Strange.

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Coffee and cream and water else.  Blood sugar is up three points, to 181.  Something is very wrong.  Not sure what is happening.  I do know, no more cream and coffee, if that was going to be changed out anyway.  For now.  I have been eating more vegetable stew, if with chicken and salmon.  Surprised blood sugar is up.

Well the crackers, but even four of those is only 22 net carbs, and eaten with canned corned beef (not with potatoes or else, either).  Hmm... not sure what the problem is.  I haven't been eating steak, or meat in general.  I did cut cream for this last while.  Not sure what the problem is.  Will... continue to explore.

Up at 16:00.

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That has been my schedule the last three days?  Trying to lean into the day, morning, failing.  It's like a young plant, my schedule.  It'll push along for a few days, or weeks, or month.  Then just stop!  Until it gets what it wants, or needs.  Until I am rested well again?  Until I am fed?  Until I manage meds well, if I have lost them in the schedule shuffle?  But, yeah.

So, for a few days, I have been stuck going to bed between, say, six thirty and nine thirty?  Or so.  Eight thirty this morning.

A way to cook steak in the winter.

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Well, there is the indoors.  But... that is indoors.  A bit of a problem?  Sort of.  It's messy, to cook steak especially, indoors.  The propane tanks don't work well.  It has been warm enough this year, mostly.  But, still, it can get sticky, then stuck, then... that is it... for that tank.

What I had been thinking was a charcoal, cowboy as I prefer that muchly, chimney.  The regular charcoal grill, during the winter, has too much separation between the coals and meat.  And takes a very long time to heat up.  However, that chimney, used to start the coals in the summer?  Would do.

Blood sugar was rather high.

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No, I've been eating rightly, for a while.  If... I ate at all.  Running at 199 after waking up.  I had a tea, with my sweetener system, which I thought reduced things.  Then some soup.  A few hours after the soup, it was up to 201?  Crazy.  Crazy high.  What... was different?  No coffee and cream all week.  I have been cutting back on cream, for several reasons.

So... I decided to have a coffee with cream.  Well, and the sweetener.

A whisper, lingered?

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After a post, several days ago?  Someone, something, began to whisper.  It continues.

I ignore all such.  Until... I don't.  Fine.  I'll... post.

Awake, for a while now.

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A few hours awake, or so?  Strange.  I... keep forgetting to post first thing.  Required?  No.  But... usual, preferred.  Not... to inform others, or brag that I am still alive?  No.  To... inform my schedule, craft plans and hopes, and... get my mind working.  It helps, or I think it may.  Tending my design, waking my thoughts, perhaps even producing hunger.

Hunger, like other greeds, tempered, can guide ones thoughts, and often deeds.

Stuck?

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Sort of, yes.  Can't sleep, want to sleep.  Can't do much while awake.  Frustrating.

So... what can I do about it?  Pout.  Write a blog post about it.  Think about it.  Look for options.  Probably some other options, but there are a few.

Grumbles.

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Was discussing Roman lead problems.  One of my dailies, knowingly or not, took up the challenge.  Choosing a statist cunt, to walk them through that the state is their friend, and it's all good, and... maybe even keep taking the jab?  Just... saying.  Don't butt heads with me.

The vid they presented?

A bit... stout.

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Chicken and veggie soup, with a touch of spices and herbs, both hot and... standard?  Savory?  Is good.  Add in a can of salmon?  That's... a bit stout.  It really pushes my fish capacity.  No, no, I was careful with the purchased of the canned salmon.  Wild caught, the right kind, etc, etc, etc.  No, it's just that canning that particular fish seems to make it much stronger.  Plus, my ability to handle fish of some sorts is already limited.

Until the wife of a very kind, forgiving, neighbor cooked some, for me?  I didn't think I liked the stuff.  I don't know what she did, but that was as delicious as any of my favored fish, without any weird... flavors, or fishiness.  So, I sort of began stretching.  Canned salmon takes me back to why I didn't think I could handle it.

Oh, didn't post?

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Up a few hours ago.  Too early for the bedtime, but too late for what time my body thinks I should be awake.  So... a bit of a milder headache to start the day.  Two hours and twenty later, or so, the headache is gone.  Felt cold.  Because it was could?  Yes.  So I turned the heat up, front and back.  Still feels cold, but reads rather warm?  Bah.  Hate that.  I'll turn the heat off in this room shortly.  Leave the furnace on until bedtime.

Oh, right, a friend reminded me that a soup or stew as quite doable.  I haven't gotten to that yet.  As well, tea.  No cream, for much of the week.  And, after a break from caffeinated drinks for a few days, I can handle tea again.  And coffee, but I want to cut cream just a bit, for a bit.  Tea really is nice stuff, if it isn't overpowering.

A quarter to eight?

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Bah!

On the good side, I thought I was out of water.  My r.o. system needs tinkered with, but... I... haven't gotten to it.  I checked my little fridge, sure I had used the water in there.  Nope.  I had two twelve packs, of the plain (which is fast becoming my preferred).  So, I started having some.  I had been down to just two for yesterday, or three?  I needed, wanted anyway, more water.

Still awake.

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Tinkering with the game.  At ease, no pain.  Hungry, just not able to do much about that.  Still, it's a good quiet night and life.  I'll feed Sassy in a bit, then close up shop, going on to bed.

I'd like to get a shower.  That just can't happen.  Not for pains, or aches, but at this point I am tired.  The day is slipping around again.  The pains and else of late... I could suggest those are to blame.  But I know better.  I just lose time, like an antique clock, old beyond it's usefulness.  I can't keep time.

Doing well.

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Very strange.  The toe is almost completely back to normal, at the moment, for the day.  Since waking up it has been well behaved.  Walking on it isn't an issue.  It doesn't hurt one way or the other.  And, yes, from time to time, I... test limits.  Not trying to find absolute limits, simply testing normal functions... whether that hurts or not.  If I ran into pain in the process, then I would... push, stretch, test further.

No, it is doing well.  Everything is doing well.  I have no idea why, but I'll gladly take it.  I wasn't thinking I would get to die, but I thought I might have to suffer a bit deeper for a while.  And, I did, for months in there.  I may have months left of it, years, decades.  But... not today!  :)

Down at two, up at noon.

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Give or take.  Still pushing to get down a bit earlier.  But, last night, I was up to... see, hear, things.  Maybe.  Did get startled by fireworks.  Which always... sort of tickles me... when I sort it out.  Sort of spooks me... the distant popping and else, and the windows and door jiggling.  Have to laugh when I remember.  Later than I thought they would be going off is all, this time.

Foggy, cool to cold, almost spooky looking out there this morning.  Beautiful, in an eerie way.  Not much snow around, which is strange.  Nice, for getting out and about and such.  Not good for water in the spring.  This year much, next years some, next year little.  Cycles.

Happy New Year.

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Getting there.  Probably gaming a bit, then on to bed.

Women... on my mind.  Seems wires are crossing from the other direction too.

Maintaining?

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Mostly.  I keep checking the foot, toe.  It seems okay, unless I put too much pressure on it.  Why keep checking it?  Well, first... just to know.  Second?  By checking it, I am testing it, pushing it, aggravating it.  Finding limits, and maybe pushing over those a bit.  Oh, so if I angle it here, and twist just right, and then.  YOUCH!  Hmm, I wonder what other combination hurts really well... or a lot?

I'm... doing well enough that I can handle some serious suffering.  From time to time.  So I do.  It may... help the foot, in time.  It will let me know what my limits are with it, and how to avoid them.  Or... work on them with less pain?  I think the painkiller finally kicked in, or... something has eased.  I don't expect the easing to last through the night.

Foot feeling better?

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Strangely.  Yes.  This front room is 70, which is... warmer than usual.  I didn't turn the heat up, in this room.  So... not sure why?  But it feels cold.  So strange.  The knuckle has reduced in swelling, or the sense of being swollen.  And it just hurts a lot less.  It was feeling better before I decided to take a tylenol, then get around to taking it.  I don't think the painpill helped, at all?  I was hoping it would add to the relief.  If it had come half way after whatever else eased the pain, it would be nearly normalized.  Nope.  Still, half the pain is pretty good.  Not perfect, but pretty good.

I just don't understand why it feels so cold while being, numerically, so warm.  Might just be a side health issue.  Or... humidity, barometric pressure, or whatnot.  The world is a very big very strange anomaly, that doesn't make sense.  Or, well, more that we simply don't understand the sense it obviously does make.  Don't think science understands.  Engineering is good at getting things to work, more or less, or more often than not, or... just more often than otherwise.  Don't.  Know.  Don't let them fool you.

Pretty good, save for that toe.

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Just sleeping was difficult.  The knuckle just hurts, like it had been hit by a sledge hammer.  Swollen in there.  I thought, perhaps, massaging it would help.  No... no not at all.  That just made it a lot worse.  I... still massaged it, for short bits, through the night.  Sometimes you have to do what hurts in order to ease the pain.

Everything else is pretty good.  Hmm, I may take generic tylenol, but just one tab.  Because of the way I am limping, my lower right leg is beginning to cramp too.  In trying to not put too much weight on it, on the way down this morning, I almost slipped and fell.  Now I see why the VA wanted rails.  I was holding onto that, which saved me a pretty serious tumble, from near the top of the stairs.  If, again, I pulled the leg which didn't help with the cramping.  Still, better than the options.  Thankfully I do have some serious upper body strength... given age and illness.  Was able to break the fall, catch the stumbled about halfway into, or through, the fall.  I was going, but could catch well.

My big toe?

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It's back to hurting.  I am stumbling through, all the way starting yesterday.  Do I stub it at night, or... something else.  I haven't been doing well on carnivore of late, so it wouldn't be that.  Besides, this just isn't a food thing.  Inflammation?  Maybe eating the wrong foods, but meat isn't the wrong foods.

It had started with excess fluids.  Ah... I forgot medicine yesterday, and almost today.  I just got morning meds in.  Which, is fine I suppose.  Save that I won't get night pills in.  It may, again, just be fluid buildup.  It doesn't look like it.  If I think the big toe knuckle is susceptible to flooding, until I get and keep it dry for a longer time.

Made it to town.

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An appointment, initially scheduled for 15:30, changed to 13:00, then with some oddities.  I suppose, when discussing time with those who use the am/pm way, tossing a 13:00 or 15:30 in... can cause confusion?  It worked out.  At 13:00, which worked well.

On my way in, I saw an older men, older than me, on the side of the road.  Flat tire, I guessed, and was right.  Time?  Oh well, I pulled over beyond him, and approached pleasantly as possible.  Folk hereabout can go armed, don't just... rush at people.  I spoke to him from a distance.  Asked if he could use some help.

Later than hoped.

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A quarter after midnight.  Had hoped to be to bed earlier.  Kept checking some things with the game.  Then... started playing an alt.  If you don't know, an alt is a 'toon, character, of lower level... played either to try new things, or while the main is stuck, or... for other reasons.  To refresh memory about the early game too.

Time got away from me.  Which... is fine.  It happens.  Just ticked over to Monday, eh?  Okay.

It was warmer through the day, 35 the time I looked.  Raining off and on.  If it continues with anything, it'll probably turn to snow.  Didn't sound like it, but...  Sound like it?  Well, when it snows, the world hushes.  I can... hear that, or the lack of sound.  When vehicles drive by, their noise is absorbed by the snow.

No, it hasn't started snowing.  Raining let off a goodly bit ago.  Cool, but not frigid, yet.  Which suggests it is still cloudy.  When that clears, usually, the temp drops.

It's been a good day.  A little slow.  I did get food made, and dressing.  I did eat, well.  Sassy has been fed well, and her water changed.  An email sent, but was that this morning or last night?  If I do such first thing, or last thing, of the day... memory blurs.

Some wonderful music showing, here and there.  Old music.  Nothing I haven't played a dozen times.  Even if rather a long time back, some of it.  I have been enjoying, in any case.

Yes, on to bed.  Good night.  Sleep well.  Prayers in your direction, for your benefit.  Oh, I could curse you.  Even if that would work, it would only damn me?  Or some such.  Trust me, I would know.  Chosen otherwise.  God can... be persuasive, if you listen, let Him be.  Won't force things, will require... honest assessments.  You can walk away, but if He has warned you, there... that'll hurt.

More like a road sign.  Stop means stop.  Not slow, not sneak through, not... there is a price for ignoring it, disobeying the information, data, wisdom.  It is there for a reason.  Yes, He won't punish you, you will choose to be out of His ability to tend you.  Run away from home, then expect your parents to feed, clothe, and tend you?  It doesn't work that way.  Good night.

Steak.

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I decided to, finally, get at the new york strip.  It's in the oven, heating a bit, before being fried.  Not a really large one, but at a pound, it should do well enough.

It's been a good day.  A bit of heaviness in the chest, but so much better than the last few months?  Or so.  Enough better that I could almost say I feel good.  The last few days have been more pleasant than for a long time.

Did it.

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Not solo, mind you.  The boss that stopped me?  I had to figure out how to get help.  Same with the final boss (which was actually two consecutive bosses without a rest).  I had tried to find help, before.  It just either never worked, or didn't go through, or... else.  I do have the trophy, for what is worth.  Next?  Possibly to see about the final boss in the dlc.  I haven't even bothered?  Or did I give it a whirl or three?

No, I think I did.  Far too fast, and far to hard hitting, for a caster class.  So... I'll see about getting that.  Though, too, one last boss I skipped.  Not required, for anything.  But... it's... the idea?  I'm not sure anyone can help with that boss.  But I have looked up a few ways to... beat that boss a bit more easily?

Okay...

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Down at ~23:15, up at eight.  I can do that.  I'd like to be to bed earlier, and be up earlier.  Though too, I'd like to sleep a little longer?  If I could get down by twenty hundred, up by six?  That, right now, given my levels of exhaustion, would be good.  Just a bit more sleep.  Not sure it is possible, but will be aiming for that, now that I am more awake?  Doing lightly better?  When I am crushed by poor health and whatever else, I don't have a lot of choice.  When I start doing better, I begin not only aiming at things, if not always hitting the target albeit, but being able to bring some force to bear on the matter, force and mind.  Will see.  But that is the plan.

Sleep was very good.  Warm enough, not too warm.  Comfortable.  No itchy scratchy sensations.  I thought something was in my hair, last night.  The only time I have ever had that happen.  but, this morning, while brushing my hair, I found a lock that had become... out of calibration with the rest.  While brushing, it rolled, and... I realized that was it.  Still, that... freaked me out.  If it were to have been a critter, it would have to have been a very small mouse or a very large spider.  And, the hair flop while brushing almost caused me to drop the brush for the same panic I felt earlier.  I flipped it a few times, and... yep.  Just a lock of hair that had gotten out of order... or something like that.  Rare for me.  Especially having showered a day ago or so.  Bleh.  Oh... it had been raining when I was out.  That... can do odd things to my mop.