyone had gone He suggested I rest. With a young baby, come on!

I had lost one he told me but the other was still there. I felt sorrow, grief and guilt. For this to happen again it just did not seem fair. Try as I might I had only myself to blame I grieved for a soul that my body had denied life again. I thought I could feel no worse but there was more to come, for a few days later I lost the other one .

A quick D and C will see you all right you will be in hospital and out not even overnight. Yes that was true and my body mended fast but the guilt for these souls is something that lasts.

Time is a great healer and I know that is true for life has given me plenty to do. I have three children and they are all boys, I also have two beautiful grandsons.

My three boys have given me hassle and they given me joys. I have had my hands full but they have all grown and flown. I remember my mother whispering to me “be glad with what you have and don’t fill your home with boys looking for a girl.” I knew she was right but back then it gave me no joy I felt a big hole created by the tiny lost souls.

I have never discussed this in any depth apart from here on my blog.
As when it all happened things like grief had all to be tucked away. I feel grief and guilt still, for the babies, there that is the first time I have called them babies. But one question still remains with me to this day.

Did they know me, those tiny souls, did they grieve as they left me their lives un-lived. I grieved for them though in those days, to grieve for that loss was not done . Yet grieve I did for those souls lost that I had been gifted, had I done something wrong.

Ronovan Writes #Weekly #Haiku #Poetry Prompt #Challenge 354 FORM and Mourn.

Today I chose a Tanka for Ronovanwrite’s Weekly Haiku Challenge.

He was her liegeman
He served this Nation so well.
Now she stands alone.
She will not cry in public
The form is grief in private

Christmas Cheer

Image from Pixabay.

See the reflection in the Christmas ball

Does it tell the truth, does it show us all?

The presents around the tree are they really what you see?

Is everyone as happy as they appear,

All relaxed and full of good cheer.

Did the food all get to the table without a hitch

Did we get on all day without someone being a bitch.

Are grannie’s jumpers really brill?

Did your sister’s mince pies make you ill.

Do you really need another drink?

No, just chuck those glasses in the sink!

If you are not happy, don’t tell me today.

At Christmas everything has to be hidden away.

The drunk can still beat his wife Uncle Nobby can rob a young child of their happy life.

Nothing changes nothing ends, Peace and quiet does not descend.

The poor are still poor and hungry

The irritable are still brutally angry.

Sadly all the bad things don’t go away.

Just because it’s Christmas Day.

Homeless At Christmas

I originally wrote this in December 2013 but it is still relevant .

I hope it won’t snow this Christmas it’s one of my biggest fears.

It was so bitter last year even thinking of it makes me shudder and shed a tear.

They won’t be eating Turkey with all the trim

Unless they find a charity shelter and they can get in.

The people at the shelters are angels from up above they give their time and plenty love.

They really are saviours they really do so much good.

They give warmth and comfort and Christmas dinner and even Christmas pud.

OH! why are they out here I hear you say

There are lots of reasons, have you got all day? Dave got made redundant the bills he couldn’t pay So the bank stepped in and took his home away.

His wife could not stand the B&B that the social offered them

So she took the children off to live with her mum so Dave won’t see them again.

Jen, she was cheeky girl always having fun

Staying out late and playing up in the end it got too much for her mum!

After a big row one night in the summer she asked Jen to go,

So she is struggling along out here now,when your homeless it is amazing how fast your friends all go.

istock_000023730585_small-compressed — image found here

Rob well his story is very sad,

It all started with his drinking then he discovered drugs he became violent and everything turned bad.

He fell out with his mother’s boyfriend who told him he had to go

And then threw him out into the December snow.

The reasons are legion you can take your pick,

People who loose their jobs because they became sick

From parents who can’t cope

To addictions that make you loose all hope,

Parents or family who beat you, family who will not stop at a touch

They want you to give them way too much.

This may all seem morbid this may all seem too sad

I hate to tell you all, things can be so very, very bad.

People young and old see their hopes and dreams unfold and vanish in clouds of smoke

As they end up on the streets lost and without any hope.

So enjoy your Christmas parties, your families and your Yule tide fare

But as you raise a toast remember the homeless ones out there .

YOU CAN DONATE OR HELP HERE

One Liner Wednesday : Fear /Grief

This is part of LindaGhill‘s One Liner Wednesday.Rules and Pingback.

No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear.

C. S. Lewis

Nonet: Drowning in Grief

You need to prove yourselves now he wrote

Show me you truly care for me

My stomach turned, I lost hope.

Where did we go so wrong

Now all light is gone.

Blood of my blood

Don’t shut us

Right out

Please.

Top images from Google drowning in grief.

Second image Google

Nonet.EXASPIRATION.

Slapped down , guilty without a trial
Not one good deed gone unpunished
Shouted at made to feel vile
Accused of betrayal
Shut out and banished
I sadly fail
To explain
How I
Feel.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Image found here

Even Stephen?

Even Stephen had a right to life

But it was snatched away by the blade of a knife.

Snatched away on the dark night 22nd April 1993.

Five or six youths with knives, if that is even Stephen, I fail to see.

Even Stephen had a right to an unbiased investigation

Did it happen … not at first but his mother’s protests rocked the Nation.

It was not even Stephen, what those boys did

It was not even Stephen that evidence and statements were twisted and hid.

Even Stephen had a mother true and strong

She has fought for justice for him making sure she’d right the wrongs.

Was it even Stephen that you’ve been robbed of twenty years.

Stolen, your future, your hopes and dreams and all your fears!

Was it even Stephen that you had to die that night

But for changing buses you’d not of seen those boys, not died in your final flight.

You have left a legacy its true changed laws and procedures too

Was it even Stephen that they laid a plaque for you

Was it even Stephen that they vandalized it several times too.

Even Stephen, when was it ever, even for you?

Stephen Lawrence

I thought of Stephen Lawrence tonight and so I re-posted this poem that I wrote about him in 2013. God rest your soul Stephen life was never even for you. You deserve to be remembered!

Song Lyric Sunday: Torch Alanis Morissette

Torch, by Alanis Morissette.

A beautiful song, to me it embodies the feelings of a woman who has lost her life partner or husband. It is heart breakingly sad and beautifully thankful at the same time. I shall let the words speak for themselves. I hope you enjoy.

ALANIS MORISSETTE LYRICS

“Torch”

I miss your smell and your style
And your pure abiding way
Miss your approach to life
And your body in my bed
Miss your take on anything
And the music you would play
Miss cracking up and wrestling
Our debriefs at end of day

These are the things that I miss
These are not times for the weak of heart
These are the days of raw despondence
And I never dreamed I would have to lay down my torch for you like this

I miss your neck and your gait
And your sharing what you write
Miss you walking through the front door
Documentaries in your hand
Miss traveling our traveling
And your fun and charming friends
Miss our Big Sur getaways
And you watch you love my dogs

These are the things that I miss
These are not times for the weak of heart
These are the days of raw despondence
And I never dreamed I would have to lay down my torch for you like this

One step one prayer
I soldier on
Stimulating moving on

I miss your warmth and the thought
Of us bringing up our kids
And the part of you that was with your stick-tied handkerchief

These are the things that I miss
These are not times for the weak of heart
These are the days of raw despondence
And I never dreamed I would have to lay down my torch for you like

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Here is the pingback

Helen at This thing called life one word at a time invites everyone who would like to play along so we can share some fantastic music together.

Here are the rules for Song Lyric Sunday:

Post the lyrics to a favorite song or a new song you want to share
Make sure you credit the singer/band and provide a link to where you found the lyrics
Link to the YouTube video, or pull it into your post so others can listen to the song
Ping back to Helen’s post that will go up every Sunday by 9am MST
Check out at least one other person’s blog so we can all share new and fantastic music and create amazing new blogging friends in the process