Showers are wonderful things.

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Long, hot, feet to brows, clean white and neat, mostly.  Hungry, but I don't think I will end up eating.  Just... too much work.  I might pull some meat out to thaw tonight.  If I can.  Did get a load of darks going, in the laundry.  I am definitely hungry.  Might have to do something about that.

I've been sitting, in this chair, for weeks.  No gaming, a few times out but only because of pressing business, appointments, or such.  Even then, I have missed almost as much as I have made.  Skipped a day, or week.  You know.

Being clean is wonderful though.  I'll say that right out there.  And warm.  I wash with... hotter water than most could take.  You'll burn in this hot of water, most of you.  Scalding.  At least 120 F?  I would guess, that or warmer at times.  I'm... not normal.

Sassy has had her third feeding for the night.  Lucky to be a cat?  I cleared her litter.  Thought it was going to be in much worse condition, but it was... an easy task actually.  I'll refresh her water before long.  I did it a day and an half ago, so have let it tank a bit long.  Still, it's pretty good.  I do check.

Well... on to something.  Just wanted to... brag a bit.  A shower might not be much to you, but it is a really fine thing for me.  Later.

Awake?

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Mostly.  Up around 18:00.  Forty five minutes later and I'm still so very groggy.

A she.

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But... who... is the other one?

I see her, if I don't know her.  Or... well... yes, I suppose I do see why.

A few stories, should you be awake.

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Is a story true?  Do we have all the facts?  I... will never know.  Even the stories I tell, there are things I didn't know, or didn't mention.  Some of those things are very important.  But I can't know everything, and some things get lost, in time.  So, when another tells a tale, I assume there are things unknown to the teller.  Or things not tendered for... various reasons.

War.  It's... the shortest one word version of history.  I have written and said that before.  I do believe it to be true.  The first blow was struck against God's will.  Then Cain struck the next major blow.  Things have only gotten worse since.  And, not just among men.  Whether from mans' actions, or through the loss of graces, animals sometimes hunt us.

Well... awake again.

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It was 20:30?  And 41 F out there?  Very strange.  As well, 64 upstairs... at least near me.  Very warm, as it has been more like 57, and that was warm.  Up from a low of 51.  The temps are jumping, inside and out.

Difficult.  To wake.  To sleep.  Not doing either all that well.  Hmm, best check with the VA.  I have eye and general appointments coming up.  Have to make sure masks are still not required.  They made sure to let us know they can bring those back any time they want.  I'll just have to cancel, and get eye done locally.  And skip medicine again.

Wasn't even sure how to tell?

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I know if the bike has stock front springs and rear shock, those will need to be adjusted, immediately.  But, more, in short order, will need to be change.  On-road driving, mostly, shouldn't be a problem.  Assuming no potholes or irregularities.  But, even a bit of off-road and bottoming out will become an issue quickly.

This first video is how to change the front springs.  Will this be enough?  That I can't say.  Well, I can say, alone, they wouldn't be enough.  Of course, some things were done to the bike already.  This might be one of them?  I'll be able to tell easily, now that I know what I am dealing with.

Couldn't sleep.

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Couldn't wake up, either.  Warm?  Too warm?  I finally got up around 22:00.  Just here at 00:50 I checked the temp outside.  It is 45?  That... has been the high, during the day, lately.  So, yes.  It's just too warm, strangely warm.  I had gotten used to it being cold.  A quick flip in the other direction and... I have trouble sleeping... and waking.  Ugh.

I paid most of the utility bill.  I must have... lost track.  It got up to a pretty high number.  I paid two thirds of it this month, and will pay the rest next month.  As well, I paid of the credit card I used for monthly orders, then made my monthly purchase.  Mostly... all... bike related.

It's always about the weather?

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It's already 7:32.  Last time I checked it was 30 outside.  Not... as cold as it has gotten.  If not warm.  Freezing, for a fact.  And cold enough to have frozen things fairly well, left to that tender chill.  Yes, cold, really.  Nearing bedtime.  Why was I awake so late?  Then again, I didn't wake up until rather late.

I espied a vid that... called me closer.  A response?  It almost looks like it.  But how?  Not, obviously, from a woman in my dreams.  But... do women even still visit?  Anyone?  I... can't be certain.  If, one does, or several, I could see this being, from one of them, for reasons I don't completely get.

A dream, from last night.

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I ended up in some... ivy league college.  Didn't want to be there.  There... were reasons... to be there.  If you know me, you know how... uncomfortable I would be in such an evil place.  But, sometimes, like driving through Vegas, or visiting for exterior reasons, things must be tolerated.

One of the classes I had some hope for, was a course on classical music.  The woman teaching the course, was an opera singer... one who had even made it to my ears.  Her class was one of the few I was able to choose.

As it turned out, it wasn't a course on the history of opera.  Or on critique, or listening for understanding, or... any of those things.  What I didn't know was it was... the creation of a choir, for a year, maybe two... returns were possible, the following year.

Some students quit immediately, upon learning this in the first day.  I... held from dropping, before discussing this with her.  I am not a good singer.  Though, as I mentioned, when I had died, in purgatory, and I suspected above and below, singing was how communication was transmitted.  Though, there, one could be, was often in, several choirs at a time, many really.  Local, with someone close... in one or many surrounding local, as if eavesdropping but politely welcomed to do so, and then on up to the high choir that always sang praises to God.  Well, that... is how I remember things.

Anyway... I had to speak to her.  I didn't discus this matter, well... not initially.  I merely wished her to know that I was not a singer.  Doubted I could gain skill.  And let her know I was terribly stage shy.  But, if she thought her talents, and the way the course proceeded, could manage my limitations, I would entertain the challenge.  She thought so, as she said, always with hope.

And so it went.  I learned to sing.  And... better than I had imagined, down here on earth.  Great?  I... found a place in the choir.  As did most others.

In time, I told her of my story, of purgatory.  I don't think she was a believer, which sort of made the telling... awkward.  And, yet, I think it meant something to her.  The tale, for her, touched something.  I don't think she was ready to believe, but... in time.  And this added to it.  For she found me... honest... in some deep way.  But, for the moment, it remained and awkward thing.

As we became closer, she feared.  She had many students... men... in her classes... take a hankering to her.  Her voice, as they became skilled themselves, was alluring to the point of seeming love.  I assured her, I did love her.  But... as a sister.  In the full meaning therein.  I would love to have loved her more romantically, but I could see her flaws too, and our differences.  Even, in another world, with fewer options, we... just wouldn't be compatible?  Or... too compatible?  One of those.  I could wish for the sentiments, but they just weren't there.

Oddly, her disappointment in these last conversations were... more severe than her disappointments in the last conversations... about purgatory.  I think she hoped I had fallen.  Though whether for a feather in her cap, or because she had some small trifling of affection for me, I could not tell.  I hoped for a particular one, but she... would never give it away.  A man can dream... of a feather in his own cap?

Ah, but the music, singing... and she was a beautiful woman, in most ways.  Quite the dream.  A very odd dream, including parts of my past I rarely share.  I have dreamed this before, long long ago.  Decades?  Close to two, give or take five.  I loved the dream, but it wasn't as full as this one.  Or I just don't remember it as well.  I realized, while dreaming it, that I had... been here before.  Dream deja vu?  No, not deja vu.  A direct memory, just within the dream?  Odd.  But fairly regular for me.  I must recycle dreams a lot.

Oh, but... for some reason, this song resembled some of how I sensed she felt about me.  She wasn't... romantic, with me.  Just... women always try to puzzle men as they see us as the woman they are, could be, would be?  Women are nuts.  Men are just crazy.  :p  Well... or so it seems.  Amen?

A lord?  With very little interest in... ruling?  Among... other things.

An assortment of problem solving.

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Candy was given away.  I was beginning to have temptation.  The truck pulled in as temptation was winning.  I could have grabbed a few, but didn't.  As well, money for dairy went out, for the month.  So... a good start, that, for the day, week, month.

As well, I think I figured out why the wound hurt.  It was cold.  Trying to get it to heal, or at least scab, was problematic.  And it would hurt so terribly, an aching, throbbing, pain of potent severity.

Down late, up late.

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How late?  I am not sure when I went to bed.  Should have been to bed much earlier.  I was absolutely bushed from yesterday.  Had to stay up just to hand out treats.  Then... just... drifted through the night.  Couldn't sleep.  Until 4:30?  Or so.  Set the alarm, or... put the 10:00 alarm to on, left the 8:00 alarm go.  I think I heard it, but only remembered hearing it later.

I started waking at 14:30? 15:30?  Didn't make it out until just now, at 17:30.  Like a stone skipping from under the water, finally making it out?  Something like that, if you can imagine it.

Tools and tool roll?

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I keep looking.  That one tool roll, with the multi-tools?  Looks... spiffy.  Would the wrenches and sockets truly work on SAE and metric?  Are they well made, would they last?  What about returns?  I'm telling you, those sound great.  Trust?  Look, if such a system exists?  Wouldn't other companies be making something like them?  Or renting the system to put in their own tools?

They are expensive.  But, if I was sure they would work for... actually I think they say for SAE, metric, torx(?), and rounded off nuts and bolts?  They would easily be worth the price.  And... what about replacements.  What if I lost an 8 mm, or a 9/16 socket or wrench?  Plus, they are lighter.  They really seem built for travel, biking really.  Though, too?  They aren't a complete set.  A fantastic starter set for everything from a bike to a car.  But no specialty tools.

Not sure when I went down.

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Somewhere between 20:00 and... I think it was 22:30?  21:30?  Sometime between those last two.  Up at about 1:30... for a while?  I had such a long hard day that sleep is eluding me.  Not much of a day, but it was rough.  And warmer than it has been in a while.  It was at least up to 45 here at home.  But I'm guessing it got to the low 60's, mid 70's in the car.  It was nice, but... I... wasn't ready for it?  More made me sleepy than burned me out though.

Oh, and while the Xterra was in the shop, I walked to my credit union.  The walk there, say a quarter of a city block down to the light, then half a city block to the building, about did me in.  Strangely, the walk back was much easier.  I more or less just had to work some kinks out of the legs, ankles, feet, and shoulders?

Not many.

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It was a good night, too.  But, being a weekday, most just do parking lot deals.  Where people drive in, open their trunks, and hand out candy among the locals.  It's going more and more to that.  Distrust?  Limit candy intake?  Shorten the night for parents.  All fair, mind you.

I did find someone to take the extra candy.  They'll be by tomorrow.  My job is to keep out of the candy until then.  Oh, I had some.  But I think I can let the rest sit until it goes.  Had to check anyway.  It was fresh, good, as far as candy bars go these days.

Not a single rugrat so far.

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A bit... there!  Finally.  The first group showed, two groups actually.  Split about 50/50.  Well, and the neighbors I know best showed.  I suggested they show up when it looks to be over and I'd give them the jackpot, whatever is left.  Not the money, but the candy.

I was starting to get a little depressed.  I finally got the candy, had it on the correct night, didn't eat it, and have money too.  So I would have been sorely disappointed if no one showed up.  It can happen though.  If it was a really cold night, raining, or such.  Though often they postpone it.

A brutal day.

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It took two hours?  To get the emission test done.  Something wrong with their computers.  Which meant I only just made it over to tax and dmv, and had to run back down to tax for the bike.  They really weren't wanting to be helpful, but... got it done.  Of course, their machines were not working well either, computer type.  On the good side, I got the emission test for free?  Or... well, it cost me time instead of dollars.

Well, and the bike cost just as much as a regular vehicle to register.  The first time.  No abatement for THAT tax.  Still, got it done.  So, now, the bike and suv are tagged for another year.  And I got the tiny little motorcycle license.  Cute, but not for that price.

A bit harsh.

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Not sure why.  I slept well.  Not long, but very well.  No more dreams of "plush", but that was... good enough for a bit.  Too much dreaming is tough on a lad, even if he can avoid acting on it.  Estrogen, it... is like sand.  It gets EVERYWHERE!  :p

My mother called.  I called her the other day.  She called yesterday, but quickly hung up, before I could answer.  I... don't call her back when she does that anymore.  If she wants to talk, she can.  Or not.  I stay on the phone, when calling her, until it goes to messaging.  I don't play games, not even with her.  Talk, not, meh.  She stayed on the line this time.

She... cheats.

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I... don't mind.

Memories to thoughts, she... knows the game as good as I ever did.

Must have...

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...shorted a circuit?  Lit a little fire?  Umm, estrogen...

The scent, feel.  But... the music.  This is but a small sampling of what I have been experiencing tonight.  Some hate, some love, some softness.  Not all of it purely musical.  The feelz.  Coming in.  Can try to avoid, hide.  It doesn't work.  A mare, or herd of them, wanting to be... noticed... will not be ignored.  So be it.

I keep looking.

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Tools.  This wrench (or spanner) set, that ratchet set, these drivers, those... whatever.  A kit?  I have looked.  But, to be honest, I haven't been impressed.  Most kits either are of lower quality, are a quarter to half full of things I would never use, are overpriced even for what is there, etc.

I... saw this vid, so clicked.  A Britisher?  Usually I just flick those off.  Peasants just don't... get it.  For the most part.  Especially the ones who can survive y.t.'s leftism.  But... something... caught my eye.

Someone thought so.

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I think so too.

That's a... lotta plush.

Awake for a while now?

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I slept long.  Very long.  Not enough air flow through the house, was choking, I think.  Opened the window a crack, near the sleeping roll.  Helped.  But really needed some sleep.  Rest.  When I woke, I opened another window up there.  I need air.  And, am getting it.  The computer, front, room is cluttered.  Full of boxes again.  That isn't helping.  But, closing up the windows... this house is very tight.  You just have to crack things a bit, to get some fresh air, or you'll choke.  Ugh.

Dreams.  Women.  No sex, just... cuddling?  I think so.  Women can be so... plush.  Even the skinny ones, somehow.  Wonderful dreams.  Clean, comfortable, warm, fuzzy.  Life can be so... wonderful.  Sure, just dreams, but dreams of times not all that long ago.  Like women or not, they are wonderful to snuggle up with, and more.  But... this was just the plush warmth of resting together.

What's in your purse?

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Hahaha!  I don't care.  Now, what is in your bike kit?  That... peaks my curiosity.

I have been looking that various kits from different folk.  What do I really need?  How soon do I need it?  You could spend a true fortune on bits, baubles, specialty and standard tools, lifts, jacks, and a chemical lineup from oils, greases, metal welds, to radiator fixes.  Seriously.  I have put most of what I have seen into my cart, and I'd guess, with everything, so far, I'd hit $1500 just on these listed items.  BEFORE hitting upgrades, updates, riding kit, or better/more tires.

I crashed.

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I think it was around... hmm... I should say, sometime after 10:30.  But, at 10:30 or 11:00, perhaps as late as noon?  In there somewhere.  I don't remember AFTER 10:30.  But insomnia will do that.

Sleep was gorgeous.  I used the electric blanket, which really helps.  Once I get warm, after that initially shiverfest from getting in cold, I sleep so well and pleasantly... as if on clouds.  I don't need heat for long.  Just... long enough to create a bubble, warm the body, then it takes over.  Delicious sleep.  And, that wound doesn't hurt... as much, as often.  The cold is a part of what causes it such pain.  Perhaps why it isn't healing?

Up way early.

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For no reason I can understand.  I woke up a bit more than forty five minutes ago, right at eight.  Having gone to bed a bit before five?  Slept warm, if only because I added the electric blanket into the pile, and lit it for a bit.  Yes, that helps.  It got so cold so quickly that I haven't been able to adjust.  Like a turtle, I need time.

Once snug as a bug, and warm as a hare after getting well ahead in a race, I slept fine.  Though not much sleep isn't making me feel great, it'll do.  I'll try to push through into the day a bit.  Though may end up back in bed.

They don't just remember...

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...or consider... the dark.  Whoever it is who lingers out there.

I was thinking, while watching the Wick movie thing...  He has to realize, Keanu Reeves... or whatever his real name may be if that isn't it... as an actor?  If he has tried to... do more than choreograph the moves?  That in war, there... is no hope.  If you live, survive?  It... isn't your doing.  Just as when you kill.  It's an amazing thing, to realize.  Either very freeing or... terrifying.  Depends on if you can realize to let go.

Halloween?

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When that happens is... never sure.  Sometimes they do it the weekend before?  I thought.  Or the weekend after?  If I remember correctly.  Usually on the weekends though?  Or... has that just been that it has usually landed on a weekend?  I... just wasn't sure.  So I contacted a more distant, now, neighbor.

Tuesday, I am told.  There were no knocks, so...  And he got the dope from his sister, who is a local, and a mother.  So... okay.  Seems strange but there it is.  Which... gives me time.